I am suffering. I am failing. I’ve been violated, lied to& played w. My self image has been compromised yet again. I don’t know what to do, where to go or what to say. I am at a complete loss. I feel empty, dirty, unwanted& less than. As of right now there’s not an end in sight for these feelings. Nothing will ever be the same& I don’t know if I can pick myself up out of this one. Unfortunately my past negative coping mechanisms will not work this time. I have a little one who depends on me. I have to stay for her. But at the same time, who would want a mother like me? Just as everything was starting to fall into place, my world was flipped upside down by someone I thought I could trust. His words, his actions& deflection have completely destroyed me. I have to take some accountability for the situation I’m in. I allowed it to happen. I let my guard down& let someone into my world. I failed myself in every way possible. I have failed my daughter, my family& my friends by not protecting myself. I want to rage. I want to tell everyone who will listen what happened to me. But what does that do? It’ll just make everyone look at me differently. Not that anyone looks at me as a high value person. Everything is a going in a loop inside my head. I can’t think of anything else unless I’m under the influence of something. The only time I’m at peace is when I’m asleep. I’m emotionally unstable. I just wanted peace instead I got a life long of suffering.
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