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[wild-flowers-blog1]

[deeplovephotography]

friends will break your heart, too // instagram | prints | facebook

[timberphoto]

Giant rocks & good company. Morning well spent.

Instagram : @k_sto

[zwrt]

[coffeeandnothing]

You just wanted to play in your own backyard, but you don’t know where your own yard is, exactly. You just wanted to prove there was one safe place, just one safe place where you could love him. You have not found that place yet. You have not made that place yet. You are here. You are here. You’re still right here.

“You are Jeff”, Richard Siken (via adderalldust)

[discopants]

Dad: Are you feeling okay? I heard you get sick again the other night. I’m okay with you drinking, but when you get sick like that you're just wasting my money and then you call out of work so you’re also losing money. 

Me: I’m fine.

Dad: Do you need to talk to someone?

Blah, blah blah. This is shit. I get blackout drunk every damn night and then don’t go into work at least twice a week. I feel like shit and everything is shit. I’m not myself anymore. I just relapsed for the first time in a few months today. I’m not 15, 16, 17, 18, or even 19 anymore. I’m a fucking grown ass 20 year old, halfway through the year to being 21. I have one loyal person in my life who is also my best friend, but he’s my boyfriend. I need friends who are just friends. I miss going over to peoples homes for sleepovers. I miss joking around- I miss laughing while sober. I miss being sober. But then I’m sober and I can’t bare myself. I’ve become so fat and harshly curved. My dad isn’t my biological dad (great christmas present from my “dad”). My job hates me. I’m always hungover. I’m fat. I have no money to my name. My boyfriend will soon get over my neediness and self loathing- it’s only been 2 years with him, so he’s just starting to see the monster bitch I really am.

Rant of the day, there ya go. This’ll be fun to read in a few months.

[discopants]

I've probably wanted to die more, but not in a long while. Everyone is asking me how I'm doing lately because clearly I want to ring their necks and mine as well, but my only answer is fine. I'm always fine. Even to my boyfriend it's, yeah I'm fine because trying to explain anything is too much for me. Trying to tell my dad how to make popcorn is too much. Saying good morning is too much. When will everything stop being too much? I see that bright light in the future where my boyfriend and I have a farm far from everyone, but getting through right now and the following years is something I'm not capable of. I'm not strong enough.

[discopants]

Remember when I posted multiple times a day about dumb stuff like: I want to kill myself. I'm still there but I'm 20 now. RIP. I want to be alive now which is better than before but I'm still not even close to happy

[discopants]

Lmao just realise I've been on this fucking website for at least 5 years and it's fucking ridiculous. I only come here when my very stupid side gets too depressed again

[discopants]

Working 65 hours in 8 days without a day off may be the normal for some very hard working hard individuals, but for me it was hell so I took a "sick day" to get drunk and lay on the couch. I salute people that work more than me. I'm not cut out for that hell. Next up: 40+ hours at a very active job until my next day off. Guess I should focus on my remaining day off though

[thesevibesseemfine-deactivated2]

[discopants]

1. Found out my dad isn’t my real dad on Christmas (I’M 20!!)

2. Found out my mom got a dui (I already knew that) BUT she also got arrested for having cocaine on her

3. Boyfriend moved in with me. His parents used to love me, now they hate me

4. My friends at work talk behind my back. My one friend talked to the supervisor saying she hated working with me. I did not see this coming, I thought we were friends

5. I’m moving in with my grandma who I’ve met twice in two months

6. My dad has a new girlfriend that has been coming over a lot and they won’t stop having sex and being drunk and yelling at each other 

7. My boss asked me if anything personal is going on. I said no, but clearly everything has been adding up

8. I missed a few things but I’m lazy and drunk

[discopants]

7 shots of throat burning whisky and I’m here. It’s only 6:00, but after the day I’ve had it’s understandable 

[insane---world]

[discopants]

Every part of my life is stagnant. I feel like I can't see or breathe, like I'm a stone statue being rolled from my bed, to work, only to be put back in my bed hours later. Everything is a routine that I never intended to be a part of. I'm not going anywhere in this life.

[dpcphotography]

Lake District Cottages

[yarn-over]

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