Drunken Hearts @diseased-romantics - Tumblr Blog

expressions-of-nature

by wandercamera

today I was cooking mac n cheese for dinner and it reminded me of you

Oddly, it made me smile and I finished cooking with a smile on my face

I didn't remember anything in particular, just got the feeling of you and I cooking together and it made me smile

I hope I can continue to turn your echo into beautiful memories

So that it doesn't hurt anymore every time I think of your face

winterfellis

if i run away from what i want,

maybe it'll never catch up to me

papercook1e

Couldn't find this user but can we all please stitch this in our brains, and go back to it whenever either of the extremes is shown to be "empowering" for women

houseofliterature

I want to k n o w. I want to understand literature references, I want to lay on grass in the summer and recognize constellations, I want to read books from all around the world, I want to know how history affects our everyday life, I want to learn how to play the piano, I wanto to learn diffrent poems written by diffrent authors and be able to recite them by heart, I want to learn diffrent languages. I want education to be accessible. I want to fall in love with every single day.

filmaticbby

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) dir. Tobe Hooper

How can you just share who you are and then leave?

How can you show me your past, pains and passions and then move on to the next person?

I really wish I could be like you lot; being careless and not afraid to show just anyone who I really am.

Sometimes I still look at your old pictures from your teenage years and think

If I had met you then, could I have saved you from whatever broke you?

Cause I just thought you were coming back, so why you go and do me like that? </3

Extraño todo de ti.

Y aún así no regresaría jamás contigo.

* Let that sink in *

I'm more than done chasing after your love.

You didn't care for it when we were still together, I don't know why I kept thinking you would after we broke up.

I never understood what you wanted from me.

Because I gave it to you all: my attention, care, love, and devotion.

Somehow, you made it seem like it was never enough.

But I gave it to you all. And now I'm free from having to prove shit to you.

Today I'm having breakfast outside, by myself. And I couldn't stop thinking how we used to love to go get breakfast outside on the weekends.

Well, at least I love it myself, though I'm not so sure about you. If you liked it or did it just because I used to ask for it.

I miss your hands in my hands. I miss your sweet voice, and waking up spooning you on the long, lazy weekends.

I can't even fathom the possibility of you not wanting me back or at all. I feel as if I just dared to ask you, everything would go back to what it was.

But I don't want to do that. You have been pretty shit and selfish to me. You said you would pick me up from the airport one time and then you left me in the middle of the night, with our sick cat.

I remember our second halloween together, you said you would invite me to your work's party, I got all dressed up to sit and watch a movie with our roomates because you never called me until midnight, all drunk and asking for me to come pick you up; you brought sushi for dinner just to throw it at me.

Same as my birthday cake from that year. I don't even remember that birthday of mine from 2018. But I do remember that you fell asleep on my 2017 one.

And I thought I was having the best time of my life. Well, I think I was, I had a lot of fun and so am I now.

Yes, it has slowed down now you are gone. But now I get to choose if I speed it up or slow it down.

You're going back to being just another person in the world to me, I guess.

Nunca entendí tu ansiedad,

¿Por qué siempre tienes tanta prisa?

Quizá no lo entiendo porque no nací en la ciudad,

Solo soy una chica de un lugar poco más grande que un pueblo.

Tú querías todo al instante y yo siempre he saboreado la calma.

Ahora que no estás más, he vuelto a vivir a mi ritmo.

Sigo sin entender tu prisa en abandonarme, en empezar de nuevo, en reemplazarme, en olvidarte de nosotras.

Y entonces me di cuenta de que nuestro final solo era cuestión de tiempo(s).

Looking back, I just remembered why I broke up with you in the first place.

Both of us didn't want the pain of a long-distance relationship again, we were so close we could never stand it.

It was doomed to fail.

Afterwards, your mental health only kept getting worse.

It had been like that for a couple years now, I never understood why and you never bothered to try to put it into words for me.

We really had the strongest connection I have ever had in my life, or so I thought.

I finally decided to set you free from the burden you had imposed upon yourself of following me wherever I would go.

I loved you so much, I took it upon myself yet again to do what was best for you. Not everyone is brave enough to do that.

You paid me back with resentment, violence and a cold shoulder. You abandoned me completely.

But that's okay. Because I was also exhausted of fighting for you to love me.

You screamed at me, said hurtful things at the slightest provocation, were passive-aggresive, were overly jealous, and invalidated my feelings all the time.

Most importantly, you never wanted to apologize, not even until this day.

All it took was a terrible fight for you to hop on a plane back to the wasteland you come from and never look back.

I dreamed with you twice this week. They weren't such bad dreams as before.

I dreamt we got back together, and you were so understanding and listened to everything I had to say about our relationship.

No screams, no drama and no hurt egos.

Just you and I and our baby cats, all together again like the family we once pretended to be.

Today I dreamt I met your new girlfriend. And although I say I don't care about her, I'm just very curious about how you treat her.

In my dream, I was at peace with meeting her. You were both nice to me and there was no need for harsh attitudes.

I guess I'll keep pretending all of that is happening somewhere, in another time and universe...

I apologize, I ask for what needs to be done in order to be at peace with you again.

You just ignore me, meaning you don't want peace between us.

But I'm so tired of fighting, you're just giving me ptsd from my ex all over again.

So I move on.

I won't apologize more than once, I won't beg.

Whatever I do, I do for myself, to be at peace with my way of treating you and anyone else who has ever hurt me.

And yes I love you, but not more than I love myself.

If you refuse to take care of me, it's time for me to step in and take care of myself.

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