we want to see what is behind someone else's door.

@disloyalorderofpete

Pete Wentz's journal entries.

305 posts

Thursday, December 11, 2008

stuck on the pause of you nemo nisi mors

Friday, November 28, 2008

i hate hate the way logic follows me around now if i sit here and bash reviews and articles that are completely poor and unresearched- and get me or my band completely wrong. am i not also obligated to bash the same reviews that are good if not great but again get me or our band completely wrong? or should i just be quiet like i have been? havent written anything in sometime. even with this new bright star shining in my house.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

junglebook. im sitting here under this kind of self imposed house arrest. waiting. its been good for self reflective thought. i have been reading all of these other people's ideas about the new record. its kind of strange because i feel like i have a unique perspective on it. when i realized that about 90 percent of our fanbase didnt like me-it kind of freaked me out. it made me think of "likeability", it made me self conscious. i think on the last record i felt the need to explain my perspective, kind of pleading before a jury. now when i look back on "ioh", i hate it. i think it is one of our weakest records, perhaps, due in part to this pleading. when i try and sit in someone else who loves fall out boy's shoes i think "ttyg" is our best record. it has a nostalgic newness to it... but when i truly just think about it "fuct" was by far my favorite. the only reason i bring this up is because i truly believe that this new one is our best. we applied every once of what we knew and loved to this record. but by far the best part is after looking back on our "ioh" i felt as though i had lost what i loved about fall out boy. it felt unrelatable. the best thing about this new record to me is that there are so many songs from other members of fob's perspective. blah. okay back to reading books and waiting. and back to wall-e.

Monday, November 10, 2008

always feel astonished. when i was younger i was sure i was from another planet. i felt sent here from another world. only i had forgotten my mission. i had forgotten how to call home. only to realize that i was as normal as the boy to my right or left. now you have the whole world at your feet and you cant find the words to say. it feels the same. now they boo. this towns dry and i aint talking about oil or booze its love.

Friday, October 17, 2008

there was a time when the stars aligned the truth is maybe im fibbing about a thing or two about what the record means. and you i cant wait to meet you. i have something planned.

Friday, September 26, 2008

friends are the third most important thing to you next to your heartbeat and love... a friend told me today: Do you know the replacements song "they're blind". Its probably my favorite lyric ever about being on XXXX XXXXXX. "The things you hold dearly are scoffed at and yearly judged once and then cast aside. 'Cause they're blind, they hold you too close to the light And I see what they only might if they'd learn but they're letting you burn 'cos they're blind." headlikeaholeblackareyoursoleidratherdiethangiveyoucontrol.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

impulse writer. i feel like all three companions of dorothy combined in one- the heartless, brainless, gutless mess. i read a letter today where someone said they thought of me or prayed for me every night. i dont know how to take that. but this gutless, brainless, heartless mess feels lucky to even come across your mind. so thanks. thats it. good night. im not going to sleep..... but ill be quiet.

Monday, September 01, 2008

i am in love with the city that raised me. seriously. it messes with my head every time i am here. i miss this place. the way eyes look and hugs from friends feel here. had an amazing time playing two vastly different shows. one in front of 100 kids, one in front of 17,000. sorry i wore a pittsburgh sweatshirt- i dont know anything about sports. im a walter payton kid through and through. boomerang my head. back to the city i grew up in.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

to you (unfinished, off the top of my head) It all started with some friends and a van a kick drum inside my ribs Preaching electric into a microphone stand Raise your red plastic cup And Turn the laughter up We fell asleep in the grass on the summer fest days You'd never guess I'm still trying to get my head screwed on straight All us believers still believe Everytime we sing "two more weeks" Someone shoulda thrown us in a cell and swallowed the key Somebody shoulda told us to leave em be The only news we tuned in to was the traffic update Nothing feels as close to home as nightime windows down on 88 Lax to berlin and back Wake up on the west coast inside a flask The good books in the drawer next to the bed you pissed in passports a blur, full of stamps from places I missed you in They'll tell you everything about last night that you forget Pack your suitcase, joes in the back smoking a jazz cigarette They hated me before they ever loved me I'm not ready for things to change I miss you missing me in the good old days Got stuck in the cell of you and me I guess it still beat solitary -----Worry worry Put my head in such a flurry Freckle freckle What makes you so special------- One of these days yr gonna wake up in heaven Laugh about that night you got four stitches above your eye when they let the guitars fly Never trust a band that wouldn't bleed for you Never believe in anyone who wouldn't drive through the night (To you) They never tell you in school you'll feel so alone Wake me up again when were in the same time zone The way I'd take a cornfield over a coast Mulitply me times what you adore most There were nights between yellow lines When I confessed to you riding shotgun asleep under purple skies They say You get what you get Well we Got lost in the middle of nowhere And you almost quit Tonight Come together Come apart You can get lonely when u Only read the charts Called everybody I knew in this life Can we get it together just for tonite I miss old friends and "play it agains" Please Send my love, to everyone above

May 25, 2008

"its scientifically proven that humans favorite word is their own names..." can we keep this one just between you and me? to you. to the old me. to the new me. the knew me: Everyone thinks that they're special. That their chip was programmed different. That their antenna picks up some other sattellite. And were right and were wrong. Were not as leaky and broken as wed like to think. Were not bob. we're not kurt. But this doesn't mean we don't have insight and perspective that are completely blurry through the camera of the world. We just need to practice our focus. Make things a bit sharper. That's what I'm doing. Practicing. Be like your ipod. Put your life on shuffle. pain as much from the stars and black cats as from childhood. big star states spit big stars. chew 36 times exactly before you swallow your pride. you know how it goes? i want to chase the midnight glow in my veins. how do i get as big as that star on your state so youll pay attention to me. smash that glass bowl on the floor and get our keys. lets drive to another state or to mexico and watch the old men drunk on watered down beer- laugh about the way we used to be even though were still exactly the same. where do we begin? lonely spiders under our skin, regail us with tales of young love in the bottom of bottles defended by crocodile scales. this place can spin boring. slow and steady. it can storm and scare you. wars and famine. but everyonce in awhile the planets align and it can charm you. make you not wish you were other people, but hope you get the chance to know them so they can know you too. make you not hate the delay at the airport but get to know that your friend on the phone is gonna be able to finish the whole 3am story he was skipping through for you. essentially my life is a public laundrymat. i do my dirty laundry in front of you. and you let me know if there are any stains left. sometimes we connect with eachothers stains and just wear them like badges shining in the sun. this is us wishing we were you wishing you were us. neverending. thank you for being steady. for never getting sick at sea. im putting me back on shuffle.

March 17, 2008

you can have it all, my empire of dirt life is more than alright when you let yourself know it. theres not a hole in your head or your heart if you dont want there to be. its funny how people get nostalgic for the worst times in your life. people sometimes seem to miss the person i was when i was just in a self hating haze or fantasize that i miss or should miss someone who made me feel as worthwhile as a pile of dirt and spent their entire life decieving me. thanks to my friends who have let me grow into something new. i am listening to blues. i am having great conversations with friends. i am writing. i am walking the dog. i lying in the sun. i am riding a motorcycle. i am lauging. i am being in love.

March 15, 2008

hummed at a sleeping body across the room. 'Et, comme chaque jour je t'aime davantage, Aujourd'hui plus qu'hier et bien moins que demain' “And because I love you more and more each day, today more than yesterday, and much less than tomorrow” (rough translation.)

February 18, 2008

mc hammer and miss piggy bank i get bright ideas in dark rooms red rooster combs on our head we are galaxies a catipillar that got stuck mr moth come quick with any luck long walk in a dark house a roman candle heart keep us far apart tour is just thinking you have been in every hotel, club or truck stop before. it is deja vu personified. all full of love so much that my teeth are floating.

January 25, 2008

part two (i forget so much of what i write its beginning to scare me) hes a lonely planet dont stir and wake everythings ok give or take the cats got the canary spinning in its ribcage did i mention i came dressed for the intervention (and if you were dying soon would you try to find snow in the deep summer the june bugs dancing in wonder and i still wonder now if my words will stil turn you inside out) hes a honeyjar with that pretty face, lets never lose the lid and keep those rosey lips in (he breathes wet through insect eyes) in multiples of four, no less than sixteen mr. sandmans been showing his beam when he walks into a room the walls lean in to listen keep a calendar this way youll know the last time you came through oh. "i know what youre going through" well i dont- its more of a "paper or plastic" grocery store choice to me but ill sympathize with anything to get through to you do you know what its like to watch reruns of yourself night after night to offer nothing and expect everything in return to cock your head just right to appear arrogantly humble if we hurry well make the morning edition cos everybody likes to read the bad news theyve tapped the phone be very careful what you say speak in code about singing birds and sleepy eyed women autographs only taught me how to conterfeit signatures on my prescriptions his heads a junkyard for rusted midnight thoughts hes criminally carefree when the pills swallow the worry hes digging like forty nine hes making you press rewind hes a thunderstorm so bright you shut your eyes he is a hurricane

January 23, 2008

i guess the news has me off level. rest in peace. honestly, afraid. i cant ever sleep either. Put the the planets in swing Make jupiter sing The afternoon light Ignites The back of my head Spend years trying to cloud our head and not feel a thing Just to turn around and erase the clouds so we can remember everything Throw handcuffs on that boy When the check comes he never pays His cheekbones carve my moods He shakes like a leaf He's clicking like an old answering machine He howls at the moon He's breathes wet thru insect eyes Canyon lights at night chase away the boring days Talk you sober Did yr husband pick that gold band And I don't worry about death becayse I've seen the date I'm gonna die and its so far away. From my blackberry: thanks for coming out to the obama event. Very special night for us.

undated

i am happy that you realize love still exists. it is dark and needs to be dusted off. maybe i am only happy in this realization in the early a.m.s in the neon lights off tokyo. maybe i am not happy at all. im not even too sure myself at times. why would i ever want my moods to be stabilized. sometimes you have to break a heart to unbreak your own. i bleieve in falling in love midsleep. i believe in dreaming about you on airplanes. and yeah november spawned a monster, but so did whatever month were in right now. cursing leap years cos without them ill be home sooner. if i had a penny to my name id throw it down a wishing well. im best when im making things worse. lets go out tonight and make some bad decisions. i miss my friends. truly. you got my voicemail "leave a message im out..." having the time of my life. love.

undated

signs of life. i am in an airport in tokyo chewing all the gum i have left. because chewing gum is illegal in singapore. blow bubbles baby. dont you love me for more than my aliteration. god the spell check is always watching me. i am thinking of you now and again, more now though- even when i dont call. i am thinking of writing again. the songs are about you and them. sometimes, mostly. i am looking for a pair of air jordan ones like from the 80s. not to collect. but to thrash running around after you. i am looking for some meaning. stretching for some hope or faith. i only watch the movie moonwalker over and over again. cant really think on m.j. too much but he lapped everybody in the 80s. couldnt be touched. like your eyelids, that always rest closed when im running my mouth. not like i cant tell that they are rolling. sometimes its just so hard to let yourself be happy. there is nothing but air between us anymore. im leaving on a jetplane. dont know when ill be back again

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