“I’m thinking about going into nurse, how is it”. I get this question a lot.
Well, this week of nursing school I’ve witnessed the most tears thus far. I’ve cried for the past two days. I watched my classmates cry in the middle of lecture. Another one leave for the restroom and come back with a flushed face and eyes full of tears. I walked by someone crying talking about an exam. When my professor pulled up a six page slide which listed meds, disorders,nursing actions, I almost threw up.
6 pages of need to know?!
I have 7 classes, 2 clinical rotation, homework, work, child….plus it’s midterms. All we can do is cry.
I sleep in my car for two hours in between work and school. I’m not the only one. I whisper walking down the hall so I don’t wake the nursing student passed out at the table. I’m her, she’s me.
I listening to my friends vent about how their family doesn’t understand, (because they never will but I do). How being told you’re not doing enough at home,
“why aren’t you having kids other people have kids in nursing school”.
I listen to another friend just cry on the phone while she has to morn the loss of her unborn in 24 hours because she has clinicals the next day.
The constant schedule changes, the out of pocket costs that keep on coming. The lack of sleep, the pressure, the high expectations, the stress. The emotional, mental and physical fatigue. The depression, the loneliness you have to swallow it…because there’s no time.
It’s easy for friends and family to watch from the outside looking in. They’ll see in glimpses throughout the week and can’t understand why it’s so “difficult.”
It’s easy to escape quick sand when you’re not standing in it.
It’s easy to sit on the sidelines and tell someone it’s not that bad.
The mom feeding her kids top ramen, spaghetti, chicken and rice week after week after week.
You don’t see the student with maxed out credit cards, in debit trying to still support his wife and family.
You don’t see the student who’s broken because his girlfriend left him. You know, because he wasn’t home enough, he was always irritable and stressed out.
You don’t see the children who miss their parents, who are lonely and sad.
You don’t see the all nighters, you don’t see the loneliness. We get to watch the world pass by, while we struggle to hold on to sanity.
That’s why we cry. How can you sacrifice so much and not be great? Not do well? It hurts.
When I first signed up for this BSN accelerated program, I thought it’s just 3 years, it’s going to be hard but not impossible. Here I am drowning. I can feel the water in my lungs burning while I struggle to keep my head above water. But the horizon is a beautiful view.
When I first signed up my advisor asked if I was married or in a relationship. I said “no”. His reply was “good, majority of people get divorced or break up.”
We’re told every day “this is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do in your life”, That’s an understatement.
It hurts, but I’ve made friends for life. I’m tired but I get to heal and save lives. Me, I just have one more year.
You, should you be a nurse?
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