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Update - Greater than Gold
AN: Fun fact - this is one of the first chapters I outlined. It’s so crazy to see how my writing style has changed over the years, but this chapter stays mostly true to my original vision.
Warnings: BotFA, y’all. Battle scenes, injuries, goldsick!Thorin
Also on FF.net and AO3
Chapter 29: The Battle of the Five Armies
Word Count (chapter): 7000
“Thorin, this is madness!” Balin whisper-shouts. No one has moved to follow their King’s command to barricade the entrance to Erebor. The Company anxiously looks from one to another, hesitant.
“I want this fortress made safe by sun-up,” Thorin continues, ignoring Balin entirely and staring down the rest of the Company. “This mountain was hard-won. I will not see it taken again. Now, all of you!”
“Thorin,” Kíli starts, taking a step back when Thorin’s sharp gaze whirls to him. “The people of Laketown have nothing. They came to us in need; they have lost everything.”
“Do not speak to me of loss!” Thorin shouts. “I know well enough of hardship. They have survived dragonfire; they should be grateful.”
“You gave them your word,” Fíli interrupts. “I gave them my word. Are you not an honorable king? Does that mean nothing to you?”
Thorin’s eyes narrow. “Things have changed,” he says sharply. “More stone. Bring more stone to the gate!” Again, no one moves. “If you will not obey me, I will charge you with treason and rid this place of you,” he hisses.
Reluctantly, Bombur and Dwalin move to follow his orders, and the rest of the dwarves eventually follow. Fíli is the last to do so, his eyes locked on Thorin’s tense shoulders as his uncle retreats back into the halls. He decides to follow Balin and Bilbo as they gather more debris, throwing stones into a pushcart that, just that morning, they had been using to clear the gate instead.
“We have to do something,” Bilbo murmurs once he’s sure Thorin is out of earshot. “Isn’t there something we can do?” His eyes search Fíli’s before he turns to regard Balin, pleading.
Balin gives them both a sympathetic look. “It’s the goldsickness. I’ve seen it before, with your grandfather, Fili. That look. That terrible need. It is a fierce and jealous love, Bilbo. It drove Thrain mad.” He angrily throws another chunk of stone into the pushcart.
Bilbo hesitates, eyes flicking nervously between the two of them. “Would it...I mean, if we found the Arkenstone...would it help?”
Fíli gasps, catching his meaning, while Balin chuckles sadly. “That stone crowns all. It is the summit of great wealth; bestows power on those who possess it. Would it stay his madness?” He angrily brushes an escaped tear. “No, laddie. I fear it would only make it worse.” He looks sadly to Fíli, knowing full-well that the last hope he and Kíli clung to was that finding the Arkestone would set everything straight in their Uncle’s mind once more.
“Perhaps it is best it remains lost,” Fíli murmurs quietly, and he physically feels the hope drain away from him. There was nothing more they could do, was there? How else could they make Thorin see reason? He had been cruel to everyone, even to Kíli. It had seemed that Thorin had already forfeited his love for his kin and company in favor of the treasure.
Bilbo nods before looking down at his feet. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly.
They wordlessly return to their task.
-----
He paces along the rampart. He cannot rest. The Arkenstone stays lost to him, and an army of elves sits at his doorstep. They have finished the barricades, but he knows that they do not have the rations to protect Erebor. He has sent word to Dain, but without the stone, his cousin has no reason to answer. If he doesn’t...well. Thorin will die before he lets a speck of his treasure fall to Thrandiul, the treacherous snake.
A lone rider makes their way up the road. He glares at him, watching intently before recognizing him as the man from Esgaroth that had spoken out against him.
“Hail, Thorin, son of Thrain!” the rider calls once he is near to the foot of the mountain. “It is good to find you alive beyond all hope.”
Thorin doesn’t waste time with pleasantries. “Why have you come to the mountain armed for war?” he shouts, waving his arm at the elven encampment.
“Why does the King Under the Mountain fence himself in like a robber in his hole?” the man retorts, and Thorin feels his ire rise.
“Perhaps because I am expecting to be robbed!”
“My lord, we have no intention of robbing you,” the man says, raising his hands in a placating gesture. “We only come to seek fair settlement. A bargain was struck, was it not? Will you not speak with me?”
With a glare, Thorin heads down from the rampart as the man dismounts his horse. He passes by the Company, who watch him anxiously, as he walks to the old guard station where a small window remains unobstructed. “I am listening,” he says curtly. In his periphery, he can see Balin, Kíli, and Fíli hovering at the entrance to the station.
“I only ask that you honor your pledge. We have been left in ruin. We seek only a small portion of the treasure to rebuild our lives,” the man says.
“I will not treat with any man while an armed host sits at my door,” Thorin snaps, ignoring when he hears Balin swear from behind him.
The man sighs. “That armed host will attack if you do not honor your bargain.”
Thorin laughs darkly. “Your threats do not sway me.”
“What of your conscience?” the man implores. “Our children are starving; will you not help them?”
“What aid did the men of Laketown provide my people?” Thorin roars. “When we came to you, starving and in ruins, your ancestors turned us away. Why should we not do the same?”
“You gave us your word!” the man shouts in response. “A bargain was struck -”
“A bargain?” Thorin interrupts. “What choice did we have but to barter our birthright for blankets and food? To ransom our future in exchange for our freedom? You call that a fair trade?” He paces angrily. “Tell me, Bard the dragon-slayer, why should I honor such terms?
Bard steps back, shaking his head in disbelief. “You gave us your word,” he repeats. “Does that mean nothing?
“Begone, before I let arrows fly,” Thorin sneers. “Kíli, to the rampart,” he continues when the man hesitates to move.
Reluctantly, Bard stomps away in anger, cursing Thorin with every step, mounting his horse and retreating to Dale.
Thorin whirls around and narrows his eyes on Kíli. “Did your king not give you an order? To the rampart.”
Kíli glances to his brother before nodding, obediently taking his place along the wall. Thorin pushes past Fíli and Balin to meet the rest of the Company, which watches him with apprehension.
“What are you thinking?” the little hobbit says, eyes alight with anger. “You cannot go to war.”
Thorin walks past him, casting him a dismissive look. “This does not concern you, hobbit.”
Bilbo persists. “Excuse me, but in case you haven’t noticed there are several thousand armed elves out there. Not to mention a few hundred angry fishermen. You are outnumbered.”
Thorin scoffs. “Not for much longer,” he says, pointedly ignoring the confused looks the dwarves shoot at him.
“What does that mean?”
He smirks. “It means, little hobbit, that you should never underestimate dwarves.”
“Thorin,” Fíli interjects. “Let this be. They can have my share of the treasure; that will be enough for them to rebuild. That can be the end of this.”
Rage fills him once more. “This is your birthright,” he snaps. “I will cut you from my line if you cast it away.”
Fíli’s face crumples. “Uncle, we can end this. Now. Please, see reason.”
“They can have my share instead,” Bofur offers, and several others murmur in agreement.
Thorin glares at them. “Is this mutiny? You will have what you were promised.” He whirls around, stomping off in the direction of the armory. “We have won the mountain; now we will defend it.”
-----
Bilbo watches as the dwarves prepare for war. They are sifting through the pieces in the armory, seeing what is still useful, repairing what they can. No one speaks. He doesn’t know what to do; he cannot fight. Sting alone will not protect him from an angry hoard of elves. Perhaps once the fighting starts he will put on his ring and slip away. Perhaps Thorin is distracted enough that he could slip away now.
As if summoned, the King Under the Mountain stands before him. He throws a shiny, silver shirt of chainmail to him. “You’re going to need this. Put it on.”
Obediently, Bilbo removes his jacket and slips the silver shirt over his clothes. It hangs off of him, clearly too large. “I look absurd,” he sighs. “I’m not a warrior, Thorin.”
The king seems to ignore him. “This shirt is made of silver steel. Mithril. No blade can pierce it.”
“Then perhaps it should go to someone who will last longer in the fighting,” Bilbo says darkly.
“It is a gift,” Thorin says, his voice suddenly soft. Bilbo glances up in surprise; he had not heard such warmth in Thorin’s voice since they’d come to the mountain. “A token of our friendship. True friends are hard to come by,” he adds.
But just as abruptly, Thorin’s eyes harden.
“I have been blind, but now I am beginning to see,” he says sharply, eyes frantically roving from one dwarf to the next. “I have been betrayed!”
A lump forms in Bilbo’s throat when Thorin fixes his glare on him. “Betrayed?” he ekes out, fearful that Thorin somehow knows.
His glare shifts back to the company. “One of them has taken it. One of them is false.”
“What?” Bilbo says quickly, wits returning to him. He sees that Thorin’s glare is focused on Kíli, who is fletching as many arrows as he can, deft fingers making quick work.
“Betrayed by my own kin…” Thoin mumbles.
“No, of course not!” he interjects. “Thorin, you made a promise,” he says, shifting the conversation away. “You are one of the most noble and honorable people I’ve ever known,” he admits, and Thorin’s gaze is soft again when it returns to him. “Is this treasure worth more than your honor? Our honor? I was there, Thorin; I gave my word.”
“And it was nobly done; for that I am grateful,” Thorin admits, clapping a hand on Bilbo’s shoulder. “But this treasure does not belong to the people of Laketown,” he continues, squeezing Bilbo’s shoulder tighter. “This gold is ours, and ours alone.” His tone shifts, becoming dark and foreboding, reminding him of Smaug. “With my life, I will not part with it. Not a single coin.”
Bilbo swallows thickly. He knows what he must do. Tonight. He will go tonight. It is the only thing he can think of that might end this war, that might return Thorin to himself.
And if it doesn’t work, he hopes the battle will take him swiftly.
-----
Atop the wall, Fíli stands close to his brother. They had tried to mend and tailor the armor, but it still looked too big on his little brother. His little brother who wasn’t even of age, who shouldn’t be here.
He bites his lip, remembering the conversation they’d had the night before. Promises that they would watch the other’s back, that they would protect each other. That they would go together, or not at all. Promises Fíli knew they had no control over whether they could keep or not. And this morning, they had embraced each other, both murmuring every term of endearment they had ever heard to the other.
He kicked himself. He had thought of going behind Thorin’s back to try and treat with Bard privately, but Dwalin had talked him out of it. He was too important, could be used as collateral - there was no guarantee that Thranduil wouldn’t return with Fíli’s head on a spit, just to incite Thorin’s ire.
Discreetly, he reaches down and squeezes Kíli’s hand. Thranduil and Bard are nearing the gate.
Thorin whirls around suddenly and snatches Kíli’s bow from his other hand, reaching over him to pull an arrow from the quiver. He fires it in Thranduil’s dorectopm, where it embeds itself in the dirt before his horse.
“The next one will be between your eyes,” he sneers, before shoving Kíli’s bow back against his brother’s chest, giving the unspoken command that he is to kill the elven king if he continues forward. Fíli fearfully watches as Kíli shakily takes a step forward, to stand beside Thorin, pulling an arrow free and raising his bow.
With a smirk, Thrnaduil gives a signal to his men, and Fíli’s heart drops when he sees their archers take aim in the distance.
Thorin growls in frustration, but reaches over to lower Kíli’s bow. Fíli lets out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.
Thranduil positively grins as he signals for his own men to stand down. “We’ve only come to tell you that the most gracious payment of your debt has been offered and accepted.”
“What payment?” Thorin snaps. “I gave you nothing. You have nothing.” Frantically, Fíli searches for Bilbo, heart sinking when the hobbit gives him a knowing look.
Bard pulls the Arkestone out from under his coat. The morning light gleams off it, sending prisms about, making the dwarves gasp at the sheer beauty of it. “We have this,” Bard says simply.
“Thieves! That is the heirloom of our house,” Dwalin shouts angrily. “That stone belongs to the King!”
“And the king may have it, with our good will,” Bard continues, before slipping the stone back inside his coat. “But first, he must honor his word.”
Thorin howls with rage before turning back to regard the company. “They are taking us for fools,” he sneers. “This is a ruse; a lie. The stone is still within the mountain.”
Bilbo steps forward. “I...it’s not a trick. The stone is real,” he says, eyes flicking nervously between Thorin’s and the floor. “I gave it to them.”
Thorin jolts back like he has been struck. Fíli watches, helpless, as a myriad of emotions flash across his face - hurt, anger, betrayal, despair...he cannot stand it.
“You?” Thorin asks, disbelieving, looking more like a small child before his face hardens into absolute rage. “You would steal from me?”
“I didn’t steal it,” Bilbo says, raising his hands. “I may be a burglar, but I’d like to think of myself as an honest one. No, I...I took it as my fourteenth share.” He hesitates, but keeps his gaze even with Thorin’s. “I‘m willing to let it stand against my claim.”
“Against your claim?” Thorin barks, before dissolving into a dark, humorless laugh. “You have no claim over me, you miserable Shire-rat!” He takes a step toward Bilbo, hands shaking.
“I wanted to give it to you!” Bilbo shouts. “Many times! But…”
“But what?” Thorin snarls, and when he steps toward Bilbo again, Fíli grabs his arm, pulling him back for a second before Thorin wrenches himself free with a shout.
“You are changed, Thorin! The dwarf I met in Bag End would have never gone back on his word,” he explains, voice breaking, eyes shining with tears. “He would never have doubted the loyalty of his kin.”
“Do not speak to me of loyalty,” he hisses angrily, voice dangerously low. “Throw him from the rampart!”
No one moves. “Thorin,” someone says, tone soft and disbelieving.
“Do you not hear me?” Thorin shouts, eyeing the company, settling his gaze on Kíli, who barely shakes his head. “I will do it myself,” he snarls as he steps toward Bilbo once more.
Fíli grabs for his arm again, pulling him back once more, as Kíli rushes forward and pushes back against their uncle’s chest. Thorin’s arms flail wildly, eventually freeing himself from Fíli’s grasp and shoving Kíli roughly to the ground.
“I curse you!” Thorin shouts as he grasps Bilbo by his coat, and Fíli can hear the deep hurt in his voice.
“Thorin, no!” Kíli yells as he begins to drag Bilbo to the edge.
“Cursed be the wizard that brought you to my company!”
Suddenly there is a bright light, and a voice booms out. “If you do not like my burglar, then please return him to me.”
Thorin roughly shoves Bilbo to the ground, whirling around to regard their visitors once more. “You,” he snarls, recognizing Gandalf now joining Bard and Thranduil. “You orchestrated all of this, didn’t you? Never again will I have dealings with wizards!”
“You’re not making a very splendid figure as King Under the Mountain, are you?” Gandalf asks.
With Thorin distracted, Fíli sees Bofur help Bilbo back to his feet. “Go,” he hisses under his breath. “Get him out of here!” he says to Bofur, eyes pleading. It’s not a moment later that Bilbo is using a rope to climb down the rampart, fleeing from Erebor.
Fíli reaches down to help Kíli stand as well, pulling him back, away from Thorin, positioning himself between his uncle and his brother.
“Fee,” Kíli says softly, and he feels Kíli’s hand grip the arm of his sleeve.
“Are we resolved then?” Bard calls out. “The return of the Arkenstone for what was promised to our people.”
Thorin says nothing, but Fíli can see how his shoulders shake with rage.
“What say you, King Under the Mountain?” Bard tries again. “Give us your answer. Will you have peace or war?”
A large black crow flies in front of the rampart, landing before Thorin.
He laughs. “I will have war.”
“Fíli,” Kíli calls from behind him, and Fíli turns to regard his brother. Kíli is absolutely terrified, and he can see the sheen of tears in his eyes. Without hesitation, he presses their foreheads together, hand squeezing the nape of his neck.
“It’s going to be okay,” he says, but he knows Kíli doesn’t believe him. He doesn’t believe himself.
Then, from behind him, there is an uproarious shout, and Thorin’s laughter grows even louder. Fíli turns to see another army ascending the hill, led by none other than Dain.
-----
Dwalin paces angrily, like a caged animal. And they were, weren’t they? Trapped within the mountain as the sounds of battle raged outside. He couldn’t believe Thorin’s cowardice. Dain’s army, their kin, who had come to their aid, now faces an onslaught of orcs and other foul creatures, and Thorin wanted them to sit here and wait.
“Let them fight amongst themselves,” he had said, before disappearing into the halls once more.
He’d had enough; with an angry huff, he treks through the halls to find Thorin, easily finding him sitting on the throne, Thrain’s crown atop his head, staring at nothing.
“Since when do we forsake our own people?” he shouts as he approaches the throne, not bothering to hide his anger. “Thorin, they are dying out there.”
“There are holes beneath holes beneath holes within this mountain,” Thorin mumbles, seemingly ignoring him. “Places we can fortify. Shore up; make safe. Yes; yes that is it,” he says. “We must move the gold further underground to safety.”
“Did you not hear me?” Dwalin calls again, standing directly in front of Thorin now. “Dain is surrounded. They are being slaughtered, Thorin.”
Finally, Thorin looks up at him, and Dwalin can see the madness in his eyes.
“Many die in war; life is cheap,” Thorin says, sounding weary. “But a treasure such as this cannot be counted in lives lost. It is worth all the blood we can spend.”
Dwalin steps back, mouth agape. “Is it? Is it worth my blood? Fíli’s? Kíli’s? You sit here in these halls with a crown upon your head, and you are lesser to me now than you have ever been.”
Thorin’s eyes narrow. “Do not speak to me as if I were some...some lowly dwarf lord,” he says, getting to his feet, though he staggers a bit, as if drunk. “As if I were still just...Thorin Oakenshield. I am your king!”
“You were always my king!” Dwalin shouts, unashamed of the tears that are in his eyes. “You used to know that once.” His voice breaks. “You cannot see what you have become.”
Thorin’s brow furrows in confusion, and for a moment, he thinks that maybe, just maybe he has gotten through to him. “Go,” Thorin utters darkly. “Go now, before I kill you.”
He doesn’t want to, but he doesn’t trust that Thorin won’t make good on his threat. Dwalin scoffs softly, shakes his head sadly as a few tears slip loose, then he turns to take his leave of Thorin and rejoin the Company.
-----
He stares at Dwalin’s retreating back, his oldest friend’s words echoing through his mind.
You are lesser to me now than you have ever been.
He shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts. Dwalin was wrong. It was he who could not see; Thorin had been betrayed, it was him who had been wronged. Dain had only brought his own men so that he could stake his own claim to Erebor, he was certain of it. With the Arkenstone in the hands of men, Dain could easily take it, and all would be lost, lost, lost. It was better to let the orcs and elves take them out; it was better to let them all kill themselves so that Thorin would be the last standing, and he could reclaim the Arkenstone.
Is it worth my blood?
How could he even ask that? Dwalin knew what he had agreed to when he joined the Company. They had talked of nothing other than reclaiming their homeland since their youth, and now Dwalin doubted whether it was worth it? Of course it was. He must just be frightened; that is the only explanation. He staggers to his feet, walking aimlessly to try and recenter his thoughts. His head throbs. Maybe he was making a mistake. He feels sick.
Fíli’s? Kíli’s?
His wandering carries him to the Gallery of Kings, over the freshly-cooled floor of gold. He smiles, seeing his reflection in it, admiring how kingly he looks with the crown atop his head. No, no; he was right. Would it hurt to lose the boys? Of course, but if that were the price of this treasure...he could pay it.
But then he remembers...remembers the first time he’d held Kíli in his arms as a tiny, newborn dwarfling. How terrified he had been at the thought that he might not survive the winter. How he had almost lost him in battle before. How his heart had once shattered at the mere thought of a world without Kíli. And now...now it was an acceptable price? He could live in a world without Kíli’s warm smiles, without his touches and embraces that lasted just a touch too long? Was it worth that?
He stares down at his reflection on the golden floor. It feels like his boots are sinking in, like thick mud, trapping him.
And Fíli...Fíli who had followed him into this mess, who had trusted him implicitly his entire life. Was it worth his life? Smart, responsible, Fíli, who had never failed him, who had always pushed himself to the brink to please Thorin, who had taken every additional, impossible responsibility that Thorin had thrust upon him with grace and humility. Fíli, who made him stronger, who made him better. It...the gold...it was worth losing that. Wasn’t it?
The gold seems to pull him in deeper, no longer solid, but molten. Pulling him down, down, down...suffocating him, crushing him…
With a gasp, he rips the crown from his head and throws it aside, the room returning to normal as it clinks across the floor. He struggles to regain his breath, the realization of what he’s done, what he’s gambled washing over him.
It wasn’t worth it. None of it.
-----
“I don’t care what Thorin says,” Dwalin says, pacing the room once more. “I am not staying here and letting Dain’s army die for...for this.” He gestures around the hall, hands shaking. “I would rather die out there.”
Balin gives Fíli a knowing look. “Perhaps it is time to continue down the line of succession,” he says evenly, though there is a glimmer in his eyes. “Thorin’s mind is far afield. He is lost to us now. We can not give him more time to come to his senses; not without leaving our kinsmen to die.”
Fíli sucks in a deep breath, catches Kíli’s eye. He knows it’s the right thing to do. He knows, but his heart aches. He was never meant to be king without learning under Thorin’s rule first. Then Kíli looks away, focusing at something behind his shoulder as he gets to his feet.
He turns, and spies Thorin returning to the entry hall, sword drawn. It would not surprise him if Thorin had overheard, if he were coming to accuse the Company of treason. He prepares himself for a fight, gathering every bit of confidence he has as he approaches Thorin.
“Thorin,” he starts, fighting to keep his voice strong. He can feel Kíli’s comforting presence behind him. “I will not hide behind a wall of stone while others fight our battles for us. It is not who I am - who we are,” he says, gesturing to the Company behind him. Closer now, he can clearly see Thorin’s face; he looks almost...normal? Like himself. Hope renews itself in his chest; he thinks he might burst into tears at the sight. “It is not in my blood,” he finishes, voice breaking, relief flooding him when Thorin smiles. Not the crazed, manic smiles of days past but a real, genuine smile. His uncle’s smile.
“No, it is not,” Thorin agrees. “We are sons of Durin, and Durin’s folk do not flee from a fight.” He reaches out and grabs Fíli’s nape, touches their foreheads together tenderly. “I am sorry that I forgot myself,” he whispers.
Fíli’s withheld sob breaks through. “Uncle,” he murmurs, returning his embrace.
“I am so sorry,” Thorin murmurs again as he pulls his head away, before reaching for Kíli and dragging his tearful brother into their embrace. “I love you; the both of you,” he whispers fiercely. “More than any treasure within this mountain. I swear it.”
Fíli doesn’t want to let go. While he knows the battle may very well take them, it sits so well within his soul that Thorin has returned to them. That he had found peace, that he had remembered himself. That he had remembered them.
Eventually, Thorin takes a deep breath to steady himself, then separates himself from the lads to regard the Company. “I have no right to ask this of any of you,” he says, voice thick with emotion. “But, will you follow me? One last time.”
He’s met with roars of celebration from the Company, before being embraced by each of them in turn.
All too soon, they are focusing on the task at hand. They must bring aid to Dain’s men, even if there are only 13 of them. It’s quick work for them to get armored up, to get their weapons in order.
“Fee,” his brother calls from behind him. When he turns to regard him, he’s struck once more by how young Kíli looks. He prays to Aule that they will make it out of this alive. He hasn’t forgotten Kíli’s oath. He hasn’t forgotten his purpose as the spare. He knows Kíli hasn’t, either. He knows that if he or Thorin are in danger that Kíli would protect them with his last breath, with every ounce of strength that he could muster. With them being so outnumbered, he can’t imagine how Kíli survives this. He honestly isn’t sure that any of them will survive this. Together or not at all, they had promised.
There are tears in his brother’s eyes, and without a second thought he gathers him into his arms, breathes in his scent, commits him to memory. Just in case.
“Look at me,” he says, and Kíli does. Fíli cups his cheeks in his hands, studies his face.
“Fíli, whatever happens out there,” he starts, but Fíli shakes his head. He’s saying goodbye. “No, listen to me!” Kíli continues. “I...I need you to know. Just...whatever happens, it’s not your fault, okay?”
Together or not at all.
“Stop,” Fíli whispers, feeling fresh tears coming; he hopes that if Kíli departs for the undying lands that he won’t be far behind him. He presses a kiss to his brother’s forehead. “I love you,” he says quietly.
“I love you too, nadad,” he replies, reaching up to cup Fíli’s cheek as well. His lips quirk up into a small smile. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
Fíli chuckles lightly, feels the icy vise that’s wrapped around his heart ease just a bit. “Isn’t that usually your department?” he asks, smile growing wider when Kíli laughs. He pats his brother’s cheek, then touches their foreheads together once more. “Watch my back, won’t you?”
Kíli’s answering smile is genuine. “Always.”
-----
The pale orc laughs as he mows down several of Dain’s soldiers, turning to point his mace at him. Thorin rights himself, staggers to his feet. The fighting has lasted for hours, and he is wholly exhausted. With the help of the men and elves, they had managed to beat back the orcs and goblins, but there was still Azog to deal with. Dain had spotted him atop Ravenhill, leading a second wave of goblins and orcs to the battlefield, and they had diverted a few dwarves to handle the onslaught.
He had lost sight of Kíli and Fíli in the fighting. He trusted that Dwalin had stayed with them, that he would help protect them.
Because now, Thorin’s eyes were singularly focused on the orc filth. The others could handle the rest of them; Azog was his. He would avenge his grandfather, avenge his brother, who had died at the hands of that murderous beast. Then he could be at peace.
The orc spits something in Black Speech at him, bearing its teeth in a feral smile. “This one is mine!” he shouts in common, again pointing his mace at Thorin.
He readies his sword, braces himself for Azog’s onslaught. As expected, the pale orc rushes at him, throws his full weight behind his sword as he leaps at Thorin, who is able to use Orcrist to block his blow and force him to the side, sending the orc tumbling across the ground. Azog growls.
“I will end you, Oakenshield,” he hisses. “I will end the whole of your filthy line!” He curses in Black Speech again.
Thorin sets his jaw, rebalancing himself so he can advance on the orc. If Azog knew of Fíli and Kíli...no; it did not matter. Thorin would strike him down, here and now atop Ravenhill. With a shout, he raises his sword and swings it mightily at the org, only narrowly missing as Azog rolls to the side. Thorin doesn’t relent and swings again, successfully knocking Azog’s mace from his hand and sending it skittering across the battlefield.
He is met with a well-placed kick from the orc that slams right into his side, forcing the air from his lungs as he careens to the ground. He is quick to get back on his feet, frowning when he sees that Azog has grabbed a scimitar from a fallen goblin and is ready to fight; the score evened once more.
He steps back, resetting his footing as Azog advances; successfully parries the scimitar and puts the beast on the defense again. “Men shmek menu!” he shouts as he swings his sword down, cursing once more when Azog is able to block the blow. He doesn’t relent, slashing his sword down again, but Azog is able to evade him every time, and on his final swing he misses, and Orcrist slams down into the dirt. He turns with a huff and raises his sword once more, but is met with the blade of the scimitar piercing his abdomen, just below where his armor protects him.
He staggers back in surprise, dimly reaches down to touch the wound, and is dismayed to see his hand come back stained with blood.
Azog laughs, throwing his head back in celebration. “Death to dwarves!” He raises the scimitar victoriously.
Mustering as much strength as he can, Thorin lunges forward again, swinging Orcrist in a graceful arc that succeeds at separating the foul creature’s head from his neck. His head thumps lowly on the dirt of the battlefield, a grin still fixed on it’s wretched face.
Thorin sinks to his knees, relief flooding him. He’s done it. He’s killed Azog. He’s done it!
He presses his hand over the wound in his stomach, frowning. It’s a lot of blood. Too much. He is too far from the mountain, too far from aid.
A few orcs are advancing on him, weapons drawn, howling in Black Speech over the death of their leader. He uses Orcrist as a crutch in an attempt to get to his feet.
Then a fearsome roar sounds from behind him, and the Bear-Man bursts forth.
-----
They both have a moment to catch their breaths; there are no enemies advancing on them at the moment. Fíli knows that he should be scanning the field, but he looks his brother over instead. Kíli doesn’t look too worse for wear, aside from the smattering of blood caking the dark hair at his temple and dripping into his eyes. He reaches up subconsciously, wiping some of the blood and dirt from Kíli’s face, ignoring the soft hiss of pain as he does so.
“Come on, lads,” Dwalin says, reappearing behind him, readying his axe. “It’s time for the big one.”
Fíli turns back to the battle, sees that the next wave of orcs and goblins are led by the other pale orc - Bolg, Fíli thinks Gandalf had called it. It rides atop a white warg, with a handful of other mounted orcs. Most of the troops appear to be goblins, quick work for the dwarves. If they can kill Bolg, if they can cut the head off the snake, they may well win this. It is no small task; the wargs add an additional challenge, for those creatures knew only bloodlust.
He readies his twin blades, nodding to the other dwarves who are holding the line with him, before running to meet their enemy head on. “Du bekar!” he shouts.
It’s chaos on the battlefield. The only constant is Kíli at his back; he can feel his brother’s presence throughout the fighting. Dain’s men fight valiantly beside him, but still, some goblins manage to take them down.
After much fighting, they have managed to decimate most of the evil forces. Only two of the previously mounted orcs, a smattering of goblins, and Bolg with its white warg remain. The pale orc shouts commands in the Black Speech, before dismounting his warg and pointing his sword at Fíli. “Are you ready to die, princeling?” it growls, twisting its face into something akin to a smile.
Thinking quickly, Fíli drops a sword and grabs one of the throwing knives from his vambrace, hurling it with deadly aim at Bolg, who manages to deflect it with his mace before advancing on Fíli. He draws his sword again and runs to meet the charge, striking at Bolg with each of his blades. The beast manages to parry him, though Fíli has him off balance now, so he does not relent. He swings again, this time managing to slash the beast across its torso.
His victory is short-lived as Bolg howls with rage, swings his mace and slams it directly into Fíli’s left shoulder. He can hear the bones break, and his sword falls from now-useless fingers. Regaining the upper hand, the orc punches him, and Fíli careens into the blood-soaked earth. He scrambles to right himself with only one arm, fingers scrabbling at the dirt to find his sword, but it is just out of reach and he catches nothing. The orc continues to advance on him, and Fíli frantically tries to think of his options. He doesn’t want to die here.
Then, a yellow-fletched arrow lodges itself into Bolg’s chest, followed quickly by a second, then a third. The orc sinks to his knees, shouting something Fíli does not understand as he yanks an arrow free. The ambush districts Bolg long enough that Fíli remembers the knife stowed in his boot - one Kíli had made him ages ago. With a fearsome cry, he grabs the knife and lunges forward, stabbing it into the orc’s neck and dragging it along, ignoring the spray of blood. Bolg sputters for a moment, eyes wide with surprise, before he falls over backward; dead.
Then a sound breaks through the rushing in his ears - a scream. Kíli’s scream.
He whirls around, blood turning to ice when he sees Kíli trapped in the white warg’s jaws. He stammers back to his feet, grabbing his sword as he runs as fast as he can to his brother’s aid. Dwalin gets there first and smashes his axe over the warg’s head. Kíli tumbles limply to the ground, dropped by the warg as it turns its focus to Dwalin. His weapons master slashes at the beast with his axe again, then, with a pitiful wail, it falls to the ground.
“Kíli!” he shouts, rushing to his brother’s side, heart leaping in his chest when he sees how pale he is. His armor is bent and dented, punctured by the warg’s fangs. Then Kíli coughs, and it’s a sputter of blood. “No,” he murmurs, using his good hand to brush Kíli’s hair from his face. “No, no, no, no, no. Hang on, okay?”
“Fee,”Kíli whispers, somehow sounding calm and terrified at the same time. He draws in a ragged breath, then coughs more blood.
Fíli bends down and touches their foreheads together, a few tears falling onto his brother’s dirty face. Distantly, he hears the dwarves cheering of victory. “We won, nadadith,” he murmurs. “Because of you.”
Heavy footsteps come from behind him, before a warm, familiar hand rests on his shoulder.
“Dwalin,” he murmurs, reluctantly pulling away from his brother to regard his weapons master. “Dwalin, I can’t carry him. You have to get him out of here. Please.”
“I’ve got ‘im,” Dwalin promises, voice thick with unshed tears. He squeezes Fíli’s shoulder. “Can you manage?”
Fíli nods. “It’s only broken,” he explains, but when he looks at his arm he sees that his sleeve is stained bright with blood. More blood than he had thought.
“Look,” Kíli whispers, his glassy eyes on the sky. “The eagles…”
But he cannot bear to look away from his brother, away from Kíli’s bloody face, away from the soft, half smile that plays on his lips.
“Come on, my boy,” Dwalin murmurs, gingerly gathering Kíli into his arms. His brother hisses in pain, coughs more blood, and the smile drops away.
“Dwalin,” Kíli murmurs, sounding delirious. Fíli fears he’s lost too much blood already. His only hope is that Dwalin can get him to the mountain, can get him to Oin and the healers quickly enough to spare his life.
“I’ll send someone for you,” Dwalin promises as he adjusts his grip on Kíli, but Fíli shakes his head.
“Just get him help,” he says, and Dwalin hesitantly nods, clearly reluctant to leave Fíli alone, before rushing back to the mountain.
He’ll be okay, he tells himself, his head starting to swim from the blood loss. Dwalin will get him to the healers. They’ll take care of him. His body feels strangely heavy, so he lets himself sink down to rest on his back. Overhead, the eagles are circling, occasionally swooping down to pick off the last of the orcs and goblins. The dwarves are already singing drinking songs. He can hear similar shouts of victory from the elves.
They won. Thorin had returned to himself. Kíli would be okay; Dwalin would be sure of it.
Little bits of black start to creep into his vision.
They won. The mountain was theirs. He had helped bring his family home. He had restored his mother’s legacy.
He smiles. His vision darkens further, and it is almost as if he can feel his mother’s worn hands carding through his hair.
They won.
Someone calls his name just as everything fades to black.
-----
Stay aliiiiiiiiiiive…
Only one more chapter to go, friends. I am nearly sobbing now thinking we are at the end. I am almost certain of which ending I will use. Almost.
I still struggle with goldsick!Thorin and writing battle sequences, so hopefully this one was okay. I also had to pull a lot of dialog from the movies, which I also have a hard time with.
“Fíli, whatever happens out there,” he starts, but Fíli shakes his head. He’s saying goodbye. “No, listen to me!” Kíli continues. “I...I need you to know. Just...whatever happens, it’s not your fault, okay?”
“Stop,” Fíli whispers, feeling fresh tears coming; he hopes that if Kíli departs for the undying lands that he won’t be far behind him. He presses a kiss to his brother’s forehead. “I love you,” he says quietly.
“I love you too, nadad,” he replies, reaching up to cup Fíli’s cheek as well. His lips quirk up into a small smile. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
Fíli chuckles lightly, feels the icy vise that’s wrapped around his heart lessen just a bit. “Isn’t that usually your department?” he asks, smile growing wider when Kíli laughs. He pats his brother’s cheek, then touches their foreheads together once more. “Watch my back, won’t you?”
Kíli’s answering smile is genuine. “Always.”
-----
GtG, Chapter 29
Update - Greater than Gold
AN - Goodness, I still can’t believe we have come this far.
Warnings - Some descriptions of injuries, mild swearing, goldsickness…
Also on FF.net and AO3
Chapter 28: Eighty-Three and Seventy-Seven - Part 4
Word Count (chapter): 7500
His consciousness rushes back to him all at one. He’s blinded by the unnaturally red brightness, can hear nothing but screams and crashing, can smell the acrid smoke that sits heavy in the air..
“Fee?” he calls weakly, his throat filling with that smoke, burning. He tries to get his eyes to focus, but everything is bright yet hazy at the same time. The world seems to sway bizarrely around him, as if he’s not quite on solid ground.
“M’right here,” Fíli says from beside him, hand reaching down to squeeze his shoulder.
He pushes himself up so that he is sitting next to the solid mass that he presumes is his brother, cradling his head as the change in position throws his senses off once more. He tries to cough some of the smoke from his lungs. “Where are we?”
“On a boat,” Fíli replies, his voice tight. “Trying to get out of Laketown.”
Kíli blinks, confused. “Why are we -”
His words are cut off by a roar of wind, smoke and ash whipping up around them before he hears the terrifying screech of a dragon. The world gets brighter, hotter, and people scream.
Icy cold dread washes over him, as the brightness fades and he is finally, finally able to get his eyes to focus. The whole of Laketown is burning, its people screaming and clambering into boats with all they can carry to escape. To escape Smaug, who was clearly no longer in the mountain.
“How did...is Uncle…?” he asks, not wanting to finish the question.
“I don’t know,” Fíli says, voice sharp, but Kíli can hear the sadness and fear in his voice. “Have to focus on getting out of here for now.”
Kíli nods, taking Fíli’s cue and swallowing the fear he feels. He sits up straighter, focusing instead on getting his wits about him once more. He is seated toward the back of the boat, sandwiched between Fíli and Bofur, who are paddling swiftly. Oin is seated not far ahead of him, and Bard’s children are near the front of the boat. The redheaded elf from Thranduil’s halls stands at the stern.
He frowns, trying to piece together the fragments of memories from the past day. Or days? He doesn’t know. The last thing he clearly remembers is Oin tending to him after Thorin...after Thorin left him behind. Then there was just pain and Fíli’s voice. Then brightness. Then nothing.
“She healed you,” Fíli says quietly, following his gaze. “You were....you were dying, and she saved you.” His voice cracks as he speaks, and Kíli feels suddenly very guilty that he put his brother through so much.
Yet, he doesn’t understand. Why would the elf help him? She was one of Thranduil’s guards, she had thrown them in cages. He starts to voice his question, but Smaug rushes past them again, spitting fire throughout the city. The screams intensify; he feels sick as he realizes how many people are dying.
And it was their fault, wasn’t it? It must have been the company that had roused the dragon. Thorin had hoped that the signs they’d read had meant that Smaug was dead, withering away in the mountain. But they were wrong; so very wrong.
And what had become of the company? Of Thorin, and Dwalin, and...and everyone? His mind fills with every possible scenario; the throbbing in his head intensifies.
“Da!” Bard’s son yells, standing up suddenly and swaying their boat, pointing to the top of the bell tower. “There! He’s up there!”
“What is he doing?” the littlest girl asks.
Kíli focuses his gaze on the bowman, eyes widening when a whiff of smoke wafts away and allows him to see more clearly. “He’s shooting at the dragon,” he says, disbelieving. Smaug swoops low again, giving Bard another opportunity. The arrow strikes it’s mark, but ricochets harmlessly off. “He hit it!” he shouts, equal parts impressed with the bowman’s aim and elated at the prospect that he could bring the dragon down. That there could be an end to this reign of terror.
The elf looks back at him, expression schooled into blankness. “It is useless,” she says. “His arrows cannot pierce its hide; I fear nothing can.”
“A black arrow could,” Oin says, casting a meaningful glance at Bain, who nods in understanding.
They pass under a bridge, several ropes hanging from it. Without hesitation, Bain grabs one and hoists himself up, gathering momentum to swing himself closer to the pier.
“Bain, no!” one of the girls screams. “What are you doing? Come back!” She reaches for his leg, but only grabs empty air before he swings again, letting go and arcing through the air to land gracefully on his feet. He bolts across the pier and jumps onto a nearby boat, searching for a moment before triumphantly raising a black arrow.
Gasps fill the boat at the prospect; if he could get the arrow to Bard...
With an encouraging smile aimed at his sisters, Bain takes off down the path, heading for his father.
“We have to wait for him!” the younger girl says, turning imploring eyes to the elf. “We cannot leave him here!”
She shakes her head. “We cannot wait. We must get you to safety.”
Kíli swallows a thick lump in his throat and presses closer to his brother. Bain’s sacrifice for his sisters pulls at his heart, because he knows that if it meant Fíli’s safety he would do the exact same thing. He glances at his brother's face and sees that he is thinking the same thing, knows because Fíli is chewing at his lip the way he does when Kíli suggests something selfless or reckless (or oftentimes, both).
He tries very hard to ignore the fact that there are tears streaming down his brother’s face, feeling completely and utterly useless.
-----
He can’t breathe.
All he can do is stare, open-mouthed, as Smaug unleashes wave after wave of fire upon Laketown. Upon the lads. The lads. Who he loved as though they were his own sons. Who he prayed to every deity he had ever heard of that they were not presently choking on smoke and ash. A crueler part of his mind keeps reminding him of Smaug’s wrath an age ago, of the screams of their people, the heat of the flames. He had been lucky to escape, that was all. Sheer, dumb luck. And after all of the tragedies that had befallen the line of Durin, he was certain the lad’s luck had run out.
Despondent, Dwalin hopes that the dragon will finish his rampage soon, then come back to kill the lot of them. It is all that he would deserve; he had failed. He was supposed to protect them, to protect Thorin; he should have stayed behind with them. He should have...
“Poor souls,” his brother utters from behind him, breaking his spiraling thoughts, and Dwalin can hear the thickness in his voice, the unspoken fear he doesn’t dare say aloud. Gloin and Bombur sit next to him, the latter weeping.
There is nothing they can do to stop Smaug. And they are the ones who unleashed him.
“What can we...is there nothing we can…” Bilbo falters over his words as he paces, fretfully wringing his hands before he plops unceremoniously onto the ground and covers his face with his hands. Dwalin pities him. They coaxed him from his warm, comfortable home and thrust him into...this.
Dwalin finally releases a shuddering breath. Thorin. He cannot let Thorin lose himself in fear over the lads. He turns, searching the company until he finds him, back propped against a jagged piece of stone blown loose by Smaug’s exit, eyes staring off into the distance, not at the lake, nor at Erebor. At nothing.
As he gets closer, he sees that Thorin is crying.
He doesn't try to offer any words of consolation, because he knows he has none. Instead, he just stands beside him, shoulders close like they were children again, close enough that he can feel how Thorin’s own shake almost imperceptibly. Close enough that he can hear the shuddering breaths he takes.
“I left them to die,” Thorin says after a while, voice trembling, barely above a whisper.
“You don’t know that,” reminding himself as much as his king. “They’re smart. Resourceful. They may find a way out. They may have already left.” His voice is shaking, so he takes a breath to steady himself. “We don’t know, Thorin.” He feels a few of his own tears slip free. “We just don’t know.”
Thorin laughs, humorlessly, tucking his chin into his chest and screwing his eyes shut. “How ironic,” he mutters. “I said nearly the same to Fíli when his father was unaccounted for in the mine.”
And just like that, Dwalin wishes he’d kept his mouth shut. He is trying to think of what to say, of how to reassure his oldest friend when he himself doubted the words, when the ground rumbles beneath their feet.
“What was that?” Gloin asks, jumping to his feet. “What happened?”
“It...it fell,” Bilbo says, disbelieving. “I saw it. The dragon fell!”
Dwalin rushes back over to them, watching for fresh streaks of dragonfire, hope blossoming in his chest when there are none. It seems impossible, but…
“It’s dead. Smaug is dead!” Bilbo says, pointing to where an eerie ball of steam seems to rise from the lake. “They killed it!”
“By my beard…” Balin utters. “He’s right! Look! Ravens are returning to the mountain!”
They erupt into a chorus of joyful shouts, a mess of warm bear hugs and renewed faith. If Smaug was dead, maybe the lads had something to do with it...maybe that had escaped, maybe all was not lost after all. He looks back at Thorin, hoping to see his friend’s confidence restored. His stomach sinks.
Instead of joining them in celebration, Thorin’s eyes are fixed on the mountain.
-----
“I hadn’t had the chance to thank you,” he says as he approaches the elf, feeling rather small and uncertain. She is off to the side with the elven prince, who last time Kíli had encountered him held a knife to his throat. He wasn’t keen on repeating that scenario.
They were upon the shore of the Long Lake, the still-burning ruin of Laketown in the distance. The air smells strongly of smoke and death; around him the survivors are sorting provisions, pulling their less-fortunate kin from the icy waters. He swallows thickly, fully aware of how easily he could have been one of them. How he should have been one of them.
The prince gives him an annoyed look, but the redheaded elf turns to him, offering a soft smile. “You needn’t thank me,” she said kindly. “It was the right thing to do.” He’s not certain, but it seems like the prince stiffens when she speaks.
“Still,” Kíli says, “our company did not leave your lands on...good terms. I would not think Thranduil would-”
“I am not Thranduil,” she says sharply.
“Tauriel,” the prince interrupts, his tone a warning. “Take your leave of the dwarf.”
“I saw when you were wounded,” she continues, ignoring her prince. “It was a noble thing, to risk yourself for your company. Though, a bit reckless.”
Kíli flushes. He hadn’t thought his actions were particularly heroic. “It was...it was the right thing to do,” he says softly, and she smiles as he echoes her earlier words.
“Perhaps I merely hold esteem for others who would strive to be so honorable with their actions,” Tauriel says with a mirthful smirk. “But, we have dallied here too long. We must continue to track the orcs. And you,” she said, looking over his shoulder to where Fíli was helping Oin and Bofur ready their boat to carry then the rest of the way across the lake. “You must rejoin your kin.”
He manages a small, hopefully grateful smile in return. If I have any kin to rejoin, he thinks, the cold uncertainty sitting like a stone in his gut. He is dreading what they will find once they reach Erebor.
“I suspect our paths will cross again, Master Dwarf,” she says sharply, though not unkindly, before turning on her heel to rejoin the prince.
Kíli heads back to their boat, walking slowly. Fíli is discreetly watching him (well, Fíli thinks he is being discrete, but Kíli can feel his concerned gaze on him with every step he takes), probably making sure that he doesn’t push himself too hard again. He hadn’t given it yet, but Kíli knew his brother had an entire lecture prepared for him after what happened in the armory. He had pushed himself too hard, even when he had promised he wouldn’t, and Fíli never forgot a promise, no matter how small.
“Can I help?” he asks, though he already knows the answer.
“I’d much rather have you sitting with that leg up, laddie,” Oin says. “I know proper rest is in short supply, but ya’ still need to heal.”
Fíli gives him a knowing look, gesturing at the boat, then offering a hand to help him in. “We’re almost set to leave anyhow,” he offers in consolation, nodding to someone over Kíli’s shoulder.
Bard makes his way through the throng of survivors, seeking the dwarves. “Are you sure we cannot offer you any more provisions?” he asks. The bowman had insisted on seeing them off with food and proper weapons, as a thanks for seeing his daughters safely out of the ruined city.
“You have many more mouths to feed here,” Fíli says. “We will manage.”
Bard nods. “I suspect we will make for Dale; it’s the closest place we will find shelter,” he says. “Though I wager we will be several days behind you. If you have need of me…” he hesitates for a moment, looking uncertain.
“Speak your mind,” Fíli says, sternly, but not harshly. Thorin-ly, Kíli thinks. Kingly. Was Fíli the king now? He swallows thickly, trying to steer his thoughts into a different direction.
“I do not know what has become of the mountain, or its treasures,” the man says finally. “But I do know that we will not survive the winter with the rations we have. A bargain was struck between Thorin Oakenshield and the people of Esgaroth. If he has...perished...”
Fíli nods in understanding. “Thorin gave you his word, and I will give you mine in his stead,” he says quietly. “Even if all we can offer you is shelter. We will aid the people of Esgaroth.”
Bard looks relieved, but Kíli feels sick at the thought. There may very well be nothing but ruin in the mountain. He’s tried very hard thus far to keep his mind from wandering to that dark, terrifying place. He’s suddenly anxious, hoping they will depart soon. He just needs to know. He needs to see Thorin, to feel the warmth of his embrace, to be united with the rest of the company. He doesn’t think he can bear the thought that his last moments with his uncle were so fleeting, that he hadn’t been able to say goodbye properly.
“Try not to fret, laddie,” Bofur says, seemingly reading his mind as he joins him in the boat. “Keep telling myself that they’re all just fine, thinking we’ve all burned to ash. Everyone worrying over nothing,” he chuckles lightly, but there are tears in his eyes. “Won’t know until we know,” he adds as an afterthought, almost sounding like he’s trying to convince himself.
Won’t know until we know. Kíli repeats it to himself, trying to internalize it.
He watches as Fíli shakes Bard’s hand, trying to catch his brother’s eye as he makes his way back to the boat, but Fíli doesn’t look at him.
“Come on, let’s get moving,” he says as he sits, passing the second set of oars to Bofur.
“Fíli,” he says quietly, reaching out to grab his brother’s knee.
“Not now,” Fíli says, finally meeting him with watery eyes. “Please.”
He can only nod.
-----
Bofur pretends not to notice when Fíli and Kíli slip away from the fire and disappear behind the battered remains of a wall. He had been certain that Kíli’s death was imminent, and having known the lads as long as he had, he knew it would be Fíli’s undoing to lose his brother. He sighs heavily, his mind replacing Kíli’s ashen face with Bombur’s, and he fills with despair.
What of Bombur? Of Bifur, of the Company? What would they find when they reached the mountain? His stomach churned at the thought of it, cursing himself for being so pissed the night before their departure. He hadn’t even said goodbye.
“I’m trying not to think of it myself,” Oin says quietly, eyes on the fire but seemingly reading Bofur’s thoughts. “Can’t help it, though.”
Bofur only manages to make a grunting noise deep in his throat. He can’t form words. If Thorin and the rest of the Company have perished, then Fíli was his king. He knew as much; it was in the contract. And he would be proud to call the young lad that, but he knew it would absolutely crush Fíli to fill the role that was meant for Thorin.
The only sound is the crackling of the fire, as if the whole world is holding its breath to see what happens next.
-----
“Thorin,” Dwalin tries again, calling into the cavernous ruin of the Great Hall, where Thorin still searches for the Arkenstone. “You must rest.”
His only reply is a gruff jumble of words he can’t make out.
With a sigh, he descends the stairs, treading carefully over the piles of gold and rubble to reach Thorin. It has been days of this, days of constant searching. He is certain Thorin hasn’t slept once, has watched his oldest friend’s behavior become more erratic. In his heart, he knows. He knows it’s the start of the Goldsickness. But Thorin isn’t lost to them yet, and Dwalin will fight with everything he has to keep him here.
“It has to be here,” Thorin says, voice haggard. “They will come soon. Men. Elves. Dwarves. They will come seeking the treasures of the mountain, and if I do not have the Arkenstone, I cannot stake my claim. It has to be here…”
“We will keep searching, Thorin,” he placates. “But you must eat and rest, my friend. You are no good as our king if you work yourself to death searching for it.” He reaches for Thorin’s arm, intending to guide him to sit, but Thorin snatches it away as though he’s been burned.
“No!” he shouts, glaring at Dwalin. “No. I will not rest until I find it.” He kicks through one of the piles of gold coins, eyes frantic. “I will not let this quest that took my sister-sons from me be in vain.”
“There’s no news from Laketown, Thorin…”
“Then if they are alive I will not let them fall back into a life where they have nothing!” Thorin shouts. “I will not let them be penniless beggars, wondering when their next meal will be. I will not let that be their life again. I cannot.”
He struggles to form his thoughts. He needs to get Thorin to rest, needs to help him see reason, but he cannot think of what to say. The longer they’ve been here, the more manic Thorin has become. He prays that the lads are alive, that their presence will help Thorin see reason again.
Sounds of commotion echo through the halls, interrupting his thoughts. He tries to make out the words, but there is too much reverberation against the stone. With a sigh, he heads back toward the staircase, intending to return to the ramparts, when Ori bursts through a door.
“There you are,” he says breathlessly, before casting a wary glance toward Thorin. “Someone is coming. Bilbo say them from the rampart.”
Dwalin feels a cold weight settle into his stomach as Thorin laughs humorlessly behind him.
“I told you,” he says darkly. “I told you they would come. Nine dwarves and a hobbit are not enough to defend these halls; I must find it…”
Dwalin tries his best to ignore his worry for Thorin as he heads off after Ori.
-----
No one speaks as they make their way to the mountain, for which Fíli is immensely grateful. Too much has happened, and he needs this time, this monotonous walk, to clear his head. To make sense of things, as best he can. Before...before they find whatever it is they will find up the mountain.
He’d gone from being terrified of losing Kíli, to accepting his brother’s imminent death, to accepting his own end, to being awed by healing magic, to escaping the city,, to being fearful of what has happened within the Lonely Mountain, to speaking with Bard as though he were the king, as though his word meant something…to being back on course for the mountain, all within the span of a day. A single day.
Frustrated with himself, he brushes a tear from his cheek, resolutely focusing on the mountain ahead.
They’d stopped for the night near the overlook of the ruined city of Dale, so that Oin could tend to Kíli’s leg and to give them a chance to rest. It was incredible how quickly the elven magic had healed him, how much had changed since Kíli had lain on the table, ashen, barely drawing breath, seemingly lost to this world.
He scrubs his eyes with the heels of his hand, hoping to rub that image away. He cannot forget it, even when he looks at Kíli seeming just as healthy and able as he’s ever been, he keeps seeing it. Every time Kíli stumbles on the scree of the trail his heart leaps into his throat, fearful that he has fallen, that the healing magic hasn't banished the whole of the poison from his body. That it would rear up again and take Kíli from him for good this time.
Even as he’d fallen asleep the night before, with Kíli’s warmth pressed against his side, he’d dreamt of it, over and over.
What unsettles him more, though, was that once he had accepted that Kíli was going to die, he wasn’t afraid of Smaug’s rampage. He wasn’t afraid of his own death. To be honest, it had felt almost like a blessing. It wasn’t until the elf arrived, until she had healed Kíli, that he had even begun to think about surviving Smaug, and even then he was mostly driven by his need to save his brother. Because what was life for him without Kíli?
It was nothing. There was nothing left for him if he lost his brother. No throne, no amount of gold, no kinship, nothing would fill the hole left in him if Kíli were gone.
He wonders if that was how his mother had felt when his father had died. Though he’d never say it aloud, he’d always been a little hurt, a little bitter that he hadn’t been enough for her to carry on. Thorin had explained heartsickness and soul bonding to him, trying to help him understand, but he could never work his mind around it. He was her son; he should have been enough.
Fíli had considered it himself, long before he overheard the conversation in which Thorin and Dwalin pondered if he and Kíli were soul bonded. He knew it was rare for siblings, but he’d also known for a long time that Kíli was more precious to him than anyone in this world; they were closer than any pair of brothers ought to be. And every time Fíli had tried to distance himself from Kíli it was agony, but they always found their way back. Kíli could read him better than anyone, and Fíli could do the same. There was a deep and powerful love between them, that bound them to one another. Two halves to a whole.
It just made sense.
Now, after everything that had happened on this godforsaken journey, he was certain of it. There was no Fíli without Kíli. They were FiliandKili. They always had been. If the agony he had felt when he’d thought Kíli was lost was even a fraction of what his mother had experienced when his father died...well, he could not fault her for slipping away from this world to be with him again.
He wondered if Kíli knew. Probably, he thought. His brother was always more in tune with his emotions than Fíli was, and less inclined to speak about it if he thought it would be something Fíli would fret over. He may have been the older brother, but Kíli was always watching out for him.
They reach the top of the incline they’ve been climbing as they follow the crumbled road from Dale, and he stops dead in his tracks.
The front gate of Erebor stands before them.
Fíli lets out a tiny gasp of surprise. He’s never seen anything so grand. Even in all of Mr. Balin’s books, the sketches that he’d seen - it was more beautiful than he possibly could have imagined. The whole front of the mountain face is ornately carved, with numerous balconies and windows linking the mountain to the world outside. Massive, detailed carvings of dwarven warriors flank the gate.
The gate, which is completely smashed from Smaug’s escape.
“By my beard,” Oin says softly. “Cannot believe I’ve made it back. After all these years.” There are tears in his eyes, and Bofur claps a hand warmly on his shoulder.
“All the stories I’ve been told doesn’t do it justice,” the toymaker agrees as he regards the gate with wide eyes.
Kíli’s shoulder brushes his. “We’re actually here,” he says breathlessly. He reaches for Fíli’s hand and squeezes.
For a long moment, no one speaks and no one moves. They all know they’re standing on the precipice, that once they step into the halls of Erebor everything will be different.
“Well,” Bofur says eventually, patting Fíli on the back as he passes him. “Come on, lads.”
-----
Bilbo lays back on the damaged rampart, relishing in the feel of the warm sun on his face.
He had not fancied his time stuck inside the mountain, less so when he found himself negotiating with a dragon intent on eating him. He can still smell the smoke in the air, but it is better than the dragon-stench that lingers in Durin’s Halls.
The dwarves were discussing strategy amongst themselves, making preparations and planning for how they could restore the great halls to a more liveable situation. Thorin was worried that news would spread of Smaug’s death, and that other unsavory folk would seek to claim the mountain for themselves. Bilbo had taken his leave then, when Thorin had shifted his focus to searching for the Arkenstone, and he had felt the dwarf’s eyes on his back the entire time.
He could feel the weight of it tucked inside his overcoat. Smaug’s taunting about Thorin and a goldsickness had unsettled him - was the dragon right? Was Bilbo worth nothing to Thorin in comparison to the Arkenstone? He didn’t want to be hasty and hand it over to him just yet. It wouldn’t hurt for him to give it a day or two, to see if Smaug’s words were true. He would pretend to find it, and no one would be the wiser.
Already, Thorin seemed changed, almost as if he were at war with himself. He had seemed devastated when Smaug launched his attack on Laketown, but once the dragon was dead, his focus shifted solely to the mountain and defending it. He did not speak of Fíli or Kíli or Bofur or Oin. None of the dwarves did, lestwise not in Thorin’s presence. In private, they mourned and hoped in equal measure, emotions swinging like a pendulum.
It was more than Bilbo cared to dwell on. Kíli and Fíli had both been so kind to him, as had Bofur, and Oin had tended to his every bump and scrape with the utmost care. And the company was like a strange little family...it would be devastating to lose any of them. Dwalin had offered to head back to Laketown, to see if there were any survivors, but Thorin forbade it, saying that his place was within Erebor, fortifying it for when they came.
Bilbo swallowed thickly, telling himself again that Thorin was just paranoid, that his way of grieving was to pour himself into his next task, focusing on the road ahead until he knew what had been left behind.
He sighs, sitting back up. Bombur would be setting up for dinner soon, and Bilbo had offered to help, because while he didn’t know much about grand halls or treasures, he did know about food.
He brushes off his trousers as he stands up, leaning on the smooth stone of the wall and taking in the valley below. Esgaroth still smolders in the distance, thin curls of smoke spiraling up into the clear blue sky. A pang of loss fills him; he worries for the dwarves, yes, but also for the people of Laketown. For Bard, and his children. He hopes for news soon, perhaps from Gandalf when he finally rejoins them.
Oh, wouldn’t Gandalf have been useful when dealing with Smaug.
Just as he is about to head back inside, he spies something moving on the path to the gate. He squints against the bright sun, wondering if it was just a trick of the light or an animal, but no, he is certain there are people trudging up the path to the mountain. He’s not sure whether to be hopeful or afraid, but settles on hope.
“There’s someone coming!” he calls down into the halls as he rushes down the steps to the ruined gate.
-----
The light blinds Dwalin for a moment once he bursts from the halls, but once his gaze focuses again, he sees what Bilbo saw - four figures, making their way up the path to the Lonely Mountain.
He swallows thickly, tightening his grip on his axe. He had given Thorin his word - he would defend the mountain with his life if needed. He grits his teeth, hoping that this will be a time for celebration instead of a time for fighting. He wants to shout their names, to call out to them, but he won’t until he’s certain. They could be scouts from those who sought the mountain, who could benefit from knowing the names of their missing, using them as leverage to stake their own claim.
When they’d left Laketown, he’d been terrified to think that he would not see Kíli again. Then once Smaug escaped...he was certain beyond certain that he would never see either of the lads again. He had begged Thorin to let him take someone down to Laketown to see, but his king had refused. They’d had a fight like none other they’d had before, not in all their years. Dwalin had half a mind to disobey him and head down the mountain himself, but Balin had talked him out of it. His brother feared that learning of the lad’s definite demise would send Thorin spiraling over the edge. Dwalin didn’t disagree, but he’d felt the opposite - if he could know for sure that the lads were alive, it would pull Thorin back from the brink, reminding him of the true treasures of his life.
Balin had talked him into waiting for news. Dwalin had given him three days. If there was no news by then...Dwalin would leave.
“Dwalin!” he hears from ahead, and a sob of relief bursts free from his throat when he realizes it is Fíli’s voice. His axe falls from numbed fingers.
His elation spurs him into motion once more, sprinting ahead, and it’s not a moment later that he reaches the lad and is gathering him into his arms in a bone-crushing embrace, so tight he can hear the air rush out of Fíli’s lungs. “You’re alive,” he murmurs, pressing their foreheads together. “Oh, thank Aule,” he says, breathlessly. “Thank the Maker.” He pulls away just slightly, just to look beyond Fíli’s shoulder. “And the others?” he asks. “Your brother?”
“They’re coming,” Fíli says, voice thick with tears. “Kíli’s leg is still healing. But I saw you and I couldn’t…” His face darkens. “Thorin?”
Dwalin swallows. “He...we’re all alive, laddie,” he says, and Fíli nearly sobs with relief before embracing him once more. Over Fíli’s shoulder, he sees that the rest of them are nearly there. Cheers of excitement erupt from behind him as Gloin, Bombur, and Bifur burst forward, rushing past him to embrace their kin. Dwalin follows close behind, hauling Fíli along until he finally reaches a near-sobbing Kíli and clutches him close.
“You all right?” he asks, relinquishing his hold just a bit to look at Kíli’s tearful face as he nods, before Dwalin tugs Fíli back into his embrace, clutching the lads close and vowing to never let them go. “Thought we’d lost you,” he admits tearfully. “Oh, lads; I thought I’d lost you.”
-----
Fíli audibly gasps when they step into the Great Hall. Gold sparkles everywhere he looks; Smaug’s hoard was truly impressive. It takes a moment for him to spot Thorin as he moves through the piles of gold and jewels and finery. He takes a deep breath to steel himself, afraid of what he will find. From behind him, Kíli’s hand gently touches his shoulder.
“It’s…” his brother stammers, and Fíli can hear the disbelief in his voice. “This is more than I ever imagined.”
Silently, Fíli moves toward Thorin, with Kíli close behind. Bilbo had filled them in on what had happened, had described Thorin’s apparent descent into madness. How cruel would it be for all of them to survive Smaug’s wrath only to lose Thorin this way?
No; it could not be. Thorin’s love for them, and theirs for him, could not be replaced with gold, or power, or anything. Thorin had told him as much just a few days ago. They would be able to remind him. No matter how far Thorin had gone, they could bring him back. Couldn’t they?
His first step onto the shifting gold coins makes enough of a sound to draw Thorin’s immediate attention; his uncle whirls around, sharp eyes fixing on him, barely constrained anger clear on his features. Then, all at once, Thorin’s face softens, as his eyes go from Fíli to Kíli and back again.
“You live?” he asks, voice soft, almost afraid. A lump forms in Fíli’s throat, and he can only nod in reply. “My sister’s sons…”
“Uncle,” Kíli calls from behind him, taking a few, tentative steps forward (and of course, Fíli doesn’t miss how he slips on his wounded leg, nearly losing his balance before righting himself).
“My boys,” Thorin murmurs, “you live.” He practically runs then, as quickly as he can across the gold, to join them. He gathers Kíli’s face in his hands, stares at him reverently before pressing their foreheads together. “My Kíli,” he whispers, before embracing him tightly. “And Fíli,” he continues, releasing his brother to greet Fíli the same way.
Fíli feels the tears stinging at his eyes. No, they hadn’t lost him. He could still see Thorin there, veiled with fear and sadness, but still there. They would get through this. Together. Just as they always had.
-----
Kíli walks quietly through the halls, eyes scanning the high walls and piles of gold and jewels. The gold doesn’t interest him in the slightest (to his secret relief); he is looking for his uncle.
He had seen it, the strangeness in Thorin’s behavior, of course, but he had allowed himself to childishly believe that Thorin was stronger than this sickness, or that this was only a temporary setback, that he’d come back to his senses, to himself, soon enough. As it were, he seemed to swing between madness and lucidity; one moment his uncle was there, but the next he was gone.
He was frightened, really. He had only been in Erebor for a few days, and to see how badly Thorin had deteriorated in that time broke him. If only they could find the Arkenstone; he prayed that would end his uncle’s madness, his paranoia.
He hears steps behind him. “You.”
It is Thorin, but his tone is accusatory and harsh; it’s not a tone Thorin has ever used with him, and it sends a shudder down Kíli’s spine. He is draped in royal robes and jewels, looking more kingly than ever, but his eyes are disturbingly blank as he stares Kíli down.
“There you are, Uncle,” Kíli says, trying to keep his voice light. Often his or Fíli’s presence is enough to seem to return him to calmness, to sanity. “We’ve been looking for you. Bombur’s made supper.” Truely, he’s horrified at the state his uncle was in. Had they lost him already? Could they pull him free from this? Despair wells up inside of him. They should have left. They should have fled from the mountain the moment they’d come.
Thorin scoffs. “Uncle,” he murmurs, looking disgusted with the word. “How misfortunate am I to count you among my kin.”
Kíli stops in his tracks, trepidation crossing his features. “I...what do you mean?” he asks, not entirely sure he wants to know what lies Thorin has allowed himself to believe.
“Your mother was lucky,” Thorin continues, eyes scanning the piles of gold, ever searching for the Arkenstone. “She did not live to see what a disappointment you are to her line.”
The words hurt, despite how deeply untrue Kíli knows they are. He knows it is a lie that Thorin’s sickness has conjured up. The only thing he has relied on his entire life was the love, the bond between him, his brother, and his uncle. If the goldsickness could make Thorin forget all of that...he feels a sob rise up in his throat. If it could take that away, if it could make all of those years and the closeness they shared just...vanish...what did he and Fíli have left? A throne they weren’t suited for? A kingdom that was never meant to be theirs?
Thorin circles around him, eyes manic as they rove over him. “Better that you had died instead of her,” he sneers, just close enough that his breath rushes past Kíli’s ear with his words. “She would still have breath in her lungs if not for you.”
He swallows thickly. It’s not him, he tells himself. It’s not, it’s not, it’s not. “You don’t...you don’t mean that,” he says finally, meekly, but the words still sting, still swirl around in his mind. They’re words he has uttered to himself in his darkest days, but to hear them come from someone else…
Thorin barks out a humorless laugh. “Perhaps I don’t,” he says quietly, eyes roving the treasure horde once more. He reaches down and picks up a gem, turning it over in his hands to admire the shine. “Look at this,” he says softly.
Kíli moves his leaden feet to comply. Thorin is clearly out of sorts and he wishes he had someone with him to help bring him back to his senses. He doesn’t know what to do, how to help guide him back to himself. He wishes Fíli were here; he would know what to say.
Thorin shows him a smooth, glimmering white jewel, running his hands reverently over the surface.”Have you ever seen anything so beautiful? An opal,” he says, his voice soft. Kíli is fairly certain there are tears in his eyes. “My sister was fond of them.” Then he shoves the stone into Kíli’s hand, face returning to a blank mask. “But it pales in comparison to the Arkenstone.”
Kíli turns the jewel over in his hands, imagining his mother draped in opal jewelry. “We will find it, Thorin,” he says quietly, choosing his words carefully as he sets the jewel back with the others.
Thorin whirls back around, eyes narrowing as he watches Kíli carefully. “You would not deceive me,” he says finally, and Kíli frowns.
“Of course I wouldn’t,” he replies. “No one here would seek to -”
“But someone has,” Thorin shouts, his voice reverberating off the stone walls, echoing in a way that makes Kíli feel surrounded. “Someone has,” he whispers sharply. “They must have; it’s the only explanation.”
“Thorin,” Kíli says softly, reaching out to touch Thorin’s arm, relief flooding him when his uncle doesn’t pull away. He turns and looks at Kíli, eyes soft and sad. He reaches up and caresses Kíli’s cheek gently, and Kíli can see his old uncle again, the one from his childhood.
“If we cannot find it, they will take the mountain from us,” Thorin whispers. “I cannot let them.” His voice breaks, close to tears. “I cannot let them ghivashel.” He presses his forehead to Kíli’s.
“We will find it, Thorin,” he says softly, embracing his uncle in return. “And if we cannot find it, we will defend Erebor. We swore an oath. To our king. To you.”
Thorin gives him a watery smile, but his eyes harden once more and his hands drop away, gaze returning to the gold, ever searching.
-----
Wordlessly, Kíli crosses the rampart and sits next to him, tucking into his side and pressing his forehead into his neck. Fíli immediately wraps his arms around him, gathering him close. “I don’t know what to do,” he murmurs quietly. “We’re losing him, Fee. I just...I don’t know what to do.”
Fíli sighs, squeezing his eyes shut. He’d seen it, too. Thorin was more frantic with each passing day, and often neither Fíli nor Kíli could not draw the Thorin they knew back out for long. “I don’t think there’s anything we can do, short of finding the Arkenstone.” he murmurs. “I just want to go home.”
He understood Bilbo’s constant longing for his home now. Their life in Ered Luin hadn’t been perfect by any means, but they had each other. It was filled with love. He didn’t blame Thorin for wanting to return to his homeland, but Fíli and Kíli...they didn’t belong here, in these unfamiliar halls. But they belonged with Thorin, didn’t they? He scrubs his free hand against his temple; this was a mess. At least he still had Kíli; maybe if Thorin fully tumbled into madness they could just flee to the west.
He hated himself for having that thought in the first place. They couldn’t abandon Thorin. They wouldn’t.
“Are more of them coming?” Kíli asks, voice uncertain; fearful.
“Looks like it,” he confirms. “More fires tonight, at least.” He sighs again and presses a kiss against his brother’s forehead. “They’ll be on our doorstep soon.” He’d watched the last few days, seen the growing crowds near the city of Dale. It already looked like more than just the survivors of Esgaroth. Thorin was right - they were coming.
Kíli lets out a shaky breath, fingers gripping Fíli’s tunic tighter. “I’m scared,” he admits. “There’s no way out of this, is there?”
Fíli can’t think of anything to say. He feels the same. There’s nothing he can say that will ease Kíli’s mind without lying, and he wouldn’t do that to him. There’s nothing he can do other than hold his brother close and pray for a miracle, even though he knows that it’s only because of a miracle that Kíli is still with him. Perhaps he’s used their last one. Perhaps losing Thorin was the cost for saving Kíli. He shakes his head and pulls his brother closer, drawing strength from his presence.
And so they stay, huddled together on the rampart, as more fires light along the horizon.
-----
Oof, you guys. I’ve sat on this chapter for months (obviously) because I’m just not able to get the words out the way I want to. GoldsickThorin is such a challenge for me and I’m honestly still not happy with it. I’ve had to skip over parts of this chapter and come back to it so many times, so if some parts seem choppy that’s probably why (after 28 chapters, you guys have probably noticed that editing is not my strong suit). Now, I just have to decide which of the three versions of BotFA will be the official story. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
As always, thanks so much for reading!
I have waited ALL FUCKING YEAR TO POST THIS
Santa is coming tonight.
@alltheshit-althetime
THE ONLY CHRISTMAS POST I DON’T BLOCK
dancer is my life
YES HERE IT IS, JUST IN THE SAINT NICK OF TIME
my neighbors recently adopted a puppy. they named him loki and he is an absolute little shit and i love it. today i am working on my patio and just hear
god damn it loki!
several times and it is giving me life
so far this week I’ve learned that I probably procrastinated on writing this story for 4 years because I didn’t want to write goldsick!thorin in my little universe and it’s slowly crushing my soul ahahahahaha-*sob*
“I’m not doing it for you. I know that Dwarves can be obstinate and pigheaded and difficult, suspicious and secretive, with the worst manners you can possibly imagine, but they also brave and kind… And loyal to a fault. I’ve grown very fond of them, and I would save them if I can.”
Update: Greater Than Gold
AN: Whoop whoop; here’s part 3.
IDK who is still out here and reading this but I hope you enjoy!!
Also, the formatting keeps getting messed up when I try to post it on Tumblr so it’s probably better to actually read on FF.net or AO3. One day I’ll get it figured out.
Warnings: Some swearing, shoddy depictions of violence because that’s what I’m garbage at writing.
Also on FF.net and AO3
Chapter 27: Eighty-Three and Seventy-Seven - Part 3
Word Count (chapter): 9368
Thorin shifts farther back into his cell, intent on ignoring Balin’s lecture. He settles into the back wall, into the shadows, letting the din from the idotic elvish party reverberate around the stone to drown out his cousin’s rough whispering.
He knew what he was doing. At least, he thought he knew. Bilbo would come through; he was so sure of it, more sure than most anything else in his life these days. The hobbit owed him no loyalty, could have left a dozen times at least, but he never had. He had stuck with them through all of this mess - had stuck with him . Bilbo had won Thorin’s trust, and had shown the depths of his loyalty. He would wait a hundred years for Bilbo before he bent to trust Thranduil.
He could not say as much to Balin. Not here; not now. So he would let Balin rant himself out instead, here in these damp cells.
He picks a piece of dried mud from his boots, his ire renewing as he recalls how Thranduil’s guard had stripped them of all their belongings, down to their shirts and trousers, and locked them away like criminals. Angrily, he flicks the mud to the ground, then squashes it with the toe of his boot. They were so close . If only they hadn’t lost the road.
He sighs, Balin’s incessant whispering still reaching his ears, though it has become too jumbled for him to make out the words. He hoped the rest of the company fared well enough. Fíli sounded as though he had recovered from the spider’s venom, and he could breathe easier knowing Kíli had returned from Thranduil’s interrogation unscathed.
The fire of his anger grew. How dare Thranduil? How dare he attempt to weasle a deal out of him by having his own son hold a knife to Kíli’s throat? Truly, he lacked all honor.
He releases a shuddering breath. For a moment, he was afraid that Thranduil would issue the order, that he would spill Kíli’s blood on his throne room floor. But, dishonorable as he was, Thranduil was not stupid. Lestwise, he was not stupid enough to kill an unarmed dwarf and incur the wrath of the Iron Hills in retalliation. Dain and Thranduil had a long-standing cease order between their two kingdoms - Dain would harm no elf and Thranduil would harm no dwarf - to violate it would wound Dain’s pride and invoke his wrath.
But still, he’d seen the glimmer of panic in Kíli’s eyes. And Thorin had felt it, too - the fear that he would be wrong . Though he was a king, Thranduil was still unpredictable. He’d been foolish to hedge his bets on the elven king fearing retaliation from Dain.
Once, when Kíli was still a tiny dwarfling, he’d had a horrifying night terror in which he’d gambled with Kíli’s life and lost . It had plagued him since, popping up in quiet moments, surprising him by squeezing the breath out of his lungs in unprecedented panic. The same image always leapt to his mind, of Kíli, pale as snow, his blood poured out around him. Like Frerin. Just like Frerin .
He’s found his thoughts drifting to his brother quite frequently on this journey. He wishes, beyond anything else in this world, that Frerin were at his side. He was so much better with Frerin. Would his brother’s presence have calmed him enough to negotiate a deal with Thranduil? Would his gentle, loving demeanor have tempered his ire?
But no, he had let Frein down ages ago. Let his blood spill on unholy dirt, until the light faded from his eyes.
He thinks of Dís, her sharp mind and quick wit. Had she been with him, she would have surely performed some sort of verbal gymnastics on Thranduil and charmed them out of their cells. She had always been so eloquent, so thoughtful. As children he had often envied her way with words; while he and Frerin stumbled over theirs, she had always sounded like a queen.
And he had let her down, too. Promised to care for her boys but led them on this damn quest, to these gods-forsaken cells.
He swallows thickly. He could not dwell on the past, or on horrors seen only in dreams that he would fight with every breath in his being to keep from coming to pass.
When they were free of this wretched place, he would explain it all to Kíli, explain why he had taken such an unfathomable risk, see to it that he understood that Thorin knew in his bones that Thranduil would not harm him. He would remind him that there was no treasure, no honor, nothing in this world that was worth more to him than Fíli and Kíli. Nothing .
He can only hope that Bilbo will be swift.
-----
He fiddles with his shirt hem, idly fingering along a tear, flicking the flap of it up and down as the sounds of the elven party drift through the corridor. It sounds downright raucous, much more so than the parties that Lord Elrond had hosted. Kíli admittedly didn’t know much about the different families of elves (which made him strangely grateful for the cells that separated them - Balin would chastise his ear off is he knew Kíli had forgotten his lessons), but he had to imagine that the Mirkwood elves were the most...un-elf-like of them all. Perhaps like how Kíli himself was decidedly un-dwarf-like.
He sighs, once again considering trying to fall asleep. He can hear snoring from somewhere, and he wonders who has already nodded off. Not Fíli, at least; he can hear his brother humming quietly. He wishes it were easier to talk with him, but he didn’t dare speak too loud and the music and laughter from the party would probably drown him out anyway.
The redheaded elf patrols by again, glancing into each of their cells as she walks by with quick, light steps. She had been the one who spared him from the spiders in the wood. It was probably proper to thank her, but that seemed senseless now that she was ensuring they stayed locked in their cells.
He also thought she looked quite sad, and he found himself wondering why. Perhaps because she was on patrol while the rest of the elves were celebrating. He tried not to dwell on it too much; for the moment, she was their enemy - an obstacle. Dwalin had warned him that his soft heart would be his undoing one day.
He pulls his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on them as he scans the hallway once more. Candlelight flickers off the walls, casting strange shadows. He focuses on Fíli’s soft humming, and closes his eyes.
Fíli’s humming stops. “You still awake, nadadith?” he asks, and though his voice is quiet somehow Kíli manages to hear it clear as day.
“Yea,” he murmurs in reply, scooting closer to the door of his cell. “Don’t think I could sleep with all this anyhow.”
“Such a light sleeper,” Fíli comments, and he can hear the smile in his voice. “One positive of the spiders was that Oin’s drought knocked me right out for a while.”
Kíli snorts. “I know. You’re heavy.” Fíli chuckles outright, and they lapse back into silence.
“I’ve been thinking a lot,” Fíli says after a while, his tone wistful. “Do you remember that autumn in Ered Luin when we snuck off from Dwalin? And built the fort?”
Kíli smiled. He did remember. They were young, much younger then, and they’d fancied themselves as fine explorers so they’d ‘snuck’ away (Dwalin had told him later that he’d known exactly where the lads were - they weren’t particularly stealthy in their youth), venturing to an outcropping of rocks with a large slate overhang, gathering sticks and stones to fashion their fire and other comforts, pretending they were regal princes of Ered Luin, sword fighting with the largest sticks they could find. They had played for hours, until the sun had begun to dip below the horizon, and Dwalin had come and feigned ire at their escape.
It was a good memory. He hadn’t thought on it in a long while.
“I came upon it on a patrol once,” Fíli says. “I went to look inside but there was a fox and her cubs. ‘Bout near scared me out of my skin.”
“I guess she’s the Lord of Ered Luin now,” Kíli says with a small laugh.
Fíli hums in agreement. Were they in different circumstances, he’d imagine his brother would be packing his pipe and settling in for the evening. Kíli finds himself longing for those simpler times, longing for the only home they’d ever known, wondering if he will ever be that content again. He tries instead to conjure up other happy memories of his childhood with his brother, willing away the loneliness he feels.
Fíli must sense his distress. Even though it was through a stone wall, he could still read Kíli like one of Balin’s books. “After this is all over, I want to go back some day,” he says, quietly. “And I suspect you do, too.”
Kíli swallows the lump in his throat. “Aye,” he manages. “I think I’d like that.”
His gaze focuses again on the flickering light of the hall, trying to make out shapes in the shadows that skirt along the wall. It must be his imagination, because the shadows suddenly move as if blown by the wind, a too-uniform wave passing through their movements. Kíli narrows his eyes, leaning forward to focus, wondering if there is some form of elvish magic at work, but the shadows resume their random dance as though nothing odd happened.
He relaxes, leaning back against the wall with a sigh.There’s the sound of a stone being kicked farther down the hall.
“Did you hear that?” Fíli asks, his voice a sharp whisper, and Kíli’s body snaps to alertness again.
“I thought I saw something move a second ago,” he confirms, hauling himself up to his knees and watching out his cell gate. He can make out voices down the hall, but nothing else.
“ Bilbo !” someone halfway shouts from down the hall, and he hears the sounds of a key opening a lock.
-----
“Come on, this way,” Bilbo whispers, sneaking down the corridor, looking around every corner to ensure they are unseen.
The dwarves follow, boots scraping along the stone floor. Since they’d been divested of their weapons and most of their affects they were much quieter than normal. Fortunate, that was.
“He’s leading us to the cellars!” Dwalin hisses, accusatory.
“You’re supposed to be leading us out, not farther down!” Bofur nearly shouts.
Bilbo whirls to face them. “Shh! I know what I’m doing. Trust me .” He leads them around a corner, where a number of large barrels sit empty. “Well?” Bilbo says, gesturing to the barrels. “Get in!”
“Are you mad?” Gloin replies. “They’ll find us!”
“No, they won’t. I promise ,” Bilbo assures them, turning pleading eyes to Thorin.
Fíli looks to his uncle, then to Kíli who stands uncertainly at his side. Bilbo has proven his worth many times over, and had already broken them free from their cells. What reason did they have not to trust him? Yet still...hiding in barrels in the elven wine cellar didn’t seem like the best of plans.
Thorin turns to the rest of the company. “Do as he says!”
At his command, they clamber into the barrels, the wound in his side stinging uncomfortably. Kíli casts him a worried glance. “I’m fine,” he assures him. Then, almost as an afterthought, he reaches forward, grasps the back of Kíli’s neck and presses their foreheads together. “I promise.”
“What do we do now?” Bofur asks, as all the dwarves turn to look at Bilbo.
The hobbit looks uncertain for a scant second. “Uh, hold your breath.”
The floor beneath them begins to creak, and suddenly their barrels are rolling, then falling, then splashing violently into the stream below. The shock of hitting water instead of solid ground forces the breath from his lungs and he sputters, trying to find balance as he bobs in the stream. Once he has his bearings he searches for his brother - frowning at the wide, terrified look in his brother’s eyes as he coughs some of the splashed water out of his lungs. After a deep, shuddering breath, Kíli’s face clears, and he catches Fíli’s gaze and gives him a reassuring nod.
There’s no shortage of shouting and coughing as the dwarves regain their composure. Ori and Bifur, caught off guard in their fall, had fallen out of their barrels, and it was no simple task to get them back inside as they bob about. From behind him, Fíli can hear Dwalin muttering something about useless hobbits and being drowned like criminals.
“Hold on!” Thorin shouts, reaching his arm out to grab Fíli’s barrel. “We must wait for Bilbo.” Taking his uncle’s cue, he reaches for the nearest barrel (Bofur’s, who for his part looks a bit like a drowned rat) and grasps it tightly. The dwarves work quickly to form a chain with their barrels, blocking the path forward in a makeshift dam, when the hobbit suddenly falls from the ceiling, plopping into the water, barrelless.
Once he comes up, sputtering for air, he swims to the nearest barrel, Nori’s, and hangs on for dear life.
“Well done Master Baggins,” Thorin laughs, sounding almost mirthful at this turn of events.
Bilbo waves them on, spitting water as he does. “They’re coming. Go .”
With that, they release their barrels and start paddling to gain speed. They careen down a waterfall, each of the dwarves (and poor Bilbo) clinging to their barrels, and they rise from the water to see that they’re now bathed in bright daylight. It’s a sharp contrast from the dark cells they’d resided in for who knows how long, and it takes Fíli’s eyes a moment to focus. He can see shapes rushing through the woods, when suddenly the elf-guard that had captured them in the woods springs forth, shouting something in elvish just before a horn sounds.
“No!” Thorin shouts from ahead, and he turns to see a gated bridge across the stream, and an elf standing atop it near a lever as a sluice begins to close.
Well, shit . He thinks. They’re weapons-less and, quite literally, sitting ducks. He desperately tries to form a plan, to come up with some way that they do not wind up back in the cells or dead . Thranduil didn’t strike him as a particularly merciful king.
“Watch out!” Bofur shouts, and he turns to see the elf that had stood atop the bridge falling into the water just in front of him, a jagged arrow lodged in his back.
Orcs . Of course the orcs have come.
Now that they have nowhere to go, the dwarves are seemingly forgotten by the elves as they shift their focus onto the orcs. The orcs, however, remain fixed on getting to Thorin, lunging onto their barrels with blades drawn. Fortunately, Bilbo produces a sword from somewhere , stabbing one, and Dwalin, brawny as ever, elbows another in the face, stealing it’s sword before it plops gracelessly into the water. Fíli manages to subdue another, grabbing its dagger.
He catches movement from the corner of his eye, and turns to see Kíli rushing up the ramp, completely unarmed, eyes fixed on the lever the elf had pulled before. Orcs rush toward him, and Fíli’s breath catches in his throat.
“Kíli!” Dwalin calls, lobbing the sword he’d snagged up to his brother. Kíli catches it easily, swinging it down to take out the orc in front of him, sending it splashing into the water below as Bofur reaches over to snag it’s weapon.
His brother continues up the stairs and across the bridge, slashing his way through. Another orc comes up behind him, spear poised to strike Kíli in the back, and Fíli hurls the dagger forward, sighing with relief when his aim rings true and the dagger lodges itself in the filth’s temple. The way is clear now, and Fíli feels a surge of adrenaline as Kíli nears the lever. They’re going to make it ; Kíli is going to open the gate and they’re going to get away -
Suddenly, Kíli lets out a strangled cry of pain and collapses to the ground, grasp coming just short of the lever, sword falling from his fingers and clattering to the ground beside him.. “Kíli!” he hears himself shout, fear welling up within him. From under the bridge, Thorin calls out his brother’s name as well, blind to the situation.
An orc leaps onto the bridge, sword drawn and prepared to bare down on Kíli, but an arrow abruptly skewers its head as more elves arrive. Distracted, the orcs switch their focus to the ambush, and Kíli manages to crawl up to his knees, gasping for breath. With a groan of pain, he throws his weight onto the level, pushing it down and opening the sluice, before collapsing once more.
“Kíli!” he shouts again, grabbing his brother’s empty barrel with one hand and trying to find purchase on the slippery rocks with the other. “Kíli, come on!” he calls again, voice breaking. “Please!” His hands are slipping on the rocks, his barrel is being pulled under the bridge by the rushing current, The other dwarves slip one by one down the small waterfall, into the rapids below.
Just as he’s certain he’s going to lose his grip on the rocks (and by extension, Kíli, because he knows without a doubt in his mind that if he’s left behind he’ll be captured and worse ), Kíli’s body falls from the bridge, landing roughly on top of his barrel, halfway into the water. He looks positively ashen, and Fíli’s heart sinks as he prays to any diety that will listen that the arrow wasn’t poisoned, that his brother will be okay .
“Hold on!” is all Fíli can say as his hand loses its grip on the rocks. Kíli manages to hoist himself back into his barrel, a rough shout of pain bursting from him, and they’re swept along the current with the rest of the dwarves, the orcs still in pursuit.
-----
“Mahal, Kíli,” Fíli breathes as he examines the wound, pulling the torn pieces of his trousers to get a better look. It was already so inflamed, and he couldn’t tell if the arrowhead was still inside or not. “Oin needs to take a look at this,” he says, immediately searching for their healer. “If it was poisoned, then -”
“Just bind it,” Kíli hisses, brow furrowed in pain. “We have to keep moving. You heard Thorin”
Fíli frowns at him, shaking his head. He cannot be serious ; there’s no way he would make it far with his leg wounded so badly.
“I’ll be fine,” Kíli says, looking him straight in the eye, which manages to reassure him, however smally. “We’re not safe here.” Fíli still hesitates, and his brother reaches for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Fíli tries to ignore how badly Kíli’s hand is shaking. “I promise to have Oin tend to it as soon as we can spare,” he adds.
Finally, Fíli nods and unceremoniously rips fabric from the hem of his shirt, dunking it into the river in a feeble attempt to clean it, before setting about tightly wrapping Kíli’s wound. His brother winces and grits his teeth as he works, driving Fíli’s own anxiety higher. He knows he will feel much better once Oin has a chance to properly tend to him. He can only hope, as he finishes up, that Kíli will be able to make it to safety. Frowning, he looks at his work. It’s a poor excuse for a bandage, even for a field dressing, but it will have to do. He doesn’t have another option.
“Come on,” he says, helping Kíli back to his feet. For the first few steps, his brother leans heavily on him, but after a moment he regains his footing well enough to walk on his own across the slippery rocks, with hardly a limp in his step as he goes to rejoin the others. Fíli frowns again; he knows how good Kíli is at hiding his hurts and knows that his brother is going to overdo it and wind up being in more agony farther down the line if he can’t get a proper dressing soon.
There’s a commotion from behind him, and Fíli whirls around to see a man, bow drawn and aimed at Ori and Dwalin, the latter brandishing a tree branch as a weapon.
Dwalin raises the branch, ready to fight, and an arrow strikes directly into it, right between his hands, in warning. “Do it again and you’re dead,” the man snaps, another arrow already drawn.
“Excuse me,” Balin calls, using his ‘diplomatic voice’ that Fíli has heard countless times before. He approaches the man with his arms raised. “You’re, uh, from Laketown, if I’m not mistaken?”
The man lowers his blow, casting a sidelong glance at Balin.
“That barge over there,” he continues, gesturing behind the man, where Fíli now sees the very tip of a boat, mostly hidden from their sight by the thick underbrush that lines the river. “It wouldn’t be available for hire , by any chance?”
-----
Dwalin keeps his eyes on the lads as they sail.
Fíli and Kíli are pressed shoulder to shoulder, their backs against the damaged barrels. He’d been worried about the lad since he saw the arrow pierce his leg - orc arrows were rarely free of poisons or filth that could take even the hardiest dwarf down in a matter of hours. Once they’d safely boarded the barge, Oin had tended to the wound and gave it a proper dressing. The arrowhead had still been lodged in his leg, but with steady hands and a sharp knife borrowed from the bowman, Oin had been able to remove it. The old healer had stated that he’d need a poultice to draw out any infection and to help with the pain, but the man - Bard , he remembers from Bilbo’s chastising - had none, so Kíli would have to make due until they were smuggled into Laketown.
Kíli was too pale, so much so that the darkness of his hair and the red smear of blood on his lip (he’d bitten it so hard to keep himself from screaming as Oin had removed the arrow) stood out in stark contrast. It made the dark circles under his eyes look worse. It made it look like he could slip from this world at any moment, despite Oin’s assurances that he would make it to Laketown.
It’s the cold, Dwalin tells himself, it’s just the cold that makes him look so pale.
The small blessing was that Kíli was asleep, that he was able to take this brief respite while his brother watched over him.
They’d come too close to losing him too many times on this quest. Dwalin had sworn to protect him, knew without a doubt that he would gladly die if it kept either of the lads safe, but every time he had been too far away or otherwise unable to help, unable to do anything other than watch . He wouldn’t be able to bear it if they lost one of them and Dwalin had done nothing .
He chews the inside of his cheek, keeping the lads in his periphery as he watches the lakeman. He doesn't trust him, doesn’t like that they’re stuck on a boat in the middle of frigid, foggy waters with him, doesn’t like that their survival may very well depend on him being true to his word. Something sits ill within him, like they’re walking into a trap, but with the other option being trying to beat orcs on the road, unarmed and without supplies, he knows they had no other choice.
Someone comes to his side, shoulder brushing his as they lean along the railing beside him. He doesn’t have to look to know that it is Thorin.
“How is he?” he asks, barely concealed concern in his voice.
Dwalin shrugs. “Not well, by any means,” he says, gaze shifting back to Kíli. “But, not getting worse.”
Thorin makes a small noise in the back of his throat in acknowledgement. “Do you think it knew?”
He does look at him then, eyebrow raised in confusion.
“Azog’s spawn,” Thorin clarifies. “Do you think it knew who he was? That he was my kin?” he adds in a whisper.
Dwalin shakes his head. “Think he was just trying to take out anyone that would’ve helped us escape,” he says. “Wouldn’ta mattered who it was.” He knows this fear, this old, horrible fear that Thorin had carried with him ever since Frerin had died. He couldn’t bear to lose anyone else for being associated with his line. It would almost certainly spiral Thorin into madness, and if it were Azog’s own spawn (for how else could the other pale orc have come to be?) that ended one of the lads...he could not fathom how Thorin would go on.
With a sigh, he looks for his brother, catches him with a gaggle of the company, counting coins to pay their way as Bard navigates them through the waters.
“How do we know he won’t betray us?” he finds himself asking, putting words to his fears in the confidence of his best friend.
Thorin frowns, a misted look in his eyes. “We don’t.”
Dwalin settles back with a huff, hating the answer but knowing Thorin is right all the same. There’s some squabbling between Gloin and his brother that he considers intervening on, but the fog thins ahead, and he finds himself awestruck instead. “Look,” he says softly, nudging Thorin’s arm. His eyes water on their own accord.
The Lonely Mountain sits on the horizon, closer than he’s seen it in an age.
-----
“You look like shit,” he says fondly as he tucks Kíli’s hair behind his ear.
Kíli scoffs in indignation at him, but he doesn’t argue. “I feel like shit.”
Fíli just smiles and wraps a blanket around his brother’s shoulders, sitting beside him on the settee, eyes fixed on the Lonely Mountain out the window. Kíli leans back into the plush cushion, turning himself the tiniest bit into his brother, just a tiny bit too close, as always. His leg is propped up on a footstool, at Oin’s request. Fíli lets his cheek rest on the top of his brother’s head, content.
They’d been welcomed into the home of the Master of Laketown (who, in Fíli’s humble opinion, looked more like a louse than the lord of a town, but men were much different than dwarves), and while the man had thrown them a rather uproarious party, Fíli and Kíli had taken their leave to rest. Oin had instructed Kíli to do so (and Thorin, too, though he need not say the words aloud) to give the poultice he’d packed the arrow wound with time to work. He’d worried that they’d perhaps taken too long, and that after being doused with river water, covered in fish guts, and crawling through a toilet the wound had likely become infected. So off he’d sent them, just after the party started, with a plate full of food and a mug of ale ( for Fíli only he had stressed) - and Fíli had felt Thorin’s eyes on them the entire time he’d helped his brother up the stairs to the rooms they’d been lent.
When Kíli had fallen in the armory, Fíli’s heart had stopped. He knew , the second he’d heard the loud clattering of weapons that it had been Kíli, the ache in his leg finally overcoming him. He had pushed it too far, given too much without resting, just as Fíli knew he would. He loops his arm around his brother’s shoulders, tugging him a bit closer still.
“How’s your side?” Kíli asks softly, sleepiness evident in his voice. He turns to press a kiss against his brother’s hair. Of course Kíli was still worried about him. Even with everything that had happened, even with the wound that Fíli knew was causing him pain. Kíli’s kindness never wavered
“Better,” he says, and Kíli hums in acknowledgement. His head seems to sink further into Fíli’s shoulder, blessedly cool forehead pressed against his neck.
From below, he can hear music, shouts and cheers. The merriment at the return of the Lord of Silver Fountains seems as though it will last long through the night, though Thorin had told the company that they would be leaving at first light.
“Tomorrow, we’ll be there,” Fíli murmurs softly as he gazes at the mountain, but Kíli doesn’t reply. He listens for a moment, pleased to hear his brother’s breathing deep and even with sleep. He presses another kiss to the crown of Kíli’s head. “Tomorrow we will finally see Erebor, nadadith.”
From his right, the door to the guest room they’d been lent for the night creaks open, sounds of the party spilling in, causing Kíli to stir slightly. He cranes his neck around to see Thorin sheepishly enter, closing the door behind himself with a quiet snick . He walks over to them, sitting gingerly on the edge of the settee before reaching out to card his hand through Kíli’s hair.
Fíli sees the fondness there, the raw emotion. It warms his heart - Thorin had been so focused on the quest, so in control for fear that their enemies would discover them as his heirs - he cannot remember the last time he had seen such tenderness from their uncle. He’d known to expect distance; Thorin had warned them that it was important to keep their relation to him a secret. He just hadn’t expected it to bother him as much as it did. Hadn’t expected it to hurt .
“How is he?” Thorin asks, his thumb tracing reverently over Kíli’s high cheekbone, as if committing his face to memory. Fíli frowns; what does Thorin know that he isn’t saying?
“He seems better,” Fíli admits. “I think the medicine is starting to take.”
Thorin smiles at him before reaching over to cup Fíli’s cheek, before dropping his hand to squeeze the nape of his neck.
“Talk to me, Uncle,” Fíli says quietly. “What troubles you?”
Thorin sighs, drawing away from the lads to stand by the window, eyes on the mountain. Fíli hates it a little because he can no longer see Thorin’s face, but he knows good and well that that’s probably the reason he stood in the first place. He almost wants to join him, just so he can see his face and read him better, but he doesn’t dare leave from where Kíli is tucked safely into his side.
“I’ve not been this close since...since we fled,” he says softly. “It’s made me sentimental, I suppose.” Thorin runs a hand through his beard. “I fear what we will encounter when we reach the mountain. I fear what will happen if we awaken Smaug. I fear...everything all at once, I suppose.”
Fíli can hear the barely restrained emotion in his voice. “So do I,” he admits just as quietly. “But I’m also…” he frowns, trying to decide on the right word. “Excited? Anxious? I don’t know. You’ve told us about Erebor our whole lives. It feels surreal that tomorrow...that we’ll be there.”
Thorin stiffins, almost imperceptibly, but he catches it nonetheless. “I hope it does not disappoint you,” he says after a long stretch of silence.
“I doubt it could,” Fíli says quietly. “Even after years of Smaug’s squatting, I’m certain it will be grander than anything we’ve seen before.”
Thorin turns back to him and smiles softly. “I cannot wait to show it to you.” He hears so much in his voice - pride, worry, fear, love - and it fills Fíli with an emotion he cannot quite identify. “But you should rest,” he says as he comes back toward him, bending down to press their foreheads together.
Fíli nods. “You should, too,” he says, an amused smile coming to his lips. “Can’t stay up partying all night.”
“Know that I love you,” Thorin says softly, not playing into his joke. “The both of you. More than anything in this world.” There are tears in his eyes when he pulls away, and Fíli has to swallow the lump in his throat, blinking back his own tears.
“We know, Uncle,” he asserts with a shaking voice. “Kíli adores you. I love you. Always.”
The corner of Thorin’s mouth quirps upward, in the barest hint of a smile. “It is more than I deserve.”
-----
He’s wrestled with this decision for days, though it felt like years.
Ever since his youngest nephew had been struck by the orc filth’s arrow, he’s wondered if he should send him home, or have him wait here, with these wretched men in Laketown. He doesn’t want to. Kíli is, for all intents and purposes and lineage aside, his son . They both are. He’s been with them since they were babes, he’s promised them Erebor since before they even knew what it meant.
They still didn’t know what it meant.
It meant no more rumbling stomachs, no more scrimping and saving, no more threadbare clothes, no more disdain from elves and men. It meant the end of the suffering of their people, the dawn of a new age. It meant peace and happiness in their lives for all the rest of their days. It meant everything to him because it meant he could finally, finally give everything to them . Everything they’d craved, everything they’d deserved…everything .
And they’ve come so far, they’ve conquered so much, and it seems such a shame to send him away when they are but in the shadow of the mountain.
But time is not on his side. If he is to give them all he desires, he must be swift.
And when Kíli makes to step onto the boat, horrible limp still evident in his step, his decision is made. He had hoped Oin’s cures would have had more of an effect, that the solid night’s rest would somehow make him strong enough to complete this last, precious leg of the journey.
But it hadn’t, in his heart he’d always known it wouldn’t. It had been a foolish hope.
“Not you,” he murmurs as he reaches out an arm to stop him. Kíli’s face twists into something that is a terrible cross of hurt and shame and fear, and Thorin knows he must school his features and stay impassive. He cannot let these men see him break. He cannot let them know what his nephews mean to him. They could use it as a weapon against him, and he will not have it.
“We must travel at speed,” he elaborates when he feels many eyes fall to him. “You will slow us down.”
Kíli looks up at him, disbelief clouding his face as he tries to manage a smile, to pretend that this is just a joke.. “What?” he murmurs, gaze flickering just quickly to where Fíli stands behind his uncle. “What are you talking about? I’m…I’m coming with you.”
Thorin can see the pallor in his face, the dark circles under his eyes. Kíli is still clearly not well. It would be reckless to bring him, he reasons with himself.
Thorin gives the barest shake of his head and resolutely ignores the tiny whimper of desperation that escapes Kíli’s throat. He has to do this. He has to keep him safe and win back the mountain. He has to do this. For them .
“I’m going to be there when that door is opened, when we first look upon the halls of our fathers,” he implores. “Thorin…”
He knows Kíli cannot possibly understand why he is doing this, knows he should have done this earlier, should have prepared him, should have explained . But he didn’t. He was a coward, had seen Kíli asleep the night before when he went to speak his mind, and had lost his nerve. With a sigh, he reaches to cup the back of Kíli’s head, pulling their foreheads as close as he dares.
He cannot let them know how much Kíli means to him.
“Kíli,” he murmurs, fixing him with a gaze that he hopes will explain everything. “Stay here. Rest . Join us when you are healed.” Kíli has always been better at reading him than anyone.
Kíli’s eyes search him again, desperate. Thorin’s heart breaks; he doesn’t understand.
Kíli shakes his head, breath coming out in a staggering huff, and a barely whispered ‘Uncle…’ reaches his ears. For a moment he’s terrified that he’ll cave, that he won’t let Kíli go , but Óin comes to his rescue, saying that he’ll stay with the lad. It eases his heart greatly to know that Kíli will not be alone here, that he will be in good hands between Óin and Bofur, if he ever chooses to come round again. He watches as his cousin leads his nephew away, heart feeling leaden in his chest.
When he turns back to the company, he’s met with Fíli’s furious face, nearly cringes when he sees the betrayal shining in the depths of his cerulean eyes. “Uncle,” he murmurs the damning word, but thankfully none of the men seem to hear it. “We grew up on tales of the mountain. Tales you told us. You cannot take that away from him!”
He is hurt, his tone accusing, and Thorin has to focus to keep his face neutral and impassive. “Fíli,” he starts, trying to find the right words to explain himself, but his nephew doesn’t give him the chance.
“I will carry him if I must!” he declares, and in it Thorin hears the silent ‘Uncle, please!’ , but he resolutely ignores it. They’ll be angry at him now, hurt because of him now, but he’ll make it up to them. He’ll win back the mountain. He’ll give them everything that he couldn’t for the entirety of their lives.
“One day you will be King and you will understand,” he says.
You will understand why I have to do this. It’s for both you , he means.
“I cannot risk the fate of this quest for the sake of one dwarf – not even my own kin,” he explains, in nothing more than a hushed whisper.
I cannot risk losing him, losing the mountain, not when I’ve come this far to reclaim it for you…for all of us , he means.
Fíli’s face is filled with disbelief and fierce determination, and Thorin knows what he means to do before he even moves his feet. He reaches out quickly, grabs his arm.
“Fíli, don’t be a fool,” he half-begs. “You belong with the company.”
You belong with me. I am doing this for you . I need you by my side , he means.
“I belong with my brother ,” his heir all but snarls as he wrenches his arm free.
With a heavy sigh, Thorin watches him leave the boat. He cannot blame him. He wants Fíli to stay with him, knows that he will feel better and stronger if he has at least one of them by his side, but he can’t stop him. He won’t stop him.
He turns back to the company, desperately ignores with worried glances, particularly the one Dwalin aims at him, and gives the nod for them to depart. He doesn’t look back, cannot look back, because if he does he will break. Time is not on their side, and if he is to do this, if he is to do this for them , then he must be swift.
Dwalin slides close enough to him so that their shoulders are pressed closely together to give him strength. He knows he needs it. He has to see this through, and when he does everything will be alright in the end. He will be able to give them everything.
He can do this.
He’ll do it for them.
-----
This is how it ends for him, he thinks. He cannot see a way that his brother survives this day.
They are back at Bard’s home, having been turned away everywhere else when Kíli took a turn for the worse. He’d practically fainted, then spiked a deliriously high temperature that had startled even Oin. When he’d peeled away the bandage the healer hadn’t been able to hide his gasp of surprise. In a matter of hours the wound had festered, turning black around the edges.
“It was poison,” Oin had hissed under his breath as Bofur and Fíli had supported Kíli’s deadweight. “Slow acting, very deadly... damn those creatures.”
Deadly . When Oin had uttered that word Fíli felt as if part of his soul had left his body. It took every ounce of his strength to remain calm ( for Kíli , he would constantly remind himself - in his fleeting moments of lucidity he was completely terrified, and Fíli vowed that he would not make his terror worse). It helps that Oin has taken control, that he is barking orders at him, giving him something to do , a task to focus on.
“Get him up on the table,” Oin commands. Bard makes a sound as if to protest, but he clears the table nonetheless, sending dishes and bowls clattering to the floor, making space for Kíli. Fíli stays by his head, knelt on the ground, trying to talk his brother through what is happening, though he has no idea if Kíli can hear him or not. One of Bard’s girls brings in a cloth and a basin of cool water.
“Can you not do something?” Fíli asks frantically as Kíli’s form seizes once again. He is burning hot; even pressing the cool rag to his forehead seems to do nothing.
“I need something to bring down his fever,” Oin calls over his shoulder, to Bard, as he cuts Kíli’s pant leg off and removes the latest bandage, face stricken. Fíli can’t make out what the bowman says in reply. “No, no; those are no use to me. They won’t stop the poison. Do you have any kingsfoil?”
“No; it’s a weed,” Bard says as he presents Oin with his own bowl of hot water and some cloths. The healer immediately starts clearing out the wound, causing Kíli to groan in agony once more. “We feed it to the pigs.”
“Pigs?” Bofur says, jumping up from Kíli’s other side. “I’ll find it,” he says. He fixes Fíli with a comforting look. “I’ll find it, laddie.” He reaches for Kíli’s hand and squeezes it. “Hold on for me, yea?”
Bard’s daughter comes to kneel beside him, placing another basin of cool water beside him, then wetting her own rag and wiping it along Kíli’s face. Sigrid , her name pops into his mind again. He nods at her in gratitude. Sigrid gives him a soft, small smile, and reaches out to squeeze his arm.
Kíli lets out a pitiful, gasping wail as he arches his back against the pain. Fíli can’t take it; the tears spill freely from his eyes now as he presses his forehead to Kíli’s too-hot temple. “Hold on, nadadith,” he whispers, voice tight. “Just hold on for me, yea? Bofur will be back. We’re going to fix this. I just need you to hold on. Please,” he adds, his voice breaking on the last word as he hopes beyond hope that Kíli can hear him.
Suddenly, the ground around them shakes violently. Fíli’s stomach sinks into his boots.
“It’s coming from the mountain,” Bard’s son says, just as the room rumbles once more.
Fíli’s eyes find Bard’s. “You should leave us. Take your children and go; get out of here!”
“And go where?” Bard says, clearly distraught as he takes in each of his children.
“Are we going to die, Da?” the littlest one asks, and Fíli fears that they will . “Is the dragon going to kill us?”
“No darling,” Bard says, quickly striding over to their kitchen and yanking something free from a hanging rack. Fíli bites back a gasp of surprise; a black arrow. Ammunition for a wind-lance. “I’m going to kill it first.”
-----
“What about Bilbo?” Ori asks, a slightly panicked tone in his voice. It seemed like everything was going well enough, but then the ground had trembled beneath them.
Smaug was awake. There was no denying it. Any hope that Thorin had held that the blasted worm had perished and died within the mountain wafted away like smoke.
“Give him more time,” he says finally, eyes anxiously watching the door. He trusted Bilbo; he knew the hobbit would not let him down, knew that he would find the Arkenstone and return it to him.
“Time for what?” Balin scoffs. “To be killed?”
“You’re afraid,” Thorin acuses, crossing his arms over his chest and staring his old friend down. They need the Arkenstone; Balin needs to trust him.
“Yes, I’m afraid,” Balin retorts. “I’m afraid for you .”
Thorin takes a step back, leveling Balin with a glare.
“A sickness lies upon that treasure horde, Thorin,” he needlessly reminds him. “A sickness that drove your grandfather mad .”
“I am not my grandfather,” Thorin hisses, ire rising up within him. He knows , he knows the tragedy that had befallen his grandfather because he had watched it happen, helplessly on the sidelines. Stuck to do nothing while Thror withered into a shell of himself. He would not go down the same path. He would fight, tooth and nail, to keep that from happening.
“You are not yourself!” Balin continues. “The Thorin I know would not hesitate to go in there and -”
“I cannot risk the fate of this quest for one burgular,” Thorin interrupts, hoping that he sounds practical.
“ Bilbo ,” Balin hisses. “His name is Bilbo. Or have you forgotten?”
Thorin frowns, eyes drifting to Laketown, to Fíli and Kíli. The ground rumbles lightly beneath them once more. “What would you have me do?” he says quietly. “What would you have me do to stand against this worm who has taken everything from me.? I cannot hope to triumph against Smaug.”
Balin’s face softens. “It seems that you are also afraid, my dear friend.”
Thorin says nothing, but his gaze shifts back to the stone door. He knows that Balin is right , he cannot leave Bilbo to fend for himself. But still, he cannot make himself move to venture into the halls. He cannot face Smaug again, not without a plan to defeat him. But if Bilbo can get the Arkenstone, he can rally the dwarf kingdoms, they could form an army and stand a chance at killing that beast…
“We have to do something , Thorin,” Balin says again. “We would not have made it this far without him. We cannot leave him to face the dragon alone.”
It shakes him to his core, but Thorin nods.
-----
Kíli has gone positively ashen. His cries have weakened; he has started murmuring nonsense. Fíli can do little more than stroke his brother’s hair from his sweaty face, than whisper empty reassurances. There’s nothing they can do unless Bofur can find the kingsfoil. Nothing.
Kíli will die here, and he probably will too, judging by the ever increasing rumbles coming from the mountain.
A cold resignation settles over him. He presses a kiss to his brother’s sweaty temple, suddenly grateful for the evening they’d had the night prior, when everything had seemed so simple, so much like when they were children. He’d felt safe. Happy. He’d felt like they were going to make it to Erebor, to live out their destiny, but it had all gone wrong.
How had it all gone so wrong so quickly?
There’s a clunk on the roof, drawing Sigrid’s attention. “Da?” she calls, peeking out the door. When she receives no response, she shrugs and turns back into the house, when an orc suddenly lands on the balcony behind her. With a scream, she tries to slam the door shut, but the orc stops the door with his sword.
Sigrid’s scream snaps them all to attention, even Kíli, who struggles to get to his feet, bleary eyes trying to focus on the situation at hand. “Kíli, get down ,” he hisses, pushing his brother behind him onto a nearby settee as the orc forces its way in.
A second orc crashes through the ceiling. Oin is grabbing anything within reach and chucking them at the orcs - starting with the plates. Bain gets his sisters under the table, blocking them from the orcs with the bench as Fíli grabs the pike hook Bard had fashioned for them and throws it with a snarl, finding a sick sort of satisfaction as it finds its mark in the orc’s throat.
More orcs crash through the ceiling, and he hears Kíli cry out in pain behind him. One of the orcs has him by his wounded leg, dragging him off of the settee, and Fíli sees red. He spies a knife on the floor and grabs it, hurling it with deadly accuracy, freeing his brother, who crashes to the ground with a whimper. Fíli has enough sense about him to grab the sword from the creature before turning to face the onslaught.
Just as suddenly, two elves come crashing through the roof, quickly getting to work on the orcs. He recognizes them from Thraduil’s halls - the blond he thinks was the elven king’s son, and the redhead had been the one patrolling the hall with their cells. The orcs must have continued following them, seeking Thorin, and the elves were clearly still hunting the orcs.
Fíli grabs Bain, shoving him down as another one of the orcs rushes at him, giving him space to slay the beast. It only takes a few moments for them to dispel the orcs - the elves are deadly accurate with their blows. There’s shouting in black speech from outside, and the remaining orcs flee from the house, leaving it a chaotic wreck. Fíli pants heavily, eyes scanning the small abode once again to make sure they are safe.
“Are you alright?” the redheaded elf asks the children as she helps them to their feet.
“You killed them all,” Bain murmurs in amazement.
Oin pushes past him, rushing back to Kíli’s side. His brother is struggling to breathe, his whole body hitching as he tries to take in air. “We’re losing him!” the healer shouts.
“What happened?” he hears the elf ask from behind him, but he can barely make it out over the blood rushing in his ears. They’re losing him.
“Please, Kee,” he begs, sinking to his knees beside his brother, a sob forming in his throat. “Please don’t leave me here alone. Please .”
“I found it!” Bofur shouts, bursting back into the home. “What in the blazes happened here?”
Fíli turns to look at him, tears streaking his face. “You found it?” he asks, numbly. Bofur holds up his hand, the plant clutched in it.
“He’s too far gone,” Oin says sadly. “I don’t know what to do.” Fíli chokes on a sob.
“I do,” the redheaded elf says, eyes switching between Kíli and the kingsfoil in Bofur’s hand.
“Tauriel,” the prince says. “We must go. We’re losing the pack.”
She shakes her head. “I’m going to save him,” she says. “Get him up on the table. I need hot water,” she says, looking at Sigrid and Tilda.
Fíli feels something akin to hope blossoming in his chest as they gather Kíli’s limp form and settle him back onto the table. He has heard the stories of elvish healing magic; he prays to Mahal that it will be enough to save Kíli. His brother is mumbling deliriously again, skin so pale that, were he not drawing in breath, Fíli would think he was dead.
He watches as the elf washes the herbs, hands deftly shredding the leaves and creating a poultice. “Hold him down,” she says, eyes fixing onto Fíli with something akin to sympathy. Fíli grabs his brother’s shoulders and Bofur takes his ankles, pressing them to the table as he tries to ignore the whimper of protest that slips past his brother’s lips.
The elf begins chanting in a language he does not recognize, before she presses the poultice into the wound, and Kíli screams. Fíli struggles to keep him still, even as Oin and Bard’s children come to help. Kíli thrashes, but the elf holds steady, keeping the poultice pressed to his wound as she recites the healing magic. After a moment, Kíli takes a heaving breath and his thrashing calms, glassy eyes staring sightlessly at the roof.
“Kíli,” he murmurs, relinquishing his hold on his brother’s shoulders and pushing his sweaty hair from his face.
The elf’s chanting ceases, and she pulls the poultice away from the wound. Fíli gasps aloud - the festering blackness of the wound has vanished, and it looks tremendously better already. He can hardly believe it.
“I’ve heard tell of the wonders of elvish medicine,” Oin says, sounding just as awed as Fíli feels. “That was a privilege to witness.”
“Burn this,” the elf says as she hands the poultice to Bofur, who obediently tosses it into the fire. “He needs rest, though I fear it will be a while before he can have it,” she says softly as she sets about binding Kíli’s leg with a clean bandage. “The poison is gone, but his body is weak.”
Fíli can hardly find the words to speak. He presses his forehead to Kíli’s temple, breathing a deep sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he manages finally.
“He is precious to you,” the elf observes, a small smile on her face as she finishes Kíli’s binding.
“He’s my brother,” Fíli whispers. “My only family.”
She squeezes his shoulder as she stands. “I thought as much,” she admits. “You looked after one another in Mirkwood. With the spiders.”
The ground rumbles around them. Fíli closes his eyes. Have they saved him only to perish in dragonfire?
“You have to leave,” she says, speaking to all of them now. “There is no time!”
Bain hesitates. “We cannot leave without our Da,” he says, but even as he speaks the ground rumbles again, shaking debris loose from their damaged roof.
Tauriel frowns. “If you stay here, you and your sister will die. Is that what your father would want?” Bain blinks quickly, eyes shining when he finally shakes his head, looking to his sisters sadly.
Fíli and Bofur work to get Kíli to his feet. His brother is slowly coming back to himself, his eyes clearing, but he’s far too weak to walk on his own. “Fee,” he mumbles softly, his head lolling onto Fíli’s shoulder as they right him.
“Don’t worry; I’ve got you.” he promises, pressing a kiss to Kíli’s temple. Bofur helps Fíli get his brother onto his back, keeping the weight off of his leg.
Oin and Bard’s children gather some provisions as Fíli and Bofur make their way down the stairs to the dock. It is slow work; Fíli is careful not to jostle his brother and Bofur works to ensure he maintains his balance as they navigate the steps. He is just getting Kíli situated at the back of the boat, propping his wounded leg up on the side, when the others rejoin them.
A horrible tremor shakes the ground, sending waves sloshing through the lake. In the distance, they hear the shriek of a dragon. Fíli locks eyes with his brother.
Smaug is coming.
-----
No. No, no, no, no, no .
Bilbo stammers to his feet, chasing after where Smaug had fled, the other dwarves clambering behind him. He can hardly breathe. How had this happened? Thorin’s plan had been so good , he was so certain that it would work to subdue Smaug, but now ...now thousands of innocents were now in Smaug’s path. Because of them. Because of him .
They can do little more than watch when Smaug unleashes his flames upon Laketown.
-----
AN - So it looks like I’ll be rounding this bad boy out at 30 chapters. Next chapter will be pre-BOTFA focused, 29 will be BOTFA, and 30 will be the end. I’m sad and anxious and excited all at the same time.
Anyway, as always thank you so much for reading this little story that has occupied so much of my life at this point. It means the world.
Update: Greater Than Gold
AN: Oh, man, this has been an emotional journey. This part sees us through to Mirkwood.
I’m so sorry for the choppy feel of the last chapter. Rereading where I separate things (because it seemed like Rivendell was a good place to rest) I was really unhappy with how it came out. Hopefully this chapter helps to fill in some of those gaps. It also doesn’t help that I’ve written the quest over a span of about 4 years, and I can see how my writing style has changed with time.
Warnings: Violence, some swearing (I think?).
Also on FF.net and AO3
Chapter 26: Eighty-Three and Seventy-Seven - Part 2
Word Count (chapter): 10321
He tries in vain to free himself, but his vambrace is fully entertwined with Minty’s reigns. Blindly, he feels for the knife in his boot, relief washing over him once he grasps the solid wood of the handle. He stretches his other arm and begins to cut himself free, when suddenly he’s dunked into icy cold water. It rushes into his mouth and lungs, stunning him.
Minty rears up in panic, pulling his head above water and giving him a blessed moment to sputter the water from his lungs and breathe, but it is gone all too soon; he’s plunged under again. Dimly, he realizes that he’s dropped his knife, and panic seizes his chest. He prays to any god that will listen that Minty will rear up again, that he’ll be able to breathe. That she’ll cross to the other side of the stream and will be too exhausted to carry on.
His lungs burn. Desperately, he tugs at his arm. He cannot die like this - who will protect Fíli and Thorin if he dies like this? This stupid stroke of absolute misfortune.
Abruptly, he feels himself yanked away from the pony by the rushing current - his arm is freed! He tries to swim in the direction he thinks is upward. it’s so dark, everything is bathed in shadow and the water rushes too strongly for him to make out any features of the riverbed. It is a loss; the current is too strong and drags him down, down, down. His lungs burn. His arms feel heavy and leadden. No, no; not like this.
Then his head slams onto something hard and he knows no more.
Kíli wakes with a shout, sitting up so suddenly that it takes his mind a moment to process what he sees. He takes several deep breaths (Mahal, he hadn’t realized how wonderful it was just to breathe) and focuses on his surroundings. The white bedding, the soft light filtering in through the window. The solid weight of the body he’s leaned in against, the strong arms wrapped around him. The gentle voice in his ear, reminding him to breathe.
Thorin’s voice.
Kíli looks up at him, confusion plain on his features.
“I heard you shout; you were thrashing in your sleep,” he explains, before gently parting his hair to check the still-healing wound. Kíli hisses in pain when he does, but Thorin makes a satisfied noise in his throat. “It’s healing well; still swollen, but the wound has sealed.”
Then Thorin’s comforting warmth is gone, and he turns to see his uncle pouring a cup of water for him. He sluggishly pushes himself up the rest of the way to sit and takes the offered cup, grateful. Still, he avoids Thorin’s knowing, concerned stare. He doesn’t want to talk about his nightmare, doesn’t want to voice his worries aloud. Thorin has enough on his mind already, and Kíli is supposed to be here to help ease his burdens, not add to them.
“I am sorry,” Thorin says finally, reaching up to tuck Kíli’s hair behind his ear. “I have been preoccupied with planning; I hadn’t checked to see if you were well.”
Kíli shakes his head. “It’s fine,” he murmurs, finally looking up to reach Thorin’s eyes. He frowns; his uncle is a wreck. “Are you well?” he asks uncertainly, not sure if he is overstepping his bounds.
Thorin sighs and looks down at his hands. “I worry for the company,” he says simply. For you, he means, and Kíli hears it plain as day. “The journey grows harder still from here, and we’ve encountered more...misadventures already than I had anticipated.” Already, his uncle looks as though he has aged a decade - the worry lines creasing his brow and crinkling the corners of his eyes, the growing streaks of silver in his hair.
He can think of no comforting words to say, so Kíli reaches for Thorin’s hands and squeezes, mind wandering to a conversation that seemed ages ago now, after the trolls.
-
Kíli felt his anger bubbling. “Reckless?!” he parroted in a hissed whisper. Thorin had pulled him aside while the others had ventured to the troll hoard, scolding him for how he had nearly gotten the entire company killed. “What was I supposed to do; leave Bilbo to his death after they’d seen him?”
Thorin pinched the bridge of his nose. “You owe no oath to the hobbit…” he’d started.
“So unless it is Fíli, you want me to sit idly by and let others in this company die?” Kíli snapped. He didn’t understand why Thorin was so cross with him. He’d kept an eye on Bilbo while Fíli went to alert the company. He hadn’t engaged until he heard them coming, known for certain that he had backup. It wasn’t his fault that the trolls were prepared with a plan to catch them. And it was precisely because they’d saved Bilbo that the hobbit had been able to play for time and spare them all. He had been anything but reckless, and it incised him to be characterised as so.
He was fully ready to give Thorin a piece of his mind, proper for him to talk back to his uncle or not, but he’d stopped short when he saw the sheen of tears in Thorin’s eyes. His anger dissipated almost instantly. He knew how strong Thorin’s emotions had to be for them to show on his face.
When Thorin saw that his ire had calmed, he had gathered Kíli into a tight embrace. “You know that’s not what I mean,” he’d said, words muffled gently by Kíli’s hair. He could hear the thickness in his uncle’s voice. “We are barely into our journey and I’ve already almost lost you.”
He broke on the last word, and Kíli softened, twining his arms around Thorin. “You’re not gonna lose me,” he’d said, even though he himself knew it was nothing he can promise. And Thorin knew it, too; he tugged Kíli closer still, pressed his face into his neck.
“I’m sorry,” Thorin had murmured as he pulled back, pressing their foreheads together. “I was afraid.”
-
He was still afraid, and it tugged at Kíli’s heart, though he knew there was nothing he could really do to ease his uncle’s fears, short of seeing them all the way through to Erebor unharmed. For the most part he had been careful, he had thought through his actions before engaging. He was sticking to his promise, as well as he could. And he would continue to do so. There was too much at stake, and he refused to let his brother and uncle down. He squeezes Thorin’s hand again, then leans over to touch their foreheads together.
“I had half a mind to send the two of you home from here,” he admits with a soft chuckle. “Though I know you never would.”
Kíli smiles. “Of course not,” he admits. “We’re in this together, remember?”
“Yes,” Thorin agrees, reaching a hand up to squeeze the back of his neck, a silent thanks for Kíli’s comfort. “Together.”
-----
Fíli sat by the stream, eyes raking in the beautiful vistas of the elves’ valley, taking it all in, knowing they will depart soon.
Their rest at Rivendell had greatly improved the mood of the company. Even Thorin, who had never been shy about his distrust of elves, had grown fond of Lord Elrond, for he had offered them housing, and food, and supplies for their coming journey into the mountains. For his part, Fíli had been grateful for the soft bedding under his head each night, the comforting warmth of Kíli sleeping soundly next to him, the security of knowing the borders of Rivendell were well guarded.
He had pretended not to notice the growing darkness in Kíli’s eyes. He knew the quest was taking a heavy toll on his brother - that it had forced him to grow up much faster than Fíli had even anticipated. Kíli worried far too much about fulfilling the expectations of his role as Thorin’s spare. He could see that it haunted him, followed him always; after every mishap they’d encountered the darkness grew. After he’d nearly drowned...Fíli shuddered. They were fortunate to have the hobbit with them. Oin could have been too late to get him breathing again, and then….
He feels the chill of the water seep into his bones again. He wraps his arms around himself, rubbing his arms to feel warmth, even as he sits in the bright sun.
“You alright?” Kíli asks, and he jumps, snapping out of his thoughts. “Sorry; didn’t mean to startle you,” he says, plopping down next to him, knocking their shoulders together with a tone that is anything but apologetic. It reminds him of before.
Fíli smiles, glad to see his brother in higher spirits. “What’s gotten you in such a mood?”
Kíli just smiles, eyes raking in the scenery. “It’s a good day,” he says after a moment.
Fíli reaches into his pocket for his pipe, sneaking a glance at his brother. He’s struck suddenly with a memory of their father on a similar summer day, the sun making his eyes glow a honey brown. They had been out for a walk - Fíli’s mother had been nesting, Da had called it - and she had grown tired of him being underfoot. They had been galavanting around the woods, Fíli pretending to slay his father, who amiably played along, laughing and smiling. It was one of the last warm days before autumn, before the winter that came all too fast and harsh and changed everything. It was one of the last memories he had of his father.
He smiles softly as he finishes packing his pipe and lighting it. His brother shifts beside him, and he turns to regard him, raising an eyebrow in question at the lopsided smile Kíli wears, eyes shining with something close to mischief.
“What?” he asks, puffing on his pipe. Kíli’s smile grows wider.
“Have you forgotten?” he asks.
Fíli frowns, wracking his brain. What could he have forgotten? He searches Kíli’s face for the answer, but only sees his mirthful expression. He looks so much like he did when they were children; he can’t see a trace of the darkness that had been there just this morning. He can’t for the life of him remember what he’s forgotten, but it doesn’t matter; it lightens his heart to see Kíli this way.
From his pocket, Kíli produces something wrapped in cloth and presses it into his hands. Setting his pipe down, Fíli unwraps it, grinning when he reveals the apple scone inside.
“Happy birthday,” Kíli murmurs, soft, fond smile on his face.
He had forgotten. The days on the road had started to stretch together; he truly had no idea what day it was. But Kíli must have been keeping track; of course he had been. Oh, Kíli, his sweet little brother, who remembered his birthday and had cared enough to see to it that he had his favorite treat. “Thank you,” he says quietly, breaking off a piece of the scone and taking a bite, savoring the flavors.
“I know it’s not much,” he starts.
“It’s perfect,” Fíli murmurs, knocking their foreheads together. “Thank you, nadadith.” He breaks off another piece and offers it to his brother, which Kíli happily accepts. They sit in companionable silence while Fíli munches on his treat. Eventually Kíli’s head rests on his shoulder; his brother has pilfered his pipe while he eats, but he doesn’t mind. The scent of the pipeweed makes the moment sweeter. It feels like they’re home.
He’s had many birthdays like this, lazy, just the two of them. Kíli thoughtfully gifting him with a treat or something that he’s crafted - one year it was vambraces, another a knife with an ornately carved handle that stays tucked in his overcoat, close to his heart. But he thinks, with Kíli pressed warmly against his side and his eyes roving the unfamiliar, but no less beautiful, landscape that this one might be his favorite.
It all feels so peaceful and right. He doesn’t want the moment to end; it’s the happiest he’s felt in an age. And he knows that soon, too soon, this moment will be nothing more than a memory, that they’ll be on the road once more, that the darkness will return to Kíli’s eyes. That this could very well be the last birthday he spends with a thoughtful gift and his brother pressed too close (always too close, but Fíli wouldn’t trade it for anything).
He forces his darker thoughts away, tilts his head so that his cheek is pressed against Kíli’s hair. Just breathes.
“I love you, you know,” he says finally, and he does. His brother is more precious to him than anyone or anything else in this world. He doesn’t say it often enough, he’s sure, and he knows that Kíli knows this, but he needs the words to be said, needs for Kíli to hear them. Just one more time. Just in case.
Kíli snorts out a laugh. “‘Course I know,” he says, but the affection is clear in his voice, and Fíli lets that warmth wash over him, closing his eyes to commit the moment to memory. Tucking it in next to the ones of his father, of his mother, of home.
Kíli presses just a little bit closer.
“Love you, too, nadad.”
-----
He hates thunderstorms, always has. Fíli keeps a reassuring hand on his back as they stumble their way up the mountain, rain pelting them relentlessly as strikes of lightning flash across the sky, thunder booming so loudly that it feels like the mountain itself will crumble.
His thoughts drift to his father, who still lay buried beneath a crumbled mountain, and he chokes on a sob, loses his footing and stumbles to his knees.
Fíli is there in an instant, helping pull him back to his feet. He touches their foreheads together tenderly, because he knows. Fíli knows how terrified he is, knows because for all of their life thunderstorms had sent Kíli crawling into his arms, a shaking, trembling mess.
There’s shouting from ahead of them, and he looks up to see a huge boulder flying through the air, smashing into the mountain above, sending everything violently shaking around them, raining shards that crash onto the path they're on. Kíli’s arms reach out on instinct, pressing his brother flat against the face of the mountain as the edges of the path break away and fall into the chasm below.
“It’s a thunder battle!” Balin yells, just as a massive stone giant comes into sight.
His heart leaps into his throat. Kíli suddenly can’t begin to imagine how they survive this day as another boulder careens through the air, smashing into a nearby mountain and revealing another stone giant.
“Grab my hand,” Fíli shouts as the world violently quakes around them. “Kíli!”
He reaches for him, but the ground lurches forward abruptly and his foot is no longer on solid ground. Their fingers brush for a scant second, before Fíli is pulled away from him. Or Kíli is the one being pulled. He isn’t entirely sure what is happening; it takes all of his concentration to keep his hands grasped on the wet stone as the world pitches wildly around him. He’s close to the edge and his foot keeps slipping off. They’re going higher, higher, and he finally realizes with horror that the ledge they’d just been on is really one of the stone giants, rising to join the fight.
Frantically, he looks for Fíli, feeling panic well up in his throat as he realizes that they’re on opposite legs of the giant. “Fíli!” he shouts, but the giant shifts its position, causing his foot to slide again, and he’s scrambling for purchase. Fortunately, Gloin grabs his arm and keeps him from falling over the edge.
His head spins. The unpredictability of their movements coupled with the torrential rain keeps throwing him off balance. He can’t see where Fíli is, but he hears distant shouting occasionally break through the thundering sounds of the battle. A boulder hits their giant, shaking everything horribly and sending down a shower of rock and debris that only narrowly misses them. Another great shaking, another lurch of the world, and he’s sliding, his boots failing to find traction on the stone.
Gloin grabs his arm again, pulling him forward, keeping him sliding even as Kíli tries to find traction. “Come on; jump off!” he shouts, and Kíli looks up to see Thorin and several others standing safely on a much larger ledge, so he scrambles to reach them. He slips again, losing Gloin’s hand as the warrior jumps to safety. By the time he is able to stand again, the giant’s leg is pulling back as it rights itself; the gap between him and safety grows.
“Kíli, jump!” Thorin hollers, arms outstretched, face panicked, and Kíli does.
For a terrifying second he doesn’t think he will make it, and in truth he doesn’t make it all the way. The ball of his left foot catches the ledge, but slides straight off. Thorin and Gloin are able to grab him, though his stomach and legs slam roughly into the unforgiving stone, knocking the air out of him and sending his stomach churning. He’s hoisted up to safety, heart pounding louder than the thunder around them, as his uncle gets him to his feet.
Thorin cups his face, smoothing his wet, knotted hair out of the way. “Are you alright?”
He can only nod; he’s trembling so much that he doesn’t trust himself to speak - he doesn’t even trust the ground under his feet to stay still. Thorin gently pushes him behind himself, farther onto the safety of the ledge, and Kíli turns to see the missing members of their company, still trapped on the giant’s knee. “Fíli…” he murmurs numbly.
They can do little more than watch, huddled on their ledge, as the stone giants continue to brawl. He wraps his arms around himself in a feeble attempt to stop his trembling.
Another giant joins the fray, tossing a boulder at their giant, sending it stumbling to its knees, which smash into the mountain not far from them. When the giant falls back, the space on his knee that the company occupied is empty.
Cold dread wells up within him, a chill even icier than the rain battering them.
“No!” he hears someone scream, belatedly realizing it was himself. He stays rooted to the spot, even as Thorin presses past him and ahead, calling for Fíli and Dwalin, hoping for any sign of life, that they haven’t been crushed in the collision.
He can’t move. He was supposed to protect Fíli, but how could he have protected him from this?
“We’re alright!” someone shouts. “We’re alive!” He can’t place the voice, he just knows that it’s not Fíli’s and that he needs to see if the words are true - he needs to move.
He starts shuffling forward, numbly, not believing. His boots slip on the rocks; the rumbling sounds of the thunder battle seem farther away. There’s a commotion up ahead, and he turns a corner to see Bilbo hanging from the ledge, Ori trying desperately to grab his hand to pull him up. They can’t reach him, and Kíli’s heart leaps into his throat when Thorin swoops down himself to grab him and allow the company to pull him up. His uncle slips, and he’s aware of the strangled scream that wrenches its way out of his throat, but Dwalin has him and pulls him to safety.
Across the expanse, his eyes meet Fíli’s, and suddenly, finally, nothing else matters. He’s alive.
It seems to take ages before they make it across to the ledge, ages before he is able to embrace his brother, to truly see that he is unharmed. Kíli clutches him close, something akin to a sob wrenching itself from his throat when Fíli’s arms wrap around him in return. His tears come fast, unbidden, as he presses his face into his brother's neck. Fíli keeps murmuring assurances to him, but he can’t quite make out the words over the blood rushing in his ears and the horrific thunderclaps echoing off the mountain.
Dimly, he’s aware that the company is moving again, but his hand doesn’t leave Fíli’s as they traverse the rocky terrain, eventually coming upon a cave.
It is no sooner than they step inside that Fíli whirls him around and clutches him close to his chest. “Breathe, nadadith,” Fíli’s shaking voice says in his ear. “Breathe with me.”
Kíli focuses on the rise and fall of Fíli’s chest, the feel of his breath against his cheek. It is a few moments of hitching, shuddering breaths before he is able to match them. He’s still crying, but he doesn’t care. He thought he’d lost him, just like they’d lost their da…
A second pair of arms wraps around him, around both of them. “Shh, atamanel,” Thorin’s choked voice whispers. Kíli hears him press a kiss to Fíli’s brow, then one to the crown of his own head. “We’re alright, my boys. We’re alright.” He almost sounds like he’s trying to convince himself. They stay entangled that way for a long while, drawing strength from one another, before Thorin’s arms reluctantly loosen. “Come,” he says softly, hands squeezing the napes of their necks before dropping away. “We must get you into dry clothes, keep you warm.”
Having decided that the cave was safe enough, they make camp for the night, though they skip the fire for fear of what might be lurking in other caves in the mountain. He and Fíli share a bedroll, limbs entangled with one another just as they did when they were children. For warmth, he’d say if anyone asked, but he really just needed to feel Fíli’s solid weight against him, hear the thrum of his heartbeat, the gentle rise and fall of his breathing, to know that he was alive.
Thorin sets his own bedroll up just a little too close to theirs (for space, of course; the cave is small), and Kíli is deeply comforted to feel his uncle’s arm against his back.
When Kíli eventually drifts off to sleep, all he dreams of are great chasms opening up from beneath his feet, splitting him from his brother, wrenching Fíli off to places he cannot follow.
Then he suddenly wakes and sees it is real.
-----
“Start with the youngest.”
Goblins surge forward, clawed hands grabbing at Kíli and Ori and yanking them from the group. Fíli reaches desperately for his brother (Nori does the same), but all he catches is empty air as the two youngest members of the company are thrown unceremoniously to the ground in front of the Great Goblin. The whips come out again, and he can hear them whish through the air, can hear them striking, can hear a sharp cry from Ori, but Kíli is silent. He can’t see them through the throng of goblins.
Fíli feels bile rising up in his throat. This cursed day had been too much. He needed Kíli, needed him safe at his side, just as he needed air in his lungs. He lunges forward but is quickly yanked back by Thorin.
“Enough!” his uncle shouts as he steps forward, and surprisingly all movement from the goblins stops. The Great Goblin eyes him for a moment, before an amused smile splits his face wide.
“Well, if it isn’t Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror; King Under the...Mountain?” the goblin mocks. “But you don’t have a mountain, do you?” Laughter from all of the goblins surrounds them, shrill and screeching.
Fíli inhales sharply in surprise. How did he know? They had been careful, hadn’t they? Had Dain ratted them out?
He sees Kíli slowly start to stand, before his brother pulls Ori back to his feet as well. With a snarl, Thorin presses the pair of them back toward the mass of dwarves, distancing them from the Great Goblin, eyes flashing with pure contempt.
“Take care how you speak,” he says, tone level. Even here, with the odds stacked against them, Thorin oozes confidence. Fíli cannot help but admire him, and hope that he could be an ounce as kingly as Thorin some day.
“I’m fine,” Kíli whispers once Fíli pulls him closer, distancing him still further from the throng of goblins, and he does look mostly unharmed, though he rolls his shoulder stiffly. But truthfully, Fíli has no idea if it’s from the goblin’s assault, or from falling through the ceiling, or from stumbling and sliding their way up an apparently living mountain. For his part, Ori is sporting a nasty red swipe across his cheek, which Dori immediately frets over.
“Send word to the pale orc,” the goblin snears to one of its subordinates. “Tell him I have found his prize.”
Thorin steps back in surprise, but keeps his unflinching glare on the goblin. “Azog was slain in battle long ago,” he spits. “By my own hand.”
The Great Goblin laughs, a deep, throaty chuckle. “Sure of that, are you?” he taunts, and Thorin takes a step forward, confidence renewed, curses on his tongue.
His words are cut off by a shriek from a nearby goblin. A flurry of activity erupts as the goblins rush forward to see what caused the scream; it forces Thorin back, closer to the company. Fíli reaches for his uncle’s forearm and squeezes; he can see the tension that lingers in him from his posture. If the pale orc really were alive...it would be devastating to their uncle. The one small consolation Thorin had taken from the horrid Battle of Azanulbizar had been Azog’s end. After everything else that had been lost...
“Biter!” the Great Goblin yells, leaping away from the commotion as he tosses Thorin’s elven blade to the ground. “Kill them!” he commands. “Kill them all! Cut off his head!” he shouts, pointing a gnarled finger at Thorin.
The whips are out again, striking haphazardly as goblins leap onto the company, slashing and biting. Kíli and Thorin are both yanked away from him, the latter pinned to the ground as a goblin straddles him and brandishes a particularly jagged looking blade, prepared to cut his throat. Fíli lunges forward, intent on knocking the goblin off to buy them some time. Their weapons aren’t far away; they just have to get to them.
Suddenly, a flash of light appears, illuminating the dark caves with all the strength of the sun, followed by a shockwave that sends him stumbling back. The goblins shriek, startled by the unnatural brightness and cowering away, while Fíli manages to stagger back to his feet.
“Take up arms,” Gandalf’s voice rings out, for the wizard is silhouetted in the brightness. “Fight!”
Fíli reaches their weapons cache first, and starts tossing them back toward the company. As Gandalf’s light begins to dim, the goblins start to come back to their senses. The Great Goblin is up first, swinging his mace wildly at Gandalf, who brandishes his own sword.
“Beater!” he wails, shrinking backwards, giving Fíli enough time to get the rest of the weapons to the company and to grab his own twin swords, readying himself to fight in just the nick of time, slashing down two goblins that lunge at him. He feels Kíli behind him, sword drawn, guarding him from any dangers that might sneak up on him.
Kíli had steadfastly watched his back from the day he took his oath. While he still feared for Kíli and what this quest would require from him, he couldn’t lie and say that he was not grateful at having him here. Having him wrenched away from him on the mountain had revealed a deep fear within him that he wasn’t ready to process just yet. The thought of not having Kíli to watch his back...he cannot fathom it.
What followed next was a mass of chaos - weapons clanging against each other, battle cries from dwarf and goblin alike, a cacophony of sounds echoing off the cavernous walls. He is operating fully on instinct; all he can focus on is following Gandalf’s staff through the maze of halls as they make their escape, trusting that the wizard would see them through, slashing away at any goblins that cross his path. It seems like it takes hours as they run, wholly exhausted, before they break through a crevice in the rock and are bathed in sweet daylight.
Gandalf keeps them running father still down the mountain, in case of archers or catapults or other defenses, and when the wizard finally deems them far enough to be safe, Fíli all but collapses into the forest clearing.
Kíli sinks to his knees beside him, gasping for breath, wide eyes meeting his. “We’re okay,” Fíli manages, reaching down to squeeze his shoulder fondly. “Right?” Kíli simply nods and reaches his hand up to grasp Fíli’s.
Thorin appears to his right, equally out of breath, franticness in his eyes. It’s a look Fíli has not seen before, and it unsettles him. He reaches forward and grabs the nape of his uncle’s neck, pressing their foreheads together. After a moment (and a few deep breaths) Thorin’s gaze clears, and he reaches for Fíli’s face, cupping his cheeks in his hands as he pulls back, scanning him for injuries.
“You alright, lad?” he asks gruffly, and Fíli nods. He is, for the most part, unharmed, though his legs and lungs burn.
Thorin turns to his brother and pulls Kíli to his feet, giving him the same treatment, embracing him before checking for injuries, shoulders relaxing slightly at the realization that they have both escaped Goblin Town unscathed.
Gandalf counts as the last of their company breaks through the clearing. The wizard frowns. “Where is Bilbo?” he asks.
Kíli’s sharp eyes anxiously scan the treeline.
“Where is our hobbit?”
-----
He’d been naive.
It didn’t matter how careful he had been, how diligently he had guarded his secrets. The word was out, that Thorin Oakenshield and company were journeying to Erebor to reclaim the mountain, and now goblins and orc alike were hunting them relentlessly. Who knew what others now sought to reach the mountain before them. They’d been fortunate enough to simply survive the day, with many thanks going to their burglar and the wizard.
And Azog! He felt the bile rise in his throat. He’d been such a fool to think that his wounds would have festered and led to his demise all those years ago. Young and overconfident; so sure that his line could not suffer any more loss that the gods must have granted them one small gift - the death of the pale orc. For all the life that had been snuffed out of his line due to that...creature...he had thought the gods would reward him.
He was wrong. How cursed was his house? What other horrors would befall him before he made his way to the undying lands?
The bounty that had been placed on his head long ago, the missive in Black Speech that Balin had uncovered...it was all due to that filth. Thorin had thought it was just an order in retaliation for killing Azog, but now he knew better. It was a grudge; personal. Azog himself wanted to snuff out his line. It was more important to him than ever to keep Fíli and Kíli’s relation to him under wraps. As it was, as long as the pale orc drew breath, they would never be safe.
And he would never, never be able to forgive himself if they suffered more for nothing other than their relation to him. He couldn’t bear it. He curses himself, not for the first time, for bringing them with him. It would be so easy to end his line...they could get ambushed on the road, they could...
“So what do we do now?” Dwalin asks, plopping unceremoniously next to his brooding friend by the fire. They had rested the full day since the eagles had carried them away from the orc and his hunting party. In the distance they could see the Lonely Mountain from the outcropping of rocks, under which they’d taken shelter for the approaching night, and Thorin had mostly recovered from his wounds thanks to Gandalf’s magic (and fortunately his armor was thick - he’d mostly just had the sense knocked out of him and some impressive bruising); it was time to move on. To continue onward. Home.
The mountain looked ethereal, bathed in the pinks and purples of twilight. Thorin feels a familiar, intense longing tug at him. So close, but still so very far. Nevermind the issue of the dragon. There were too many dangers much closer to focus on.
“Gandalf thinks we can lose them in Mirkwood - they won’t likely follow us into Elven territory,” Thorin says. “But we will need to make haste and leave at first light. They could still catch us on the road.” Dwalin nods, and Thorin sighs, “Though we may have lingered here too long, I don’t fancy leaving at this hour.”
“A decent night's sleep wouldn’t hurt with all the knocks we’ve got on us,” Dwalin agrees. It was true; he doubted any of them were ready to pack up and run again after this woeful misadventure. They hadn’t had a proper rest, even by traveling standards, since they ascended into the Misty Mountains over a week ago. Not even their hobbit would be ready to venture on just yet, even though he had turned out to be surprisingly brave. Thorin owed him his life, if he were honest with himself. All of them did.
His eyes scan the company. Most of them are lying about, some asleep, others simply regaining their wits (truly, Bombur was still regaining his breath), others tending to their wounds. His gaze first fixes on Fíli and Kíli, who are huddled together with their backs pressed against the rocks, seemingly already asleep; then to Balin, who is pouring over some maps with the wizard, trying to plot the safest path forward; then to the hobbit, who is off to the side, alone, eyes fixed far off in the distance.
Dwalin notices his gaze and smirks. “I’ll take the first watch,” he says, barely hidden amusement in his voice.
Thorin gets to his feet and plods over to the hobbit - Bilbo (Mahal, he could hear Kíli scolding him in his head) - with plenty on his mind. “Are you opposed to company, Master Baggins?” he asks gruffly, though not unkindly.
Bilbo starts and looks up at him. For all his complaining about the noise of the company, it seemed he was so caught up in his thoughts that Thorin had managed to sneak up on him. “Oh,” he says hastily. “No, not at all.” He gestures to the space beside him, scooting over a bit on his bedroll to make room.
They sit in silence for a while as Thorin tries to form his thoughts into words. Bilbo occasionally sneaks glances at him, clearly unnerved by the silence. “I underestimated you,” he finally says. “Your bravery. Your loyalty. I was wrong to say that you did not belong amongst us.”
Bilbo flushes. “Yes, you’ve mentioned that,” he says, relaxing, good humor in his voice. Thorin almost smiles.
“How are you faring?” The hobbit had been quite banged up after they escaped from the goblin cave, and no doubt from being tossed around by Azog. Oin had tended to him earlier, and at least the old dwarf had not been concerned. Though when Bilbo had gotten separated from the company, he’d taken a nasty knock to the head.
Bilbo sighs. “I’ve got a good number more bruises than I’ve ever had in my life,” he says with a chuckle. “But nothing that won’t heal in time. My head’s feeling much better, at the very least.”
“I’m still amazed you managed to find your way out of the caves,” Thorin comments, and although his tone is not accusatory, Bilbo flinches just slightly, hand slipping into his pocket, before he relaxes again.
Without a word, the hobbit sets about preparing his pipe, pulling the pouch from his pocket and packing it efficiently. “You?” he asks, gesturing toward Thorin, who fishes out his own pipe and hands it over. “Old Toby, a shire specialty,” Bilbo explains with a small smile. “My favorite pipe-weed. It just tastes like...home,” he finishes quietly. It’s almost as if he’s afraid to say the word - home - as if it’s become more of curse than a comfort.
“It’s good,” Thorin says after taking a long drag, savoring the flavor. It’s different, sweeter somehow, then the pipe-weed that grows near Ered Luin. They sit in silence for a while, blowing smoke rings into the woods as the sun sets, each lost in their own thoughts.
“I meant what I said,” Bilbo says eventually, quietly. “About helping you regain your home.” He can see that the hobbit’s eyes are fixed on the lonely mountain, bathed in the last oranges of the day as the sun slips below the horizon.
Thorin shifts a bit, a complicated mess of emotions welling up within him.
“I just...it’s a horrid thing that happened to your people. And though I haven’t known you all a long while, I know you are an honorable folk. I...I wish these tragedies had never befallen you,” he says softly. “I’ve spoken with Kíli a great deal…”
“Aye, he does seem to have grown quite fond of you,” Thorin admits.
“Hearing how you’ve done so much to care for your people, even when they didn’t deserve it...it’s kingly, indeed.” Bilbo turns his gaze to the Lonely Mountain. “I will see you returned home. I swear it.”
With a grateful sigh, Thorin quietly murmurs, “I owe you much more than your fourteenth share.”
-----
He doesn’t sleep once they get to Beorn’s.
He’d like to, and honestly, he’d do well to, but too much has happened since they fell into Goblin Town. Too much that he hasn’t been able to process. Too much fear gnaws at him constantly, distracting him from his duty. Now that he knew the pale orc had lived, Kíli was more certain than ever that his life would be forfeit. How could it not be? All of the odds were stacked against them - against him.
So he sits, wide awake, watching the company as they rest, cherishing the feel of Fíli’s head resting on his thigh, even though Gandalf had insisted that there was no need for them to be watched over this night. And that really must be true, because the wizard had dropped off to sleep with the lot of them, without anyone assigned to watch. It was only Kíli that twisted and turned uncomfortably in his makeshift bed, before he finally gave up on sleep for the night.
The embers in the hearth have grown low. He is contemplating getting up and throwing another log on, but the skin-changer’s logs are almost as big around as he is, and he doesn’t trust himself to not wake the company, so he sits, fingers idly combing through his brother’s hair as his thoughts wander. Happy memories, sad ones, fears that he has tried to ignore...they swirl into a complicated mess in his mind; gradually his temples begin to throb.
Near the fire, Dwalin shifts and rolls over, and his eyes meet Kíli’s in the dark. Kíli manages a smile in greeting, but Dwalin just frowns, rises, and quietly pads over to him.
“You been awake all night, laddie?” he asks, sitting so they are shoulder to shoulder, and Kíli only nods. Dwalin’s arm snakes around him, tugging him closer, much like when he was a child. “Ya’ need to rest,” he scolds gently.
Kíli sighs, but lets his head droop to his weapons master’s chest all the same. They sit in comfortable silence for a long while, and Kíli, tactile as he is, draws much comfort from their contact. He feels his head grow heavy, and he’s tempted to close his eyes. But he’s afraid of what his mind’s eye will paint for him, so, with effort, he keeps them open.
“You know,” Dwalin says softly, his voice a low rumble right at Kíli’s ear, “I was quite fond of your ma back in my younger days. Even asked Thorin if I could court her.”
Kíli snorts out a breath of laughter, disbelieving.
“I did!” Dwalin chuckles. “Thorin socked me straight in the jaw, told me to go sniffing after someone else’s baby sister.” His voice is fond, light. It warms Kíli to his core. He likes to hear stories about his parents, though he never feels bold enough to ask for them. “But your ma,” he continues. “She was a beauty, in and out. It’s a shame our stories give so much credit to Thorin - she’s the one who kept him standing tall after...everything.”
He hums in acknowledgement, eyes gradually slipping closed. He’d heard as much before from Uncle, that she had kept him from completely losing himself, that she’d kept him moving forward.
“You and your brother are a lucky lot. You got the best parts of both of ‘em. Your ma’s strength and courage. Your da’s kindness.” Dwalin’s voice thickens. “I miss them both,” he admits. “The world was a better place with them in it, that’s for sure, but you lads...you lads keep them with us.”
Kíli’s head droops further. “Tell me about them?” he asks softly, and he feels Dwalin give him a squeeze.
Dwalin does, and Kíli eventually drifts off to sleep, Dwalin’s stories coming to life in his dreams.
-----
Spiders. Of all the gods-forsaken creatures in the whole of Middle Earth, it had to be sodding spiders.
Fíli isn’t scared of a lot of things, honestly. He was the elder, braver brother, and out of necessity he’d ensured that only a few things really frightened him. Harm befalling any of his kin, primarily, dying in battle, too. And sure, little spiders made him squirmy and uncomfortable, but who didn’t feel that way? It was nothing he couldn’t muster up a little courage to handle. The eeriness of these woods, too, had sent shivers down his spine, but he still pressed on (mostly because pressing on was the only way to get out of this bizarre wood).
Big, gigantic, apparently dwarf-eating spiders were a completely different story altogether.
He was right terrified, but he can feel Kíli fighting at his back (as usual), and his brother’s bravery spurs him on (he is the oldest, after all, he should at least be as brave as his brother). He’s still a little woozy from whatever the beasts had bitten him with; his bitten side burns and his arms feel sluggish and weak. Kíli shouts something at him, but his ears feel full of cotton and he can’t make out the words precisely. He turns to ask, but a rather large spider rushes at him, distracting him.
With a grunt, he smashes his sword down, killing the beast quickly enough, but sees two more to his right. He braces himself, formulating his plan of attack. Suddenly, they’re taken down by an arrow each. He starts to look for his brother to thank him, but quickly realizes that the arrows aren’t his. The fletching is wrong, Kíli’s are yellow.
They’re instantly surrounded by elves on all sides as they snipe the spiders one by one. He whirls around, dismayed to see that Kíli is no longer at his back; he looks farther and still can’t find him. Thorin and the company begin to circle together, facing the elves, uncertain of their intentions. His vision seems to lag behind his movement - whatever toxin the spider had is taking its toll on him - but he needs to find his brother. Why isn’t he with them?
There’s a shout off in the distance,one that he recognizes immediately and has his stomach sinking into his boots.
“Kíli!”
He steps forward, but his vision clouds and everything goes back.
-----
When he comes to, he’s aware that he’s moving, but his feet aren’t touching the ground. Slowly, he pries his eyes open. His head is killing, and it takes a moment for him to gather enough strength to lift it and look around.
He’s still in the dark wood, and can make out Thorin’s dark hair ahead of him, flanked on either side by elves. He can feel that his arms are outstretched, and judging by the jostling he feels at his sides and what he thinks are arms snaked around his back, he’s being carried.
“You awake laddie?” Bofur’s voice asks from his right. He nods, then turns to look at him, but his vision swims and his head drops back down.
“Just hang on,” Kíli says from his left, and relief floods him. “Oin says it’ll take a bit for the antivenom to work it out of your system.”
“I’m just glad we’re not the ones carrying Bombur,” Bofur says with a light chuckle, one that is cut off when he stumbles.
“Dina!” an unfamiliar voice hisses. “Be silent, nogoth.”
He feels himself fade in and out for the rest of their journey, and the next thing he is aware of, he’s being tossed unceremoniously into a cell, his weapons stripped from him.
“Kíli?” he calls out with uncertainty. His head is still swimming, and he isn’t quite sure what’s happening. The elves had saved them and then...captured them? It didn’t make sense. Wasn’t Gandalf one of their friends?
“Took ‘im with Thorin to see the king,” Bofur explains, calling from somewhere outside his cell. “Hauty little buggers assumed he’s Thorin’s son.”
Fíli is fairly certain he is going to be sick. He must say that out loud, because Bofur says “Aye, Oin said that might happen. Could hear Nori retching earlier.”
He shakes his head to clear it, hoping the nausea will pass. “Who else got bit?” he grinds out, feeling the bile rise despite his best efforts.
“You, Nori, Dwalin, and Bombur,” he answers. “Oin had the herbs for an antidote, luckily. Elsewise we’d need to rely on the hospitality of these elves, which thus far seems...lacking.”
Fíli loses his inner battle and empties the meager contents of his stomach on the floor beside him. He digs through his overcoat to find a cloth to wipe his mouth, and he lets his head tip back against the cool stone of their cell wall. The fog in his head starts to clear, and dimly he begins to recognize other voices from the company. With a sigh, he hefts himself up, crawling to the gate of his cell to try and assess what’s going on.
“Aye, Fíli’s up,” Bofur says, and Fíli can see him in a similar looking cell across the hall. “The rest?”
“Not sure,” Balin answers from somewhere down the hall. “We’re not all in this hall,” he says, sounding rather cross. “Or, at least, if we are, no one else is up. Don’t rightly know where anyone is besides us.”
“And Kíli and Thorin,” Gloin answers. “Assuming those nasty buggers told the truth.”
“Isn’t Gandalf an elf-friend?” Fíli grinds out, and his voice sounds completely horrid. “This has to be a misunderstanding. Thorin will get it sorted.”
Balin laughs, humorlessly. “Oh, laddie. You’ve no idea of the animosity that exists between Thorin and King Thranduil.”
-----
“A quest to reclaim a homeland and slay a dragon,” the elven king muses as he stares Thorin down. Kíli watches from the side, where he is surrounded by 3 elves, one of them seemingly the son of the king. “I myself suspect a more prosaic motive,” Thranduil continues. “Attempted burglary.”
Thorin scoffs, eyes not leaving Thranduil’s as the king tries to guess his thoughts.
Thranduil smirks. “You have found a way in. You seek that which would bestow upon you the right to rule. The King’s Jewel. The Arkenstone.” He circles around Thorin, casting a glance Kíli’s way. “It is precious to you, beyond measure. I understand that.” His eyes stay locked on Kíli’s, searching, then he suddenly turns to regard Thorin again. “There are gems in the mountain that I too desire. White gems, of pure starlight.” He stands in front of Thorin again, stretching to his full height. “I offer you my help.”
“I am listening,” Thorin replies, tone carefully guarded.
“I will let you go, if only you return what is mine,” the king elaborates.
Thorin turns, eyes catching Kíli’s as he paces, considering. “A favor for a favor.” Hope blossoms in Kíli’s chest - he had been so worried that the elven king would refuse to negotiate with them, that he would refuse to let them go, but he seemed much more agreeable now.
“One king to another,” Thranduil affirms.
Thorin stops, eyes locked on Kíli’s. I’m sorry, they say, and his heart sinks.
“I would not trust Thranduil, the great king” he spits, and at the shift in Thorin’s tone the two elves flanking him grab his arms roughly, “to honor his word, should the end of all days be upon us.” He’s shouting by the end of it, whirling around and hatefully glaring at Thranduil. “You, who lack all honor! We came to you once, starving, homeless, seeking your help, but you turned your back!” Thorin is shaking with rage. “You turned away from the suffering of my people and the inferno that destroyed us! Imrid amrad ursul!”
Thranduil steps back, surprised, but quickly composes himself, glancing meaningfully at the elves who have him pinned. Not a second later a hand roughly grabs his hair, pulling his head back, and an ornately carven silver knife is at his throat. “Take care how you speak, Oakenshield. I would hate for your son to lose his head from your...irrationality.”
Thorin’s eyes meet Kíli’s again. Trust me. Kíli swallows thickly, taking a deep breath to calm himself, putting his faith in his uncle to navigate this situation with care. The knife at his throat presses closer. “I have no sons,” he says, bitterly, eyes turning back to Thranduil. “I have no kin. The dragon fire and our homelessness saw to that long ago,” he hisses. “You saw to it.”
The elven king regards Thorin with a curious expression, looking again at Kíli with narrowed eyes. After a nod of his head, the knife falls away from his throat, but his arms and hair stay in the strong grips of the elves. Kíli releases the breath he didn’t know he had been holding.
Thranduil turns, gracefully ascending back to his throne. “I warned your grandfather of what his greed would summon,” he says, casting a glance back at Thorin. “But he would not listen.” He settles into his throne, looking almost bored. “You are just like him.”
Thorin’s glare intensifies; he steps forward, more curses ready to spring from his mouth. Thranduil just waves a hand, and the guards rush forward, grabbing Thorin roughly. The hand in Kíli’s hair shoves his head forward as he’s forced to his knees.
“Stay here and rot, if you will.” The king says as Thorin is hauled from the throne room. “A hundred years is a mere blink in the life of an elf. I am patient. I can wait.”
“Ish kakhfê ai’d dur rugnu!”
-----
Thorin sees red as he is hauled down to the keep, strangled curses coming in a constant stream. He is roughly tossed into a cell, the door slammed shut behind him.
“Metun menu rukhas!” he yells after the elves, before taking deep, heaving breaths to calm his ire.
He hears a sigh from across the hall. “I take it you didn’t make a deal,” Balin says, disappointment clear in his voice.
“No,” Thorin sneers. “No, I do not trust Thranduil to honor his world. He would stab us in the back without a second thought.”
He still holds out hope that their burglar will be able to spring them. He hadn’t been captured with the rest of them, and if he must choose between Bilbo coming to his aid over Thranduil honoring his promises, he would take Bilbo a thousand times over.
He is still focusing on calming his anger when he hears Fíli’s uncertain voice.
“Where is Kíli?”
Dismayed, he realizes that he doesn’t know, and all he can think of is the elvish blade at Kíli’s neck.
-----
Thorin spits more curses as he’s escorted none too gently out of the hall, harsh Khuzdul echoing off the walls until Kíli can hear him no more. Thranduil fixes his gaze on him once more. “Bring him closer,” he says.
He’s pulled back up to his feet and shoved in front of the elven king’s throne, feeling impossibly small.
“You’re too young to be of Erebor,” Thranduil observes, sounding thoughtful. “Where do you come from, boy?”
It takes him a moment to find his voice; the king’s stare unnerves him. “Ered Luin,” he says, proud of himself for keeping the shaking out of his words.
Thranduil hums thoughtfully. “And if it is truly not Oakenshield, who is your father? What family does he hail from?”
He swallows down the sadness that abruptly lodges itself in his throat. “No family of note,” he manages to say. “He was a miner. A commoner.”
“And your mother?” the king continues, eyes searching.
“I did not know her,” he says quietly; it’s as close to the truth as he can get - he fears that Thranduil would be able to see if he lied.
Thranduil clicks his tongue. “An orphan of Thorin’s Halls,” he muses, satisfied with his answers, and Kíli’s eyes sink to the ground. “So tell me, why would you risk life and limb to follow Oakenshield to a homeland that is not yours? It is a curious choice, indeed.”
He sighs, shrugging his shoulders. “I had...I had nothing in Ered Luin,” he says, eyes still on the ground, because he knows it’s a lie; he had everything. “This was an offer of...of something. A chance for more.”
Thranduil regards him carefully. “I had half a mind to kill you, son or not, just to see Oakenshield’s face,” he admits casually, and Kíli takes a steadying breath, biting the inside of his cheek to mind his tongue. “Still, it is obvious that you care for him, though I cannot tell if the feeling is mutual or not.”
Kíli’s head snaps up, eyes narrowing.
“Did he ensure you were fed as a child? Clothe you?” Thranduil asks. “A motherless child; you would have died without his aid, I wager. You feel indebted to him, do you not? Your benevolent king.”
Dumbly, he nods, not trusting himself to speak without revealing too much. Thranduil seems to stare straight into his soul.
“Your trust and your youth make you blind,” the king says, eyes drifting down the path they had taken Thorin. “If he is ever able to come to his senses and you set foot in Erebor, you will see. Let me give you some advice.”
Kíli takes a step back, uncertain, as Thranduil leans forward on his throne, watching him intently once more.
“You should know that you are worth nothing to Oakenshield, not compared to the treasure of Erebor. To the Arkenstone. The goldsickness will take him, just as it has taken all of his kin before him.” Thranduil smirks. “If you are smart, your company will see to it that you kill him before he gets you killed. You owe him nothing.”
White anger boils up within him, and it takes all of his strength to keep his mouth shut, though he knows from Thranduil’s amused smirk that his eyes are flashing with rage.
“Tell him this,” the king continues, waving to the guards who roughly grab his arms once more. “My offer still stands. He is welcome to take it if ever he comes to his senses.” He smirks at him. “If you value your life, you’ll see to it that he does.”
With that, he is taken down the same hall that Thorin was, and shoved into a cell of his own.
“Who’s that then?” he hears Bofur call from somewhere far away.
“It’s me,” he says, voice rough. “Kíli.”
“Oh, thank the maker,” he hears from the cell next to him. Fíli. He sighs with relief, immensely grateful to hear his voice. When he’d last seen him, when the guards had yanked him away from his brother to take him with Thorin, he’d been positively ashen, and though Kíli trusted that Oin’s healing would take, he was still afraid.
He was always afraid now, it seemed. It was getting harder to hide.
“Where have you been?” Thorin shouts, not unkindly, and Kíli can tell that he’s closer than Balin, but not as close as Fíli. “Did that snake harm you?”
“No, no; I’m fine,” he replies. “He just wanted to interrogate me a bit. To make sure I wasn’t your kin,” he says quieter, not knowing if there are any prying ears about. He remembers from Balin’s teaching that elves have notoriously good hearing; he doesn’t want to give himself away.
“And?” Thorin pries, clearly anxious. Kíli knows it would not do well for Azog to hear that Oakenshield had a young, beardless, dark-haired archer son traveling with his company. The risk to his life would grow exponentially.
“He knows I’m just an orphan,” he says, choosing his words carefully. He settles himself close to the door of his cell, his back pressed against the wall that he suspects separates himself from his brother. He sighs, letting his head drop back against the stone. “And wants you to know that his offer will stand, should you change your mind.” Thorin just scoffs, cursing the elf-king under his breath once more, and Kíli feels his hope for rescue vanish.
Now that his adrenaline from the battle and his audience with the king has left him, he just feels tired, hungry, and cold. He hugs himself and closes his eyes, wondering if he could sleep here. He probably shouldn’t - what if he had another nightmare? What if he woke up thrashing and screaming? Thranduil was too cunning and calculating to let that by, and he didn’t fancy himself to be in the elf’s presence anytime soon again.
But he can’t not sleep forever. Gently, he knocks his head against the stone wall behind him.
“You still there, Kee?” Fíli calls eventually, interrupting his musings.
Kíli manages to grumble something affirmative in return. “Are you well?” he asks, genuinely worried.
Fíli chuckles. “I've been better,” he admits; Kíli can hear the grimace in his voice. “Thunderstorms and spiders; how fortunate for us.”
Kíli snorts out a laugh. “Fortunate indeed,” he agrees. He wishes he could crawl into his brother’s arms, to see the color returned to his face. He wonders if Fíli wishes for the same.
Distantly, he can hear Thorin and Balin bickering, the latter urging his uncle to accept the deal, to get them out of this wretched place. But Thorin won’t budge.
Thranduil’s words reverberate around in his head. Would Thorin really forsake them for Erebor’s treasures? He truly can’t imagine it. His uncle has always insisted that he and Fíli were worth more than all the gold in Erebor. He’d never acted in a way that had caused Kíli to truly doubt that. Would Thorin stay stubborn even if it meant that Fíli and Kíli would be killed?
He remembered the knife at his throat, the look in Thorin’s eyes. A cold thought settles into his bones. What if his uncle had been wrong? His life would have easily been snuffed out of this world. Thorin had seemed so sure...but it was still a gamble with his life as the wager. A risk. And Thorin had taken it.
He’d heard of the goldsickness, sure, but not of how it had affected all of Thorin’s kin. He always thought that Thorin would be stronger than the sickness. What if he wasn’t? Was he living in a childlike world, believing that his uncle was simply too strong to be taken by anything?
Suddenly he realizes that here he was, taking the words of an elf whom Thorin had insisted was dishonorable and untrustworthy as truth. An elf who had turned his nose up at their peoples suffering. He was letting doubt creep into his thoughts. Thranduil was probably lying, he reasoned with himself. He only wanted some of the mountain’s treasures - he would say whatever it took to get them. To him, Kíli was just a pawn. An opening to get what he wanted. Nothing more.
“Hey,” Fíli whispers, shaking him free of his spiraling thoughts. “We’re going to get out of here. I promise. I can feel it.”
“Okay,” is all he can manage in return, as, despite his best efforts, the seed of doubt takes root in his mind.
-----
AN - Okay, so my intention was that Part 2 would get us to Erebor buuuuttt I’m adding in a lot of stuff. The barrels + Laketown + getting to Erebor was just too much to put in here, so that will come soon! I am having a super hard time writing the barrels scene because I keep debating whether or not I want to go book or movie verse. So, instead of you all waiting while I ruminate over that for another month, I wanted to post this part. I hope you enjoyed it!
I think another problem with the mindset of kudos/comments on AO3 is part of the “stalking” culture on instagram. If you like a picture that is months old on instagram, its “insta-stalking” because you had to scroll through that person’s profile in order to find those months-old pictures. That is NOT how AO3 works. It’s not cringe or embarrassing to find a fic that was posted in 2012 and like it. It is there to read.
Sure, maybe some of us have some old works that aren’t up to our current standards of writing. But I, personally, am never going to look at a kudos email and think “ew omg I can’t believe someone found this fic from 2016 why are they liking it”. In fact, I am entirely going to go “nice! people are still reading some of my older works too, I’m glad they enjoyed it”. It’s an archive, it is meant to be a collection of transformative works, old and new, and you are meant to find them.
In fact, if you find a work that is from five years ago and you really liked it? I bet the author would love a comment even then.
Stories are written to be read.
Show some appreciation.
Thranduil clicks his tongue. “An orphan of Thorin’s Halls,” he muses, satisfied with his answers, and Kíli’s eyes sink to the ground. “So tell me, why would you risk life and limb to follow Oakenshield to a homeland that is not yours? It is a curious choice, indeed.”
He sighs, shrugging his shoulders. “I had...I had nothing in Ered Luin,” he says, eyes still on the ground, because he knows it’s a lie; he had everything. “This was an offer of...of something.”
Thranduil regards him carefully. “I had half a mind to kill you, son or not, just to see Oakenshield’s face,” he admits, and Kíli takes a steadying breath, biting the inside of his cheek to mind his tongue. “Still, it is obvious that you care for him, though I cannot tell if the feeling is mutual or not.”
Kíli’s head snaps up, eyes narrowing.
“Did he ensure you were fed as a child? Clothe you?” Thranduil asks. “A motherless child; you would have died without his aid. You feel indebted to him, do you not?”
Dumbly, he nods.
“Your trust and your youth makes you blind,” the king says, eyes drifting down the path they had taken Thorin. “If he is ever able to come to his senses and you set foot in Erebor, you will see. Let me give you some advice.”
------
GtG 26
Update: Greater Than Gold
AN – Uhm, so, yea. Quarantine has been a good time for me to sit down and write, so here we are. I started this story about 8 years ago. It’s drifted in and out of my thoughts pretty regularly in that time. In my absence, I’ve been scribbling down thoughts, moments, plots. I can honestly say the story is mostly finished, it’s just a matter of editing and figuring out what I want to include and reordering events to make them chronologically correct(ish).
Anyway, I fully expect that most people who have been following this story are long gone, have moved on to different fandoms, and forgotten my words. I just want to see it through.
This chapter takes us part way through the quest, to Rivendell. There will be at least one more chapter before the conclusion. And probably two endings, haha.
Warnings: Violence, some swearing.
Also on FF.net and AO3
Chapter 25: Eighty-Two and Seventy-Seven - Part 1
Word Count (chapter): 8035
It’s time.
He scans the room once more, ensuring that everything he will need for his journey has been packed. He’d made list after list and double-checked them all. He was prepared, he was ready , but he drew little comfort from that knowledge. As Dwalin had reminded him, there were no guarantees in the wild. He hurriedly paces his bedroom, scouring it for anything that he may have missed as worry claws at him.
It was time .
Not so long ago, he’d accepted that this day would never come, that Erebor would be lost to him forever. And now, now he was ready to walk out of the doors of the home he’d built in the Ered Luin, likely never to return. So much of his own blood, sweat, and tears had gone into establishing this home for his people. Nostalgia fills him; this was where he had raised his boys. There are thousands of memories here, most of them good, but the bad ones that clung around the halls like ghosts, catching him off guard when he least expected it, reminding him of all that had been lost.
But still, while he was proud of the life he had created for his people here, from practically nothing, he longed to bring them home . To let those who had fled Erebor with him walk among the halls once more. To let the children who’d only heard of it in stories gape wide-eyed at their homeland. To let them, all of them, know safety and security and belonging after being cast out and forgotten for so long. To let the stories or Erebor become real for Durin’s Folk once again.
There’s a soft knock at the door. “Come in,” he calls, calming his pacing and busying himself with checking his bags one last time.
“Dwalin just arrived,” Kíli says quietly, taking in his uncle’s somber mood. He looks nervous, and Thorin can hardly fault him. This would take his boys far from the only home they’d ever known, across the expanse of Middle Earth to a home they’d only longed for because of him .
“Come here,” Thorin requests, and his youngest nephew crosses the room with haste. He immediately pulls him into a tight embrace, feels the tension in his youngest nephew’s back. “It is time, isn’t it?”
He feels Kíli nod against his shoulder as the lad tightens his grip on him. “Be careful,” he murmurs. Though his tone is soft, it is stern, and Thorin knows that his words are a command, not a request.
Thorin kisses his temple, squeezing him one last time before releasing him. “Come. We must not keep your brother and Dwalin waiting,” he says, reaching for his bags. Kíli grabs one of them, carrying it with him as they leave the room. Thorin holds back, casting one last glance around, before following Kíli to the living room where Dwalin and Fíli are quietly conversing.
“Ready to go?” Dwalin asks cheerfully, clapping a hand on Fíli’s shoulder. Thorin can tell that he’s deliberately keeping the mood light to brighten his spirits, and he is grateful for it. His heart has longed for Erebor since the day the wretched dragon came, but even he cannot deny that parts of Ered Luin will always feel like home. It still feels impossibly hard to leave.
“Aye,” he murmurs. “Should be able to make good time with this early of a start.” He looks to Fíli. “Come here, lad,” he calls, and wraps his heir into a tight embrace.
Fíli heaves a sigh as he hugs him closer still. “Please be careful,” he echoes his brother’s words.
“I will,” he promises, dropping a quick kiss to his forehead as he shifts to hold him out at arm’s length. “Take care of each other,” he says, regarding Kíli as well. “I will see you in Bree.” He pulls Fíli back into another embrace, reaching for Kíli as well.
He holds both of his boys tight, breathing with them to calm his nerves. He refuses to entertain the possibility that this will be the last time he sees them. “I love you both,” he murmurs, throat tight at the admission. It isn’t often that he voices his affection for the lads, and he feels both of them hug him tighter at his words.
“And I love this whole sorry lot,” Dwalin confesses as he joins in, wrapping a bone crushing embrace around the three of them. Kíli lets out a rough laugh, one that shows just how tight with emotion his throat has become, and Thorin feels his heart lurch as he desperately squashes the dark visions creep into his mind again.
Dwalin gives another squeeze before pulling away. “Alright, lads, we’ve got to be off now.” Thorin is fairly certain he sees the glimmer of a tear in his old friend’s eye and knows that it pains Dwalin just as much as it does him to leave.
“Two weeks,” Thorin says as they separate. “Oin and Gloin will be ahead of you; they’ll send word if there are any signs of trouble. Bofur, Bifur, and Bombur will be three days behind you.” Thorin adjusts his hold on his pack, before reaching for the bag Kíli had carried into for him earlier. “Be careful, lads,” he all but whispers, reaching for his nephews once more to touch his forehead to each of theirs. “We will see you in Bree.” If his voice cracks, none of them comment on it.
“Good luck,” Kíli says, his voice coming out overly loud in their otherwise stiflingly quiet home, and though he has put on a brave face, Thorin can see how his eyes are watering. A glance toward Fíli shows that he does not fare much better.
“Stay safe, lads,” Dwalin says, speaking when Thorin finds himself unable to due to the lump that has lodged itself in his throat. He claps a hand on both of the boy’s shoulders, squeezing them gently as he does. “We’ll see you soon.”
No one is able to find any more words as Thorin and Dwalin finish preparing to leave. They pause for one more round of embraces, and no one comments on the mistiness of all of their eyes.
Without a sound, Thorin and Dwalin depart the dwelling, with Fíli and Kíli trailing behind them, heading through the still halls in the early morning. Being up before most of the settlement makes their journey quicker than normal, and soon they reach the mouth of Thorin’s Halls, where the early dawn light slips through the open gates.
Thorin turns to regard his nephews once more, taking in their faces and committing them to memory, just in case. Surprisingly, it is Fíli who blinks out a tear, so Thorin reaches for him first, curling his fingers around the back of his neck and knocking their foreheads together with a tenderness he was sure he had lost in the last few years. From the corner of his eye, he sees Dwalin do the same to Kíli, and once he is ready he breaks his embrace with his eldest to trade places. When they part, Kíli gives him a brave, albeit shaky, smile, and Thorin feels a wave of emotion wash over him.
He doesn’t deserve these boys. He doesn’t deserve their love, he knows, but he cherishes it all the same.
“We will see you in Bree,” he says once more with a steady voice, willing himself to believe it. This part of the journey makes him anxious, when they will all be setting out at different times, following different paths before reaching the main road…he will not be able to protect them in the wilds, but he trusts that their training is enough to keep them safe.
He will rest easier once they are all reunited.
As he and Dwalin turn to greet the misty morning, he doesn’t dare look back to the gate. He keeps his gaze forward, on to the port at the Gray Havens where he will meet with Dain’s men, then to Bree to reconvene with the company, then to Erebor. He mustn’t look back; not now. He’s come too far for that.
His eyes are fixed on home .
------
It doesn’t take long for them to set up camp for the night; he and Kíli are well practiced at it. But his brother is unusually fidgety and cautious, his eyes keep flitting toward the tree line as if the darkness itself is going to creep into their campsite. While Fíli has removed his scabbards and set his swords to the side for the night, Kíli’s bow stays slung on his shoulder, and though his brother has laid his sword down, his hunting knife is still tucked into his waistband.
The camping is familiar; they’ve done it dozens, if not hundreds of times before on hunting trips. The setting is not . Kíli has never been this far from home, far enough that the Blue Mountains sit on the horizon and the trees are becoming sparser every day, giving way to rolling fields of tall, tall grasses. Thorin has taken Fíli on enough trips that the road feels almost comfortable for him, but Kíli is all jittery and full of nervous energy. With every day it gets slightly worse, and Fíli hopes that once they reunite with Thorin and the rest of the company that he’ll settle down.
“Should only be a few more days until we get to Shire,” Fíli murmurs, stretching his arms behind his back as he speaks. “And then maybe two more days to Bree. I can’t wait to have a soft pillow under my head again.”
Kíli makes noncommittal noise in the back of his throat, eyes still scanning the edge of the forest.
“Hey,” he calls again, waiting until his brother’s gaze turns to him instead. “Come here.” He pats the ground next to him. “Boots off. Feet by the fire. Relax. I mean it,” he adds when Kíli very nearly rolls his eyes at him.
Kíli settles in by his side, pressed too close as always, but Fíli takes advantage of this position to sneak his bow off his shoulder. Kíli shoots him a look, but just sighs and unbuckles his quiver and lays it next to his bow. He looks tired. Fíli wraps his arm around his shoulder, smiling when his brother instinctively lays his head down on his shoulder. “Maybe we’ll even have an ale or two,” Kíli murmurs sleepily, and Fíli’s smile pulls even wider.
“I mean no offence to Mister Bombur, but the ale in Bree is much better than his,” he says, chuckling at Kíli’s feigned gasp of disbelief.
“Traitor,” he teases, “I’ll tell him. He’ll only have you drink the skunked ale from here on out.”
Fíli chuckles at him. “You wouldn’t. I’d bring you down with me,” he promises.
Suddenly, Kíli’s head snaps up from his shoulder, and his dark eyes focus on the edge of the clearing. His hands reach instinctively for his bow, fumbling for a moment before he finds where Fíli set it down.
“What’s wrong?” Fíli whispers, but is immediately hushed by his brother. Then he hears it, too, the soft crunching of underbrush in the distance.
Someone is coming.
Fíli immediately reaches for his scabbard and pulls his sword free, eyes intently watching his brother. Kíli has always been able to see better at night than him, better at using his senses to locate prey moving stealthily through the woods, so he knows it is best to follow his lead.
Silently, Kíli pulls an arrow and nocks it in his bow. The sound of snapping branches gets louder. Whoever is encroaching on their camp is making no means to be quiet about it. Kíli starts to draw, his eyes narrowed, focused on something that Fíli cannot see.
“Oy, don’t shoot me, laddie!” Bofur’s unmistakable tenor sounds through the woods, and Kíli relaxes, muttering a curse under his breath.
“Mahal, Bofur!” Fíli exasperates. “You nearly scared the life out of me!”
“Good thing he didn’t hear you talking about his ale,” Kíli teases, smirk playing at his lips even as his shoulders stay tense.
“Sorry, lads,” Bofur says as he, Bifur, and Bombur finally reach the clearing. “Wasn’t completely sure it was you all we were coming up on.”
“You’re supposed to be three days behind us,” Fíli says, as he and his brother cross the clearing to meet the other dwarves, helping them deposit their supplies to set up camp.
“Got a raven the day after you left. Thorin wanted us to catch up to you and head to Hobbiton instead,” Bombur explains, already digging in his pack for his cooking supplies. “Forgot to pack some of my spices in our haste to leave, but we should be able to make due until we can purchase more provisions,” he says with a wry smile.
Kíli shakes his head and laughs at him. “Priorities, honestly,” he murmurs, and then signs something quickly to Bifur in Iglishmek that makes the older dwarf laugh as well.
“Did he say why?” Fíli asks as they all settle around the fire, where Bombur has immediately taken to seasoning the rabbits they’d had roasting there. “Is something wrong?”
Bofur shakes his head. “Nah, didn’t seem to be anything amiss, though it’s hard to tell in a letter. Didn’t use any of ‘em code words, so I suppose it’s all right.” He reaches into the pocket of his overcoat and pulls out a piece of parchment, handing it to Fíli.
Before leaving, the company had settled on a few phrases that sounded innocent enough that Thorin was comfortable sending through the ravens, but held special meaning for them, and them alone. The ale’s gone stale meant that Dain’s men had crossed them, or This town reeks of tall folk meant that they were under threat of attack.
It doesn’t surprise him at all when Kíli’s head appears behind his, reading the letter over his shoulder. Bofur was right, there isn’t anything off about the message, just that their meeting place had changed and they were to look for a door with a particular rune on it once they reached Hobbiton. Straight and to the point.
“Gets you to your soft pillow and decent ale sooner,” Kíli murmurs, smirking at him when Bofur looks up in surprise.
“Oy! What’s wrong with my ale, laddie?”
------
They wander the narrow trails of Hobbiton, passing a glance at each door they pass to check for the rune. Bofur and his kin had decided to refresh themselves at the inn before reuniting with the company (with some “ decent ale ,” Bofur had teased), but Fíli and Kíli were anxious to see their uncle again, so they’d headed on.
“What if we’re the first ones there?” Kíli asks, idly chewing on a piece of grass. They nod in greeting to a hobbit that passes them with a wide berth, giving them a peculiar look all the while and muttering something about strange folk in the town once they’d passed. From his lessons, he knew that Hobbiton was fairly isolated and wary of outsiders, so he paid it no mind.
“Then I suppose Master Boggins will have to entertain us for a short while,” Fíli answers easily. “Though I should think Thorin, Dwalin, and Balin should be there already.”
He pauses, and regards his brother with interest. “I thought it was Baggins?”
Fíli’s eyes narrow in thought. “I’m fairly certain it was Boggins,” he affirms. “Hey, do you see that?” he asks, pointing toward a house on a hill. There’s a small thing at the base of the door, shimmering in the glowing moonlight. “That’s got to be the mark, don’t you think?”
Kíli nods in agreement, and they set off up the hill. “I hope he has food,” he grumbles lightly, suddenly wishing he had stopped at the inn with Bofur.
“I’m certain he will,” Fíli assures him. “No one in their right mind would host thirteen dwarves without preparing a proper meal first.”
------
It’s been raining for days . Kíli is certain that even his bones are soaked through at this point; he’s forgotten what it meant to be dry. The entire company had been right miserable, Thorin most of all, as they’d continued trudging along, hoping that the rain would either let up or they’d come across a town with an inn where they could warm up and sleep.
Even Fíli’s normally cheery mood had soured; he’d snapped at him earlier that morning for simply trying to start a conversation with him. It was early in the afternoon (at least, he thought it was; it was hard to tell with the overcast sky and the monotony of the road) when Kíli slowed his pony down and shifted to the back of their traveling party to ride next to Mister Baggins (oh, he would need to get his brother back for that one later).
The hobbit looked as miserable as he did, and so Kíli decided to ride by him in companionable silence instead of trying to force conversation.
“This is not at all what I was expecting,” the hobbit – Bilbo – utters bitterly, furiously wiping rain from his face. “Not like any of my walking holidays at all! None of the adventures in my books talk about how utterly mundane this all is.”
Kíli chuckles lightly. “I must agree,” he admits. “Though I’ve never been on quite such a journey before. I suppose I didn’t really know what to expect.”
Bilbo adjusts himself on his saddle. “And these ponies! I much prefer the ground under my feet, thank you!”
He glances down toward the hobbit’s feet. “Wouldn’t that be painful?” he asks without thinking, forgetting his manners and Balin’s teachings about the ways of hobbits. Were his teacher within earshot, he would have gotten a lecture for certain.
“You know, with as hardy as dwarves are supposed to be, you’d think your feet could handle some rough terrain,” Bilbo replies, unbothered, a mirthful expression on his face that makes Kíli laugh and forget the rain for a moment.
Gloin tosses an irritated look back at them, clearly still disgruntled from the rain, which makes Bilbo downright giggle in response.
“The rain’s making ‘em delirious back there,” Bofur teases good-naturedly, which only earns him a scoff from Gloin.
They lapse into a comfortable silence, and for a while, the rain doesn’t feel so stifling.
-----
Bilbo wakes with a start. He’s not been too keen on sleeping on the ground in the first place, but it’s made worse by the fact that he thinks there was something crawling on him just then. He fumbles out of his bedroll, dusting himself off where he swears something just slithered across his legs. The fire has burned low and is casting strange shadows around their camp, giving him all the more reason to feel anxious about a creeping visitor in the night.
He knows he won’t find sleep anytime soon, so he looks to see who is on watch, thinking that perhaps he will keep them company for a while or maybe relieve them early if they’re tired. It’s Kíli that’s watching him from where he is propped up against a tree trunk, a small little smirk gracing his lips that lets Bilbo know he saw his miniature freak out, and he has the decency to at least blush a little before he makes his way over to him. Fíli is asleep beside him, half curled into his side and using his little brother’s leg as a pillow.
“Can’t sleep, Mister Baggins?” he asks as soon as Bilbo sits beside him, a smile clearly evident in his voice. He likes Kíli, he knows. The young dwarf is always full of energy and is overly kind to him, which is something that could not be said for the rest of the company.
“No,” he answers. “We don’t all have the luxury of your brother to fall asleep at the drop of a hat, no matter where.”
Kíli chuckles before glancing down at his brother, affection clear in his features. “A bit annoying, really. He tricked me into watch. Said he wanted someone to keep him company and then dropped right off.”
Bilbo laughs as well; it does certainly sound like something Fíli would do. The lads had broken up the monotony of the journey by playing pranks on one another, much to the amusement of the company (he’d even seen Thorin crack a smile at their antics). “I could take over for you, if you want,” he offered. “I’ll be imagining things squirming around my bedroll for the rest of the night, I suppose.”
Kíli gives him a light smile, but he notices how it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I can’t really sleep either,” he admits, and there’s something about him that just looks so off and vulnerable in that moment that Bilbo suddenly realizes how young Kíli must be.
Eventually he fishes out his pipe and fills it, offering some to Kíli, who simply shakes his head. He takes a long drag, tastes the Shire and home , and it brings a bit of peace back to him. He watches Kíli for a moment, notices how his gaze keeps flickering from one sleeping dwarf to the next, to the treetops and the stars, to the fire.
“How old are you, Kíli?” he asks eventually, curiosity getting the better of him, even if it may not be proper to ask such a bold question at this time of night.
If Kíli is surprised by his question, he doesn’t show it, but his eyes do stop their wandering and eventually settle Thorin. “Seventy-seven,” he answers.
Bilbo raises an eyebrow. He is only fifty, and hadn't imagined that Kíli could be older than him, but he thinks he remembers from one of his books that dwarrows live a good bit longer than hobbits. “When do dwarrows come of age?” he asks, and notices that Kili almost blushes, but it could be a trick of the firelight.
“At eighty,” he answers. “The company had to vote to let me come or not.” He swallows thickly, and Bilbo knows there’s something else he wants to say, so he gives him time to speak. Eventually the young dwarf just sighs and shakes his head.
Bilbo lets out a long sigh. “I don’t think I would have ever been able to convince my parents to let me journey so far before I was of age,” he comments, searching for familiar patterns in the stars, silence stretching between them.
“My parents have been gone a long time,” Kíli eventually murmurs. “It’s just me and Fíli. Always has been.”
Bilbo curses his boldness. There’s a sadness in the lad’s voice that he’s not heard before, and he hates that his curiosity puts it there. Yet, it explained why the brothers were so close, much closer than any of the other siblings in the company. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly.
Kíli doesn’t reply, but Bilbo sees the soft smile that tugs at the corner of his lips. The dwarf isn’t cross with him, which comes as a huge relief.
“I had forgotten that dwarrows live much longer than hobbits,” he eventually says, breaking the silence and steering the conversation down a different path, puffing on his pipe thoughtfully. “But no doubt you’ve had plenty of time for adventures in seventy-seven years?”
Kíli gives him a lopsided grin. “I’m just as green as you, Mister Baggins,” he admits. “Up until a few months ago, I’d never left Ered Luin.”
Bilbo is quite certain that his jaw drops, drawing a light chuckle from Kíli.
“Well, sometimes Mister Dwalin and I would go on hunting trips, but they were never far away or for very long,” he explains. “And I went out on patrol around Ered Luin, but still, not far.”
“Oh,” is all Bilbo can think to reply. The lad had seemed so at ease in the wilds; he had just assumed Kíli had more experience than most, especially having been chosen for such an important quest. Bravery must be in no short supply for dwarrow, he reasoned. “Well then, I hope you are at least not as afraid of everything as I am.”
Kili’s gaze flickered down. “I am,” he admits quietly, and Bilbo wonders how in the world he can possibly be afraid, because he is always sent out scouting and climbing trees and hunting, typically with a smile and an eagerness not possessed by the rest of the company. But really, he realizes, Kili is still just a child, one who has never been away from home before.
“Is that why you can’t sleep?” he ventures, and Kíli just nods. Bilbo offers him his pipe again, but he refuses again. “Well, I’ll look after you if you decide to nod off. I can keep watch until morning.”
That soft, kind smile returns. “Thank you,” he murmurs quietly, and Bilbo can hear the sincerity in his words.
The comfortable silence descends over them once again, and Bilbo focuses on his pipe, idly humming fragments of a mostly forgotten lullaby from his childhood, the words dancing around his mind but flitting just out of reach. He wonders how he’s forgotten the words but can hear his mother’s voice clear as day, wonders if Kíli does the same with old dwarven lullabies. He turns to ask, but to his pleasant surprise sees that Kíli’s eyes have slipped closed, his head resting back against the tree trunk, chest rising and falling with steady, even breaths, lulled to sleep by the pleasant smell of pipe smoke and Bilbo’s humming.
Bilbo smiles, feeling immeasurably proud of himself as he settles in to keep watch for the next few hours.
He doesn’t see the fire glinting from Thorin’s eyes, who quietly watches him with a growing fondness.
-----
Lightning cracks across the sky, followed by another booming rumble of thunder. He and Kíli are working quickly to get the rest of the ponies tied to some trees, to keep the spooked beasts from fleeing in the night. As it is, Fíli feels fairly certain that one or more of them will be missing before the dawn. He deftly ties the reigns of the last of his ponies, before looking back at Kíli to see if he’s almost done. He cannot wait to be back under the cover of the outcropping of rocks they had found just before the skies opened up in this deluge.
His brother is on the last of his ponies, Minty, and Fíli begins to trudge over to help him along. Another bolt of lightning streaks the sky, bathing the entire wood in an eerie blue light, with the impossibly loud crack of thunder coming immediately after. Fíli sees Minty rear up in fear before sprinting off. Frantically, Fíli’s eyes search for his brother in the suddenly dark wood, but he cannot see him - the place where Kíli stood moments ago is empty.
“Fee!” he hears in the distance, and with a sickening feeling he realizes that Kíli must be caught up in Minty’s reigns, being dragged alongside her as she flees.
“We need help!” he screams in the direction of their encampment, before tearing off after the pony. Lightning illuminates the forest once more, and Fíli can see them, can see Kíli’s arm trapped in Minty’s reigns as his brother tries to pull himself free. He pushes himself faster, sprinting through the brush of the forest to catch them. Another flash reveals the stream they’d forded earlier, and with relief he realizes that Minty will likely stop at its banks - she’d been the most reluctant to cross it. He’ll be able to catch them and get his brother loose.
He trips over a branch, falls face first into the underbrush, and hears a large splash from ahead.
“No, no,” he breathes, scrambling to his feet. The next flash of lightning reveals Minty’s head barely above the tumultuous waters as she frantically tries to cross, with Kíli nowhere in sight. “Kíli!”
He reaches the streambank just as Minty pulls herself up on the other side, reigns cut. Kíli must have managed to free himself, but he’s still nowhere to be seen.
Panic grips at him as he scans the turbid waters, searching for any sign of his brother. Behind him, he hears someone calling out, but he can’t focus on who it is or what they’re saying. Another flash of lightning and he sees him, at least the blue of his hood, farther downstream. He sprints down the bank, his boots sticking in the mud, slowing him with each step, but he keeps his eyes on the hood, terrified that he will lose sight of it and his brother will be lost for good. When lightning flashes once more, he is relieved and horrified to see an outcropping of rocks blocking most of the stream flow, water rushing over and around them in their quest downstream. The rocks should stop him, and Fíli will be able to catch up.
Without thinking, he leaps into the rushing water, frantically moving forward, the water pushing him along with unforeseen might. He smashes into the rocks, his hands gripping wildly for his brother. Finally, he feels Kíli’s solid weight just under the surface and he pulls .
“Here, laddie; we’ve got ‘em,” he hears suddenly, and he looks up to see Bofur and Bifur with their arms extended. He lifts his Kíli up as well as he can, and the brothers grab him to pull him the rest of the way up. Kíli is deadweight, unmoving, and Fíli’s heart lurches in his chest as Bifur carefully carries him across the rocks and to the riverbank.
“Now you,” says Bofur, and Fíli reaches for him, grateful for his help in getting out of the stream as his legs have turned to jelly and he’s not certain he could have done it on his own. He leans heavily on the innkeeper, trying to find his brother in the darkness.
“He’s not breathing,” he hears someone say, but he can’t quite place their voice. He abruptly realizes how cold he is. Lightning flashes again, but it seems so dim. Why is everything so dark? “Someone get Oin! He’s not breathing!”
He feels the mud of the bank under his feet, but his legs give out when Bofur relinquishes his hold to let him stand. He hears thunder, and everything goes dark.
-----
“Move!” Bilbo commands, startled by his own forwardness. Dori obliges without comment, stepping aside from Kíli’s limp form, face clouded with worry. Kíli looks like hell, practically blue. Bilbo sinks to his knees beside the lad, shaking fingers brushing the hair back from his face, alarmed at how cold he is. Gently, he adjusts the lad’s head, trying to recall the rescue breathing his Brandybuck cousins had taught him ages ago when they were just children. When he pulls his hands back, he is dismayed to see them covered in blood.
“Do you know what to do?” Dori asks from behind him.
Dimly, he nods. “I think so, at least,” he admits, suddenly unsure of himself.
“Need some help over here, lads!” Bofur calls, and Bilbo looks up to see him struggling to support Fíli’s weight. Bifur rushes to help carry him, throwing Fíli’s arm over his shoulder to hoist him up. “Dori, get Oin. We’ll be right behind you.” He fixes Bilbo with a stern look. “You’ve got him ‘til they get back?”
“Yes; now go!” Bilbo orders, confidence returning as his fingers feel for the boy’s pulse along his neck, finally finding it sluggishly pounding along. He takes a deep breath, pinches Kíli’s nose, then breaths into his mouth once, then twice. The lad’s chest rises with each breath, something he vaguely remembers as a good sign, but he can’t for the life of himself remember why.
“C’mon, Kíli,” he murmurs, before breathing for him again. And again. And again. Watching between each breath for a sign of life from the lad. And again.
It can’t be like this. Not Kíli. Kíli who was so kind, and listened to his stories, and found ways to make him laugh on the darkest days of their journey. He breathes for him again. Watches. Nothing .
And Fíli! Was he alright? In shock, no doubt, from the icy chill of the water. He breathes again. Watches. Surely he would be okay, but without Kíli? Breathes again. He can’t fathom it. He’d only known them for a short time, but they were practically two souls sharing one body. Again. Again.
Again .
Kíli suddenly coughs, spurting up water as he does, before taking a rough, heaving breath. His body spasms violently as his consciousness comes back to him, grating, gasping breaths shake his entire form.
“It’s alright,” he soothes, stroking his hands along his face, his shoulders. “You’re alright, Kíli; we’ve got you.”
Oin suddenly appears beside him. “Said he wasn’t breathing?” he asks. “You did this?”
“My cousins taught me rescue breathing after one of them nearly drowned,” he explains hastily. “I think he has a head injury,” he adds, holding up his still bloodied hand as evidence.
“That arm might be broken, too,” Oin says, gesturing to Kíli’s right hand, which is already bruised and purple, swollen around his gauntlet. “C’mon, lads,” he says, and Bilbo looks up to see Gloin and Dwalin, their faces stricken with worry. “Let’s get him to the fire; Mister Baggins’ fine work will be for naught if we don’t get him warm.”
Numbly, Bilbo follows after them as they carry Kíli’s still sputtering form, hurrying through the downpour to get him under the safety of the outcrop. After what seems like an eternity, he spies the campfire in the distance. As they get closer, he can see the dwarves wrapping Fíli in furs. He’s cradled against Bofur’s chest, next to the fire, mumbling incoherently as he comes back to his senses.
Thorin is positively frantic, which strikes Bilbo as odd. He is immediately at Kíli’s side while Oin strips him of his soaking clothes, and it is Thorin who gathers the lad into his arms and wraps him tight under his furs, lips pressed close against his temple as he whispers words Bilbo cannot hear while Oin prods at his head, searching for the wound.
He feels like an intruder, like he’s watching something deeply private infold, so he slips away.
Silently, he trods off to the other side of the fire, to sit beside Fíli and Bofur. Fíli seems to have regained some of his strength - he’s not leaning on Bofur quite so much, and his eyes are focused on his brother across the fire. Bombur has placed a warm bowl of stew in his hands, and he’s cradling it gently, the tips of his fingers white with cold.
“He’s breathing?” Fíli asks as Bilbo approaches, his voice a stammering slur of words.
“He is,” Bilbo confirms as he settles himself, warming his chilled hands by the fire. Thunder rumbles again, making him jump. His adrenaline from being able to help has faded; now he just feels worried and cold. “What even happened?”
Fíli clears his throat. “I’m not quite sure,” he admits, his voice trembling. “We were tieing up the ponies. I looked over and one of them bolted, and I don’t know what happened but Kíli was...he was caught somehow...and…”
“His arm looked injured,” Bilbo said softly. “It must have gotten tangled in the reigns.”
Fíli chokes on a sob. “He went under and I couldn’t find him,” he murmurs, and Bilbo glances over at him, dismayed to see the tears pooling in his eyes. “I couldn’t help him.”
He reaches over and pats Fíli’s arm, trying his best to soothe the lad. “You did help him, Fíli. You got him out of the water. And now Oin will take good care of him.”
At that moment, Kíli lets out a pitiful wail as Oin tends to the wound on his head. Fíli starts to stand, but Bofur grabs his arm to keep him seated. “Rest, laddie,” he commands. “He’s in the best of hands.”
“I’m not leaving him alone,” Fíli asserts, and when he staggers to his feet, Bofur doesn’t stop him. Bilbo watches in barely concealed amazement as Thorin opens his arms and allows Fíli to settle into his opposite side, gingerly taking his brother’s arm into his hands to examine it. He’s never seen Thorin show a lick of affection to anyone in the company (and certainly not to him), and this raw tenderness...it’s a side of the dwarf king he hadn’t seen before.
His musing is interrupted as Bombur hands him his own bowl of stew. “It’s supposed to be a secret,” Bofur says after a moment, “but I think you’ve earned our trust.”
Bilbo regards him oddly. Their trust? Did he not already have it when he agreed to come on this blasted quest?
“They’re his nephews,” the innkeeper says, voice quiet, buried under the commotion of the camp.
“His what ?” Bilbo asks, incredulous. Slowly, the pieces click into place, his conversation with Kíli from a few nights ago catapulting to the front of his mind. Being orphaned, having to rely on his brother, being brought on the quest even though he wasn’t of age…
“He doesn’t want anyone to know because they’re his heirs - could wipe out the entire line of Durin at once if some evil sort wanted to,” he continues, still quiet. “Aside from Erebor, he loves those boys more than anything in the world. Raised ‘em himself. They may as well be his sons.”
-----
Kíli finally feels warm again, from where he is pressed against his chest. Thorin watches him as he sleeps, the subtle movement of his eyes beneath his eyelids. The fact that he is sleeping relatively peacefully is a gift that he won’t take for granted.
He truly thought they had lost him. When Oin and Dwalin had brought him back to their encampment...he was too pale, streaks of red blood on his face and neck, his arm impossibly swollen…and Fíli, his sweet Fíli, soaked to the bone and utterly terrified that he’d been too late to help his brother.
He’d been ready to scold the lads about being careless when tending to the ponies, but all of that anger, all of his appearances dissipated the second he’d heard Fíli’s frantic scream in the storm. The second he’d seen his frightened face…
He swallows thickly. Nightmares for his past swirl around his mind, horrible visions that he hoped would never come to pass. He regrets bringing them, both of them, but they’re too far gone to turn back now.
Oin had worked quickly on Kíli, finding and stitching the gash on his head, bracing his (fortunately unbroken) arm. The lad had been nearly delirious, from pain or cold or both, and Thorin had focused on talking him through what was happening, on distracting him with stories from his childhood, keeping him awake so Oin could assess the severity of his concussion. When Fíli had stumbled over he couldn’t help but gather him into his arms as well. Kíli was certainly in a more dire state, but it wasn’t lost on him that Fíli had nearly lost his life as well. If Bofur hadn’t heard his call...if he hadn’t rushed to their aid…
He couldn’t let himself dwell on that.
Holding them both so close had reminded him of when they were children, when Kíli was horribly afraid of storms and Fíli was afraid of sleeping alone, and they would both clamber into his study (where he inevitably was still up, pouring over his maps and books) and curl up on the settee together until they calmed enough to go to sleep.
But they weren’t children anymore, and they weren’t in the comfort of their home. They were in the wilds, on a quest that Thorin had no right to bring them on, no right to even ask them to come on.
The guilt gnaws at him, and he curls his arms tighter around Kíli’s sleeping form. He catches Fíli’s eye across the fire, where his heir is heating some water for the herbal tea Oin had given him for his aches. Fíli gives him a gentle smile, but Thorin sees the sadness and fear that still linger in his eyes. Thorin had held him close last night as he’d cried out his fears and blamed himself. But from the sounds of it, it was all a freak accident. No one could be blamed for this, not truly. Perhaps Minty, but the beast was only acting on instinct, and now she and her supplies were lost.
Kíli stirs slightly. Thorin peers down to be met with clouded, confused brown eyes. “You’re awake,” he says quietly, and Kíli’s brow furrows.
“Wha-” Kíli starts, his voice raspy. “What happened?”
Fíli rejoins then, smiling slightly when he sees that his brother is awake. He takes the tea he’d brewed for himself and presses it into his brother’s hands. “Minty took you for a late night swim,” he says, light tone belying the fear of the night before. “Drink this,” he adds, helping his brother lift the mug to his lips. “It’ll help you feel better.”
Kíli frowns. “Wha’s wrong with my hand?”
“Got tangled up in her reigns, I’m afraid.” Fíli explains, and Thorin is immensely grateful for his calming presence. A lump has lodged itself in his throat, and he doesn’t trust himself to speak. “Oin thinks it’s just a sprain,” he adds. “Should be right in a few days.”
Kíli quietly sips the warm tea, a soft hum of appreciation slips from the back of his throat. He lifts his head from Thorin’s chest to look around, but quickly grimaces and screws his eyes shut, letting his head fall back. “Ah, shit,” he grumbles, making Thorin chuckle, loosening the knot in his throat.
“Oin thinks your head will be off for a few days yet,” he explains. “Maybe sooner with the teas, but you’ll need to take it slow until then.”
“Thought you always said I had a thick head,” Kíli grumbles, drawing a bark of laughter from Balin nearby, which tugs a small smile to Kíli’s lips.
“Good thing, too, laddie,” Balin says, laughter still bubbling in his voice. “A knock that hard to any of the rest of this lot would have then out cold for days.” He casts a glance over to his brother. “Except for Dwalin, of course.”
Kíli laughs for real then, and Fíli joins in. Thorin feels immensely relieved to hear them sounding so much like themselves; it dissolves some of his guilt and frustration, reminding him that although they are but boys, they are strong , and loyal, and kind. It reminds him of why he included them in the company, even with his reservations, of their worth to this quest, of the rewards they would reap in Erebor.
And despite the terror of the night’s events, he feels more sure of himself than ever.
-----
“I don’t care what Uncle says about elves,” Fíli sighs contentedly, sinking into the huge, cushiony covering of the bed they’d been lent for the night. “So long as I get to sleep on this divine bed, they’re alright in my book. They’re even more hospitable than the poor hobbit was!”
“ Bilbo ,” Kíli reminds him. Having grown close to the hobbit during their adventure, he’d learned that he was particularly annoyed at being referred to simply as “the hobbit.” ( “I have a name,” he’d grumbled after Dwalin had dismissed him easily. “A perfectly good name that he’d be kind to remember!” ) Since then, Kíli had tried to use his name as often as possible.
“Yes, Bilbo,” Fíli amends. “Speaking of, what do you think of him?”
Kíli adjusts the sleeves of the robe the elves had lent them while they tended to their clothes, rolling them to keep them from covering his hands, before clammering up onto the bed with his brother. “I don’t know how he’ll fare as a burglar,” he admits, settling into the delightfully comfortable bedding. “But he is kind and honorable. A good man.”
“Mmm,” Fíli murmurs in agreement, practically falling asleep. It had been a long time since they had gone off to bed with a full belly and all of the comforts of home (though, to be true, the luxurious halls of the elves were a far cry from their modest upbringing), and Kíli would be lying if he said he wasn’t pleased with the turn of events. Elven culture was dramatically different than their own, but seeing a semblance of home , even if it wasn’t his home, had been deeply comforting.
A thought occurred to him, one that he had tried to squash down many times before, moreso now that their journey had started. He’d never properly voiced it aloud, not even to his brother.
What even was home ? Ered Luin had been the only home he had ever known, but being raised by Thorin it was always treated as a temporary solution. His days were filled with stories of Erebor, of their real home, but that’s all they were to him. Stories.
Now that the quest was proceeding, he felt a distinct fear gnawing at him. Would he even like Erebor? Thorin always spoke of the great, winding halls that carved deep into the mountain, but Kíli hated being underground for long stretches of time, much preferring the rolling, open fields or the comforting canopy of the forest. ( Elf-bred indeed , his brain mocks). If Thorin were restored to his throne, certain...responsibilities would be expected of him. He wasn’t sure he would be able to fulfill them. Fellow dwarves would be depending on them, and he was right terrified of letting them down, of not being up to the task.
He knew in many ways Fíli felt the same way - that their upbringing precluded him from being a suitable heir to Thorin’s throne, that he also feared not being adequate for their people. But Fíli didn’t see himself the way Kíli did - the way their fellow dwarves in the settlement saw him. He was assured and just and kind. He was skilled on the battlefield and had proven his worth as a soldier and general in his time on patrol.
And then there was the unspoken truth about his birth - he was the spare. Part of him didn’t even dare to hope that he would ever even see the halls of Erebor, which is maybe why he couldn’t picture where he would fit. He’d already nearly lost his life thrice already - most recently this morning, when he’d covered the company as they’d fled the band of orc hunting them, jagged arrows narrowly missing him. Then there was the business with the trolls, and not to mention how he almost got himself drowned (purely on accident, at that!). The wizard had alluded to the fact that the danger would increase the farther they traveled - that Rivendell would be their last safe sanctuary for quite some time.
He drew up the map of their road in his mind. Idly, he wondered at which point he would meet his demise.
“You’re not sleeping,” Fíli groggily mumbles, arm blindly flopping around to find him. “Go t’sleep.”
Kíli rolls, curling up against his brother’s side, squashing down his dark thoughts once again. Fíli already has so much to worry about; he doesn’t want to burden him further, especially knowing how much theorizing about his own end distresses his brother.
He focuses instead, on happier memories, in particular on a foraging trip he had taken with Fíli and Dwalin through the woods surrounding Ered Luin on a perfect autumn day, the leaves swirling around them in reds and golds in the crisp breeze. They were just children, unburdened by the worries of their people. Carefree. Happy .
The sound of Fíli’s soft snoring and the comfort of their bedding eventually lulls him into a dreamless sleep.
-----
AN - I’m wrapping up the next chapter (currently rewatching the films for reference - my dumb self forgot about the whole ~arkenstone~ thing...oops).
Without thinking, he leaps into the rushing water, frantically moving forward, the water pushing him along with unforeseen might. He smashes into the rocks, his hands gripping wildly for his brother. Finally, he feels Kíli’s solid weight just under the surface and he pulls.
“Here, laddie; we’ve got ‘em,” he hears suddenly, and he looks up to see Bofur and Bifur with their arms extended. He lifts his Kíli up as well as he can, and the brothers grab him to pull him the rest of the way up. Kíli is deadweight, unmoving, and Fíli’s heart lurches in his chest as Bifur carefully carries him across the rocks and to the riverbank.
“Now you,” says Bofur, and Fíli reaches for him, grateful for his help in getting out of the stream as his legs have turned to jelly and he’s not certain he could have done it on his own. He leans heavily on the innkeeper, trying to find his brother in the darkness.
“He’s not breathing,” he hears someone say, but he can’t quite place their voice. He abruptly realizes how cold he is. Lightning flashes again, but it seems so dim. Why is everything so dark? “Someone get Oin! He’s not breathing!”
He feels the mud of the bank under his feet, but his legs give out when Bofur relinquishes his hold to let him stand. He hears thunder, and everything goes dark.
-----
gtg, chapter 25
Hilarious🥀👐
This is so my favorite Thor movie
that “oh shit” line is my absolute favorite moment in the history of Thor movies
Why does this fucking movie read like a god damn crack video but ITS ALL CANON AND REAL WTF MR WAITITI
It’s like Original Trek I swear
Hey!! I just wanted to say that I still go back and read your old fan fiction and LOVE it every time. It’s like the comfort food of fan fiction. Even if you don’t have the time writing anymore, there are still people out there who have loved and continue to enjoy your past work. If you ever do find the time to continue writing or write your novel, I would absolutely read it and be excited about it!
Anon you are so sweet! I actually have spent the last few days reading through my old stuff and comments/reviews and finding some inspiration again. It has always been in my heart to finish what I started with Greater Than Gold. And, well…let’s just say there’s been some edits made to the Google Doc since I gathered up enough courage to some on Tumblr again and after getting such sweet messages from people that I really respect and admire.
So, thank you. :) You are a wonderful, wonderful human being and I am so grateful for this message.




