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@dissasembled
Backup blog @gimme-my-boness
My name is Raz, this is an ed vent blog so if you find that type of content triggering please don't scroll further and block me.
Please do not contact me to ask for advice for starving yourself. Just because I engage in self destructive behavior doesn't mean that I'm willing to directly encourage behavior that is harmful or dangerous. I am and always have been pro recovery, I'm just not currently in a place where I'm ready to recover myself.
I'm so overwhelmed. I haven't been on here much lately, my life has been too insane and I haven't had the energy to write anything down.
I gained like 8lbs because of stress and shit but I've managed to lose 6 again. It's been a slower change which I guess is probably more sustainable but idk. I'd like to get back under 120 in the near future.
My BF is out of town, so I've been getting high on pills and doing nothing but I have to go back to work tomorrow. I'm just so depressed I can't imagine being functional at all. I'm burning out really hard.
I just got prescribed ADHD meds (finally) and it's absolutely killing my appetite. And I just got a new puppy and have been taking him on walks, and I've been going to physical therapy and exercising. I have no idea how much I weigh because I haven't found my scale since we moved, but all my pants are getting loose and I'm loving it. I've been so uncomfortable with my weight for a while it feels so good to be making some progress even if I don't know how much I've lost.
Dysphoria is kicking my ass today. My BF cut my hair which I thought would help but it didn't. I want to rip my skin off.
I just ate a whole ass dinner and I want to kms 🙃 I tried to get the lowest calorie things on the menu but it still came out to 430 and I feel disgusting. Especially considering that I ate restaurant food (buffet style so I can only try to calculate those cals) yesterday too. And the night before that I drank a ton of whiskey which is hella high calorie. Hopefully this next week I can get my act together and restrict hard enough to continue losing weight. I'd love to be under 120 a week from now.
My BF told me I've already lost a noticeable amount of weight. I've only been restricting for a week so it felt good and validating but I also feel guilty because I know he worries. Im down 8.6lbs from where I started.
Had a bunch of whiskey tonight and I feel like shit about the calories because I've been so good lately. And I'm visiting my dad and I'm going to have to have at least two meals with him. But I guess I'll make it up later ro something idk.
Pills make everything better. Had a lil mental breakdown earlier but I took some benzos and now I'm feeling good.
I've only had 55 calories today too.
I've lost 4lbs in the past 5 days. Grief is great for weight loss I guess. And I finally got set up with a psychiatrist and got put back on 2 medications, both of which can have weight loss as a side effect.
My boyfriend's father died this morning and I feel like the world is collapsing around me.
We've lived together with him for the past three years and my BF had been his caretaker for eight years now. He had a heart attack and my BF had to perform CPR but wasn't able to be revived even after the paramedics worked on him for 20 minutes.
Our whole world just shifted on its head.
please reblog this if it is okay to anonymously confess something to you.
Start confessing anything you want to!.
Jk about the sorta in recovery thing 🙃 I passed 130lbs and that always freaks me out so I'm back to calorie counting and restricting. Barely under 130 now but hopefully I'll be close to 120 soon. The first ten pounds usually goes pretty quick.
0 6 9
0: Height
5'6" but I usually wear platforms that make me anywhere from 5'9" to 6' lol
6: Age you get mistaken for
Idk I think I look about my age. I can't even remember the last time someone guessed my age.
9: Got any piercings?
I have my nostril, septum, lip, bellybutton, nipples, and 3 in each ear. And four of my ear piercings are stretched, two to 2g and two to 00g. I'd like to get more done but I'm still deciding.
Thanks for asking 🖤
Small update I guess. I'm sorta in recovery? Like it wasn't deliberate, I've just been eating more in a healthy way. I keep trying to force myself to slip back into restricting because I dislike how much I weigh currently, but my relationship with food has gotten better and restricting is hard when it's not fueled by mental illness lol.
Also I've more officially come out as nb to the people around me, still not fully out about it but I'm openly calling myself nb when it comes up which is something I've never done before. My BF is helping me narrow down a list of names.
Also I've been seeing someone new lately lately, they're super cool and pretty and I have a big ol crush on them. My BF and I have been talking about polyamory and he's putting in so much research and doing so much self searching about it all and I love him so much for it. I've been in a poly relationship before so I have more of a baseline to go off of but he's always been in hetero monogamous relationships in the past. He's embracing that he isn't completely het also (demi/polysexual) which I love to be there for.
I'm doing really well at my job and have been getting recognized for it, which always feels good.
Idk. Things are changing but I feel good about it.
Wanna be nosy? Here's your chance.
0: Height 1: Virgin? 2: Shoe size 3: Do you smoke? 4: Do you drink? 5: Do you take drugs? 6: Age you get mistaken for 7: Have tattoos? 8: Want any tattoos? 9: Got any piercings? 10: Want any piercings? 11: Best friend? 12: Relationship status 13: Biggest turn ons 14: Biggest turn offs 15: Favorite movie 16: I’ll love you if 17: Someone you miss 18: Most traumatic experience 19: A fact about your personality 20: What I hate most about myself 21: What I love most about myself 22: What I want to be when I get older 23: My relationship with my sibling(s) 24: My relationship with my parent(s) 25: My idea of a perfect date 26: My biggest pet peeves 27: A description of the girl/boy I like 28: A description of the person I dislike the most 29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend 30: What I hate the most about work/school 31: What your last text message says 32: What words upset me the most 33: What words make me feel the best about myself 34: What I find attractive in women 35: What I find attractive in men 36: Where I would like to live 37: One of my insecurities 38: My childhood career choice 39: My favorite ice cream flavor 40: Who wish I could be 41: Where I want to be right now 42: The last thing I ate 43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately 44: A random fact about anything
help
Is your pfp a picrew and if so please can I have the link
Definitely! It's my favorite one
❣️ PERSONAL & NON-COMMERCIAL USE ONLY ❣️ 個人的および非営利的な使用のみ ❣️ ✅ OK to use as profile picture. ✅ OK to post in online picture galleries & soci
My dash is a graveyard, interact with this post if you're 18+ and I'll follow you 🖤
