[disxppexringme]

It’s February 14th, 2019 at 1:33am

I’m currently sitting on my couch crying with my dog sleeping in my lap because we have to put him down tomorrow. The gate was left open and he bit one of our neighbors.

I’m also extremely depressed with a full blown eating disorder and the saddest I’ve ever been my whole life. I’m sick and on my period and I’m 176.2

I hope that in one year I’ll be better. I hope I’ll make a chocolate cake with pink icing and be spending the day with someone I love. Whether that someone is me finally loving myself or someone else helping me to get there.

[disxppexringme]

BRO LITERALLY A YEAR LATER I WAS WITH MY GIRLFRIEND WE DIDNT MAKE A CHOCOLATE CAKE BECAUSE I FORGOT ABOUT THIS POST

but in all reality i don’t love myself but i do have someone helping me get there so IF THIS DOESNT SHOW U GUYS THAT IT GETS BETTER THEN IDK WHAT WILL

oh and the dog was put down about a year ago and i still miss him with all of my heart everyday, he was such a good dog and should still be here today

also LMAO but in the meantime i moved from florida to new york the day after i graduated high school so that’s cool funky n fresh

[disxppexringme]

hey so uh it’s been a while... i haven’t been super active on here like i used to in over a year

but i don’t know if i’m gonna stay for long

in my absence i’ve lost another 25 pounds with out trying since i still can’t eat

it’s not that i don’t want to eat anymore trust me i wish i could just eat like a normal person

it’s so fucking frustrating not being able to eat more than one meal a day like i genuinely want to get better but i can’t

like i wake up about to vomit every morning because i fucked up my stomach that bad i can’t eat more than a handful of food without feeling like i’m about to explode

i know that seems like the dream to you guys but it’s not trust me

like my stomach and intestinal tract are always hurting i’m always in pain always

the thoughts have gone away though which is nice but they were replaced with the worst batches of depression i’ve ever had and it just keeps getting worse

which is what brought me back here. for the past 5 days i have been sobbing. just crying for hours at a time usually at night. like i just can’t stop crying over nothing. it’s been bad to say the least

but in good news i have a girlfriend!! she’s so fucking beautiful and amazing and just the best person in the world. like she knows everything so i’m lucky that i have her to keep me on track. she also has an ed so she knows what it’s like. she’s honestly the only reason i’m trying to get better

but i don’t know how i got back here if i’m trying to get better i deleted tumblr like last july and just downloaded it today because i saw a #proana post on twitter and i guess i got caught up in my head

which is actually really scary because that’s how it all started the first time and to know that younger more vulnerable girls and boys are about to see that hashtag for the first time is nerve wracking i wouldn’t wish this on anyone it’s not a fun thing to have it’s a fucking monster that doesn’t leave you alone even after you’re done with it. it just eats at ur brain until there’s nothing left no matter how hard you try or how long it’s been since you “recovered” it will always come back

[livixdunne-blog]

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[disxppexringme]

SEND ME ASKSKSKSKSK

[disxppexringme]

i turned my notifs off for tumblr and i haven’t been on it for what seems like weeks and i came back to so many notifs and 100 more followers so hello pls introduce ur self to me i want friendsss

[disxppexringme]

I sure do eat a lot for someone trying to get skinny

[disxppexringme]

I love girls and boys I want to be in a relationship so bad what am I doing wrong

[disxppexringme]

Give movie suggestions

I normally don’t watch movies but I’ve been in a movie mood recently

They don’t have to be ED related I just need movies to watch because I have a bad cold and it sucks

[disxppexringme]

I honestly just want to fucking die

Like I’m not just saying it I genuinely want to not exists anymore

My self esteem has never been this low and I can’t do it any more

I don’t know what I did wrong to get here but I honestly don’t even care anymore

[disxppexringme]

A wave of “I really want to not exist right now” just hit and I don’t want to do anything or be anywhere or exists at all

Lol

[disxppexringme]

Anyway now that I ate more than I should’ve for the past three days what’s the plan m8

[crispiesttoastonpaperplates]

ED asks

0 cal: height and starting weight? UGW?

5cal: favorite binging foods?

10cal: Purging?

15cal: Favorite low cal snack

20cal: Ideal daily calorie intake?

25cal: Favorite workouts?

30cal: Favorite peice of clothing?

35cal: Favorite color?

40cal: When did your ED start?

45cal: Pant size?

50cal: Feature most excited for when at goal weight?

100cal: Longest time ever fasted?

350cal: Typical daily routine? (Fasting, checking weight, meal plans, etc)

500cal: Most disliked physical feature?

750cal: Most disliked issue you deal with die to ED? (Cold hands, people’s comments, etc)

1000cal: Ever self harmed?

1350cal: Most disliked personality feature?

1500cal: Why did your ED start?

1750cal: if you could get rid of your ED, would you?

2000cal: Absolute worst fear?

🖤Share for a guaranteed ask🖤

[disxppexringme]

My hair: falling out rapidly

Me: y’all see sum?

[restrictivecals]

i had to remake my ed blog so currently my dash is very empty! looking for people to follow. reblog if you can relate to any one of these! 💗🌿🔭

• — ♡ you’re 15+

• — ♡ lookin for a friend in the community :)

• — ♡ around my height (5’3/5’4)

• — ♡ starting weight or current weight above 150+

• — ♡ you still live with your parents and/or you are in highschool still

• — ♡ you’re an active ana/ed/thinspo blog as of jan 2019.

• — ♡ low cal intake

• — ♡ difficult for you to do hella long fasts bc parents

• — ♡ you reblog ed posts/thinspo/food diaries/low cal foods/ed memes/anything ed related.

really want to have an active dash and make some friends cause i currently speak to the void :’)

[wander-luster7]

If you are a single lesbian/bi girl, like and reblog this so we can all find a Tumblr girlfriend 🏳️‍🌈

[emotional-addict-blog]

14 and lesbian :)

[lovelyfine]

15 // pan // va

[theskinniestlegacy]

15 lesbian

[disxppexringme]

17, bi but I like girls a lot more than guys :)

[anorangell]

Reblog if you don’t remember ever having a flat stomach

[disxppexringme]

I think I’m going to go back to being “Vegan” but I’m still going to eat eggs and chicken and turkey. But hear me out

I recently went vegan for a week and it made it really easy to say no to a lot of foods. And I lost pretty quickly on top of that. But I realized that even though I fucking hate the way animals are treated in factory farms I just can’t go vegan. I love chicken, eggs, and turkey way too much.

But I have decided that I’m not going to eat dairy at all or cows or pigs. So I’m not going vegan and I’m not trying to diss vegans in anyway because I wish I had the will power to do it.

Anyway, even if something has lecithin in it I’m not eating it. And like, everything has lecithin in it.

I’m doing this to loose weight but also because the way animals are treated in today’s culture is fucking sickening. Hopefully I’ll be able to cut all animal products out of my diet one day

[disxppexringme]

I stepped on the scale and lost 1 pound since yesterday. And my smile was ear to ear. Nothing beats that feeling.

Let me tell you I had chick-fil-a grilled nuggets (6) waffle fries (medium) and a fruit punch (medium) AND they have us free ice cream but I was with my friend so I was going to give it to her and then they pulled out another one like wtf so I ate it and I felt so guilty and sad until the moment I stepped on the scale.