Military Time

-Navy girlfriend. 28APR11<3 Deployment. NW Washington state. -Coastie/Marine/or Sailor wanna-be. -Air Force grandfather. -Army great-grand father. I will always follow back any military S/O. We gotta stick together :) Skype: fallenromanze Original blog: illusionoftheheart.tumblr.com Graphics blog: diversegraphics.tumblr.com

[dividedbyduty-blog]

Update:

Curtis was here 15JAN12. We haven't talked since. It's over, I'm done. I would just really like my stuff back, but have no way to get a hold of him. He changed his number. It hurts, like hell, but I'm done with it all.

On a better note, I'm joining the National Guard. I've gone through getting tests and paperwork from my doctor, stating my asthma has ceased to exist. I've gotten a letter from the School District office stating I've officially completed 9Th grade. Tomorrow I will call the recruiter. The representative who called wasn't very pleasant. And she'd disabled my online account, so unfortunately I have to actually converse with someone before making another account or applying with a recruiter. I'll be going through the GED Plus Program. I've even decided which 3 MOS(es?) sound good. 92Y, 12D, and 31B. For those of you who don't know, 92Y is Unit Supply Specialist. 12D is Diver. And 31B is Military Police. I've gotten a running partner to exercise and build strength before (if) I go to Basic. So I can keep up (and not fail). I'm terrified of teargas, so Basic will be exciting. And if I have to be sprayed with pepper spray like some have told me, I will not be one happy camper. I'll look pretty hot in my ACU's though. ;D Just kidding. Haha. To be completely honest, realizing my dream of joining the military is now scaring the shit out of me. Its weird to have something I've wanted so bad for over half of my life to be so close.

Anyways, just figured I should write this all down. :) 

[dividedbyduty-blog]

Everyone thinks he's such an asshole, because I complain about all the bad so much. No one knows how good things were. So everytime someone else tells me to break up with him, or insults him, I just want to yell at them. I rather have someone stay quiet than say that. People think I may be stupid when it comes to this relationship. And yeah, I'd agree. But love is stupid. It causes people to put up with a lot, to take more than they can bare. And I love him. Maybe there will come a time when he pushes too far, but that hasn't happened yet. And I'm not in any hurry. There's no hurry to end a potentially great relationship. I'm only 18 and I don't need to rush in and out of things. I can take my time.  I couldn't love anyone more than I love him. And yes, he's made me to stressed to the point I've physically been sick, but people act like that's hard to do with me. Well it's not. Irrationality, stupidity, and insanity are all a part of me being in love (I'm insane anyways.) There isn't much I wouldn't do for him, or much I won't put up with. I may know he doesn't love me in return, and that may never happen. But that doesn't mean I should give up this relationship. I know I deserve better, but that also doesn't mean I want better from anyone else. I'll take his crap over someone else's kindness. I'll deal with this hurt, I don't care. 

[happyheathen113-deactivated2013]

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[froggie125-deactivated20120704]

Iran needs to calm down 

[runtocatchupwiththesun]

:( not okay.

[loveofatravelingsoldier-blog]

[loveofatravelingsoldier-blog]

[anatomyalice]

“Many people remember a fallen soldier as a person in uniform. Sometimes that soldier is the four legged friend who saved your life by being a bomb-sniffing dog and finding the IED and warning you about it before it explodes. This is a sad but beautiful picture of pure respect for 2 fallen heroes.”

[dividedbyduty-blog]

1 What is the longest amount of time you’ve been away from your SO? 2 What is the longest time you’ve been in the same place as your SO? 3 Have you ever talked about kids names with your SO? What are some names that you like? 4 What is the best date you’ve ever been on with your SO? 5 What was the last holiday that you got to spend with your SO? 6 Are you looking forward to anything in the next few months?

1. 6 months. Would have been 8 if he weren't here for 9 hours back in October. lol.2. A few weeks.3. Not that I can recall, but it's possible. Kids have been a large subject of conversation in the past. Personally, I'd like for a girl; Celeste. And for a boy I'd like; Amadeus.4. We went to Fort Casey. An old Army Fort, now used for show. There were bunnies. It started to rain. And we took lots of pictures.5. I haven't spent a holiday with my boyfriend yet. His deployment just happened to take him away for all of them. :(6. Nothing in particular really. Seeing him, but that's always what I'm looking forward to.

[its-a-good-ass-nightt-blog]

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[fuckyeah--military-blog]

[venomoussoul-blog]

[dividedbyduty-blog]

Taada.

And just like that he walks back into my life and assumes he's done nothing wrong. Well, good news I guess. We're still together. But I don't know if I want to be with him anymore... He's not the person I fell in love with. Everything is changed. He's been in Washington for 2 weeks already supposedly, and just decided I wasn't worth contacting apparently.  His car, where he lives, who he hangs out with, the music he likes, the way he acts. He's smoking again. We fought and his solution was to grab a bottle of whiskey and invite a friend in (while I was in my bra and very visible, real nice of him.) He's even more rough in bed... I admit, I've walked away with bruises. I miss the old Curtis. Nothing is the same.

[dividedbyduty-blog]

I've become troubled.

It has become obvious Curtis and I are over. But I just can't let go of what we had. Or what I thought we had. I should just call up to NASWI and see if he's working to contact him. But he actually could be deployed, and I'm chicken. Not that I've believed he has been deployed for the last 7 months. I have his station's number, so I could. I just want my stuff back. Everyone says "it's just stuff, you can replace it." That's not fair. I shouldn't have to replace MY stuff because of a relationship ending, WITHOUT WARNING. And no, I CAN'T replace it, I don't have money to replace things. I'm not like everyone else and just have money to spend on whatever, so I have to do with what I have. Anyways. Every time I lay down to rest, memories pass through my mind. All the nights we lay together. Him hounding me about little things. Getting ICEE's all the time. West Beach. Him teaching me to drive a stick, and failing. I still haven't told my family. All they do is ask questions all the time. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it.  Me and my grandma both dreamt he proposed to me. We never saw this coming...

[dividedbyduty-blog]

(Part 2) BUT you deserve a man who will call you the moment they can. There shouldn't be a twilight area if you two are truly and deeply in love. I know you care for him, and I am sure he cared for you, too. But deployments can change people. I am not saying to break up, but I am saying to look at your situation and decide what's best for you. Is this the kind of life you want to live?

Its always good to hear from others about this kind of stuff. <3

[dividedbyduty-blog]

Hey girl, I know you're having a rough time and I thought I would put in my two cents. It seems like you two barely talk and you are in this twilight area of are we together or not?" And I know how that feels, believe me. That at least if you aren't broken up, it's okay. But actually, you deserve better than that. You deserve a MAN who will treat you like you're the only girl in the world. A MAN would not put pictures of other girls on facebook and neglect to call you when they have the chance.

Thank you.

[dividedbyduty-blog]

Well...

I can't say the days are getting easier. I wish he'd just break it off already, if that's what he's going to do. For a while my mind consisted of nothing but thoughts of him. So this hurts. Being ignored by someone you love... Its painful. His own friend even, said I deserve better. I believe I deserve better than how he's been treating me, and its not possible for anyone to think lower of myself than I do.  He posted pictures of another girl on facebook. And added a picture of him. He now has a mustache. Its heartbreaking to go on there and see that.  I've emailed him twice. Sent him a message on facebook. Called him a few times. Sent a text once.  Sometimes I don't know what to do without him. And sometimes I feel okay with this, like I can let him go if that's what he wishes. But once things finally start ending I'll be in the worst pain of my life.  The other day I laid in bed, just thinking about these memories that will forever haunt me. Never again will I look at things that remind me of him in the same way as I once did. Anything Navy, ramen (of all things,) white f150's, anchors. Smaller airplanes make me think of when we'd sit and he'd play his flight simulator. I will never be able to listen to Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade again. Fort Casey will be painful to ever visit again.  I want to be back in his arms, him not letting me get up all night just because he wants me by his side. The way he wakes up for all of two seconds to give me a kiss, then falls right back to sleep. Not remembering a thing in the morning. I want to be back at his house, trying to play with a remote control plane and failing miserably, but having fun trying. Or at West Beach, him telling me to follow. But too busy looking for shells to walk much further.  Our relationship used to be the closest thing to perfect in my eyes. We may have fought a lot, but that didn't mean we didn't love each other. I would have followed him to the ends of the Earth. He made me happy....

[fuckyeahusnavy-blog]

A Sailor crosses the flight deck in front of two Marine Corps CH-53 Sea Stallion helicopter as the amphibious assault ship USS Bonhomme Richard (LHD 6) moves through heavy fog south of San Francisco.