sorry there's no place for you @divngbell - Tumblr Blog

bruh we got archer in therapy before mars in therapy that's fucking crazy

#transmission #dumb joke. but god #watching this show and making a joke that archer reminds me of mars. only for like the worst possible guy to make progress first LMFAO

accidentally sent mars a screenshot that had a message from the guy ive been texting and then had to scramble to delete and send a new one EEP

#transmission #i might be bold but not quite that bold yet.

having a moment. continually trying and failing to meet new people and connect with someone only to feel immediate violent disgust whenever someone expresses interest in me. deleting the dating app i downloaded and blocking the person i was talking to and going scorched earth. i feel sick. this is the first time ive missed mars so much in a while. but interacting with him now is so strange and foreign. i miss the tenderness. i miss what we had when this was fresh and new and exciting and sweet. i'm so angry. i'm so hurt. I loved him so much and i'm so. so stupid for doing it. i have to stop trying to replace it. nothing and no one will ever be what we were. chasing the high is only making me feel worse. i can't do it. i'd rather just be alone. god. fucking dammit.

#transmission #having a moment of weakness. sorry #i miss him.#i wish i could pull the man i loved out of the monster he's become so badly but he's gone and i'm never getting him back #and god why do i want to he treated me. so so so badly. but i ache anyways

stop touching me. stop hugging me. stop stop stop. you made your bed now lie in it. i don't want to be doing this im only doing it because i have to. as soon as I'm independent from you you will never fucking hear from me again. you and your shitty gas station rose your new fuck buddy got you. do you think i don't see you leaving these things in the car like they're gonna make me jealous? it's a gas station rose. it's not a beacon of romance it's a ploy from a cheap fling. you make me fucking sick

#transmission

made the mistake of looking at his tag for me and now i want to kill myself LMFAO

#transmission #not really. im fine. but god #what happened man. what fucking happened #he used to be so in love with me. or it seemed like he was. what fucking happened #i swear to god he's turned into somebody else entirely #the man i loved is dead and gone. the person he's become is a cruel facade masquerading as my former lover #it makes me sick. he used to be so kind. so loving so giving.#now looking at him makes me violent. he's so cruel. so selfish. such a fucking asshole #what happened to you man. what happened.

finding catharsis in being more than a little mean to my ex whenever he's here

#transmission #whatever its the least he deserves lmfao #mostly things said in jest but i hope he understands the bite in my voice is intentional and pointed #'im the only twink you'll ever need' bold words from the man who cheated on me. i dont need you at all LOL #'sorry i lied to you' said jokingly met with 'wouldnt be the first time' said with poison on my tongue. i hope it hurts.#i can be cordial and still angry. i can cook for you and offer a place in my home and still defend myself #you will never have my full hearted kindness again. you do not deserve it

absolutely fucking deranged behavior to come over unannounced wearing the flannel of the guy you cheated on me with and then leaving aforementioned flannel in my fucking house while you go fuck him again. im starting to realize that i hate you

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you randomly show up in my home unannounced and I'm the bad guy?!!?!!! bruh!

#transmission #there goes the rest of my fucking day you asshole

why is the kindness so easy to offer now that you've broken my heart. why do you communicate more now that it's over. why couldn't you just do what i begged of you it's all i wanted

#transmission #i hate crying over him it just makes me feel fucking crazy

why has this actually been like. good. for me. lol. i didnt realize how much time i wasted cleaning up after someone else and how much energy i expended surrounded by filth until i didn't have to do it anymore. i mean he still comes here when im not home and makes a fucking MESS everywhere that he doesn't clean up but it's easier to clean up when it's not. literally everything around me constantly LOL. it's fucking crazy. it's crazy how i let him do this to me for years. i never lived in this filth before and now that he's leaving i never will again. god. i will a carve a new better self out of the wreckage of my life and he will weep for the person he's lost. venus help me i will make it fucking so

#transmission

this is the hardest thing I've ever done. ive never wanted to beg like I wanted to at that restaurant looking at his face and all i could think is that i still loved him so much. that he looked really nice tonight and how i wished this was all different and how I wanted to beg in front of all those people for him to take me back. it's so cruel. it's so fucking hard when i still love him so much

#transmission #not handling any of this well. everyone keeps complimenting how well im holding myself together but they arent seeing the way i scream when #im alone. theyre not hearing me crying at every beat pause thinking of every way i could manage to make him still love me #i feel sick

i don't know how long i can stave off the breakdown. i can't stop hyperventilating crying no matter how hard i try. but i need to be okay because i need to plan how this next fucking year is going to go. because i have a year to totally upend and restart my life. good fucking god im so scared and sad and sick

#transmission

so its over. like that almost three years of my life are over. all the love and money and effort i gave and like that its gone. like i guess we're still living with each other for a year but it's. over. because. he doesn't want to be tied down. so it's. like that. just gone.

i feel empty

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i am not going to fight this uphill fucking battle the rest of my life baby ill fucking kill myself. figure yourself out I'm sick of being stranded by the only person i have and you better fucking act fast because im tired of trying to find plsces on my body to cut that you won't see

#transmission

i didnt know it was possible for someone to be this fucking oblivious but I guess this is how the whole night is going to be

#transmissions #or worse yet he's doing it on purpose. kms #curse my wanting

my boyfriend hates me and im only exaggerating a little bit

#transmission #i should kill myself.

fucking pissed

#transmission #whatever

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sorry there's no place for you