What would eventually become your lifestyle started with a single rebellious act.
Normally you were prim and proper when it came to all things; the prospect that others might judge you harshly left you paralyzed with fear. You made sure that any makeup you wore was mostly innocuous, and that you were dressed modestly enough not to draw attention to yourself. If you were going to earn the admiration of your peers, it would be through hard work and a continued display of intellect.
“Why?” I asked you one day, as you curled up on my couch for a session of psychotherapy.
You looked at me puzzled.
“What do you mean, Doctor?” you asked me, your face crinkled in a blend of confusion and revulsion, as though I must lack the understanding of some irrefutable universal truth.
“Why do you care how you earn the admiration of others? It’s clear that you want others to like you; why does it matter if they like you for the way you look over the things you say?”
Words such as those might normally be perceived as a declaration of war by an overachiever such as yourself, but the gentle tone with which they drifted soothingly from my lips through the air made them sound almost… inviting.
“No… I couldn’t… it’s not right…” you muttered softly, your voice wavering with more than a hint of uncertainty.
“I have a gift for you.” I smiled and placed a bright purple tube in the palm of your hand. “Try this: take this special lipstick home with you, put it with your makeup supplies, and one morning this week I want you to try it on and wear it out for just one day.”
“But…” you started to counter, as I interrupted.
You took the tube of lipstick home with you to satisfy me, with no intention of actually wearing it. But then, one fateful morning, your eyes were drawn to the bright little tube sitting on the surface of your bathroom sink, and you were overcome by a wave of curiosity.
“Why not?” you thought. “It’s just one little flourish this one time… right?” you told yourself reassuringly, as you removed the lid from the tube of lipstick.
You slowly pressed the stick to your lips, rubbing down every millimeter, coating them in a generous portion of glossy neon purple.
After smacking your lips together with finality, you looked at your face in the mirror, as your reflection whispered back at you: “Aren’t you so much better like this? Aren’t you just perfect, now?”
A smile formed slowly on your bright, painted lips.
And just like that, with nothing but the softest nudge on my part, you toppled the first domino and lost yourself.
💊 Dr. Bimbo Brainwashing, MD: expert in psychological reform 💊