Just a Dom sharing his thoughts

@doctordaddysir

I've been at this for many years, some might say old school. 47 male, married, Taken, GA love sharing my experiences, teaching others, offering my advice, giving my warnings and sharing the erotica that I write. All stories are 100% mine. NSFW stuff lots of it no one under 18/21 allowed depending on your state/country. here's a link to all my stories: https://doctordaddysir.tumblr.com/post/178320244548/people-have-been-asking-for-links-to-my-stories-so SC: daddysirtoyou

3,067 posts

Do you have any advice for anyone who wants new experiences in regards to anal, though they have had bad experiences in the past? My dom and I want to use butt plugs but I'm nervous after all the bad experiences I've had with it. (Buttplugs are a new thing for me too)

As corny as this sounds, slow and steady wins the race. Most people have a bad experience when some Jack ass decides to ram it in like a dumbass without regard to injury.

When it comes to anal you have to remember that there's two sphincter muscles, an outer and inner. The key to anal not killing you is in the second sphincter. You have to find ways to help yourself relax. Breathing exercises help, making sure your partner doesn't rush things helps, and not using something the size of a fist to start helps.

Small plugs are a great way to start out, and plugs actually feel way different than a cock also. The difference is with the plug, once it's in, the sphincters can almost close because of the tiny shaft. With a cock the sphincters are held open wider and longer. Lube is your best friend to start. Use a ton of it. Don't be afraid or shy about it.

My starter tips:

1. Lube

2. Start with a finger, slow, steady, helping both sphincters relax and adjust to the intrusion

3. Positioning, contrary to popular "porn belief", doggy style isn't the best angle for anal, or even a really good one. On your back, legs bent up and spread, is almost the perfect angle for most guys to try it on you.

4. The sphincters. The first one is easy. It's just constant pressure. The second inner one is the big clincher. The more you push from outside the more it clinches and hurts. The trick is to exhale and push out against the finger/plug/cock. It sounds counter intuitive to say push out but it works. Push out a little(like you're trying to push out gas to be blunt) and you'll feel it relax and whatever you're trying to get in will pop in much easier. After it's in really don't rush it. Let it stay open and relax and take it slow.

5. Once you practice all of that you'll find it to be a lot more enjoyable. Patience, relaxation, and remember to push out for the second sphincter. That's really the best advice I can give.

This concludes anal tips by Doctordaddysir 🤣❤️

What's something you are into that you don't discuss much on your blog?

I usually answer these with something funny like "dryer lint, I'm into dryer lint" but I'll change it up a bit this time.

I've never written a story about it, reblogged a post about it that I remember, but I am definitely into hypno and am actually good at it. Not the flashy light, pulsing sound kind of trancy stuff you see on Tumblr, that's never interested me until recently, but the full "watch this moving object" or "feel this small circle on your arm" "I'm gonna count down from fofe to one....now sleep" kind of thing.

I've been doing it for five years or so and have had a good amount of experience with it. Cadence's, voice tone, physical and visual clues, etc all help and I've gotten pretty confident in my abilities with it.

I love to watch a sub go limp and sleep as I finish a countdown, and then love to implant ideas into her. You have to be careful and I'm always big on making sure I discuss what will be done before hand and as I talk in their sleep I always put in safeties to make sure they can snap out at any time. It's not as scary as some think and it's not like I can make anyone do anything they absolutely would not if not hypnotized. I also have never used it to make someone break a boundary or limit.

I've done sexual and non sexual hypno. I have made a sub think she was left handed even though she was right handed, I can make someone feel heat and cold, I can make someone cum from rubbing on part of the body that aren't sexual. My personal favorite is rubbing circles on the palm of a hand or an arm until they cum. I love making someone forget soemthing thats so engrained in them, like numbers. Making someone forget that the number three is a thing, hearing them pause when counting and then call it something like peaches, or blue etc, is kind of a blast but also something I take very seriously.

I take it so serious that's part of the reason I don't write fantasies about it. It takes so much trust, effort and time between me and her that I choose not to write much because I don't want to make it seem like just a casual thing to do to someone.

If you practice it, take it seriously, and understand that you shouldn't abuse someone with it, shouldnt let someone you don't trust completely try it with you , and understand that even in hypno you need to have safety systems in place to assure things don't go wrong.

Thanks for the question.

When i see a really SFW vanilla blog follow me😃

I see your page filled with pictures of vacations spots, puppies, recipes and inspirational quotes.

I see you reblogging other cute SFW blogs.

I also see you liking my stories full of pain and pleasure, dominance and submission.

I also see you reading my advice on what makes these relationships so amazing, the rules, the caring, the constant reassurance from both sides.

I want you to know your secret desires are safe here. We’ve all started somewhere. We arent as scary and bad as you think. Stop in, have some coffee, grab your favorite vibrator that no one knows about and stay a while. You might just enjoy what you see and read. We don’t bite, unless that’s your thing…..😂😂

I love seeing a SFW blog follow me and start liking my dirtiest fun posts. I'm just over here like..."I see you, but don't worry, your secret is safe with me"

I love it when a NSFW and SFW blog of the same person follow me. It makes me smile. I’m like “Hey, I see your naughty side is showing…How you doin’?”. This is our secret 😂😂😂

I safe-worded last night while playing with my daddy over Skype and he told me I couldn’t stop and that I was being an awful girl for him. My heart is just broken I truly thought he was different I was just feeling overwhelmed and not in the right headspace. He wasn’t saying anything that is a hard limit but in that moment it didn’t feel good and I started to have a panic attack. Should I have handled this differently? I have tried talking to him and he won’t talk to me now:(

No. Without a doubt in my mind you were 100% in your right to use your safeword if things didn’t feel right. It doesn’t matter what your limits are or if he was pushing them or not. This entire thing is based on trust and consent. Once you use that safeword your playtime, scene, whatever you want to call it should stop. Any good Dom would stop and find out what happened. We may not know what triggers things until they happen. If it felt wrong you did the right thing by safewording and in my opinion any dom that breaks that trust is a huge red flag and on top of that he’s now ignoring you. That’s two huge red flags.

You need to be very careful with this because that is almost breaking the most sacred of the bonds. A safeword is there for a reason. The only thing I’ll say is be thankful it was just over Skype. If he ignores it over Skype he would ignore it in person and that could lead to major physical or emotional damage. He already managed the emotional damage.

Please, id love some of my followers to chime in on this. If you want to discuss it more my inbox is open or Im sure I have a few Sub followers that will reply and tell you their inbox is open to help you understand how correct you were and how dangerous and wrong this was on his part.

Random Daddy dom Thoughts #201

Being a Dom isn’t about physical agressiveness.

Being a Dom isn’t about anger.

Being a Dom isn’t about proving you are better than others.

Being a Dom isn’t about having the most muscles.

Being a Dom is about trust.

Being a Dom is about consent.

Being a Dom is about control.

Being a Dom is about guiding.

I’ve seen several asks lately to me and a few friends that basically say “How can you be a Dom if you aren’t intimidating, or physically much stronger than your sub, etc etc.

I’m not a huge guy physically. I’m strong but I’m not huge. Most subs, play partners etc that I’ve had have been shocked at my strength but also shocked at how in control I am at all times. It’s about a mind set, it’s creating that sense of submission. I can play with someone that’s used to being beaten so black and blue they bruise for a week, and when I finish they don’t have nearly the bruises but their body feels so completely used it’s unlike anything they’ve experienced before. I do that through a connection, through a trust and through creating a safe environment where they don’t fear letting go completely. Bruises heal fast, but the lingering desire to be truly touched, tortured, and used by someone that absolutely cares for you can last a long time.

I guess I’m trying to say, build a connection, find real trust, and don’t worry so much about how big and bad your Dom is.

Three words

I hear many horror stories of Doms being abusive, breaking safe words , etc. I’ve always followed a very simple philosophy. I say that three words means all the difference. Three words can make or break you as a Dom, and they mean the world to a Sub.

Three words.

I got you

We got this

I’m right here

That’s my girl

I need us

I like us

You are mine

I am yours

Proud of you

You are special

Always be honest

What’s our safeword

Are you ok

Need some water?

You are safe

You are loved

Three words. They work wonders and are easy to understand.

NEED

I need to spend hours with your body.

I need to learn every curve.

I need to touch every inch.

I need to show you what it feels like when your thighs have trembled so much your legs go limp.

I need to show your stomach quivers so much you feel like you can’t sit up.

I need to make your lips feel empty without mine.

I need to teach your body to feel things it’s only imagined.

I need to know what you taste like as your thighs squeeze my ears.

I need to know what you feel like cumming around my fingers.

I need to know how far your body can be pushed with pain and pleasure.

I need you to know you’re safe to push those limits with me.

I need you.

All of you.

Okay so I've been hinting to my boyfriend that I want to try something other than his hand for slapping my ass. I was wondering if you have any experience in toys like belts, crops, rulers Etc. And if you do I was wondering if you could possibly list them from most to least painful so when I go to the adult store to surprise him I'm not surprising myself as well haha.

I read the first part of this "I've been hinting at my bf" and I wanted to answer "quit hinting and just tell him what you need or want to try, men aren't smart sometimes" 🤣🤣. I kept reading and see you're gonna buy things and surprise him, so that's perfect.

As far as what to buy to use other than the hand, wow, that's a big list and is a little subjective. You have thuddy toys, toys that sting, toys that just more tickle, toys that hurt a lot, etc. I'll give you my list of what I own and use and love:

Floggers to me are a great toy to learn. Getting a good flog swing down takes some practice but is well worth the time. If you start with a cheap, lightweight flogger it won't hurt that bad, just sting on the cheeks.

Riding crop, if used right, can be very good and not hurt too much. Dont do full swings or it'll be really painful. My trick is to hold the crop handle in one hand, place the end of the crop against the cheek, then pull back on the end of it about three inches from the cheek and let go. You aren't swinging at all at first. You just let the pole of the crop do the work. This will sting and thud but feel truly amazing to most women. If you need more pain you can explore swinging with it.

A good old fashioned paddle. You just can't beat a good solid wooden paddle for a good thuddy beating on the cheeks. Some love it some hate it.

A cat of nine tails, a flogger/whip like toy with big leathery wide tips at the end of it. This one can really do damage but if used in the right hands the control between thud, stinging and whipping will make you want and need more and more.

The list of "these really damage and hurt" are things like whips, canes, meat tenderizers, cane poles, floggers with chains, maces, etc. These can all be used but need someone that knows what the hell they are doing so they don't hurt you.

Start with a simple light weight flogger, or a cushioned leather strip type paddle/flogger. I have one that's two leather strips about two inches wide with a handle. Both are flexible and bendy and it's like a paddle but softer because they give.

You can even start with stuff at the house. A good flat backed hair brush. A feather duster, etc. Get creative. Look around.

Explore and have fun within your limits. Be safe and sane.

Why do you enjoy being a dom

Blow jobs whenever I want? 🤷🤷🤷

No seriously...

Why do I enjoy being a Dom?

Because the journey of building trust with someone and seeing them give me more and more of their submission is one of the most amazing and truly intimate journeys I experience as a human.

Seeing someone give themselves to me, giving me control over their body, their safety, their growth, their mind, their basically everything is a treasure that's hard to quantify.

You'll hear many guys claim to be a Dom but only want or care about the sexual stuff. Those guys are Tops at best, and abusers at the worst. They care nothing about aftercare, boundaries, emotional, physical or mental safety, and they damn sure don't care that you're choosing to trust them with such a huge gift.

When I have a sub I worry about everything for her. I worry about the sleep she gets, the water she drinks, the career she has or wants, the Drs appointments, the family stuff, etc. I worry about the anxiety she has from some trauma ten years prior that she's only told to maybe a handful of people and I'm one of them. I worry about every piece she chooses to share with me and because of that effort by me, she then let's go and becomes the amazing Sub or Little I deserve.

I'm always extremely confident in my abilities as a Dom, and some would see it as cocky, but I'm also well aware that my job as a Dom isn't just sex or beating someone. My job is proving to her that I can be trusted with all of it. I don't break boundaries, I don't abuse safewords, I don't even consider sex as a need in a D/S relationship, I know. Shocker. It's an amazing bonus once I've earned that right, but it's not a need.

Why do I enjoy being a Dom? Because I enjoy letting her be the best most amazing sub she can be because she trusts that I will always have her back, take care of her, lift her up and keep her safe. If I do all of those then I earn all the dirty, naughty, filthy, fun things we do as a d/s couple. A partnership. Yes I'm in control but it is a partnership. Without her submission I'm just a weird lonely guy hitting himself in the the thigh with a flogger thinking "this would be fun to use on someone else" 🤣

I'm not at all sure how to phrase this. But briefly stated what is the difference in a want and a need. I understand them academically but I'm having a very hard time labeling them, or labeling them specifically in my life. Every time I have a conversation with the dominant I am vetting about wants and needs. I find myself negating everything I need or want because they are merely wants. I'm having a very hard time differentiating in my own mind what is the want and what is it a need

I'll try to answer this as easily as possible. If you're discussing wants and needs with a potential Dom I applaud you. That's a great thing to do. You say you're negating a lot of things and my question I guess is, "are you negating them because he tells you they aren't needs?". I, as a potential Dom, don't negate many things as wants instead of needs unless it's really obvious.

If you tell me you have a need to be held and have your hair played with after an impact session that's a need for you and I wouldn't change that. If you tell me you need lots of reassurance that you're good enough for this then that's a need and I'd never negate it. If you tell me basic needs to be held, praised, or even a need to be used daily in ways that make you blush or embarrassed, those are needs.

Wants are definitely easier to understand. You want orgasms, you don't need them. You want chocolate, you don't need it. You want to be allowed to touch yourself and play, that's not a need. Etc.

Needs are something so much a part of you that you need them to feel safe, to feel trust, to feel like the relationship is stable and good. Needs make you feel your best. Needs make you feel like you deserve to be a sub. Needs make you feel like yourself. Needs should never be negated because someone else tried to tell you you don't really need them. Needs are the basic things that make you who you are.

Good luck on getting and take your time, make sure your wants and needs match up to his, if they don't then it won't be a good fit because you shouldn't compromise those needs for the sake of making someone else want you. Just take your time and learn for yourself what you truly need. You got this.

I'm hoping my followers will chime in on what their needs are going into a relationship and help expand on the meaning of needs.

Hi!!! I’m pretty new to the scene and I was wondering if you have any topics are vital to discuss with a Dom before entering a session. Other than limits, safewords, and aftercare.

Discuss EVERYTHING!!! Literally everything you can think of. Even mundane everyday life things. You can tell a lot about a person, whether it's a Dom, sub, switch, etc, by the way they discuss every day Life. For a Dom especially look for the ways he handles life daily, get a feel of he's easily irritated, angry, bothered, and so on. See what he thinks of handling problems in daily life. Don't be afraid to dig deep into things to make sure you can tell that he understands how to control without anger or irritation.

You can agree to do a scene with him without agreeing to fully submit, etc. Over the years I've had subs and play partners and they are very different Dynamics.

If you're thinking of submitting to him then ask all the questions, agree on the specific limits, hard limits, soft limits, rules, tasks, etc. Understand EXACTLY what you are consenting to before playing. Understand what you are giving up control of before saying yes. Understand that even after submitting you have a voice in the relationship. Always make sure he listens to your safeword, the color system (green, yellow, red), and make sure to remember that you can discuss problems and changes that you feel need to be made.

If you're just discussing playing with a Dom, a scene, whatever you want to call it , don't agree until you are 100% satisfied that you know exactly what's happening in the scene. Let him lay out the scene, his expectations, what he plans to do, what limits you have, and what expectations you have for the scene. Agree on that particular scene, express clearly what your safeword is, and don't hesitate to use it if ANYTHING during the scene seems off or you worry about your safety.

There's always a risk playing with a new Dom or Sub so just keep your wits about you and be safe above all else.

DOCTORDADDYSIR'S PSA #2

Making demands doesn't make you a Dom

Being controlling doesn't make you a Dom

Being manipulative doesn't make you a Dom

Being aggressive doesn't make you a Dom

You don't decide when she submits.

She isn't your Sub because you demand it

She isn't your Sub because you're controlling

She isn't your Sub because you're manipulative

She isn't your Sub because you're aggressive

She decides when she submits

You earn her submission by proving you aren't all of those things

You earn her submission by proving you will take care of her

You earn her submission by proving you deserve it

You earn her submission by respecting her right not to submit

Earn her submission. Period.

This isn't about sex

This isn't about ego

This isn't about machismo

This is about mutual respect

This is about effort

This is about trust

Prove yourself as a Dominant before you demand she be submissive.

This isn't a 13 year old boys porn fantasy

This isn't 50 Shades

I have several followers that need to hear this and their partners need to hear this. If you're trying to introduce D/S into your relationship you both have to agree to ALL of it. One can't just decide that it will happen. Discuss, agree, trust, and learn. You don't just wake up and make rules and demand they be followed. That's not how this works. Build trust. Build communication.

If you want to control her, you have to lead in a way she feels safe to let go. Hard work, effort, follow through and trust. Learn these things first.

End of rant

Midnight new years thought:

We are watching the ball drop in just the way I want it. You kneeling, my cock in your mouth as you slowly suck, not fast, not hard, just enough to keep moving.

My hand is on the back of your head ready and waiting. When they get to the ten second count down I shove your head hard and deep on to me. Your nose is pressed against me, your throat is full of cock. You gag, whine, choke, can't breathe at all. I feel you pushing. I feel your hands gripping me, trying hard to get a breath. Tears are forming, running down your cheeks.

As the clock strikes midnight, I release you, you gasp the deepest breath you can to help yourself adjust to breathing again and just as you finish that long deep gasp I pull your by the hair up to me for the most amazing, long, passionate kiss we can imagine. The mixture of your tears, your struggles, the warmness of your face from fighting to breathe, it all creates the perfect moment to kiss you like you've never been kissed.

At midnight, you immediately know from that control, and that kiss, that you are mine, always. You are loved, always. You are wanted, always. You are needed l, always. You are adored, always. And you are safe, always.

I almost never bite when someone sends me something like this but this one was so over the top and using words and phrasings to try to sound grandiose that I was compelled to say my peace back. I’ve never been one to attack someone that I know nothing about. This person, I’m assuming in an attempt to make himself feel better, or look better, etc starts off with a message to me that says “a real man would never say ‘Ive had many subs’…”.

Well, the truth is, I have. I’ve been doing this a long time. Not all relationships work out. I’m still friends with a good number of them, or at least remained friends for a while as life moves on. Relationships in d/s are no different from vanilla in that some last a long time, some last for life, some last for very short times. This “guy” knows zero about me but has the nerve to judge me and tell me that I am somehow less of a Dom and don’t treat women how they “deserve”.

If you spend anytime reading my blog it’s fairly obvious that I have an amazing amount of respect and adoration for this community, my past partners, all subs and doms in general. I try to give advice and guide even though I myself need that guidance at times. We all do. After I responded that he had no reason to judge me he came back with the usual “oh, I’m not judging, you’re taking my words wrong”. It’s very clear it was a judgement to me. I let him know and then blocked him. I don’t have time for this stuff.

After blocking him I guess he had more to say so he sent me an Anon ask. I’ve posted that pic here. This one was even more so of an attack and basically said I was a manipulative asshole that degrades and uses for sexual pleasure 😂😂😂. He even goes on to say that that’s all I understand is the sexual side and he attacks more. What a complete douche. Seriously.

Read my blog, it’s pretty damn clear that my sexual pleasure has almost zero to do with me being a Daddy Dom. I speak over and over again on how important it is to realize this is the about sex at all to me. I’d even hazard a guess that 80+ percent of my play sessions over the years have been with myself fully clothed. Relationships in d/s aren’t about sex, doesn’t mean sex won’t happen but it’s never my goal.

He then goes on to say I obviously don’t want to communicate with anyone who is mentally stable because my sexual exploitation wouldnt work. What the actual fuck does that even mean? I’ve never posted anything remotely close to an attempt at sexual exploitation. I love this for how laughable it is. Ugh. People. Fuck'em.

I normally wouldnt post someone’s messages and name like this but I think this guy deserves it. I hope my followers see me in a better light than some judgy ass that doesn’t know me at all. I hope his attempt at attacking me boosted his ego because it truly showed how clueless he is. I’d be very weary of this person. I get a sneaking suspicion he himself is into manipulation and gaslighting. When you clearly judge and then try to convince me that you weren’t and that you can’t help if I took your words wrong, that’s a classic gaslighting narcissistic technique. Take the obvious and make the other person believe it’s not what you said. Blah blah. This person sets off my creep radar.

Random Daddy Dom Texts #1046. When you know you’re good at what you do and she finds out you weren’t over exaggerating any of it. 😂😂😂

Just a Dom sharing his thoughts @doctordaddysir - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag