First Do No Harm

“I do not want to die who I am. I would like to live long enough to be someone else.” - Percy de Rolo from Critical Role

[callofthxvoid]

Zarina offered her husband a grateful smile when he took baby Jasmine off her hands. If someone had told her two years ago, or even one year ago, that she would one day be willingly walking around holding a baby, she would have been confused. But she also would have been confused if she had been told that she was also married with effectively two adopted adult children. What she wouldn't have been confused about, however, was being worried about Roman. She had been worried about Roman for years. "I would put the odds of him speaking honestly to me about his feelings at about five percent," she replied. "And that is being generous. But nevertheless, I will stop by and check on him tomorrow. I have a new houseplant I want to bring him anyway."

She offered him another smile before looking out at the crowd. "Speaking of, have you seen Eagan today? I have been meaning to ask her how she is enjoying her birthday cupcakes." Zarina paused. "I am glad that her and Jaiden are getting along well."

[doctorknightley]

Knightley was starting to wonder if it be better to limit their time outside the house, though even he knew that was illogical. He wasn't use to feeling so much all the time, and it was starting to become more difficult staying detached when making observations. He'd been calling Mo and Eagan's house regularly just needing to make sure they were safe and no other incidents had occurred.

Despite all that his priority over everything was still his wife, glancing up when he heard her come in from the garden. Setting the book he'd been aimlessly flipping through, he helped her settle into his lap. "Seems it's just us tonight, as much as I've enjoyed our full house, I do enjoy our quieter nights," he mumbled as he started drawing swirls on her back. "As much as I prefer our home, do you think it would have been better for Halley if we had kept Hank's?"

[ambercast]

Lucy inhaled shakily at the question, her chest aching. "He's mad at me," she said softly. They didn't want to say they were in a fight per se, since she wasn't mad or blaming Roman for anything. Roman was just . . . taking time.

[doctorknightley]

Knightley paused running his thumb along the side of his cup, making a mental note to inform Zarina later. Well that would explain why he wasn't here, he thought to himself. "Does he have a reason to be upset with you?" he asked, at the very least he could have Lucy's side of things.

[bcckmcskcd]

Finch took a deep breath, trying to let what Knightley really sink in. He was always hyper aware of the thoughts of others, the gaze of his father and brother never really leaving him no matter how long he'd been away from them. He visibly relaxed when Knightley didn't seem upset by the question, and let outa soft sigh of relief.

"I don't know if those count as children," Finch pointed. "Since they're legally adults, you know? But you guys do have like... nice parent energy." He paused, letting out a soft sound. "It's.... Well, it would be more complicated, first of all. I still don't think I'd be a good parent. I still can barely regulate my own emotions. Imagine me asking a two year old if they're mad at me because I said they have to eat their vegetables." He paused for a moment. "I do like seeing Neptune holding one thought. It makes me feel some kinda way."

[doctorknightley]

Knightley gave a small shrug, "No, not in the technical sense, but doesn't change that we seem to find ourselves in a position where we help guide them and care for them beyond just some form of sibling or friendship," he mused out loud. He was listening to Finch nodding along as he voiced his concerns, idly drumming his fingers on the table in thought. "Well maybe not asking something like that, but openly communicating with a child is never a bad decision," he offered, before chuckling, "Seems to me the one starting to want one as you put it, is you. I understand it would be more complicated, but not impossible. You also have the advantage of being able to fully plan this out, at least you have no chance of an accidental baby acquisition."

[callofthxvoid]

Zarina nodded slowly. "Indeed, it is the unique qualities of where we currently are that have kept me from trying too hard to make sense of the seemingly nonsensical," she mused, shifting slightly in her seat and leaning into his touch when he wrapped his arm around her wait. After Jasmine tugged on her hair a little too hard, she gently pried the strand from her fingers and tucked it behind her ear, offering the baby her fingers to play with instead. "Do you think something happened?" she asked, looking over at her husband with more concern in her eyes than she would show Roman to his face.

[doctorknightley]

Knightley had been watching, wincing in sympathy before reaching to transfer Jasmine to his own lap, letting her play with the pendant he still wore around his neck as he bounced her on his leg. "That would be my assumption, Lucy seems to be in attendance with Parker and Cat from the Commune." At the look in her eyes he leaned over and kissed her softly. "I'm not sure how likely he is to speak to you, but at least knowing he has the option might do him some good," the two's relationship was complicated to say the least. But Roman had stopped by to check on Zarina, there was no reason not to return the favor.

[bcckmcskcd]

"Well! I don't know! Maybe it makes other people uncomfortable," Finch mumbled, picking at the end of his shirt. It was really hard for him to imagine anyone benefit in any way from him being around. It had to be the years of abuse from his father and brother, but that wasn't the kind of doctor that Knightley was, so while the anxiety work was easy, the deep trauma still hadn't managed to dislodge in any significant way. "They do. Seem to kind of slow down when I'm around. Which is kind of nice. I really like Karma, but when she's all wound up, I get really overwhelmed."

He shrugged; he wanted to believe that Knightley was telling the truth about things, but Finch really couldn't understand what Knightley or Neptune could possibly get from being around him. "Does that make you guys want to have kids?" As soon as he said it, he realized that was probably not something he should have said. "I just um. I've never seen Zarina with a baby. I hear it sometimes makes people want them."

[doctorknightley]

Knightley reached across squeezing Finch's arm, "Listen I understand you worry over the thoughts of others, but you're allowed to show your boyfriend physical affection in public. Considering he seems to enjoy having you close, I don't think he'll complain." He chuckled and nodded, "She can be, but she's been helpful with Xander and his children, helps to have someone with that much energy." He'd been leaning back before pausing, eyebrows raising in surprise, his eyes flickering to Zarina who was holding baby Jasmine.

Looking back at Finch he slowly shook his head, "It's a reasonable question, but no. Neither of us have any intention of having children..." He'd trailed off, his gaze having gone to Jaiden with Marisol then Eagan with Val, pausing in thought. "Well not anymore than we've seemed to have acquired," he said turning back to Finch. "What about you then? Has seeing Neptune with the triplets made you reconsider having children?"

[bcckmcskcd]

Finch flushed again at the very thought, shaking his head quickly. "I mean - yes, I do want to do that - but it feels like I shouldn't,." He let out a soft, relieved sigh. "I know, but it's like... you didn't ask about my previous dating history, but that's the only way I could explain it all and I know you prefer to just have the straightforward answers instead of the round about. Zarina is the same way." He knew Knightley knew this; but there was no one quite like Zarina when it came to how direct Finch needed to be. "What?" Finch felt his stomach do a flip, and his head whipped back to Knightley. "Oh - um. That's - way too nice of you," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck, suddenly extremely bashful. "I think he's really good for me, but I don't know what I could possibly do to make him better,"

[doctorknightley]

Knightley couldn't help but chuckle," Finch, he's your boyfriend, unless he tells you otherwise you seem to have free reign to reach out to touch him." At least from what he'd seen of the two, they rivaled him and Zarina when it came to needing to physical touch. Slowly he shook his head, "If the roundabout answer is what you need to say to make yourself clear, that's what I prefer. I do like directness but it doesn't always come with clarity." Still he smiled to himself at the commentary on his wife, he couldn't exactly argue against it. Now he looked at him amused, "Relationships are two way streets, our friendship has been just as beneficial to me as it seems to have been for you. I'm not as close to Neptune, but he always seems relaxed around you, going off his sister, you seem to be a calming presence for both of them actually."

[exmcrtis]

"there's a good chance that i'll forget at some point. you probably already know this about me, but i always have a million thoughts going through my mind at one time, and sometimes they get muddled and i forget my own name. wish i was joking." dawson sighed softly, their expression falling at the mention of the retirement home. "i don't really do anything to help. i didn't even notice that anything was going on, so i don't really think i deserve praise just because i work there, you know?"

[doctorknightley]

"You're young, it takes practice to be able to ever organize racing thoughts, I still use a regular reminders to keep myself on a schedule," Knightley said fidgeting with the watch he still wore, "If I didn't stick to it, I'd likely forget to eat on the regular." His gaze softened and he shook his head, "No one did, it's an unfortunate situation but it's no one's fault for not noticing," electing to keep other thoughts out of the conversation, "You help take care of the residents at a time when they feel uneasy and help them feel safe, that is something to be praised for."

[callofthxvoid]

As she gently rocked baby Jasmine, Zarina's gaze had gone to all the same places that Tobias's had—first to Xander and Fabián, then to Cal and Luna, and finally back to the two of them, where Jasmine had now moved on from trying to grab his fingers to playing with a loose strand of her blonde hair. That, and her husband's hand on her knee, were a nice contrast to the topic that they were discussing. "I don't know," she replied honestly, taking a deep breath. "I am not a fan of things I cannot understand. The odds of him ending up exactly here, looking exactly like that, and it all being a coincidence, are infinitesimally slim—and yet that appears to be exactly what it is."

[doctorknightley]

Knightley was rubbing idly at her knee, shifting his chair closer he leaned his head against her shoulder. "This town seems committed to keeping things as unexplainable," he mused out loud, "Considering we have creatures that take on other's face maybe it shouldn't be so surprising that someone like him has shown up." Taking his hand off her knee he wrapped it around her waist, thumb drawing swirls on her hip, "Though speaking of others from our past, you may want to pay Roman a visit. He opted not to attend with Lucy today, which seem to be outside the norm for him."

[callofthxvoid]

Zarina considered what he said and then nodded. "That is true, we could certainly both have encountered worse people from our pasts," she mused, looking up from where baby Jasmine was playing with his fingers in order to catch his eye instead. She was intrigued as to where Karma fit into Quill's life, since she could not recall meeting her before herself—and she would definitely have remembered someone like Karma. But that was a conversation for another day. "Fair enough. I will speak to him about it when I bring Jasmine back. He will very likely want to take all of them home if he learns that Karma is upset." That relationship was another one that she had formed opinions on in recent months, but since it was neither her nature nor her place to meddle, the only person she had shared those thoughts with was Tobias. And speaking of... "By the way, I spoke to Olivia earlier today. About Evan. It went about as well as can be expected."

[doctorknightley]

Knightley had been smiling when Jasmine giggled at him before turning his gaze towards Zarina. "A past client who actually leaves when you tell him to seems favorable to most other outcomes we could have had," he mused with a small shrug. He nodded taking a chance to glance around, he could see Xander with his son and Cal seemed to have the other, it make getting them together for Xander easier at least. Turning back to her, he had an amused grin on his face already having a vague idea where her thoughts had gone. His smile faded slightly and he used his free hand to gently rub her knee, "Well she's not currently in tears, so small victories. At the very least it'll be less of a shock each time she sees him in town if their paths cross. How are you feeling about the situation?"

[callofthxvoid]

WHERE: Lake Party WHO: Tobias Knightley ( @doctorknightley )

Like with Quill, Zarina knew that her husband was approaching her before he did. Unlike with Quill, it wasn't because she was vigilant of her surroundings—it was solely because she could feel his presence without having to look. "It is starting to get a little tedious having to handle people from our pasts appearing in town," she mused when Tobias was close enough to her. She glanced down at baby Jasmine in her arms. "Quill is relatively harmless, though. Not because he isn't capable of being mercenary, but because it is usually not in his best interest to be. Still, we should keep an eye on him. He does know more about who I used to be than I am strictly comfortable with."

[doctorknightley]

Knightley had already hazard several theories to who the man she'd been speaking with was, nodding as he moved the now vacant chair closer to her before taking a seat. Pressing a kiss to the side of her head before he was fully seated, he set his hand for Jasmine to play with letting her grab at his fingers. "Well they all can't be as positive an experience as Jaiden was," he mused, "Considering our previous entanglements we've faired fairly well overall." Catching her gaze he nodded again at her explanation, "Noted, I did see him speaking with Karma, it might not be a bad idea to send Xander her way. He was still nervous to about attending, leaving early may be best for both of them." He'd seen Karma's body language, and the way she had rushed for Neptune, making a mental note to give Finch a heads up as well knowing he was close to both.

[ambercast]

Lucy hesitated before she took the juice. It was easier to drink than eat, after all, so she sipped at it, looking out across the lake, honestly barely registering Knightley's question. Since they didn't really know what was asked, she just shrugged, sipping more of the juice. It was nice of Knightley to sit with her, but they felt bad, knowing they were keeping him from Zarina and his family.

[doctorknightley]

Knightley had silently been sipping at his own drink, unfortunately used to the almost dissociated state Lucy seemed to be in. Internally debating before offering a small opening, "I haven't seen Roman today, was he not interested this time around?" He'd been with them at all the other events, his absence more than noticeable.

[exmcrtis]

"i assure you i cannot. i've been calling you doctor knightley for way too long, and my parents made sure to teach me that honorifics matter. i'm so sorry for it." and yet they were smiling easily, lifting their own cup to their lips to take a grateful sip of whatever was inside of it. "it's more controlled if i'm sober, actually. i think that speaks volumes considering how bad some of the shit i do is. can't believe jaiden chooses to spend time with me."

[doctorknightley]

Knightley sighed, but more out of amusement than any actual exasperation at the situation. "Fair enough I suppose, I can only promise not to be upset if you ever forget it," he said shaking his head a bit. He gave a small shrug, "Jaiden is exceptionally fond of you, I'm not surprised he spends time with you. You've also been a great help at the retirement home," he didn't want to dwell on why the added help was necessary more than ever.

[bcckmcskcd]

"It's just... he's so hot, Knightley," Finch breathed, almost a human heart eyes emoji. "I'm used to seeing him shirtless but I don't know. This is different. "What? Oh, no, that's not what I meant. I mean, he just." He paused for a moment. "We were talking about past relationships and I mentioned that I was with two people and he wanted to make sure I was cool with being with just him and I mentioned I had a crush on someone before he showed up but nothing came of it and now he's the only one I want. Sorry that was a lot of maybe personal information. But I didn't have any other way to explain it."

[doctorknightley]

Knightley cracked a smile despite the fact he was tempted to actually laugh at Finch's antics, he didn't want to make him feel self conscious when he was being so open about things. "Well yes, but being here does mean you're allowed to touch him shirtless while in public without it being considered odd," he quipped. He nodded as Finch spoke giving him an amused look, "I'm more than used to your explanations by now, I even appreciate them, I prefer clarity with things," he said, "I did want to say, I'm proud of how much more communicative you're being with him. I think you've been good for each other."

[bcckmcskcd]

He flushed deeply as Knightley's finger came in touch with his face, but it was out of embarrassment. "I'm -- sorry," Finch gazed down at his hands, flexing his fingers for a moment, giving him something else to think about. "I wanted to catch up with you. You know I always have time to sit and talk to you." He gave Knightley an almost shy look. "I think Neptune maybe figured out that I used to have a crush on you. He doesn't seem mad at me about it, but I was worried it was gonna be a bigger deal than it is."

[doctorknightley]

Knightley shook his head, "You're more than allowed to look at your boyfriend, even when were catching up," without thinking he fiddled with the ring on his finger, "Be a bit hypocritical of me to become upset over it considering I've done the same, if just a bit more subtle." He blinked in surprise before slowly nodding, "Neither myself or Zarina have minded the level of physical affection you and I show, but do you need to discuss it with Neptune?" While Neptune might not have been upset, he didn't want to cross boundaries for either of them.

[exmcrtis]

closed starter for: @doctorknightley

"hi doctor knightley," dawson said brightly, a drink in each hand as they extended one out towards knightley. they'd grown fond of him the more they got to know him, and if someone was important to jaiden, they were also important to dawson. "it's hot and you look like you could use a cold drink. no alcohol in it, though. tipsy dawson would wind up fully clothed in the lake looking for trouble."

[doctorknightley]

"You can just call me Knightley," Knightley said shaking his head, an amused grin on his face. Taking the drink with a grateful nod, "Well thankfully I'm not a fan of alcohol, so it works for me," he said. Raising a brow he chuckled, "Based on what you and Jaiden have told me that's still not completely out of the question even if you're sober," he quipped.

[doctorknightley]

WHERE: Lake Party WHO: Finch (@backmaskcd)

Knightley was sitting at a table with Finch sipping at his water as he glanced at Jaiden and Zarina for a moment. He felt a smile tug at his lips before turning his attention back to Finch and huffing out a laugh when he saw what Finch was staring at. Or more accurately at who. Reaching across he tapped him on the chin to close his mouth, “You know if you'd rather do more than just stare at your boyfriend I won't be offended,” he quipped, “I'm fairly certain his sister is willing to share him.”

[doctorknightley]

WHERE: Lake Party WHO: Lucy (@ambercast)

Knightley held out a cup of juice towards Lucy, having spotted them and taking a seat next to them on the ground. "Not much for swimming?" he asked curiously, he remembers having seen them at least skating a bit at the last event.