C a m i n a n t e

No tiene la culpa el loro, sino el que lo enseña a hablar. Dr. Levi Vasquez, pschologist, cat lover, human lover, music lover, freedom fighter.

[docvasquez-blog]

Levi stops by Wilde Velvet for a surprise Valentine’s Day Dinner with Evie. 

@lil-red-evie

[nicolasxrossi]

Private

[docvasquez-blog]

lil-red-evie:

Of course, just say when. Being with you is never a chore.

You dirty flatterer. Never stop. Are you free tomorrow afternoon before your shift starts? I have consultations in the morning but maybe I could bring you lunch?

[docvasquez-blog]

lil-red-evie:

One night only - this Saturday. I’ll be back on stage. 

Funny, you know, I feel like I’ve seen seen so many sides to you, and yet, not the one your famous for for.

[nicolasxrossi]

Private

[docvasquez-blog]

lil-red-evie:

That’s quite good to know, darling.

We should talk about the things you want, and the things I want to give to you.

[docvasquez-blog]

[docvasquez-blog]

Omens || Evie && Levi

[docvasquez-blog]

lil-red-evie:

Evie mirrored his grin, standing slowly as she watched him bustle around his desk. He was a sight, flustered but moving with purpose. She didn’t remember enough Spanish to catch it all but she understood that he was ready to go and took his hand. It acted like an anchor. Grounding her in the moment and pushing her worries away for the moment.

It was as if being outside of the confines of his office had lifted the air of apprehension and she felt the tension bleed away. “ “And the beignets, darling. Don’t forget those,” she teased, not completely interested in food but it was a good place to start to become reacquainted. “Yes, I can do that.” The nod was followed by a not quite innocent smile as they rounded the corner and found the diner.

Her words soothed an easy smile out of him, and he slanted her a wry look. "I was saving those for last of course, unless we decide to be outrageous and decadent." And maybe not just with beignets for dinner. Maybe they both deserved a little more outrageous decadence in their lives in general. Everything about Evie made him feel like indulging, made him feel like indulging her, or better yet, making her indulge herself. He had a feeling she didn't do it often enough.

The diner was an assault on the sense, the scent of spices making his mouth water the minute the door opened. The music just a bit too loud and the vinyl just a bit too bright. It was one of his favorite restaurants, honestly. The waitress waved them in the general direction of the most open tables and Levi led them to a booth near the corner. They looked at each other for a moment, a bit shy, a bit hesitantly happy, and Levi took a risk. "That night... clearing your mind didn't seem to be a problem," he said, eyes watching her carefully, words serious, but sincere in their query. It wasn't a line or anything so... crass as that. Frankly, what they had shared that night was beautiful for him, and special, and certainly not something he'd been able to repeat since. But even more than that, he knew that subspace had a clinical neurological effect, impacting both the body and mind for those who were inclined to such practices, sub or not. He wondered, knowing Evie was so inclined, how she could have fallen into such a state of decline. There were few answers he could think of, all of them worrisome.

[docvasquez-blog]

Within complex and ever shifting realms of power relations, do we position ourselves on the side of colonizing mentality? Or do we continue to stand in political resistance with the oppressed, ready to offer our ways of seeing and theorizing, of making culture, towards that revolutionary effort which seeks to create space where there is unlimited access to the pleasure and power of knowing, where transformation is possible? The choice is crucial.

bell hooks, "Choosing the Margin as a Space of Radical Openness," in Yearnings: Race, Gender, and Cultural Politics

[docvasquez-blog]

Text @ Evie

Evie: And if I stand next to it too long, the wall and I make a lovely Christmas scene.

Evie: That sounds perfect.

Levi: I happen to love Christmas. xP

Levi: Brilliant.

[docvasquez-blog]

Text @ Evie

Evie: Darling...we need to discuss your color choices in general.

Evie: I think that would be lovely. I would love to go with you.

Levi: It's a calming genre of color.

Levi: I can't wait. Perhaps we can get dinner beforehand?

[docvasquez-blog]

Text @ Evie

Evie: Well, darling, that depends.

Evie: Are you asking me out, or to help you paint the living room?

Levi: Do you know how difficult is it to choose between Olive Green and Grassland?

Levi: but actually I was hoping we could table the living room painting for another time. There's a charity concert this weekend to raise money for the Wilde City Symphony Orchestra.

Levi: I was thinking it might make a nice date with you.

[docvasquez-blog]

Text @ Evie

Levi: Evie, hi. Are you free this Saturday, by any chance?

[docvasquez-blog]

Omens || Evie && Levi

[docvasquez-blog]

lil-red-evie:

Evie held her breath at the statement. What next? Was this the moment when the universe snatched any sort of chance of being with him from her? Because that was what she expected and in a weird way would be a relief. It was sad, really. That she didn’t expect good things anymore.

The gentle way he took her hand kept her from bolting. The warmth of his hands radiated through her and for the first time in days she felt hopeful. It was both wonderful and terrifying. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.”

The look on her face made it clear instantaneously that he had made the right decision. “Okay. Good.” He grinned at her, bright and wide, and braced his hands on his knees, before jumping up and scrambling around his desk to collect the things he’d need from the chaos that was his work space, muttering to himself all the while in Spanish. “Bueno, bueno. Entonces necesito... sí... bolsa... papeles, teléfono...bueno. Muy bien. ¿Vamanos?” He held out his hand to hr as he skirted back around the desk heading toward the door. The sooner the door was behind them, the better. 

They made it outside, and the fresh air seemed to breathe new life into the space between them, blowing away the remnant tension of strange power dynamics he felt lingering, and he could feel himself relax every step they took. “There’s a diner ‘round the corner. Killer jumbalaya. Even better baked beans,” he said with a tilting his head in that direction. “Maybe you could tell me about how you usually clear your head? Not as a therapist but...just me.” ‘As a friend’ didn’t really seem to cut it as a descriptor, so he bypassed it altogether.

[choi--jinho-blog]

f2f | open

[docvasquez-blog]

choi--jinho:

“Thank you, Levi. I do appreciate your help. I know I may not seem so grateful all the time, but I truly am.” Jinho was aware that he wasn’t the easiest to deal with when he was frustrated, when he couldn’t just push the feelings down into his training or fighting or protesting. 

“A survey. That’s a great idea. I’ll speak to Wren about distributing it. And perhaps Mr. Mehta as well. Though…after our meeting last night, I don’t think he’ll be likely to want to help. Especially if I’m the one to present it to him. Either way, Wren should be able to widely distribute the survey. Once the information is gathered, I’ll present it to the SPC.” There was something he could do, something he could work on, something that would distract him from his own physical lack, from his thoughts at night. “Thank you. I’ll start working on it right away. If you have any suggestions for what to include, I’d appreciate it.” 

Levi just gave Jinho a warm smile and nodded. He didn’t take it personally. Jinho managed to communicate his gratitude just fine, even if he wasn’t overly expressive. It showed in other ways, like his dedication to his cause, and his trust in Levi to begin with. 

“I’ll start doing some work as well, and email you what I come up with? Perhaps a Google document so we can collaborate in real time?” He mused. This could work. It would be time intensive, but perhaps just what they needed. Maybe he could reach out to local NGOs and activists groups to see if they could wrangle some volunteers and support... 

[docvasquez-blog]

Omens || Evie && Levi

[docvasquez-blog]

lil-red-evie:

Evie, at that moment, wished that Levi wasn’t quite so insightful. The truth of the matter is that Oxford had not felt like any sort of home since Sofie died. That was not strictly anyone’s fault. The first place she’d felt at home in her own skin since then had been Chicago. Wilde had felt like home at first. Now it felt like it had betrayed her.

Three actions: fighting, forgetting, giving up. No wonder she felt so muddled constantly. She couldn’t continue this way forever. There had to be a way to clear her thoughts. “None of what I described would help me in the long run. So maybe ‘snapping’ isn’t a solution nor was it even the right way to describe something that would help.” She went back to twisting her hair, thinking. “Murder…violence…would do nothing but put me in jail. The club…my club…fighting to keep it. No, no version of snapping would help that cause. But somehow I have to find a frame of mind to do that and I’m honestly not certain I am capable of it. Not any more. My mind runs in too many circles to form a clear thought other than ‘keep going’.”

“Okay, so clearing your mind,” Levi said simply. But it wasn’t simple and they both knew it. The longer this conversation went on, the more his bookshelves seemed to loom over them, the seat growing stuffy and unrelenting beneath him. He knew exactly what he needed to ask her, and he knew how he could help her, but Cristo, being here, being in this place, god it made him feel skeezy. 

They already talked about it, he knew she was... interested in him, and he in her, beyond what was appropriate for a therapist and client relationship. Even more, they already planned on following through with that. So what was this? This charade of professionalism he was hiding behind? It was manipulative, getting information under a false pretense, and she was already upset. No, this was dumb. “Hey,” he said, quietly, reaching across to take her hand, holding it in both of his for a second before looking up to meet her eyes. “Let’s get out of here, yeah?”

[choi--jinho-blog]

f2f | open

[docvasquez-blog]

choi--jinho:

Jinho nodded. More time and reconnecting. He’d always felt like there was so little time in which to do everything. And since his injury, reconnecting with his old life was difficult. He felt as if some chunk of his identity had been taken from him. “I suppose I could look into training…” He wasn’t sure who would want someone crippled training them. Even children. Especially children. Jinho knew that Levi was trying to help, however, so he smiled. 

“I do understand that it’s important and that it’s difficult. Trust me. I do know that much.” Levi wasn’t telling him anything that he didn’t already know, and really there was nothing to be said that would make it less frustrated, make him feel less exhausted, demoralized, hopeless. It didn’t mean he would stop fighting. He was a soldier. Whether he was on a battlefield or leading a rally, he knew what it meant to fight until the bitter end. 

An idea occurred to him suddenly. His disastrous dinner with Jayesh Mehta had ended with the Dominant’s demand for statistics. So he changed the subject from his own emotional pitfalls to “Levi, there is something you could maybe do. I’m looking for any kind of statistics or data on the impact of the legislature changes, the curfew and business reviews, on the health and lives of submissives throughout the city. I won’t ask you to cite specific examples unless any stand out to you, but even if I could have some numbers or percentages of your clients who have been greatly affected or who started seeking your care after the changes began. Really anything that you might think is relevant would be welcome. I’m going to assemble a case for the SPC. Mr. Mehta might not want to listen to me, but the others might.”

“If there’s any way I can help you with the process, let me know. I’ll tell my clients about it when you get it up and running.” Depending on if Jinho decided Doms could be a part of it as well, maybe he’d even attend a few classes himself. Lord knew he didn’t have the slightest idea about self-defense. 

Levi got the sense that his words hadn’t helped Jinho so much, and picked at the hole growing at the bottom of his trouser pocket as he scoured his mind for something in his decades of training that could be of use to this man. His words had seemed only to exacerbate Jinho’s frustrations, honestly. But then a look of determination swept over Jinho’s face and new ideas were pouring forth. 

“I can see how that might be useful, but I can’t use any information from my clients without their permission.” He thought for a second. “What if you and I, with perhaps some technical assistance from Wren, put together some kind of survey or comment collection space? We could collect statistics along with qualitative commentary about the specifics of each participants situation. I can ask my clients if they’d be interested in participating, and perhaps you can even ask Mr. Mehta if the SPC would be willing to distribute it to have access to a wider range of people than we would among ourselves? Unless Wren has... ways around that?”

[docvasquez-blog]

Omens || Evie && Levi

[docvasquez-blog]

lil-red-evie:

Evie curled a lock of her hair around a finger as he tapped his pen against the notepad. It was frustrating to not see his expression. So much could be learned about people by their body language. The incessant tapping was enough to let her know he was thinking. But as to what? She had no idea.

“When I was a kid, well, a newly minted teenager I suppose…” she trailed off. “I lost someone close to me in an accident. That was the last time I felt this way. Back then, I did stupid kid things, like joy riding and shoplifting. All it did was get me sent to boarding school for ‘troubled girls’.” She sort of half-smiled, half grimaced at the memory. “The only thing it taught me was how to fool people into thinking I was just fine. Though, I suppose it did also stop the petty theft.”  She wasn’t sure why she was delving into the past so much, except that it was the last time she felt so unhinged. So out of control. “So, I cannot say that I know exactly what snapping looks like. One moment it looks like it sounds: taking a gun straight up a bell tower and letting loose. The next it means drinking myself into oblivion.”  She shrugged and smiled. “Sometimes it even means just giving up and moving back to Oxford and living out my life in my parent’s house. And none of those are really particularly appealing.”

He began jotting notes in a self-styled not-quite-shorthand writing style he had come up with during his years as a grad student, made up of abbreviations, squiggles, arrows, and generally unrecognizable characters that almost always made sense to him later on. The quick summary of her youth was helpful information to have in her file, and it was equally wise in these days to not have it immediately decipherable at first glance. He took patient confidentiality seriously where others did not always anymore. 

He was particularly interested in the “fooling people into thinking I was just fine” part, but that could come back later. “So we can agree that you’re not fine. Implied perhaps by the desire to “snap.” These urges you have though, they’re all very different. The first implies action, confrontation, violence. Hurting people.” It was said without judgment, just as observation, the words even and impartial. “The second a desire to forget, perhaps ignore, pretend everything is fine. The last is particularly interesting... as you said parent’s house, not ‘going home to Oxford,’ or even ‘my parent’s home.’ So, giving up for you maybe... has to do with a sense of disillusionment... perhaps about where your home is, or should be. Where you belong.” There was a lot to process there, but they could take it word by word if they needed. It was important for them to get this right, together. “Could you imagine any version of ‘snapping’ that does appeal? Regardless of how taboo, or violent, or socially unacceptable it may be...?”

[docvasquez-blog]

Omens || Evie && Levi

[docvasquez-blog]

lil-red-evie:

She was glad to see his smile. It gave her a sense of…hope? Or maybe it was something else. But it was so different than what she’d been feeling lately. There had been moments when the gloom at been broken. Dinner with Celeste, drinks with Jinho, time with Jamie…all had helped, but none had kept her from feeling like she was about to appear on an episode of Snapped.

So what what she feeling? “Angry, sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, lonely…” All had taken center stage despite the efforts of her friends. “Mostly like I want very much to snap…but I can’t. Because…I can’t. There is too much to do, too many people that depend on me. The new regulations…” She stopped herself. “There has been a lot change in a very short amount of time. Or maybe not. I can’t tell anymore.”

He looked down at his notepad, dropping his pen on the paper in short little taps as she spoke. Frustrated, overwhelmed, lonely... Her words invoked a sense of pain in him, very real and very deep, and he frowned, keeping his focus on the paper so she wouldn’t see his expression and make the wrong assumptions. Because who would assume that a one-night-stand-turned-temporary-psychologist could be angry and moved on behalf of a woman he barely knew and yet longed to know with his entire being?

“You want to snap, but you say you can’t. Two things, and both very important. Let’s break this down. You want to snap. What does that mean exactly? What does ‘snapping’ look like?” There were a lot of different ways to snap, to break, some of them destructive, and some of them incredibly healing. With the right help, maybe snapping could be therapeutic.