If Scars Could Dissapear
Request: "Hi, ummm...I have no idea how to go about this but, I'll give it my best shot! I have no idea If you are still taking requests, but if you are, I'd like you to make one on Hyungwon. With angst and fluff and a depressed reader (10 out of 10 description) because I'm a depressed little sh*t. You don't have to if you don't want to, i understand that you are busy with other past requests and I just thought I'd throw in a request. I'd like to see what you would do with this request IF you even decide to write it. You write your imagines/oneshots (I don't know what you call them!) with amazing detail and I thought I would request this to see how you would go about it. Once again, I understand if you don't accept it, I know you must be very busy with other things but I thought it wouldn't hurt to try. I'm going to end this here because I think I might have made it a little to long, with that being said, bye bye!" - MoMoIsNotFine
Pairing: Hyungwon x Reader
Genre: angst x fluff: depressed reader au
Words: 3k
A/N: I hope this one shot is okay for you. It's a sensitive topic and I hope I don't offend anyone in anyway. I think dealing with depression and suicide is very horrific and needs to be talked about more.
M.list | MX masterlist
You closed the mirror as your eyes were dark with bags, purplish bruises showing that you haven't slept in days. Everything was hazy.
"(Y/N) it's time to take your medication." The nurse spoke to the right of you.
She was forced to keep an eye on you during and that's exactly what she did as you shoved them in your mouth and swallowed a glass of water.
"Tongue." You rolled your eyes as you opened your mouth showing no pills in sight.
"It's time to settle down." The nurse spoke.
"Can I get something from the vending machine first and watch a movie?" You asked.
"Okay." She gave you an accepting expression as she knew you were trying to bend the rules.
"Be back soon." She spoke as you grabbed your cardigan to wear over your warm pajamas and sliding your feet into your nice comfy slippers.
You sighed dragging your feet to the closest machine. You have been at this hospital for two weeks now and you were done seeing the same old scenery everyday. You just wanted to go home already.
You made it to the machine seeing a tall boy selecting something that forced you to wait. You never noticed him before actually. You thought you knew everyone in the juvenile unit.
You sighed loudly as your patience became the worst of you. The boy grabbed what he wanted and bowed respectfully, making you feel guilty immediately.
"Thanks." You said quietly as he stayed quiet.
You wondered what he was here for? Everyone had a different reason that always has an interesting story behind it.
You wandered back down to your hallway seeing the tall boy aimlessly wonder into his room noticing you in the process. He softly waved as a small smile formed onto his pale face.
You waved back but couldn't help but grow confused. What was his story?
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You scrolled through your phone bored out your mind as every channel was slowly becoming more and more irrelevant, making you want to pull your hair out. You rolled your eyes seeing random dumb Facebook post and ads filling the white screen, but the further you scrolled the more irritated you have become. Seeing your best friends hanging out at parties, not having a care about the world, especially you at the moment. Sure some would argue "you did this to yourself" but seeing how the people closest to you don't even care was a turn in the blade that was already cutting through the surface.
You ended up throwing your phone across the room, causing two loud bangs as it hit the wall and once again to the floor.
After having a little crying fit, you heard a soft knock on your door but choose to ignore it. But instead of another knock a small piece of paper slid underneath instead causing you to grow confused. You thought it was a nurse that knocked but now you couldn't help but wonder. You got up seeing the note on the floor with a simple message that caused you to softly grin.
"Are you okay?" The message said.
You grabbed your pen from your bedside table and wrote back to the stranger that awaited on the other side of the door.
"Who wants to know?"
"A worried neighbor." The note slide back. You couldn't help but smile as you finally decided to open the door. You saw the boy that stood out to you early sitting up against his door across the hall. He smiled softly as you just closed your door so you could sit and lean against it as well.
You took the note back and turned it over to start a new question. "Why are you so concerned?" You slide the note, leaning forward as he leaned meeting in the middle to grab it.
He took his pen writing something, continuing this weird game of telephone and slid it back over as you were already growing with anticipation. "In a place like this....doesn't everyone?"
"So why are you here?" You slide over the note once again.
He wrote something down but then hesitated to write more. "It's a secret.......but I bet your guess is as good as mine."
You couldn't help but giggle from his response. You figured your guess was as good as anyone else.
He was just like the rest of us in this hospital.
Just kids lost in the darkest parts of our own thoughts. The ones that can't control the temptation that is being spoken at every turn.
It's not like we are crazy. Just depressed.
"Thank you for cheering me up." You slid the note back one last time before receiving a soft smile and a simple wave and finally giving in to a long awaited good nights rest. You felt like it was the night you can finally let yourself have it as you found someone that understands you with the simplest of words.
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You dragged your feet, counting the tiles in the process as you made your way to the cafeteria. Once you saw the area, your eyes glanced across the room seeing the boy that couldn't leave your mind. Before you knew it, you were standing in front of his table about to sit down.
"Hi....mind if I sit?" He nodded as a soft smile left his lips. "Just wanted to confirm....you were the stranger at my door right?"
He nodded once again, not saying a word. Did he ever speak?
"Thank you about yesterday. You actually cheered me up." Nothing but a smile. "Umm...do you ever talk?" You finally asked but he just looked down playing with his food.
"I'm sorry." He reached his hand out to gently caress your hand comfortably. Then he slid a note across the table with a simple reply, responding in ink. "You're welcome"
Why didn't he speak?
He looked down at your hand once again noticing another clue to why you were here so you couldn't help but pull away.
"Oh that's nothing." You smiled softly.
He flipped through his little notebook again quickly replying. "You want to be friends?"
"Of course." You smiled brightly.
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You heard your daily knock as the morning was approaching and you were already up drawing on the back of your medical pamphlet from your lack of sleep that continued to haunt your days.
"I found this outside, miss (Y/N)." The nurse handed you a note from the one and only. You couldn't help but smile reading a simple "good morning".
"There it is." You looked up as you heard her voice. "I haven't seen you smile since you've been here."
You rolled your eyes as she continued to giggle. "I'm so happy you two are finding a friendship with each other."
"But I think we have to increase your dosage with the melatonin and l-theanine." She wrote on her clipboard. "We need those circles gone."
"Don't you think drugging me to be unconscious is the appropriate way to handle this." She glared at you.
"You need sleep dear. It's good for you."
"I have been sleeping though, much better."
"Yes, it's true. But we need just a little more."
"Jeez, my 2 hours turned into 5 and that's still not enough?" You proudly said sarcastically.
"Nope."
"Can I ask you a question." You began changing the subject. "Do you know why he doesn't speak? I know it's none of my business-"
"Hyungwon? He has a very traumatic past like a lot of you kids here." You come to realize that you never even knew his name.
"Unfortunately It's not my place to disclose that information. But what I can tell you is....continue to speak with him. He likes that." She continued as she started to walk out of the room. "Who knows, maybe he will tell you himself."
....
"Hey." You smiled as you stood outside his door. "I've come to realize that I have never properly introduce myself.....I'm (Y/N)." You held your hand out.
He smiled but quickly grabbed his notebook writing the name that you have already been spoiled. "Nice to meet you Hyungwon. Shall we go to lunch?"
He smiled.
"May I ask you something? And trust me you don't have to answer anything that makes you uncomfortable." You began. "But do you know how long you're in here for?"
He wrote. "Until I get better I guess."
"When will that be?" You continued to ask.
"When I speak." He wrote.
"I'm sorry but that's nonsense." You quickly grew insulted. Not with him of course but whoever is keeping him here. "There's nothing wrong with you if you choose not to talk."
"Thank you (Y/N) but I'm starting to like it here now."
You couldn't help but blush. You felt the same, all you wanted was to leave this place since you've gotten here but now you felt comfort within these walls. Or more importantly, the person sitting in front of you.
"I don't know how long I'm stuck here either. I guess until I get a proper good nights sleep is the starter." You giggled to yourself. "I've felt this burden inside of me as long as I can remember. I don't think I can get fixed, it's just who I am and I have to learn to live with that."
You looked up to see him just sympathetically smile.
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"Miss (Y/N), you have a visitor." Your nurse smiled as she opened the door wider to reveal your parents.
Seeing your parents, you couldn't help but feel hatred as the memories flooded back to you since they dropped you off. Not a call, not a visit for weeks. But the thing was your head wasn't flooded with emotions, at least not anymore, not since the drugs kicked in. The only thing you wanted to do now is show how much appreciation you learned from being here. You founded yourself embraced in a huge hug from your father and next your mother and honestly, you didn't want to let go. You missed them dearly and you understood that they love you and want you to get better.
"That's a good sigh." Your mother spoke and you looked up seeing her eyes flooded with tears. "We missed you so much."
"Me too." Was all you said. Your heart was still sore but it's getting better.
"You look so much better." Your mother caressed your face. "You'll be coming home sooner then your know it."
You stayed silent. You didn't know what to say honestly.
"Thank you for coming."
"We bought you your sketch book. You forgot it."
"Thank you." You smiled. "This will help take my mind off some things."
"How's it going in here?" Your nurse smiled seeing the family reunion.
"It's great." Your mother answered. "(Y/N) will be home before we know it."
"Yes of course. She has made great progress since she's been here. Even the circles are fading a bit."
"And she's even made a friend." Your nurse continued.
"Oh really?" Your mother spoke with an weary tone. Like she wants you friends with other crazy kids stuck in this hell hole.
"Oh yeah......he's nice."
"Yes, they both have improved tremendously since they've met." Your nurse continued.
"You think that's acceptable to have patients mess with other patients while dealing with their own problems?" Your mother asked.
"Not at all ma'am.....it's best not to let our patients be isolated, communicating is the best way to deal with such problems. It's not about fixing our problems it's about learning to live with it." She sure as hell, shut your mother up.
"Of course". Your mother smiled.
...
Later after your parents left in a more resentful way then before, you began drawing immediately, almost like you were desperate to express what you missed out in weeks. It was a way to relax, forgot about the world around you and let yourself take in the simple tip of a pencil, mechanical you might add.
You couldn't help but draw a funny animation of Hyungwon and his silent mockery. You imagined him sweet and mute on the outside but on the inside him yelling for attention. Sure it was a dark meaning but the animation viewed it in a different perspective. Not everything needed to be so fragile and hidden away to never be talked about but to show that it's okay to deal with such dark topics and just learn to smile.
You knocked on his door and as soon as he opened it you revealed your drawing with a bright smile. He giggled softly as he let you in his room to probably write down his opinion, which of course he did.
"Thank you." He first wrote. "I love it."
"You're really good." He continued to write.
"Thank you. I've been drawing since I was 12." You smiled. "Do you have any request?"
You read his request as he started jotting things down. He wanted something you couldn't quite imagine. He wanted to be seen as a disk jockey releasing sound waves to make everyone feel happy and forget about this shitty world; to just let people stop and enjoy it while they can.
You pictured it more as he was using music to brainwash everyone but instead of mindless zombies, they were happy. "So musical zombies?" You perked up.
He rolled his eyes at your remark.
"I hate to be lame but I'm really glad I met you, you don't even have to say a word and you're the only one that is here for me."
"My friends haven't even messaged me if I was okay, or even cared enough to visit. My parents act like they care but they didn't have the patients to help me, instead just ship me off to a loony bin - no offense." You felt your eyes water but no tears to shed.
Hyungwon grabbed your hand, holding it softly. "I'm sorry." He whispered that it took you a second to realize he actually spoke instead of writing it down.
You didn't want to make a big deal about it but instead leaned in closer into his warm embrace. His hugs felt like they actually had intentions and feelings instead of a meaningless gesture.
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Of course you knew your time in this place would be ending soon but you never know how quick the day would come. It would probably be longer if your parents weren't such paranoid pricks. They are scared of the idea of you friends with someone who is just as messed up as you.
"You think I'm ready to go?" You asked your nurse as you started packing?
"I think you're ready. You were stubborn to get help at first but you really opened up and I'm so proud. I think you just needed someone to understand what you're going through and I'm not talking about me or your parents, but a friend."
"Thank you." You smiled simply. "Can I visit said friend before I leave."
"Of course." And you immediately got up going next door to see an empty room, but of course you knew where your friend was hiding.
You walked into the chapel as your friend was messing with the only music source in this whole hospital. The site made you smile just seeing him mess with the synthesizer, but then it quickly faded as you had to break the news.
"Hey." You sat down next to him. "What you playing?"
"Stuff." He spoke lowly. Hyungwon has opened to you since that night a week ago, he's no chatterbox or anything but he's actually talking again and you felt happy it was because of you.
"I have to tell you something." You said more serious. "I'm.....going home."
"Home."
"But I promise I'll visit and then we can hangout once you leave." You we're trying to hold back your tears.
"It's okay." He whispered as he grabbed your hand.
"I don't want to leave." Then the tears finally fell. "I mean I wanted to leave since I've got here but I don't want to leave you." He tugged you to lean in closer.
"There you are (Y/N). Your parents are here." Your nurse spoke from the door and she immediately felt sympathetic.
You wiped your tears and leaned in kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you for everything you've done for me. I will see you later."
"Promise." He smiled.
"Promise." You held out your pinky, making it an official contract.
And with that you stepped out that door leaving behind your home away from home. The place you fought for weeks and weeks to leave. But now you were finally leaving but you didn't want to....
And it was all because of him.
