doe 𝜗𝜚

19 | journaling, ed recovery, trying to get my life in order

[doejournals]

𝜗𝜚 welcome to my journal !!

looking for moots (ed blogs dni. i WILL report if you follow/comment disordered things. otherwise i'll just block and leave y'all alone)

content in this blog ...

recovery motivation

wieiad and favorite recipes

venting and talking about my feelings regarding my ed, sa, sh, mental health, etc. (possibly triggering content will ALWAYS have tw)

positivity

my interests every now and then (more abt them in this post)

rules in this blog ...

no counting calories or macros (still somewhat focusing on protein) mentioning protein and other nutrients in a positive manner (to me) is okay

no weight / body checks

no disordered ideologies

no competition / comparing

respect others. block if you don't like something

introduction

name : doe (online)

age : 19 / 2006

pronouns : she /her

sexuality : femme lesbian

mbti : infj

interests and hobbies : anime & other series (aot, death note, given, sk8, pokemon, stranger things, wednesday, arcane), taylor swift, phoebe bridgers, winx, mlp, barbie, old lego friends, arts & crafts, cosplay sometimes, sleeping, being ass in every subject in school

languages : finnish, english

mental health : really bad social anxiety (prescription meds but no money for it), ed & sh recovery, possible autism and selective mutism

ed intro

had a restrictive ed at 14, recovered at 15

relapsed at 17 (on the 4th of feb 2024)

kinda went back and forth with restricting, eating, and binging for two years

started recovery exactly two years after my relapse (4th of feb 2026)

[doejournals]

if you still need a reason to recover, do it for my ex bf's (or groomer's if you will) inconvenience, who was more scared of me gaining weight than i was. and i was the one with an ed.

[doejournals]

recovering because my gf doesn't deserve to be worried about my eating habits all the time

[doejournals]

you shouldn't be scared of gaining weight because the more there is of you, the more there is to love

[doejournals]

recovery is eating as much slop (porridge) as i fucking want to

[doejournals]

a reminder to eat despite the anxiety

[doejournals]

i don't usually report ed blogs because i know from experience that it can be the only safe space that you have. i just block and move on like a normal person. but invading recovery spaces with disordered ideologies is where i draw the line.

[doejournals]

why are ed recovery communities full of pro ed accounts🥹

[doejournals]

i obviously have some mixed feelings about recovery, but not once have i gone to bed without dreaming of tomorrow's breakfast. so i think i'm doing pretty good

[doejournals]

recovering because by limiting my body's basic needs, i'm limiting my true potential

[doejournals]

i really want to post a wieiad but i always forget to take pictures

[doejournals]

genuinely thought i could avoid extreme hunger (i can't)

[doejournals]

i've been absolutely obsessed with almond milk hot chocolate and different variations of the two ingredient japanese cheesecake

[doejournals]

talk about loneliness and my sexuality

i'm a senior and we had some kind of a gala today in school. we all received titles ("___ of the year") and we had to accept them in front of the ENTIRE school (200 people). i remember having a similar thing in middle school four years ago. i didn't have a single friend so my title was "twin of the year" with my twin sister. HOW ORIGINAL.

well, today mine was "couple/duo of the year" with my gf (could be understood both ways). my first reaction was HELL YEAH because i love my gf dearly. but then i started to think. i hate how i'm always only known for my relations to other people. i still don't have many friends and i'm really quiet (which is my biggest insecurity), so i was scared that my title would be something like "the quiet girl of the year". THANK GOD NOT I WOULD'VE CRIED. "couple/duo of the year" is wayyyy better.

i thought about it more, and it actually means so much to me. we weren't the only ones with a group title anyway. the fact that i got to walk in front of the school hand in hand with my gf to receive that title is actually so important to me. i was closeted back in middle school, and i struggled with comphet and relationships for 2 years before meeting my gf. getting to show her off and being named "the couple of the year" is actually the best thing ever. lowk feels like i made it. 12-year old me, 15-year-old me, and 17-year-old me would all be so proud.