“Late afternoon, his hair still wet from his shower, Dylan hauled his tuxedo into our bedroom, where we had a full-length mirror to work with. New to formal wear, he needed Tom’s help to understand what all the tuxedo pieces were. Self-conscious in black socks, plaid boxer shorts, and a gleaming white shirt with a stiff, pleated front, he seemed to tower over his father, though there was only a two-inch difference between them.”
“Dylan remarks he’ll never have kids. Tom says he may change his mind, and Dylan says, “I know. I know. Someday I’ll look back at this and say, ‘What was I thinking?!!’ ”
⬆️ Dylan said that. He was a more than willing follower (and I think he was sort of a mastermind behind it all but just too lazy to carry it out all by himself. Ahh, perfectionist/procrastinator.)
edit: I forgot Eric’s moles sry😭 there just ain’t many clear photos of him…
“Late afternoon, his hair still wet from his shower, Dylan hauled his tuxedo into our bedroom, where we had a full-length mirror to work with. New to formal wear, he needed Tom’s help to understand what all the tuxedo pieces were. Self-conscious in black socks, plaid boxer shorts, and a gleaming white shirt with a stiff, pleated front, he seemed to tower over his father, though there was only a two-inch difference between them.”
“Dylan remarks he’ll never have kids. Tom says he may change his mind, and Dylan says, “I know. I know. Someday I’ll look back at this and say, ‘What was I thinking?!!’ ”
Prior diagnosis: none
Treatment received?: Dylan never was medicated for any mental health related issues. He went to family counseling after his brother was kicked out for smoking weed, but this is not going to personally help Dylan most likely.
Obvious signs (to other people): weight loss, anger, loneliness, criminal history, excessive drinking, etc.
Theorized mental health issues for Dylan:
Major Depressive Disorder (widely agreed upon)
Anorexia (due to excessive weight loss and prior comments about thinking he was "fat")
Schizotypal Personality Disorder (initially suspected by Dr. Langman; widely agreed with (I agree with this one))
Signs of Dylan's deteriorating mental health (click to continue!)
Delusions
Dylan, unknowingly, seemed to experience quite a few delusions. But he did not view them as this (clearly). Experiencing delusions would line up mostly with bipolar 2 disorder and schizotypal personality disorder.
Dylan referred to himself in a third person standpoint. He seemingly believed he was not himself and had some out-of-body entity controlling him (in a way). Dylan also crossed out his own name once and instead wrote, "Me," as if he was not himself. He also claims multiple times that he doesn't have the same human nature as "Dylan".
"When Dylan Benet Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan's body..."
"I lack the true human nature that Dylan owned." (Dylan Klebold, 1997)
"Does that make me a non-human? YES."
Constant thoughts of suicide
It is no secret Dylan wrote about ending his own life constantly over the span of multiple years. In fact, this is partially why people tend to ignorantly focus on him solely being suicidal.
Dylan, obviously, ended his life by a gunshot wound to the side of the head. In his journals, Dylan consistently mentions suicide in nearly every single page. His is clearly a sign that something wasn't okay.
"OOOh god I HATE my life; I want to die really bad right now."
"true true I hate everything. why can't I die..."
"No emotions. not caring. yet another stage in this shit life. suicide... Dylan Klebold."
"Wanna die & be free w. my love... if she even exists."
"If by fate's choice, [edited] didn't love me, id slit my wrist & blow-up Atlanta strapped to my neck."
Thoughts and plans of homicide prior to 4/20
Prior to Eric ever mentioning NBK or committing murder, Dylan brings up killing people dating back to 1997. In fact, it's implied he had the original plan for their attack.
Dylan directly mentions committing a mass murder dating back to 11/03/97, where he mentions obtaining a firearm and going on a killing spree. He also later mentions "going NBK" later with someone who was not Eric.
"[edited] will get me a gun, I'll go on my killing spree against anyone I want."
"Soon... either ill commit suicide, or I'll get w. [edited] & it will be NBK for us."
"Society is tightening its grip on me, & soon I & [edited] will snap, he will have on revenge on society." (implied)
Constantly feeling outcasted or different from other people
Dylan often discusses himself as if he's "the odd one out." He discusses feeling different from everyone else around him, as if he's displaced.
Dylan consistently discusses feeling different from most people. This actually might relate back to his belief of having a connected "spiritual entity". This trait is common in those with StPD. I've seen various schizotypal people discuss feeling almost as if they're not human because of how different they feel as if they're purely just an existence.
"People are alike, I am different - Dylan"
"Yo.... whassup... heehehehe...Know what's whi wierd? Everyone knows everyone. I swear, like im an outcast,"
"As I see the people at school - some good, some bad - I see how different I am (aren't we all you'll say) yet I'm on such a greater scale of difference."
"Nobody accepting me even though I want to be accepted."
Suspiciousness of others/a belief others are purposely conspiring against him
Dylan showed very obvious signs of paranoia and signs of distrust in other people.
Dylan discusses feeling as if others purposely treated him as if he was lesser than them. He also, somewhat, expresses this when discussing his friends.
"I don't know what I do wrong with people (mainly women) - it's like they all set out to hate & ignore me."
"Everyone knows everyone. I swear, like I'm an outcast, & everyone is conspiring against me...."
Consistent feelings of abandonment and loneliness
Dylan clearly mentions multiple times he feels as if people have abandoned him and that he feels as if he has no one.
Dylan obviously had people, but he internally felt as if he did not. He even mentions girls making him feel this way despite them not even knowing him.
"The possible abandonment, persecution is not something I want to face, yet it is so primitive to me."
"I'm here, STILL alone, still in pain."
"All people I ever might have loved have abandoned me; my parents piss me off & hate me..."
"I have no money, no happiness, no friends... Eric will be getting farther away soon... I'll have less than nothing..."
"Everyone moves up I always stayed. Abandonment."
"I want to die sooo bad... such a sad, desolate, lonely, unsalvageable I feel I am..... not fair, NOT FAIR!!!!"
"I helped them both out thru life, & they left me in the abyss of suffering."
"Ever since 7th grade, I've felt lonely..."
Delusions of grandiosity or godliness
Despite Dylan seeming self-loathing, he actually seemed to have either some sort of superiority complex or God complex.
Dylan refers to himself as God multiple times and calls himself godlike. He speaks of other people as if they're below him in every way possible, often referring to them as zombies. This is also, clearly, a sign of a delusion. These could also line up with bipolar disorder and StPD.
"The zombies & their society band together & try to destroy what is superior & what they don't understand & are afraid of."
"Only for the gods though (me, [edited] & etc.)"
"I am GoD. [edited] is GoD. & zombies will pay for their arrogance, hate, fear, abandonment, & distrust."
"Soon we will live in the halcyons of our minds, the one thing that made me a god."
"I UNDERSTAND THE EVERYTHING, I AM THE GOD OF THE EVERYTHING W. [edited]!"
Other notable signs:
Constant feelings of sadness, frustration, or anger.
Excessive usage of alcohol (to the point where it was notable to friends).
Seemingly against treatment and receiving mental health help. He denied his mother's attempts and stated on his diversion report that he did not see it as necessary.
Physically harming other people prior to the attack.
Mentions of self-harm, specifically cutting himself.
My personal takeaway (opinion):
I personally believe Dylan Klebold has StPD along with MDD or bipolar disorder. I believe Dylan had a superiority complex while also feeling constantly inferior to other people, similar to Eric's writings.
I personally believe people like Dylan are actually the ones you have to look out for over people like Eric. Eric was outwardly expressing homicidal thoughts, admitted to feeling suicidal, and expressed anger constantly (seemingly this was a cry for help). But Dylan internalized his for the most part and even refused help from people. This is why so many people were shocked Dylan was involved, not Eric. This is why so many people believed he was manipulated. Dylan hid his homicidal thoughts and suicidal tendencies well.
People tend to list traits of Dylan as if they were solely traits of him, all while Eric had the same traits. Both were deeply insecure, struggled with depression, had a temper, felt suicidal, felt homicidal, felt lonely, and felt outcasted.
Eric is seemingly framed as more violent because he expresses his ideologies more outwardly and doesn't shy away in his journals from expressing hatred. But I honestly do not believe a lot of things Eric says. This is because he knew people would read his journals (starting off sentences with somewhat of a "to whoever is reading this," sort of ordeal). Why wouldn't the guy who felt lonely and inferior his entire life try to frame himself as a psychopathic, fascist murder-machine? That would make people scared of him, not see him for what he truly was: a deeply insecure guy with anger issues who is constantly teased and bullied, leading to intense feelings of inferiority and loneliness.
Like guys, Dylan literally thought an external force kept other people from opening his journals...
Anyways, I hope this summary was okay! I can do other people if wanted!!
Sources:
Source #1
Source #2
(Guys... I made a Dylan post without hating on him intensely... everyone cheer now!!!!)
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