I thought I was over you
There's this guy I've liked during Senior High school. He had been my classmate since our elementary days but got separated during Junior High thanks to our different class programs. I entered STEM when we reached SHS and got to be classmates with him until 12th grade. I only begun liking him during our last year in High School together when he both attended a mutual friend's debut party as part of the 18 candles and roses.
I think I was already beginning to like him during that point and that day truly cemented my feelings for him. That's why my emotions and imaginations got wild.
A boy had lent his jacket to me because the venue was cold and the 18 candle's uniform dresses didn't have warm sleeves. I passed by near his seat at the end of the table and he looked at me with a pouting face, crossing his arms. I don't know what he was doing. He was probably addressing the person I was with. But my wild imagination told me he was jealous I wore another boy's coat.
He used to do a lot of things with me that nearly everyone around me has said had been borderline romantic, nowhere close to the platonic actions he acted out towards others. I'm unsure I believe them as my feelings for him might've influenced their thoughts on our friendship.
But I have been told by my friend that he had stared at me for a long time while my back was turned away from him. She said he stared for a long time, not just a curious or a passing gaze, but stared for quite some time before turning away when I turned around.
This boy had always been like that. I swear he said to me in fingerspelling: "I love you" but I couldn't figure out if he truly did or I just imagined it. Yet, no matter how much I begin to recall it, the letters only formed to say that.
Funnily enough, I used to keep this one seat beside me empty or had been hoping it remains empty. He always sat beside it to chat with me every now and then during free time or in-between classes. I always felt fond of those times of us together. It was the remedy to my bad day.
One time, he slammed his bag on it and started fixing his belongings. I jokingly squeezed both his cheeks with both of my hands. His dad started calling him and he walked away to answer it. I assumed that was the last of our day's interactions and walked out to the hallway to wait for my friends to leave for the gate together. Just as I met my friends, he appeared right infront of me, grabbed my shoulders, and steered me down the hallway to walk together. Isn't that so random?
Later on as we exited the building, I noticed his friends were walking up to us. I moved away from him to my friends just a few paces infront of us because I assumed he would
I still wonder; does he like me like that or had my feelings been the defining factor of blurred perspectives to the people around me of our friendship?
