Have you ever met someone you instantly connect with, where you don’t need to verbally communicate what you’re thinking and feeling for them to understand you, where you’re insanely attracted to them, can’t stop thinking about them, and you just know that you’ll be with each other forever?
Neither have I. Or anyone else I know for that matter.
This notion of soulmates has been fed to us by film, TV, music, advertising and books, where each person has one other person they are ‘meant’ to be with - their one true love. But what’s the reality of this actually happening, and why do we even think this way to begin with?
It is believed that the idea of soulmates started with ancient Greek mythology, where humans once consisted of four arms and legs and both male and female genitalia. However the gods didn’t believe that humans respected them enough, so split them down the middle - resulting in the humans with two arms and legs and one set of genitalia that we know and are today, and twice as many people to worship the gods. Over time though, it is believed that this separation left humans longing for the other half they were initially attached to - ‘the other half of his/her soul’.
Since then, the concept of soulmates has cottoned on, with other religions and cultures creating their own version of what a soulmate is (usually always leading to being destined for one true love, though). This also carries with it the connotation that you will only ever find this type of connection with one person, so you need to be vigilant for when this person comes into your life (no pressure).
However there is one exception to the tradition, and that is of a new age belief. Here, soulmates are described as any person (friend, co worker, lover, family member etc.) who comes into your life to help you fulfill a specific ‘mission’. While this may seem far-fetched, it alludes to the idea that a person can have more than one soulmate in their life and each soulmate will help a person learn various lessons to reach ultimate enlightenment.
So now that we have more of an idea of what a soulmate actually is and how they came about, do you have more of an opinion about them?
While gathering some data on soulmates, I stumbled across this article on Refinery29 which demonstrates how nine different people describe their soulmates. These people’s soulmates range from friends and siblings to lifelong partners and lovers.
One thing that really stuck out to me though, was the following quote:
“This connection, perhaps like all soulmates, has something to do with meeting at an important time in our lives...”
I’ve always been a big believer in how timing can play a large part in the way various relationships pan out. You might meet someone who you’re incredibly attracted to and compatible with, but they might already be in a relationship. Or you meet someone who you get along with better than you’ve ever connected with your other friends, but you’re not in the head space to work on nurturing a new friendship.
Timing can also be perfect though. You may meet someone at a transitional point in your life who understands what you’re going through, and who’s values align with yours.
What’s important to note, is that soulmates don’t just magically appear out of thin air. Like any relationship, they take work and need constant nurturing to remain long standing. I know I can be stand-off-ish when I first meet people, so I won’t be having any movie moments of instant, deep attraction. But it’s when we make the effort to get to know someone deeper than our initial first (or even second) impression, that we really start to connect with people and develop relationships. I’ve heard that friendships (and probably relationships) develop based on a combination of frequency and proximity, meaning you need at least one of these elements to effectively nurture a relationship.
While I think the idea of soulmates (in whatever form) is nice and can give people hope of finding someone they are truly compatible with, it can also shut us off to other experiences. Putting us on the clock to find our soulmate and settle down can be stressful and time consuming for some.
My advice? Take a deep breath, live your life, enjoy the small moments, connect with people, make an effort to nurture relationships, and see what happens from there. And also be ready to acknowledge when a relationship isn’t working out. Sometimes you’ll be able to salvage it and grow together, but other times you may have to accept that the next stage of growth will be on your own.
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