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@rocking-rockstar:

“I-I’m not insane–I…” Fru shakes his head, having trouble finding the words he needs. “I don’t want to say I’m crazy… I don’t want to be locked up in an asylum. Do you know what they do there…? To people with no chance of getting out…? I can’t… I’m telling you, this is who I am. I’m not… I’m… I’m sane.” By now Fru’s hair is a mess from him absentmindedly gripping it anxiously. “Is there really nothing else…?”

Dom shakes his head, even if Fru can’t see it. “I’m not a lawyer, but… that’s the only thing that got you out last time. Now that you’ve made it even worse, I don’t see another option. Maybe they can pull a deal or something, keep you in prison if you plead guilty. I don’t know…” Dom squeezes his eyes shut tight and repeats quietly, “I told you not to do this…”

@rocking-rockstar:

“Yes, speak at my trial… I know I barely have any redeeming qualities, but if you could testify just enough to keep me in the clear…? If you want to help me, that is. I wouldn’t blame you if you’d rather I deal with this alone. I’m not sure if I should ask Isla to speak also…”

“You really don’t understand, do you? It’s almost like you don’t realize your actions have real consequences… There’s nothing I could ever say– You could single handedly save every man woman and child from a burning building and it still wouldn’t be enough. The only chance you have, the ONLY thing that’s going to save you is the insanity plea. You might not see how sick you are, but every crazy person thinks they’re the sanest one. I’ve hurt people too, killed them, tortured them even. But it wasn’t fun. I did it because I had to. I don’t love you, the murderer. I love who’s underneath. It seems like I’m the only one who still sees it… but you’re more than your disease. I can’t imagine the horrible things you’ve done. Even after what you did you me… You probably deserve the death sentence. But it’s not your fault…” Dom hasn’t said this much in a long time, and his voice starts to crack near the end. He’s making himself upset, knowing that this is the end, one way or another. “…Isla will definitely testify against you. Don’t tell her.”

@rocking-rockstar:

“I couldn’t help myself… You have no idea how powerful these… these sick urges become. It consumes me and before I know it… I’m kneeling over someone who merely looked at me the wrong way. I already tried suppressing everything. Throwing my life away was the only option I had left. Therapy never worked.” Fru slides down the wall. “Maybe this is a good thing. Isla would be especially grateful if I were completely gone. I’ve already put her through Hell and back.”

“I don’t think she wants her daughter to grow up with a dead father.” Dom frowns at nothing, hating every bit of this conversation. “Are you asking me to come to the trial?”

@rocking-rockstar:

“…Yeah.”

Fru goes quiet for several moments, having no clue what go say. Where does one go from that? He looks around at the other inmates aimlessly, knowing they’re considered worth more than him. He then finally says, “I feel like vomiting… I don’t know what else to say. They’re talking about death row for me.”

Dom doesn’t say anything for a while, not knowing what to say or think. “I told you that you were being stupid…” he says quietly. “I don’t want to say I told you so or make this about me… but that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I told you throwing everything away was a bad idea, and you left me. And now you might be leaving for good. I might never even hear your voice again. I hate you…”

@rocking-rockstar:

“Thank you–thank you, so, so much for picking up… I know this is hard for you…” Fru sighs heavily with relief. He bites his lip a bit before continuing, “They want to get rid of me…”

“Get rid…” Dom starts, his eyes losing focus as his body fails to keep up with his head. “You mean kill you…”

@rocking-rockstar:

Fru hurriedly dials Dom’s number, praying to every god that he’ll pick up. It’s only rang once, but Fru’s chest already stings, his heart pounding intensely. He leans against the brick wall, clutching his hair.

Dom answers after staring at the number for several long rings before finally answering. “Hello?” he asks, without his usual confidence.

@rocking-rockstar:

“I bet in a few months someone will come knocking saying they’re your six year old child. Maybe triplets… I do want two kids, but I don’t think we earn enough for that. Plus adoption is already fucking expensive… If only we were millionaires like the rest of our friends.”

“Too bad we’re homos. My parents are stupid rich, but my dad disowned me for dating a trans girl.” Danny takes Owen inside a restaurant and they get seated. “I make quite a bit at the shop. We never really talked about money, but it’s enough to support two kids. I think we should start with one anyway though and see how well we do… starting right off the bat with two sounds overwhelming.”

@rocking-rockstar:

“I still feel like I need to say sorry… This probably isn’t what you had planned for your life.” Owen slips off the table and holds Danny’s arm tight. At least now they can give a child a loving home. “Can we get a kid that had a similar background to us… They need to handle spicy foods.”

“If having kids conventionally were THAT important to me, I wouldn’t be with a guy. I would have knocked up some chick. I’m actually surprised that didn’t happen on accident before I met you… I got around quite a bit.” Danny starts driving for a place to eat. “And yeah, I think we should get a latino kid if we can. They’d probably feel more at home with us than any other kid.”

"Hu h–? Oh, I love you too… Sorry… just surprising to hear that. Only because I’m so… I keep getting lost in my head. God.” Owen pulls Danny closer, sighing.

The doctor shuts the door behind her and smiles sweetly at the two. “What can I do for you two today?”

“I need to check my um… my fertility. See if I still have any active eggs and stuff…” Owen mutters quietly. It feels weird to talk about.

“Eggs…? Oh. Oh yes Yeah, we can check that for you. I just need you to lay back and we’ll use an ultrasound to check the active areas in your ovaries.”

“Awesome…” Owen says blankly. This visit is starting to make him feel dysphoric… He hasn’t had to think about his female parts in so long, he almost forgot he had them. Laying back on the table so the doctor can spread jelly on him, Owen winces from how cold it is and holds his hand out to Danny.

The doctor starts up the computer and slowly runs the machine over Owen’s body. It’s a little odd to Owen that the video on the screen is so dark, it’s hard to see anything.

Biting her lip, the doctor keeps checking around, even on areas she’s already seen. After several quiet minutes, she looks at the two and says, “Activity in this anatomy shows up red or orange. Meaning it’s still active… There doesn’t look to be any activity in yours.”

“So… what… does that mean…?”

“Unfortunately, you’re no longer fertile… The uterus and ovaries no longer function properly.” The doctor wipes the jelly off of Owen’s skin.

Owen looks at Danny as if he betrayed the man. Danny wanted a biological kid so much and Owen can’t help him with that at all…

“Don’t make that face, it’s alright,” Danny says, pulling his boyfriend into a hug. “It would have been hell for you anyway, if it would have been possible.”

After the doctor steps out, Danny gives Owen a long kiss, trying to make sure Owen knows it’s really okay. Sure, Danny wanted a bio kid, but he didn’t want to force pregnancy on Owen anyway. “Let’s go get something to eat and talk about other options again, yeah?”

@rocking-rockstar:

Owen signs in and is called back right away. He asks is Danny can come with and the nurse says of course.

Sitting on the medical bed, Owen bounces, waiting for the doctor. “I’m getting so sweaty. If I have to pull my pants down, the doctor’s going to pass out……”

“I’m sure they’ve seen every kind of slightly vaginal genitalia come through here, don’t worry about it too much… They’re professionals.” Danny keeps his hand in Owen’s, not wanting to let go and unable to keep his eyes off him. “…I love you…” he says, thumbing Owen’s hand.

@rocking-rockstar:

A few days pass and Owen pulls up to the clinic. He hops out of the car and waits for Danny nervously. “I’m so scared. They’ll probably stick something inside me… What if it cuts me.”

“I don’t think they’ll stick anything in you that could cut you… We could sue the fuck out of them for that. Maybe they just have to do an ultrasound or something, who knows.” Danny holds Owen’s hand tight as they go inside, not knowing what to expect. He hopes they let him go back with Owen.

@rocking-rockstar:

“That would be nice… Though, a pregnancy is only nine months. They won’t be that much younger.” Owen wraps his arms around Danny’s neck, burying himself against the man. “Let’s go check my fertility at the clinic this week. We’ll go from there. I’m kind of getting excited to like… make something.”

“A whole life,” Danny says, grinning. He gives Owen a kiss, but then says, “If you’re serious about going to the clinic, though, you won’t be saying ‘Only nine months’ anymore. That’s a long time. I think Isla’s only a month or less into her’s, I’m not sure, but the kids will be basically twins. I can’t believe you want to have a baby with me…” Danny kisses Owen again, sweet and warm.

@rocking-rockstar:

“I don’t trust strangers with something like this… half they time they run away with the kid… I can’t handle that if it happens. I guess we could ask Shauna, but I don’t know her that well. Though, this might be a good bonding opportunity…?”

“Do you gave eggs frozen somewhere or would it be my genes and hers? I’d feel kinda bad if the kid were only genetically mine.” Danny hums a bit, thinking. “I’m not completely against adopting… There are pregnant people out there that will sign contracts with people like us so we’d get the baby as soon as it’s born. We could do something like that. It’s be cool to have a kid the same age as Isla and Reco’s, they could play together.”

@rocking-rockstar:

“I don’t know either… I feel like I should just get pregnant, but I was talking to other trans men on forums who have been pregnant and they said it was nine months of gruelling depression and dysphoria, but that it was worth it… I kind of want this to just be between us, no surrogate, but… Ugh, this is hard… God… who would even want to have a baby for us?”

“Well… Isla’s out of the question. So is Pepper. I’m not sure about Raj. We could ask Shauna. We could also always put an ad out, lots of people out there are willing to get pregnant for the right price.” Danny pets Owen’s hair and kisses the side of his neck. “We have a lot of options.”

@rocking-rockstar:

“This is just so… weird. I hate kids, but I feel like with you, our kid would be… good. Polite, open minded, well behaved… We’re good people, right? So our kid wouldn’t really be an annoying shit… What were you thinking about this? Like… I’m not sure if I’m still fertile. But I don’t know if you like the idea of adopting…”

“Would you even be comfortable getting pregnant if you could? You’re right about me not being excited about adoption, but I wouldn’t put you through that either. Maybe we could find a surrogate? I could donate some sperm… I don’t know.”

@rocking-rockstar:

Owen can’t stop shaking his leg; the anxiety of this conversation already making him sweat. His nails are already ruined just from gearing up to text Danny earlier.

When he sees the man walk in, his heart jumps and the nerves get even worse. Why is this so hard to talk about. Making grabby hands at Danny, Owen says, “I can’t believe we’re actually about to discuss this.”

“It was bound to happen sooner or later. Like I said, I was gonna talk to you eventually…” Danny takes both of Owen’s hands, giving him a kiss as he pulls him into his lap. He wraps his arms around Owen’s waist and says, “Relax, baby. Talking isn’t a commitment. It’s just talking about what we want.”

Danny slides his phone into a pocket, feeling weird about this conversation being started over text. He intended to talk to Owen about it at some point, he never expected Owen to bring it up himself. He heads into the dining room to meet Owen.

@rocking-rockstar

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