The Officio Prefectus

Thoughts from well-traveled Commissar Neco Edwards, the coolest guy from your unfriendly neighborhood Schola Progenium. Don't worry, with me around the Inquisition will never know.

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Attention men and women of the Imperium!

I am alive! I know it’s been a long time but your favorite commissar endures in the name of the Emperor. I apologize for my long absence but life has taken me in many different directions in the last however long it’s been. I will do my damnedest to get back into the swing of things again!

Out of excitement, here is a photo of my most recent game between my Elysian guardsman army and a buddy’s primaris marine army. (There seemed to be a disagreement between our forces for who loves the Emperor more)

I look forward to interacting with everyone again! Thank you all for your unwavering support in the Emperor.

See you all on the battlefield.

-Neco

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The Lord Commander of the Imperium -a thousand blessings on his name- is setting a bad example for our men in uniform. I can’t tell you how many men I have executed for requesting a *looks at paper* “big titty Eldar gf”.

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Me after executing a man for eating other guardsmens rations.

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The go-fast dust lets me up my K/D faster.

For the Emperor, of course!

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A man after my own *BLAM*.

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“Creed once hit me with his Chimaera broke three of my ribs and my left leg. It was awesome and so worth it.” Arrik Vales

I wish Creed hit me with something. All he hit me with was his tactical genius at chess. But we can all dream.

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Sir, one of my cohorts accused me of being too enthusiastic in killing heretics, so I shot him for his lack of dedication. Was this the right decision?

Depends.

Are you a private? Out of line.

Are you a Commissar? Why was he alive long enough to question you?

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Contrary to popular belief, Knight Commander Pask is not compensating for something. *cries a little*

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For those that are curious, the segmentum Commissariat meetings game of Valhallan roulette ended with Yarrick winning again cause the Orks won’t let him die cause he’s such a fucking man.

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The biggest gripe about being attached to Athonian Tunnel Rats is that everywhere they’re deployed smells like absolute shit.

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Just got off of a deployment with Necromundan Spiders. It was a squad of former Van Saar gangers so my lifespan has been cut 5 years and I glow slightly.

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I once lost a game of chess against Castellan Creed.

Yes, that is a flex.

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A good way to weed out Chaos worship is to proclaim “Isn’t Nurgle just fuck-ugly?”

People that have pre-existing knowledge of what I’m talking about are immediately suspect, but mostly the ones who sit in uncomfortable silence are the ones that worry me.

But isn’t Nurgle just fuck-ugly?

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What commissar gives of the biggest dick energy?

Gotta give it to Yarrick. The man roles around in a personalized Baneblade call the ‘The Fortress of Arrogance’ he totally flexes on us too- AS IS HIS RIGHT.

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I almost got charged with tech-heresy when I proposed an idea for a revolver-style Shadowsword.

You say tech-heresy, I say the Machine-God’s will.

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Message from the Commissariat:

Never titty-twist a Catachan Jungle Fighter. You will cut yourself.

Also, I’m not getting in between you and him after the fact. You’d think that’s obvious knowledge.

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So now, if I wear a lion head & mane on my cloak I’ll be blamed for copying the Cheif Custodian. Unfair.