the mediator

[dontfindmeno]

in a void

[dontfindmeno]

[dontfindmeno]

i think all of my thoughts and writing have to be fueled by whoever i’m talking to in my head

i can pull this out of me when im trying to impress someone by how introspective and emotional i am. i’ve been trying to push it down for the sake of peace because it is easy to let yourself suffer for the sake of being that person i see on tv or in my phone. i want you to think im clever. so now that im positioning you in my brain as the receiver, and you are screwed on and smart in ways that cannot be expressed while you’re at home in one place with the same people, this is what ive come to. trying to say i feel neutral is ridiculous when i think about you inside me multiple times a day. but i also know that we will be detrimentally casual which i will make peace with in a short amount of time. so i want you to think im cool in an effortless way while i balance trying to be myself at the same time. and sometimes i am left speechless, because i can’t get it out of me yet. my body just won’t let me.

[dontfindmeno]

i want someone inexplicably

i am myself when i walk into a room full of strangers holding your hand

i feel talented when i have your smile admiring what I’ve worked so hard on

i am tired when you are so i can stay awake counting your beats per minute through your ribcage

i glance at the material and wonder if you like the feel of it

is your heart hurting today that the clouds didn’t turn pink welcoming winters end

[jamjoob]

Some doods

[dontfindmeno]

maybe i’m a complainer

there’s nothing much i can do here

you’re standing looking at me

just waiting for your future

i won’t be here

i won’t be here

you’re understanding silence

wrapped me up inside it

got used to holding hands

but know your never gonna love me

u know i’m gonna leave u

i’m onto better new things

u don’t wish i could be here

the monthly pictures of your cheeks

don’t do them justice

never really rushed it

mutual consolation

you’ll always be my favorite

[dontfindmeno]

had i been perfectly born into towers

of grace and decorum not taken from tv

regret wouldn’t matter or listening to my own thoughts to ensure u weren’t mad at me

to not sit with my skirt unbuckled and unpleated and then call it a normal part of my routine

[dontfindmeno]

i put myself through it again

for a taste of an old romances seconds

a disease that could bleed out of my mouth,

that i didn’t know

what i wanted for myself

or what i needed for my health

were the empty kisses worth it

hadn’t heard from u in four years and i’m glad

[dontfindmeno]

i’m not good at remembering names

or funny things i can tell my friends

but i’m a shy person

i feel like smokins become my whole personality

and i get lonely easily

[dontfindmeno]

my therapist will tell me that it’s best to let it be but i wanna light fires i wanna explode i want to be everything you want to know

[dontfindmeno]

never complaining that your windowsill is wet

moving out your hometown is the last chance that you’ll get

being immortal climbing 3-26 trees

buses and train stops of snorting snow off of your keys

realizing that ur in love with everything but your own chin

hiding your face when the air throws u the wind

facing the fact that they were nice to u after all

unnecessary confrontation to never take the fall

motorways creeping, defeating resident evil 8

high on attention and never locking your own gate

a comprehension that everyone had felt the same

lying awake at night to make sure you’re in pain

there it is again that funny feeling

[dontfindmeno]

i don’t want to turn off the lights

i will never be satisfied

wondering if this me at night

or what i want to be in others eyes

u smoke like u watch too much anime from the nineties

i never met a moth i didn’t despise

couldn’t keep the thoughts in my head to me

is that the part of me that u like

taking such a solice in this feeling

shit pretentious teens would write about

so much black smut smeared in the ceiling

took the time to mourn an old fight

i don’t think adults should do this

liminal space of maturity in my mind

take the time to talk this out to me

keep it for confirmations of pride

others eyes others eyes others eyes

[dontfindmeno]

your name is tattooed on every boys skin

[mayusi-deactivated20210527]

@inkskinned on tumblr/ “intimacy” by angelica alzona / “the leavetaking; poems: 1913-1956” by bertolt brecht / “helena” by my chemical romance / by daniel horowitz / “liberty” by paul eluard / “hard feelings” by lorde / “sunlight” by hozier / @sunsbleeding on tumblr

[imperviousthot]

thanks for making me this hot tea bro. Why did the steam make the shape of a skull and crossbones when you stirred it lol

[copyrightbreeches-deactivated20]

Guitar pick used by Nine Inch Nails in the 90s

[dontfindmeno]

i loved the conversation we had last week

but couldn’t help feel like i was bleak

i worried id run out of

things to say

if there was

a silence id fill it with ease

and no looks would come back to me