DEAR READER
Sade Olutola
if i look back, i am lost
Keni
wallacepolsom
ellievsbear
cherry valley forever
we're not kids anymore.
will byers stan first human second
Mike Driver
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
#extradirty
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occasionally subtle
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
$LAYYYTER
Love Begins
trying on a metaphor
Discoholic 🪩
Andulka
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@dontracea-rabbit
 She followed him back up to the couch, curling up against him and holding on tight to his shirt. Jane nodded at his words, the lump in the back of her throat was too big for her to try and talk right now.
Bernard was quiet as he held her close to him. He had nothing left to say and he finally let the silence be a sweet moment. His hand fell to her back and he began to lightly run his hand smoothing across her skin.Â
 Sophie gasped.
"Daddyyyyyyy! Pleeeeaaase? I wanna’ see!" she said happily and grinned.
"Hm, alright. But it's just cause yah are such a good helper." He said. Bernard. He took his daughter's hands and held them tight in his. "Now yah gotta think of a bird, alright?"
We need to talk || Jane and Bernard.
 He pulled her in and Jane kissed him back, squeezing his hand and bringing the other up to his face before he pulled away. And even though he pulled away, it wasn’t long until she was pulled down into his arms. She buried her face into his chest, her arms going around him tightly. “So am I.” She said, a bit muffled.
Bernard was quiet as he kept her in his arms. "I'm always here, yah know? Even if I seem like I'm not." Bernard said in a hushed tone. He looked down at her a moment and shook his head before lfting himself up to sit on the couch and holding her hand to pull her along with him.Â
We need to talk || Jane and Bernard.
 Suddenly he was crouching down in front of her, and she glanced up to him when he told her too. Her eyes glassed over with tears that were threatening to fall over. She looked down at his hands on her wrists and slowly pulled her hands out of his grasp so she could intertwine their fingers.
"Prove it then." She said, her voice breaking a bit as she looked back up to him.Â
Bernard hadn't been this close to Jane and actually looked at her in so long he couldn't actually remember when the last time it was. He simply nodded not knowing what to say for a moment. And then he pulled her down and oddly moved forward just enough to kiss her. He squeezed her hand lightly and pulled away but only left enough time before he pulled her down to him and just held her in his arms tightly. "I'm sorry."Â
We need to talk || Jane and Bernard.
 Jane moved and sat down on the couch, her hands running over her face a few times, a sigh escaping her lips. She was done yelling, done arguing… there was nothing left for her to try and talk about. She had said her piece, but she felt she wasn’t getting through.Â
"Just… tell me what you want me to do." She said softly, maybe even barely audible.
Bernard didn't move at first. He stood there like cement plastered to the ground and watched as she sat down. His body turned to her and he could see her face just a bit the longer he looked at her. And slowly he made his way to her notsitting on the couch but crouching in front of her.Â
 "I want yah to look at me." He said. Bernard took her wrists and held them. "I want yah to stop thinking I don't want yah. Or that I don't want to try cause that ain't true."Â
We need to talk || Jane and Bernard.
 "That was in the past, I’m talking about right here, and now! You just said I can’t expect you to reach out! How am I suppose to take that?" She hollered, then took a step back to breath. Yelling never fixed anything. It just made things worse. "I was ashamed of myself, for what I let happen when I got Sophie back. That’s why I pushed. But you never tried to push back. I thought you were ashamed of me too." Jane confessed.
She reared back on him then though. “I’ve been trying to be there for you. But half the time I don’t even know where you are anymore, even when you’re right in front of me. Half the time you don’t even come home at night. I got people to baby sit so we could be together, I’ve tried to be affectionate but all you do is sit there. You took Sophie and yourself away and didn’t even tell me. I’m sorry that I also have a BABY to look after when I have no one to watch him. It’s true that for a short time I wasn’t there either, but it was because I thought you didn’t want me around.”
"I don't know Jane. I don't know how yah are supposed to take it. " He saild rather calmly. He was done yelling now. He just was done trying to raise his voice over hers. "Yah shouldn't have felt that way, or ever thought I felt that way about yah. Yah know I think yah is the strongest person I have ever met and no matter what yah do that image wont change none." He sighed.Â
 "I don't think yah have, when have I ever just responded to affection? I can barely accept it from anyone but you and Sophie." He said. Bernard shook his head. "Don't think I don't know what it's like trying to raise a kid, Jane. And don't think for a fucking second I don't know what it's like to raise one alone, I done it when I was completely alone and it's hard." Bernard wasn't turning this on her he knew what she has to go through. "I work. I resorted to working because there was nothing else, and I had to take Sophie away... yah know that." He stopped. "I always want yah near me. I just don't know how to say it."
We need to talk || Jane and Bernard.
 "I can’t expect you to reach out…" She repeated, half angry half torn to shreds. "So I can’t expect you to try and comfort me, or to comfort Wyatt or something? What if I said that to you huh? What if I told you I can’t help you. "Sorry, I’m just gonna sleep through your nightmares. Sorry, I’m not gonna run after you if you walk away.’ " Jane was angry now too.Â
"And I don’t? I don’t want things to go back to normal? For us to be a family? News flash, Bernard, things don’t always stay calm. Shit happens. We will fight, as we’ve done before. But this time around, just feels like neither of us want to fix it. Despite how many times we both say we do.  I want there to be hope. I want this to work. But if you’re not gonna fight for me, then I’m not gonna fight for you. I won’t walk down a one way street."
"What? Yah saying I never comforted yah?" He let the hard look glass over him again. "All those times I would run into yah hit on and bruised yah wanted to go back to that piece of dirt who beat at yah and I wouldn't let yah because I would force yah to stay with me, no I never reached out did I." He said. Bernard's chest rose and he let the air he built up keep him on his feet. "I feel like if I tried to comfort yah now yah would only push away like yah did when yah were hurt and wouldn't talk to me."Â
 "What have yah done? Yah are making it like you went all out to fix this. Yah saying yah don't want to walk down a one way street when yah haven't even gotten on your fucking feet." He shakes his head to stop his anger, letting himself cool down. "I went blind for a bit, when I left to Australia. I didn't even want to talk much to Sophie, I just went to work and that was it. Yah weren't doing nothing then." A break happened in his voice and he looked at her a moment. "I miss yah talking about yah dad to me. Yah would tell me things about him and how good he was then yah stopped and I miss that. I miss telling yah about Australia and about Sophie growing up. I stopped doing that and I miss it."Â
We need to talk || Jane and Bernard.
 Jane stood her ground despite his hard look. “Say something. Anything. I don’t care. Yell at me. Talk to me… just… stop being quiet.” She said, her arms folding against her chest. “I’m not putting blame on one person more than the other. This is both of our faults. I may have started it, but you haven’t done much to try and help me get back on track… or to fix it.”
"Did you know, that when I was in my coma, that I almost didn’t wake up? I almost told myself not to come back. But I couldn’t. Because all I kept thinking about was you." She said. "But you wouldn’t know that because you haven’t asked..Bernard… I love you… but if we can’t talk about this. If you can’t think of anything to say or to do… then I’m not gonna stand here and try and figure out what you want on my own."
 Bernard was angry. He was desperately angry. "Fine, Jane. Yah want me to say something? I think this is horrible. I haven't been really happy in so long and I hate it. Yah sit there and say I'm not trying to help, what am I going to do? Shake yah around and move yah like a puppet?" He stopped a moment just to think there was a million things he could say. He let the flash run dry and his face smoothed out along with his tone. "Yah can't expect someone like me to reach out. I never was like that, I never will be yah get it? But I hated that yah didn't come to me, and I know I should have reached for yah but I didn't."Â
 "I'm not going to talk to yah about your coma. What was I supposed to ask yah? How was it sleeping, huh?" He shook his head. "You woke up, that was the only thing that was important to me." Bernard looked at his feet. "I just want it to be like it was before Sophie was taken. I want it to be calm again because that's how I like it. I like knowing there is hope in everything."
We need to talk || Jane and Bernard.
 The keys scratching in the lock had Jane looking up towards the door, biting her lip. As Bernard wandered in, hardly giving her a second glance and a silent hello, her stomach dropped towards her feet.Â
"Bernard… we need to talk about this. All of this. Or else we both know that we can’t go on. This… this is torture. This isn’t how this relationship should be." She said softly, her eyes on him as her hands fiddled with her engagement ring.
Bernard looked at Jane a bit hard. He didn't like what she'd said, but who would? He moved closer into the livingroom. His head nodded at her. He knew all too well that's what they needed but he just didn't know what to say. What was there to say?
 "Yeah. I know we do, sweetheart. I just don't know what I'm going to really say now that I got the chance. Except that it's got to be fixed." He said. Bernard stood straight a moment and shrugged. "Yah seemed to let it get like this when yah got hurt, and yah weren't talking to no one."
We need to talk || Jane and Bernard.
Things weren’t getting better. And as the days dragged on, the possibility that they would got dimmer and dimmer. She tried, at least she hoped she did. Trying to get them to spend time alone together, trying to get him to spend some time with Wyatt.
But that distance, that coldness and space was still there. Lingering, taunting. So after finally getting through all her work, and with a little bit more time to spare before getting Wyatt from being babysat, Jane waited for Bernard to get home. This wasn’t going to be easy. In fact, it was probably going to be like pulling teeth, both of them being so damn stubborn. But they needed to talk. They needed to try and save what they had. If it was meant to be, it would be.
Bernard was quite fed up with just about everyone. He was mostly running on the joy that his daughter was back with him and that was simply his only spark that wouldn't last much longer.Â
 As his body moved to his apartment he just wanted to get the day over with and sleep, he wanted to close his eyes and move onto the next like he had been once he started to distance himself. Once he got inside he tossed his keys on the counter and moved into the living room to find Jane. "Hey." He said softly. His heart hurt by the fact that he was only able to say that. When before he would have done anything to have her in his arms.
Oi! Lumberjack!
 Just…. just try. I don’t know hun… but you two are my favorite couple and I miss listening to the cute stories Jane tells me.Â
You should really report this over to Jane as well yah know? Because I miss havein' them but it's not like I'm the only one in this who isn't saying or doing anything.Â
Oi! Lumberjack!
 And if you really wanted to fix anything, you could try. So I guess maybe both of you should really think about whether or not you want to fix it. Huh? Bernard, you don’t have to talk to me… you could walk away.Â
And how am I supposed to do that, huh? I do want to fix it. But what is talking going to do? She spent too long pushing herself away.Â
Oi! Lumberjack!
 I am not saying it’s your fault! But I’m Jane admits somethings wrong. You just blew me off. Both of you need to talk or nothings going to get better. But whatever.Â
It's not that I'm not admitting nothing. I just don't find the use in talking to you about it, how is this going to fix anything? Yah do know if she really wanted to fix anything she could try too.
Oi! Lumberjack!
 Bernard… I just… Never mind. Fine. Go and mope and do whatever you do.  I will just go back to hanging out with Jane since you don’t anymore.Â
Yah just what, Melody? Yah go and do that... And for your information, it's not like this is all my fault. Yah make it like I am the only one that's being distant, it's Jane too.
Oi! Lumberjack!
 Yeah. That’s the part I was confused about. What happened?
Don't yah think if I knew anything would still be going on? Listen, I don't really have the time to be talking with yah about stuff like this, it's not anything to worry about.
This place truly is gigantic.
 Jack Frost.
Nice to meet you.
Uh huh. And uh, what is it yah do roung here, Jack?
Oi! Lumberjack!
Jane. What’s going on with you two?Â
Why do yah have to ask? Nothing is going on. Absolutely nothing.
