i worry that i have parasocial tendencies sometimes.
one of my mutuals on another account of mine used to be just as obsessed with my blorbo and otp as i was and still am. however, they picked up a new interest not long after i met them, and those older things quickly phased out. they stopped interacting with posts on our old interest, stopped interacting with my posts as often. they pretty much barely ever see my stuff, or at least just don’t care to interact with it. which is literally their right, they’re allowed to do that. but i still feel sad. i miss interacting with them.
it’s a normal thing to happen. obviously interests come and go. but i find myself mourning their old interest every time i see a post of theirs, and find myself feeling deeply melancholic every time i see their blog, which has changed to revolve almost entirely around their current main interest. it’s like that scene from the first toy story, where woody watched andy’s room slowly turn from stuff about him to stuff about buzz.
i feel kind of selfish for getting so sad every time i see that we don’t really share a main interest anymore. we weren’t even really friends in the first place, honestly was just more of an acquaintances thing. i don’t even know anything personal about them. but i still feel left behind. and i think i get jealous seeing them interact with their real friends. which is dumb! i have so many of my own friends that i love very much. and people can literally have more friends than me.
i tried getting into their new interest, but it didn’t stick. i’m still unhealthily obsessed with the same blorbo, the same ship, as i was before.
i don’t even know them. so i don’t know why i feel like this. i guess they were the only person i really communicated with that was just as obsessed with the same thing i was, and then it went away. maybe im mourning what could have been.
i find myself thinking about them often. i think the best way i can describe this is that i feel left behind.
im pretty sure this is kind of parasocial.