alright so because stormbringer is coming out soon, letās have some early port skk mafia headcannons
-chuuya and dazai go to the arcade every week
-chuuya canāt still win at that one game and dazai comes up with more and more ridiculous bets for it because he knows it will give him a chance to humiliate chuuya
-āthe loser has to dress up like a girl and speak like theyāre from a shojo manga for theee daysā āYOUāRE ON SHITTY MACKERLā
-theyāve gotten kicked out of every restaurant they go to and after that mori either forces them to get takeout or has them go to different places
-dazai places things where chuuya purposefully cant reach
-chuuya finds a stray cat and keeps it in his room until mori finds out
-kouyou likes doing chuuyas hair (sheās the one who told him to grow it out)
-dazai is allergic everything and heāll use it to get out of chores
-ādazai itās your turn to do the dishes.ā āno can do, iām mildy allergic to the lemon extract in that soap.ā
-of course, he then tries to eat something like allergic to, and when chuuya finds him, he stabs him with an epi pen and flies him to the hospital
-like literally flies with dazai in his arms because the other man is unconscious
-dazai doodles on chuuyas face when heās asleep
-they both hate spicy food but try to eat it to one up each other
-chuuya has a list of insults for dazai
-dazai does too, but when he really wants to annoy chuuya heāll call him some pet name to make him loose his shit (chuuyas not blushing at being called darling, heās just mad, totallyyyyy)
-chuuya walks in on dazai playing piano one day and he cant make fun of him, heās so in awe
-(hes had an angry crush on dazai for a while now)
-so of course everytime dazai goes to play the piano after that chuuya follows and hides in the corner of the room
-little does he know that dazai hates playing the piano, but he does it because he knows chuuya enjoys it
-chuuya tries to write a love song for dazai once. it goes so badly that mori thought someone was dying and evacuated half the building because he was so scared
-āI HATE YOUR STUPID FACE, I WANT TO HIT IT WITH MY OWN FACE AND PUNCH YIUR LIPS WITH MY LIPSā are some of the most memorable lyrics
-dazai is no better with his crush. the first time he realizes it he thinks that the heat in his face and the swooping in his stomach is because heās allergic to chuuya
-mori and kouyou have bets on when theyāll get together. they both bet over at age of 35