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@dorksarehot22
So he just told me that he doesn't feel safe telling me his opinion. That makes me feel very hurt and very unsteady in our relationship. I feel like I should run. If your own partner doesn't feel like they can talk to you about things then it's not a healthy relationship. I thought I could tell him anything, he hasn't felt like my safe place in a very long time. But that comment of his... it just broke my heart.
Do you ever feel like you can't just be you... like you have to be a version of yourself to make others happy? That your feelings and emotions don't matter and that they aren't validated? Do you feel like if you give any sort of honesty to the people that should love you unconditionally that they guilt you into making it about them I stead of hearing your pleas? I'm so tired of explaining my thoughts and feelings to have them washed away. To feel like I can't be authentic. To feel like I'm expected to be a robot.
Dear future person that will love me,
I've been hurt so please have compassion and patience with me. I'm insecure in some areas and I'll do my best not to get upset when you poke at them. I'm not perfect and I'll never claim to be. I am honest and kind. I will do everything in my power to lift you up with what little strength I have left. I'll be your best friend and your loudest cheerleader. I'll trust you and support us. I have been hurt by people I have handed myself over to so I hope you will be the one to show me it was all worth the struggle. My heart has been tapped and glued back together so many times, it's going to take some convincing. I don't believe when someone calls me beautiful or gives me a compliment because those that said it before you didn't stay. And though I'll be grateful for their absence so I could meet you, it will be hard for me to believe that you are not the next in line, so bare with me. I am worth it. I promise. I promise I'll love you with everything I've got.
-C
The Lovers of Valdaro, discovered by archaeologists at a tomb in San Giorgio near Mantua, Italy. The couple have been holding one another for 6,000 years.
Dear C
I miss you. I miss our talks and the fact that you could always show up and I'd smile. It doesn't matter how much you have hurt me or all the pain you have put me through, I'd forgive you every time. I did so much to keep you in my life. I'm realizing now that I was wasting my time. You don't care if you lose me. And you certainly don't care what what happens to me... đ. I listen to your playlist and all the songs you keep adding and sometimes I wonder if you are trying to send me some message. But I honestly think you don't think of me at all. You are not who I thought you were. I'm so tired of thinking about you. I am so exhausted from wondering, wishing, hoping, trusting, and feeling. You are not my friend let alone the love of my life. I am done thinking of you that way and making excuses for you.
-C
You donât get a choice. Thatâs so messed up. You donât get to choose who you love. Someone gets to stumble into your life and fuck you up, and thereâs nothing you can do to stop it.
-believe me, I wouldâve tried to stop it
What she says: Iâm fine
What she means: In Howlâs Moving Castle Sophie goes back in time and witnesses Howl making his original deal with Calcifer thus discovering the way to break Howlâs curse and before she leaves she tells Howl to find her in the future and if you recall to the beginning of the movie Howl saves Sophie from some highly questionable and rapey soldiers and tells her âthere you are sweetheart, sorry Iâm late, Iâve been looking everywhere for youâ because he took what she told him as a child to heart and has been looking for her ever since and if thatâs not the tightest shit ever I donât know what is
Design graphics Geya Shvecova (Warm_Sunset_190419)
More than anything⊠I want my feelings to be reciprocated and appreciatedâŠ
-Itâs exhausting to feel alone.
-m.t.t.
Angelina Jolie
So I know you're sleeping right now and I am laying here thinking too much to sleep so I figured I'd get all this out now. It's not a secret that I like you, a lot. It's not a secret that I want more. I wish I was what you wanted because I think we could be great together. But in that same thought I know I am not what you want. I'm never going to be what you want. I'm not enough and I'm used to that. I'm the girl guys date before they meet the girl they want to try the real deal with. I don't know if that is because I am easy going or if it's because I don't give up on people, they usually give it on me first. Either way, I've become accustomed to it. I care about you and yes I want us to be friends in the future. But right now it is not at all what I want. I want to be more than friends in the future. But we don't get what we want in this life. I knew all of this going into it. I knew the risks and I knew the outcome would hurt. I knew how it would go because it's me. I don't get happily ever after. And you were always honest and up front so I never had a reason to believe things would change. I am sad knowing that it's never going to be more and happy that I met you and even had the opportunity to know you. I don't have anything to offer to change your mind and I am not skinny or pretty or something spectacular so I don't stand a chance against other woman that you will attract in the future. You asked me once why things are so fucked up with this generation and why relationships don't last like our grandparents' generation. I think it's because men have become shallow and don't love women for their flaws or choose to love them in spite of their insecurities. And good women have been tossed to the side so many times that they stop believing they deserve something good. They stop believing they matter because everytime they find a person that matters to them, they leave them for something better. It is a cycle and it's a sad one. I get not settling but I don't understand not taking chances. Again, this is a me thing and not a you thing. You were honest and totally up front with all your intentions. I just kissed with my eyes closed too tightly and allowed myself to love you knowing I wouldn't be loved in return. I put myself on the line despite knowing you wouldn't be there to catch me or hold my hand through it. Now I'm in this situation where I don't want to walk away because I want you here but I know for a fact I'm not going to get to keep you. I want to scream from a mountain top how happy I am, but I know you don't feel that way and that makes the happiness turn into pain. Knowing you love someone who could never love you is the most pathetic thing I've ever experienced. And yet this is the 3rd time I have allowed it. I want us to be friends in the future and I want us to be in each other's lives but I feel like the more I kiss you and the more I allow myself to think I deserve this... The closer I am to breaking and destroying my own heart. I am strong and I will heal but I will forever be alone after you. I know that. I made that choice the second I let you in. The second that wall fell, I signed my death certificate. I know you think someone else will come along and "fix" it but after you, I will not allow it. I will not let someone in because I can't do this again. I can't break my own heart again. I can't give someone the chance to hurt me. I need to just be alone and focus on me, no one else. I love you. But I need to let you go now so you can find the right person and we can salvage a friendship. I need to not let my heart sink any further and I need to not be angry with you for just being honest.
âI know you loved me - I just donât understand why you didnât love me enough to stayâ
