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@dorothyisunderwood
Pour hot oil inside my bones
like how bird bones are hollow, but just imagine if they could pour hot oil - like heated warm olive oil - inside your bones and just how glorious that would feel?
🩻🛢️🔥
yes pour hot oil inside my bones please pleeeeease
wtf no
The thing is. I would eat the grapes. I would eat the pomegranate seeds. I would eat the Turkish delights. It doesn’t matter what the stakes are if you put a little plate of snacks out in front of me I’ll eat them.
If you sent me to an evil fantasy realm and told me that if I ate anything I would die a painful terrible death then set a charcuterie board down in front of me that would be it for me. Like it wouldn’t even be like a torturous internal struggle to not eat the cheese. I wouldn’t even need to be that hungry.
cannonball!
do I have to do everything myself around here
Maybe the most damming thing about Nolans odyssey is i haven’t seen a single gifset from it
A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.
#Helios was declawed by his former owners so he doesn't just slap things he dislikes like most cats#he really only feels confident in hissing at them#Especially because a lot of the thing he doesn't like are bugs and those are sharp sometimes :(#Selene has figured this out and now when she hears him hiss she sprints over the kill the fuck out of the bug#Helios has learned she will do this so he'll hiss at stuff louder and louder until she hears him#A nervous old man and his emotional support homicidal maniac tags by @gallusrostromegalus
I couldn't reblog without the tags because the context is hilarious
A Nervous Old Man (right) and his Emotional Support Violence Machine (Left)
Yes, he is more than twice her size. Yes, he is five times her age. Yes, he cries like a big baby until she kills Unacceptable Scary Things (earwigs) for him.
I couldn't get these two and their dynamic out of my head, @gallusrostromegalus I doodled them (guessed on their collars)
OH MY GOD MY CATS HAVE FANART
in a different world where hollander is out before his relationship with ilya is he’d be dodging dms from players who are NOT up to Shane Hollander standards so much he’d eventually put out a statement that is a very professional and kind version of “can you 3rd rate LOSERS get OFF MY DICK oh my GOD you fucking people are ridiculous, i would rather kill myself than touch your dick, let alone DATE you. EVERYONE STOP SLIDING INTO MY DMS, the chances you are good enough to meet my standards are so so so so soooo fucking low you might as well just assume you dont meet them no matter who you are. also i have a boyfriend.”
this post was written by Microsoft Excel
extremely funny to hear a youtuber say that data centers are inherently evil. how do you think the world works
like do you think the storage space for the like the gargantuan amount of video uploaded to youtube every single hour comes from nowhere
sorry, prev, your tags are too true to be silenced
Eva Stratt but she doesn't go to prison afterwards. Eva Stratt but she's saved the world and she offers herself up as a scapegoat because she mistakenly believes that's what the world wants. Eva Stratt but she wants to go to prison, of course she wants to go to prison, because she wants to be done already, and why isn't this all ending the way she said it would? Eva Stratt but she's wondering what the fuck is taking the guys with the handcuffs so long, because she has sacrificed everything, her future, her soul, her friend for humanity, and someone has to punish her now, right?
Eva Stratt, but the world is cooling. But the crops are failing. But rationing plans need to be drafted and nations need to be threatened into submission, to get as many people as possible out of this alive. But it's her job to be right, and someone who is always right is a very, very valuable resource right now.
Eva Stratt, but someone needs to make the hard calls, needs to weigh lives in the balance, needs to be burdened with choices as heavy as the world itself and no one does it better than her.
Eva Stratt, but she's read the classics, and isn't Dante's hell just having to repeat your sins over and over again?
Eva Stratt, but she's just put Ryland Grace on a ship because he made the mistake of making himself too indispensable; Eva Stratt, but the world is blinking at her, confused, because lol. Lmao, even.
Eva Stratt. But don't you understand, honey, that you've just made yourself indispensable, too?
wheres that post that said shane hollander would be mentioned by name in a drake song
all my bitches come in threes like a hat trick
like the metros, hollander on the mattress
(yuna hollander on voicemail) hey sweetie its mom. sorry i missed you. though its 8:30 and you should be home by now. anyways give me a call back when you can. theres this guy Drake that just mentioned you in his new song. seems like a pretty big deal, canadian too. just take a listen to it when you get a chance. nothing bad. i actually think it could be quite good for your image. im trying to get in touch with his manager to see if he’ll let you be in the music video. unless youd rather send a cease and desist in which case i’ve got patty on speed dial if thats the route youd rather go. your father says hi. anyways, love you. call me back. bye.
When one of the non augmented humans wants to get mb's attention without putting their feed device on they just say 'ping' out loud. And it works
It's on preservation and one of its presaux humans has a cold and is laying facedown on the floor in misery and just says out loud "SecUnit will you order me McDonald's" and when it arrives twenty minutes later just says "thank you" and then the microwave beeps
#they learn several days later theybe been signed up for a seminar on The Pitfalls & Dangers Of Anthropomorphosizing And Normalizing The#Tools Of Surveillance Imposed By Corporation Rim Economic Dominance etc etc#ratthi like ok but the corporate spyware in this case literally IS my friend???#mb: two seminars for you ratthi
@silentwalrus1 your tags have been peer reviewed
Advertisement for studded Crisco can covers by P.C. Leathers, c 1980s
teenage girls in fiction: hes so cute i wanna slow dance with him at prom :3 hehe
real teenage girls: imagine if he got injured and i had to tend to his wounds and i could watch him seize up a bit as i disinfect them and in the haze of fever he sees me as an angel
Minecraft wheat field so big my entire computer froze when I tried to open axiom and when minecraft proceeded to crash my computer freaked out so bad it started opening randomly recently used apps and stopped rendering several key graphics on my hotbar 🤪✌️
My field. #myfield
