Rodion

Vent and ED blog. Block me if you don't want to see that.

[dostoevskyandespresso]

Hello, you can call me Rodion. I'm fifteen years old, use He/Him pronouns and as you can probably guess, have an ED and other mental health problems. Also autistic. I attend counselling for autism and depression, but that shit doesn't help.

Stats and other information about me under the cut.

>164cm >CW: 39kg >BMI: 14.5 >GW: 37kg >UGW: 35kg

I dislike the term UGW because I know it won't be some ultimate end and I'll continue trying to lose weight, but oh well, who cares.

My interests are literature, philosophy, religion, music, videogames and I also happen to be a fan of Moomins. I do like some anime/manga, mostly Hetalia, Evangelion and BSD. My favourite books are The Brothers Karamazov, The Idiot, Crime and Punishment (Dostoevsky), Complete poems and stories of Edgar Allan Poe, Nausea (Sartre), The Catcher In The Rye (Salinger), Candide (Voltaire), The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With The Sea (Mishima), The Iliad, The Odyssey (Homer), Steppenwolf (Hesse) and The Picture of Dorian Gray (Wilde). Favourite bands are My Chemical Romance, The Smiths, Weezer, Joy Division, The Cure, Molchat Doma, Texas Is The Reason, Alexisonfire, Fall Out Boy, Rammstein, Kino, Korn, Prozac+, Sunny Day Real Estate and Bauhaus. I listen to much more, of course!

Anyway, I'm looking for 3db1r mutuals. I've been here before, this is just a new account. It'd be great if you were around my age and had similar interests, but I don't care too much. If you don't have your likes and following hidden, I'll block you from fear of being struck down by Tumblr

[dostoevskyandespresso]

17/08's intake

I fucking binged. I went food shopping, then had a bar of chocolate, pre-packaged chocolate crepes, Werther's Original eclairs, a cookie, pork kabanos and two packs of beef jerky. I'm so fucking ashamed. Luckily dinner was very light and was unseasoned pasta (not much too! I estimate about 350cals of it to overestimate the amount), three small pieces of broccoli and unseasoned, plain cod, which was 96cals. I purged after the binge and after dinner.

Tomorrow I'll make sure to fast to make up for this.

[lilylsworld]

What are y’all’s common safe foods?

[dostoevskyandespresso]

I dislike the texture of eggs, popcorn and low cal icecream

[cantlarp]

the fact that most of us started wth $h and ended up with €d needs to be studied

[dostoevskyandespresso]

16/08's intake

>Chicken noodle soup (128cal) >Chicken sandwich my mum made for dinner (aprox 800cal) Total: 928cal

I actually saw the ingredients and some of the packaging for dinner, so I'm confident it's a bit under 800cal. I actually estimated it before seeing and I always feel proud of myself when I can guess correctly! Anyway, I don't care about my intake too much as long as it's under 1200cal or maintenance in general, and this definitely is. I spent a good chunk of my day on my feet moving around and I'll begin exercising some more this instant.

[dostoevskyandespresso]

Spent the day cleaning and I'm hungry but I have more to do, just taking a small break now

[dostoevskyandespresso]

I've just realised how deep my SH scars are, they're properly indented into my skin, forming big ridges. I've stopped now, but seeing it reminds me that it will always be there. I can't see it fading easily

[dostoevskyandespresso]

Ended what was a 22 hour long fast with my dad's dinner because I was forced to have it. It was a bowl of pasta with baked beans, but I ate about a third or a quarter and then purged it.

[dostoevskyandespresso]

I'm going to fast today to make up for having sweets yesterday. I weigh myself yesterday and turns out I'm 39kg, not 39.3, which may not sound like much, but I'm glad.

[r1823ae]

developing an ed without realizing then realizing and purposely making it worse

[dostoevskyandespresso]

14/08's intake

>Shrimp, assorted vegetables and teriyaki sauce (380cal) >Chicken noodle soup (128cal)

Total: 538cal

[dostoevskyandespresso]

Nevermind I binged on sweets, I fucking hate myself

[oojitears]

It's diabolical how badly I want to look in the mirror and look like a frail lil guy...

[dostoevskyandespresso]

14/08's intake

>Shrimp, assorted vegetables and teriyaki sauce (380cal) >Chicken noodle soup (128cal)

Total: 538cal

[dostoevskyandespresso]

13/08 intake

-Chicken Noodle Soup (128cal) -My sibling's dinner. Can't give estimates, but it was a bit of spaghetti with chicken. I had a much smaller portion than everyone else too.

[dostoevskyandespresso]

The weather being so fucking unbearably hot is preventing me from being able to exercise as much without feeling like I'll collapse. Luckily I did a tiny bit of exercise in the morning before the temperature got too bad, but I'm still annoyed

[dostoevskyandespresso]

Soups are really underrated, for example, a can of chicken noodle soup from Aldi is 128cal for the whole can. It's what I've been living off for a while

[dostoevskyandespresso]

Someone fatshame me, I need to make sure not to eat today and as much as looking in a mirror helps, the extra push helps. I need to go back to my honeymoon, I need to return to feeling utterly terrified of food, because now for an instant I may feel fine with eating something but the amount of guilt afterwards hurts so much more than having not eaten it at all.