[doughboy2-0-0-1]

My Final Post

I had to put this out there. Ignore if you want, idc.

After a very rough time in my life, I've realised how disgusting feederism truly was for me. It can prey on people's dislike of themselves, and that was the case for me. For 10 years I got off on fattening myself up (ruining myself in my mind) and being degraded for it. Being degraded for how much I fucked up my body. The amount of useless lard I piled on. No longer. I'm giving myself the body I deserve and I'm not self destructing anymore.

Anyone who's reading this, discover self love and think about what you deserve. For most of you, I doubt it's becoming morbidly obese. You deserve to be in a body that allows you to live life to the fullest, free from any health issues. You deserve to look your best. But if being obese is truly what makes you happiest, continue. I think most are like me tho, you like to get off on your self destruction.

Feederism was extremely destructive for me and controlled me for 10 years. Not anymore.

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

I’m so proud of you!!! Good for doing what you needed!!! Let us know how we can help you continue to go on your chosen path!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you 😊

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

Hey u said feederism is out of your mind... how? I've always felt... icky? About having this fetish... and if able want to live a more 'normal' life.... how did you erase it from ur mind?

Also congrats on ur weight loss/ muscle gain!!!

I mean don't get me wrong, I'm just talking about my experience. And it's not over yet, the urge could come back strong, idk. So take what I say with a grain of salt, it might not work for you.

For me, it's about not reinforcing it. Building other sexual focuses that are way more satisfying for me. Ive looked at fat stuff maybe twice in the last 4 months, and it's gotten to the point where it doesn't really turn me on anymore. When I would jerk to feederism/ fat stuff, I'd always feel ashamed after finishing. Post nut clarity as they call it lol. I'd feel shame for masterbating to 'that'. Sometimes it would just be indifference at best. I recently started watching a type of regular porn that I'm really into. And when I finish, I feel amazing afterwards. It feels like it's more who I am. And I'm not ashamed after finishing anymore. I got so used to it after 10 years.

For me, I think being with my ex made me discover that who I was, a gainer who's sexuality revolved around fat, is not who I actually am. But ironically it wasn't until after the breakup that I realised what satisfied me the most was being intimate with my ex. And so I explored regular porn more, and Ive been watching that ever since. Connecting with someone is what's most important to me. And now my sexuality finally reflects that.

Ive also heard that detoxing from masterbation helps a lot. Porn in general tends to overstimulate our brains and build strong connections that can be damaging. In short, it warps our brains. Detoxing allows your sexuality to come to you, instead of vice versa. But it's hard, I've been trying to detox and I got to 17 days. It's my long term plan tho. My mind won't be clouded, and I'll be able to just see what turns me on out in the world.

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

Yooo in case you’re still here, how are u doing? How are u feeling?:>

I'm doing great, thanks! It's crazy, in the three of so months since I completely abandoned feederism, the urges have gone almost completely. For 10 years I believed it was my core sexuality, I even put 'fatsexual' in my bio. Goes to show if you jerk off to the same thing for 10 years it tends to dominate your sexuality lol. Even so, it's been pretty shocking how distant the urges towards feederism have become. As for weight loss, I'm officially under 300lbs again! I've been exercising everyday and even building muscle for the first time in my life.

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

I think it’s time to leave? Why are you still engaging? Just leave, you know?

I'll leave when I want to leave 🙂 How about you just unfollow my blog...

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

Honestly when you posted that you were giving up on gaining, i thought it was an April fool’s prank. But if this is something that you enjoy anynore then you should definitely do what makes you happy :)

Also that one anon is really cringe just ignore them

Yeah crazy bad timing haha. Thank you!

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

Wait, so you DO want to be bigger, and you loved getting bigger, but you're just not happy with the fact that you liked it? Was it a health thing? Or is it just not fun in your brain that you like "ruining" your body? Which by the way, you ARENT. With every pound you gain you improve yourself. You get better and hotter and stronger the more you weigh. It's not corruption or ruination or destruction. It's freedom.

I did like being bigger. But the question is *why* I enjoyed being bigger. Why I enjoyed being degraded. Why I enjoyed being told how fat I made myself. And it wasn't self love. I fucking love fat bodies and find them hot af, but in my case I wanted to be fat because I wanted to 'ruin' myself. I liked people saying that about me. I liked them telling me my mobility would decrease and my body would become heavy and cumbersome. I was turned on by how much I'd struggle. Having man tits. My penis being buried in my fatpad. That's destruction. That's not freedom.

Because for me, I wanted to ruin myself because I didn't like myself, and I realised in therapy I've never really liked myself. In recent years I created the guise of confidence, thank working in customer service for that lol. Now I'm trying to discover what true self love looks like for me. What I *deserve* And that looks different for everyone.

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

I disagree with the Anon who said being degraded is “fine” and “good, even”. It’s been proven that repeated degradation, whether from others or from the self, has a negative impact on brain chemistry. This is why people who have survived abusive relationships often go to other abusers.

As someone in the BDSM community, there can be therapeutic components to it **if done correctly**. But more often than not, people who haven’t studied the psychology behind it cause more damage than good.

This is getting off topic from your original post and the message you were aiming for - that you want to find a healthy outlet for yourself - but I felt the need to clarify this for the other trolls out there.

Good luck on your journey!!! ❤️

Yeah I mean I believe sexual fetishes and being into degradation tends to be our brain turning negativity (trauma) into a positive. Getting off to things that previously hurt us, maybe in our childhoods.

I know when I was younger I hated being chubby and was incredibly self conscious about it. I wasn't bullied for my weight, but I was very uncomfortable with my size. And then suddenly I develop a sexual fetish where I love fat and being big? I don't believe it to be a coincidence. I've always been heavily into the psychology of feederism and fetishes in general, mainly because Ive been in this community for 10 years haha. It's partly why I'm going back to uni in July to study psychology.

It's certainly all about what's healthiest for ourselves and our minds. For me, this whole feederism experience has been very unhealthy for me. And it took me 10 years to realise that I was doing this for the wrong reasons. It's crazy what we're thinking subconsciously.

And thank you! 😁

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

Your new approach to this has been mature and healthy. You know what hasn’t been working for YOU and now you want to try to find something that will work for YOU, with flexibility in the future. (Notice the emphasis on YOU because this is your page, your body, and your choice.)

Good luck on whichever path you end up taking!!

Thanks, that's very kind. I think people had a problem with me asking people to look into why they wanna gain themselves and whether they were like me. Like I was certainly talking about me and my experience, but I know there's others like me that I hope will re-evaluate whether feederism is self love. For some gainers, it is, but for others, like me, it was for very negative reasons that I've mentioned before.

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

Do you see a future where gaining is healthy and balanced for you?

Certainly. I still love fat and all fat bodies. But it's hard for me to not spiral into wanting more. And it's hard to know what I actually want deep down. I'd like to be fit for the first time in my life. Like not chubby, nor muscular, I would like to actually be strong and in shape. But Rn I'm just losing and seeing where I stop.

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

Ignore the trolls. They're just upset their favourite jerk off material is gone. It's a compliment to you that they're so upset you're stopping 🤣

Haha and the irony is, I'm keeping the material up

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

Fundamentally it's about how you feel and whether it is comfortable for you, if it will bring your own self-actualisation then it's your decision

I just find it unfair to simply blame it on feedism, because it's a kink that means many different things to different people.

Thought frankly anons that is gloating to you is quite distributing, can we not do that?

Still, I wish the best for your journey, wherever it brings you.

Perhaps I worded it incorrectly and instead should've said that feederism was disgusting 'for me'. Because that's how I feel. It was bad 'for me'. And as I said, there's a lot of feedees who are gaining for self love, but I've also talked to so many who were gaining for the same reasons as me. So I believe it's bad for those other people too. But it's not for me to say, it's up to every feedee to discover on their own. Saying it was bad in general was a sweeping generalisation perhaps.

And yeah it's a bit fucked isn't it. And thanks!

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

You cant escape yourself no matter how many accounts you delete and how far you remove yourself

If I get another ask like this, imma start deleting them. You're wasting your time 😁

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

Im just letting you know whats coming for you. Youre going to do it yourself whether someone is there pushing you or not. Just dont try to feel too bad about yourself when it does inevitably happen. Its not your fault you were born a fatty at heart

And this is exactly why I plan to leave Tumblr again. Feeders and I guess anons too, who know the negative reasons why I leaned towards feederism, but push me in that direction anyway.

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

Why bother fighting it? Non gainers struggle to keep the weight off. Most fail. Statistically, it's going to happen. You think as a pig brained gainer you stand a chance? You may lose it all, get jacked, maybe even get your loose skin removed. But the pig that made you this fat in the first place will always be there. Calling you. One day you'll slip. You'll indulge a little. And then a day becomes a week or two. You start to feel yourself soften up. You'll remember how much you love food. How much you love fat. How right it feels. Before you know it you'll be back in deep. Stuffing your face. Feeling the fat pile on, weighing you down, spilling out. You're going to end up massive one day. It's all you've ever really wanted. It's inevitable. It's who you are

Because in my case, getting off to degradation and the idea that I'm 'destroying myself' isn't healthy. You can get me horny and try and get me back into gaining again but it won't work. Focus on the gainers who were actually gaining for mentally healthy reasons. I need to do what's best for me.

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

I would have you back to 170kg in a month

20kg in a month is impressive. Hope you find a gainer who's happy to let you encourage them.

[doughboy2-0-0-1]

Anyone who is making your post about them needs to step back and get some perspective. You acknowledged the initial post came off a little aggro and clarified, but people still can't help but make everything about them.

This is your body and your life. The only opinion that matters on it, is yours. Take care, friend!

Yeah, it was never meant to be an attack. I just think people should step back and look at why they want this. For me, it was for bad reasons. Thanks 😁