Dragon King's Kingdom

Expect A LOT of Lancaster (Ruby x Jaune) posts

[wu-gang-writing]

Ruby: Don't worry. You won't die before you're supposed to.

Jaune: ...

[dragonking10]

[drenosa]

Blake: So...

Jaune: So...

Blake: How's it been? Being with both Ruby and Weiss, I mean.

Jaune: They are challenging my mental fortitude and endangering my physical well-being.

Blake: Explain...

Jaune: You know those Vacuan Chillidogs?

Blake: Biggest sausage in a long bun on Remnant, yes.

Jaune: Ruby deep throated one, whilst maintaining direct eye-contact with me and without her teeth scraping either the bun or the sausage.

Blake: ...

Jaune: Yeah, I had that same blank, yet haunting, stare.

Blake: What... what did Weiss do?

Jaune: She combined Sword Swallowing with a Mistrali Salami.

Blake: That... that's a lot of sausage...

Jaune: My sanity is fraying, that's for sure.

Blake: Why's your body in danger? Aside from the obvious.

Jaune: Their sisters.

Blake: Yang and Winter? How?

Jaune: Yang sent me a video of her hand-loading Aura ripping shotgun shells.

Blake: Damn, those are really nasty. Expensive too!

Jaune: Tell me about it.

Blake: No need. What about Winter?

Jaune: She keeps sending me these strings of numbers. Every few minutes even. Here, see. *Shows Blake his Scroll*

Blake: Jaune... these are coordinates. Your coordinates. She's tracking your current location?! *Scroll pings* She sent an updated set just now!

Jaune: I know...

Blake: ...

Jaune: So yeah, kinda fearing for both my sanity and my body here.

Blake: May the Brother Gods grant you strength, endurance and willpower by the truckload.

[dragonking10]

Meanwhile Mama Arc is currently hunting down Yang and Winter while Papa Arc is trying to calm her down.

Mama Arc:

[craziechwiv]

Ruby: Hey Jaune?

Jaune, from the kitchen: Yeah Rubes?

Ruby: You gotta check out this freaky deer outside.

Jaune: I will in a bit Ruby, you don't want these cookies to burn do ya?

Ruby: Mmm, no...but this might be almost worth letting them burn for.

Jaune: Why's that?

Ruby: Cuz this deer is doing a neat trick! Just standing on only two hooves!

Jaune:

[dragonking10]

Deer: Heard you talking shit?

[wu-gang-writing]

Ruby: Men will look delectable but then get mad when you bite them. Stop looking so yummy then.

[dragonking10]

Jaune: BITE MY GLORIOUS PERFECT ASS!!!

[arc-misadventures]

You Have A Dog?

Ruby: Wait, what?! You have a dog!

Jaune: A wolf to be precise.

Ruby: Can I see it?!

Jaune: Sure, come on.

Ruby: Awesome!

~~~

Ruby: Okay, were here!

(Click.)

Ruby: Where's the wolf?

Jaune: Arooo~!

Ruby: ...

Ruby: (Gulp!)

Ruby: Uh oh...

[dragonking10]

Ruby: Huh.... new kink discovered.

[wu-gang-writing]

Jaune: *juggling for their baby daughter*

Garnet: *laughing with her whole body*

Ruby: Two hands? Three balls? How does he do it?

[dragonking10]

The way Ruby reacts reminds me of this:

[reashot]

Red Roses, Red Roses. Jaune, Will You Bend me Overs?

Jaune: *just peacefully doing his own thing*

Ruby: *glomp*

Jaune~ Do you know what day is today? 😘

Jaune: I don't know Ruby. What day is today?

Ruby: *giggle* today is Red Roses day. So I think this day could be treated like my mini birthday. So for my present. How about we go to my room and make my rose wet and red (from all the pounding you will give me)... ❤️

Jaune: Ah. How about we just go out and eat. Then afterwards we can just catch up on some shows we always wanted to watch. What do you say?

Ruby: That's not what I want!

... But I guess it's fine too.

*sigh*

You're lucky you're too cute for me to rape... ☠️

Jaune: Ha, ha, ha.... Wait, what did you just say?

[rwac96]

Ruby: *forced smile* "NOTHING!"

Jaune: *squinting* "Riiiight."

[dragonking10]

Jaune: That's funny, I could've sworn you said rap-

Ruby: No no no, I uh..... said rate.

Jaune: Ah.... okay.

They have a moment of silence

Jaune: Out of curiosity.... how do you rate me?

Ruby: 10/10 would definately fuck aga- I mean recommend.

Jaune: *squints his eyes and leans close to see Ruby's face for any kind of lies* Hmmmmm

Ruby was doing her best to keep calm..

Jaune: *turns away* Alright then.

Ruby: *wipes the sweat off her head* Phew.

[reashot]

I Know You Two Are Not Together, But No. You Still Can't Date Her!

Jaune: *giggles* No.... Please stop. It tickles.

Ruby: *Kiss Jaune all over* No can do bestie. You just taste so good.

Jaune: We are so totally the bestest friend there is.

Ruby: Right! best friend.

Unbeknownst to the couple... I mean friends. The three members of the "Anti-Lancaster alliance" are silently looking at the two of them with great concern.

Ren: *facepalm*

Oh brothers...

Papa Arc: *shakes head*

There's something ain't right with that boy.

Tai: *loads shotgun*

That's it. The little punk is dead.

Ren: Please don't kill my team leader Mr. Xiao-Long.

Papa Arc: Hold on there. While I agree that my son might deserve a few beating. Murdering him is not the right answer. Instead let me handle this.

Ruby: It's been nice kissing you, (in a platonic way) but I have to go do some errands with my team.

Jaune: Ok then. See you soon Ruby.

Ruby: Don't worry Jaune. I'll be back quickly so we can go back to kissing each other. All friendly like. *Walks away from Jaune*

Papa Arc: Son we need to talk...

About your friend, Ruby Rose.

The one with the silver eyes.

Jaune: What about Ruby?

Papa Arc: You should stop seeing her...

Jaune: But why? When we're the bestest of friends and chummiest of chums.

And if I decide to ask Ruby to be my girlfriend. Well that is none of your business, father dearest.

Papa Arc: Uhh.... Cuz your huge dick can kill her....

*whimper*

Ren: Oh dear brothers...

Jaune: That is... A valid concern to have. I guess you're right that I can't be with her.

Tai: Yes! All glory to Jaune's monstrous sized cock!!!

Ren: Wait, that actually worked?

Papa Arc: Well that was easy. Turns out I don't have to kidnap and brainwash you... *Nervous laughter*

Jaune: Wait, what?

[dragonking10]

Ruby:

[littlelewdmable]

Figuratively

Ruby: *via scroll* Did you make it to the pickup spot yet?

Jaune: Yeah, we've been here for awhile.

Ruby: They haven't picked you up yet?

Jaune: Yeah, so I've kind of just been sitting here with dick in my hand for-

Ruby: Really!?

Ruby: *practically teleports to Jaune* Let me- *Disappointed* Oh, you meant figuratively.

[dragonking10]

Jaune: Yes.... I meant figuratively. Why would you think I'd pull my dick out in public?

Ruby: I don't know! I just thought we're doing one of my kinks!

Jaune:....

Jaune: I know I'm gonna regret asking, but what kink is it?

Ruby: "without hesitating" Deepthroating in public, I don't care who watches.

Jaune: And there's the regret.

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Jaune: *Sitting on his front porch, the scratchy, sparse remnants of a poorly shaved beard litter his face. He is staring out over pastures for his animals, into the woods at the far end of the property.*

Jaune: *breathes in the night air, the slightly warm and wet climate is familiar. Comforting. The sound of crickets fill the sky as the stars do.*

Jaune: *Is at Peace*

[dragonking10]

???: Hey.

Jaune turns around to see his wife Ruby holding two cups of hot chocolate

Ruby: Mind if I join?

Jaune smiled: Not at all.

Ruby sits down next to him and hand him his cup

They both drink and looked up at the stars

They remember how they met... thier shared hardships... and people they met and lost along the way as they finally defeated Salem

Ruby turns to Jaune

Ruby: I'm glad I met you Jaune.

Jaune smiles: I'm happy I met you too.

Ruby slowly put her head on his shoulder, relishing the love and peace of their love and home

Ruby: I love you, Vomit Boy.

Jaune pulls her in closer, also relishing the peace and love

Jaune: And I love you, Crater Face.

And they lived Happily Ever After and in Peace.

[notmaplemable]

12 Inches

Weiss: That has to be the biggest single Dust crystal I've ever seen. I must be over a foot long.

Ruby: It's actually exactly 12 inches long.

Weiss: How do you know that for sure?

Ruby: Trust me, I know what 12 inches looks like.

WBYNPR: *look at Jaune*

Jaune: What? Ruby literally has perfect scores in every smithing class she's ever been in and is literally a sniper. Judging distance and length is basically her bread and butter.

Jaune: Get your minds out of the gutter.

[dragonking10]

Ruby: And besides Jaune's dick is way bigger

Jaune: -///- Not the time Ruby!

[howlingday]

Ruby: WHOA~! How many different versions of me are there~?!

Summer: I've heard of mothers and daughters looking alike, but this is ridiculous...

Bluby: Maybe I'll actually fit in for once?

Negative!Ruby: I want nothing to do with any of you idiots!

[dragonking10]

Jaune ran over to them

Jaune: Alright Ruby I'm here......to.........help.

Jaune noticed every version of Ruby looking at him with hearts in their eyes, some were making sexual motions, some were making kissy faces. The rest looks at him like a piece of meat.

Jaune:.....

Jaune's eyes shrink

Jaune: Uh oh!

[howlingday]

Ruby: New Year's Eve... The countdown descends... And as the bell rings...

Ruby: WHO WILL KISS ME~?!

Ruby: (Swaddled in blankets, Begging) New Year's kiss...? Spare New Year's kiss~?

Ruby: (Sobbing) BLEASE~!

[dragonking10]

Jaune walks to Ruby with Hershy Kisses

Jaune: Here you go Ruby!

Ruby:....

Ruby: That's not what I meant!

Jaune puts one of the kisses in his mouth

Jaune: Then what did you me-

Jaune was caught off as Ruby grabbed the caller of his shirt and pulled him in for huge kiss. Tongue and all

Jaune's eyes widen in surprise before closing his eyes and wrapped his arms around her, deepening the kiss.

[dragonking10]

Jaune was walking home after a mission

Jaune: Honey I'm ho-

Jaune stopped as he noticed the front door is missing and he sees his wife Ruby and daughter Hope roasting marshmellows over the fire of what used to be their door.

Jaune: Uh Honey, why is our front door on fire?

Ruby: Hope and I saw that video you posted.

Jaune: What video?

Ruby pulls out her scroll and played the video

???: Knock Knock

Jaune: Who's there?

The door suddenly slams open, smashing Jaune against the wall

The Door: THE DOOR!!!

Jaune:.....

Jaune: Huh.

[dragon-razor-writings]

Mama Arc: *dressed in full crusader gear, wielding a Charge Blade, and looking like she's about to burn someone alive, with Powerwolf playing from... somewhere*

S/O, watching this: "...So, I have to fight her-"

Jaune, also watching his mother sharpening her weapon: "For her approval, yes."

Papa Arc: "Alright, EMS is now on standby."

S/O: "...Say, you have any advice for me?"

Papa Arc: "Make peace with whatever god you believe in."

[dragonking10]

Ruby:

BRING IT ON!!!

Jaune: Babe, she is 100x worse than Salem!

Mama Arc grins evily: This is going to be fun!

Papa Arc just touched his head to his chest, then from his left shoulder to his right and silently prayed for his future daughter-in-law.

[dragonking10]

Jaune and Ruby were laying down, cuddling on their bed.

Jaune thought: I Love this Silver-Eyed Beauty.

Ruby thought: Welp my asshole hurts now, WORTH IT!!!

[littlelewdmable]

Jaune: Sorry, I got to answer this.

Jaune: What's up Ruby?

Ruby: *On speakerphone* How do you feel about having sex on one of the forge workbenches?

Jaune: ...

NPR: ...

[dragonking10]

Jaune *blushes*: Uh... Ruby, you're on speaker.

Ruby: ...

Ruby: I still don't hear an answer.