I wish more people knew about asexuality.
I just talked to an old friend, let’s call her JoAnne, with whom I had a brief fling about 12 years ago. She was divine but not interested in sex. It frustrated the fuck out of me. I didn’t get it. I pulled out of ALL of the stops, but no joy. I figured she wasn’t into me like that.
I bowed out of the picture and my bff decided to give it a go. My bff can get any woman into bed. It is uncanny. Watching her in action is like watching a master at work. She is beautiful. She curvy, soft, round and is the sweetest person you will ever meet. She is also a horrible control freak with Martha Stewart tendencies. We decided long ago, that while we have a mutual admiration thing going we could never date or even have sex. I leave my shoes in the hallway, crumbs in the butter and always forget to put the remotes back in their designated spot.
But, I digress, she also pulled out ALL of the stops, but no joy. We were stumped. I felt marginally better because it wasn’t about me, and moved on to a relationship where there was sex. JoAnne and I remained close and she seemed to have the same problem in relationships over and over again. People would throw themselves at her and leave in frustration.
I wish more people, specifically the people who want to date her, understood asexuality. There would be a vocabulary with which to have a discussion, and the ability to make adult decisions that don’t end up with anyone feeling frustrated.
For the people who want to date JoAnne, the frustration is a one time experience we move on from, but for JoAnne it is constant. She was, probably is, in a state of constant anxiety over dating. Will this new person expect sex? Will they keep trying when the answer is no? Will they get upset and leave when it becomes clear that no amount of romantic (JoAnne was very romantic) or emotional connection was going to lead to sex?
No one should have to live like that. JoAnne should be able to say that she’s asexual, and her potential partners should be knowledgeable enough to accept and respect that.
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