Straw

He cannot believe it, but if his life has taught him one thing, it is that belief is optional. - "The Impressionist" by Hari Kunzru

[drainedstraw]

別讓我離開你

[drainedstraw]

After a long day immersed in blunt, brutal corporate pragmatisms, dirt in the wind and the feeling that I just would never get it right no matter how hard I try, I thought I’d treat myself to a more delicate experience.

Yet, who can guarantee that there would be oysters beyond a mob of mindless shopaholic tourists, or a decent pint at the end of a bike ride? Yet the unexpected constructions in the mall and upward slopes that got steeper and kept coming up the bike lane are real and inevitable.

The route that seemed smooth and floral from the car turned out to be way too hilly, and the warm fuzzy spring evening breeze not so breezy. But what can be done other than riding on? Stopping will leave you in the middle of nowhere.

[drainedstraw]

你在冬日午前暖陽下窩在我的懷內看火車進站、離站；

和你在我兒時舊照的場景合照；

人生開首半段離家越走越遠，你卻把我帶回這個直徑少於十公里的舒適圈。時空感從未如此錯亂，但心也是從未如此踏實。

[drainedstraw]

tipsiness and chills on my face combined

belongs only

to

one very specific spot in my heart

[drainedstraw]

I climbed a wall, that’s why I disappeared.

[drainedstraw]

花底相看無一語，待把相思燈下訴，

最是人間留不住，朱顏辭鏡花辭樹。

[drainedstraw]

今天第一次在兒子眼角看見眼淚，察覺人生一開首有這麼一段沒有需要眼淚的時光 -

可他眼睛有了眼淚才終於看起來實在、有神；在此之前，無論盯住他多久都好像沒辦法記住他的臉，只能隨他魂遊太虛。

[drainedstraw]

曾經告訴媽咪，她給我打的毛衣和圍巾有她的氣味，她一笑置之。現在我兒子穿她打的毛衣睡得又穩又沉，他大概也察覺到吧。

[drainedstraw]

抱住bb在黑暗中來回踱步，他將睡未睡，我想起很多年前寒街開端的清晨，死線前幾分鐘上載好大考答案後摸黑打包、然後從校園爬上像冰箱般的旅遊大巴；再醒過來時，開眼看見 Bronx 的第一線曙光。

我拿出廉價的 mp3 player聽歌打發時間，坐旁邊的北京女生（她現在已經是某跨國藝廊的總監，哈！）對廣東歌覺得好奇；二話不說把一邊耳機往她側臉一塞，翻出陳奕迅的 《綿綿》。她聽後若有所思，我告訴她將來我帶孩子的時候，這首歌會在ta的搖籃曲歌單上。

[drainedstraw]

Day 1

You are so small, yet already so big - you've brought me to see kindness that I've never seen, led me to humbling experiences that give me no choice but to expand in ways I've never been able to imagine.

Soon, you will stumble, fall and rise; babble, listen and communicate; love, break hearts and have your own heart broken. I will inevitably enrich, empower and love you, and I will learn to do so in a way that is true to myself and fulfilling for you. I might fail from time to time, but I promise to never stop trying.

[drainedstraw]

Be like salt, pepper, milk and potatoes, so that

You make magic when you come together

[drainedstraw]

If time went backwards - you would be backing off from me, instead of approaching, at the time when we encountered.

I wouldn’t have that.

[drainedstraw]

How to be pensive without melancholy? How to keep seeking without feeling lost?

[drainedstraw]

我一邊幫她按摩頭皮、肩膀，一邊告訴她有個叔叔清喉嚨的聲音和阿爺一模一樣，而且爸爸、姑姑們都老了，我也成了家。如果她是有執念未能釋懷，我不知道她明不明白這樣消耗自己只能是徒然。或許對她來說，有在想念、感受點甚麼便等於活著，跟我們對活著的定義不一樣。

[drainedstraw]

what if being clever is not enough? (In general)

[drainedstraw]

Shanghai? Tokyo? Seoul? Taipei?

[drainedstraw]

她們竭力張開自己，無可抗拒卻一觸即逝

too fucking metaphorical