self-hatred (home)

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad - the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. WARNING: Posts may be triggering. Nicole. 16. Los Angeles. My own posts. / Very, very accurate. Request things for me to write! I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder in late 2010. I am a recovering cutter, but I'm still suicidal. Free from self-harm since: July 2, 2012. My longest "clean" period was September 10, 2011 - January 23, 2012 (136 days). Too many people know my main blog, so I made this. Most of my posts are, but are not limited to, black and white photos. This blog is for me. Yes, followers are lovely, but I don't care whether you follow me. I made this blog so I can reblog and post what I truly feel without being afraid of others seeing and judging me. If you want to know more, feel free to leave a message in my ask. If you want to leave hate, don't bother. I hate myself more than anyone else will ever hate me. I used to wear my heart on my sleeves, but it made my wrists too bloody.

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breezeblocks |  alt-j

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January 15th, 2013

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 Loui Jover

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I don't know why I made this.

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You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintery light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen. When the cold rains kept on and killed the spring, it was as though a young person died for no reason.

Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast (via colourmegreenwich)

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Design for The Plot In You

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i keep trying to tell myself that i'm recovered. i'm recovering. i'm almost done. i'm almost normal. but i know i'm in denial. i know i'm never going to get better. i'm never going to stop feeling this way. i'm never going to be a first choice and i'm never going to feel like people love me. i'm never going to understand that it's possible for people to actually care about me. it just seems ridiculous to me. why would they like me? why should they? i'm horrible in every way.

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i am the queen of trust issues :}

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