Hey I'm Trying

borderline things, anorexia struggles, and some semi helpful advice

[benjiisafool]

i wanna cry i have such a deep hatred for my body 🥰🥰 existing in my own skin makes me so uncomfortable

i just want to

cease existing !

[dreamingexquisitely]

Soulmates

I can't wait to find my soulmate. The person who is family, and who will always be family. The person who won't leave, or get angry when I mess up. Someone who isn't perfect, but I see them as if they put the stars in the sky every night so I can see them.

The thing that keeps me going is imaging the future I'll have with someone. The late night chats with cigarettes and warm tea, watching the rain against the window. The days when we sit inside watching Netflix in silence, not caring what we look like. The tipsy drunk slow dancing in the living room kind of love. The love when you just lay with that person when they can't get out of bed because they don't see the point. The snowball fights when it snows, so you can go back inside and cuddle into them when it gets too cold to function.The spontaneous "Let's go on an adventure" days, and the talking about your future nights.

The play fighting, and the real fighting, but afterwards you realize why you love the person, and you're scared the lose them. The coffee dates, and the lunch dates. The "I fucking hate you" screaming that turns into "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to take out my stress on you" arguments. Going to an adoption center and not being able to decide on one animal, so you take home three.

The intense battles in Mario kart, and arguing over what to make for dinner. The times when you go to a party and both decide you'd rather go home and drink together than be with random people. The "have you taken your medication today?" kind of love, along with the "I'm going out, want anything?" The days when you go out shopping together and end up spending way too much money. The praise you get from them from doing small things you struggle with kind of love.

The sort of love that makes other people say to themselves, "hey, they're still together?" The "hold up, you look really good, lemme take a photo" kind of love. The tired days after you've both been working and you order a takeaway, falling asleep next to each other on the couch. The smoking joints in the evening days when you talk about everything, only to end up laughing about the smallest things. Looking at your soulmate and understanding what love really is.

When arguments turn from not speaking to each to talking it out like adults. When you both understand that relationships aren't made to be easy. When you see their ugly side and still love them. When you defend each other, even if they're in the wrong, just because you don't want them feeling like an idiot. When intimacy turns from sex to hand holding, and your main focus isn't just about them, but about you. When you both support and love each other through the dark times and the light times.

The kind of love that makes you feel everything at once, and you're okay with it, because you're with them.

[stressvul-deactivated20200822]

my life latley has been this scene from the fault in our stars. i serisouly cant fucking do this shit. i want to die

[xbloody-thighs-hollow-eyesx]

Did you know....

Having borderline personalty disorder is wanting to have sex with random people and driving 100 mph not caring if you die, then crying for a hour because the person you like is laughing with someone else and doesn’t answer for 10 minutes.  

[bones-are-the-new-sexy]

If you’re looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight, this is it.

Suicide hotlines-

Albania 127

Algeria 0021 3983 2000 58

Argentina (054-011) 4758 2554

Australia 1-800-273-8255

Austria 142

Bahamas 322-2763

Bahrain 0097 161 199 188

Barbados (246) 42 99 999

Belgium 106

Bolivia 00 591 4 4 25 42 42

Bostwana 3911270

Brazil [phone]

Canada 514-723-4000

China 0800-810-1117

Colombia (00 57 5) 372 27 27

Costa Rica 506-253-5439

Croatia [phone]

Cuba 532 348 14 49

Cyprus [phone]

Denmark [phone]

Ecuador 593 2 6000 477

Eqypt 762 1602/3

Estonia 126 /127

Fiji [phone]

Finland 040-5032199

France [phone]

Germany 0800 1110 222

Ghana 233 244 846 701

Greece 1018

Guatemala 1-800-999-9999

Guyana [phone]

Honduras (00 504) 2558 08 08

Hong Kong 2389 2222 /2382 0000

Hungary (46) 323 888

India 2549 7777

Iran 1480

Israel 1201

Italy 800 86 00 22

Jamaica 930 – 1152

Japan [phone]

Kenya [phone]

Latvia 371 67222922

Liberia 06534308

Lithuania 8-800 2 8888

Luxembourg 454545

Malaysia [phone] 39

Malta 179

Mauritius 46 48 889 Befrienders

Mexico 525-510-2550

Namibia 61-232-221

Netherlands 0900-113 0 113

New Zealand 0800 543 354

Nicaragua 2311-7361

Norway [phone]

Papua New Guinea 675 326 0011 (Daytime)

Peru (00 51 1) 273 8026

Philippines [phone] /893 7606

Poland 52 70 000 /52 70 988

Portugal ([phone]

Russia 007 (8202) 577-577

Samoa 32000

Serbia 037 23 025

Singapore 1800 221 4444

South Africa 0861 322 322

South Korea [phone]

Spain 0145 900 50

Sri Lanka 011 057 2222662

St. Vincent [phone]

Sudan (249) 11-555-253

Sweden (46) 31 711 2400

Switzerland 143

Thailand [phone]

Tonga 23000 /25144

Trinidad & Tobago [phone]

Turkey 182

UK & Ireland 116 123

Ukraine 058

USA 1-800-273-TALK(8255)

Venezuela 0241-8433308

Zimbabwe (9) 650 00

You are loved. You are cared about. Don’t think that nobody cares because I care.

I care.

Stay safe💞

[dreamingexquisitely]

you know what fucking kills me is that when my mother was drunk she slit her fucking wrists so she could know what it felt like, and my dad told me he can't cope with this stress anymore and every fucking day I feel worse and worse about myself because I can't fucking get better and if they found out how bad I was doing I don't even know what my mother would do, but my dad would snap and probably leave and to be honest I deserve to die at this point

[canadaloveselena]

[doodlelikeme]

Me, existing:

[daddyslittleprincess118-blog]

romanticizing mental illness is dangerous and misleading

Artsy depression: haunted eyes, good at art, emo hair and eyeliner on point

Actual Depression: bloodshot eyes, no longer trust themselves with pencils, has not showered in five days

Quirky OCD: organized books, clean room, color coordinated outfits

Actual OCD: Intrusive thoughts, flipping the light switch 8 times so you don't stab your brother, picking holes in your skin

Cute eating disorders: Slim trim and beautiful, shyly refusing a second helping, dancer aesthetic

Actual eating disorders: Puffy cheeks and eroded teeth from excessive vomiting, hair growing over your freezing body and refusing to eat carrots because they're too high in carbs

Adorable anxiety: just a smol bean, soft, must be protected from the world

Actual anxiety: crying so hard you throw up, shaking, losing sleep over a period after the "okay"

RPG PTSD: flashbacks, vietnam, u don't know what i've been through kiddo

Actual PTSD: Buying your first pregnancy test at twelve, flinching at high fives, i can't feel my hands where am I what year is it

Cartoon ADHD: look a squirrel, something shiny, fidgety loveable bufoon

Actual ADHD: rereading the same page over and over because it doesn't make sense, hasn't done the laundry in four months, hyperfocusing on a mushroom knowing you have work to do

stop making terrifying realities seem cute. it's disrespectful for those of us who are actually struggling

[dreamingexquisitely]

aesthetic bpd:

cute mood swings, loving someone that doesn't love you back (tragic), being feisty and then sad

Actual bpd:

hitting people you love, screaming and ripping out your hair, dissociation, painful memories

[dreamingexquisitely]

so first I relapse into anorexia, then I try to cut out blades from my razor lOrd give me strEnght :(

[dreamingexquisitely]

DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE THEY'VE EATEN TOO MUCH DESPITE EATING LESS THAN 800 CALORIES BECAUSE I FEEL SICK AS FUCK AND FEEL LIKE I BINGED ARGHHHH

[aroseforno-one-deactivated20221]

nothing makes me feel crazier than missing an abusive ex

[motivation-and-fitness]

Change how you look at people.

Whenever I would see someone, I would instantly start comparing myself to them and become incredibly jealous. There will always be someone smarter or stronger or kinder than you. It’s just a fact.

Not comparing myself to other people was a really hard habit to break. I saw a woman in the gym today with amazing arms. I’m not proud to admit it, but a couple years ago I would’ve felt jealous and inadequate, and I probably wouldn’t have liked her. Today, I found myself proud of her and trying to figure out a way to compliment her without sounding creepy.

By changing the way I think about other people, I completely changed the dynamics of my other relationships. My relationships are more positive and supportive. Now when my friends have something great happen to them, I’m just happy for them. I still get jealous sometimes because I’m human, but it’s nowhere near what it was.

When I stopped comparing myself to other people, I started feeling more positive about them, whether they’re friends or strangers. If someone is better than me at something, I’m happy for them and want to learn from them, without a bunch of horrible jealousy. I’m also just an overall happier person. It turns out that being jealous of everyone is a huge bummer!

I know it’s a hard habit to break. Trust me. I know. But it’s really changed my life for the better and it might work for you too.

[purgebby]

“Imagine hitting your UGW and getting so many compliments on how good you look!” Noah Fence my guy but I hope when I reach my UGW I look like Im about to fukin die

[thebonemage]

🎙️💀Oliver Sykes Thinspo💀🎙️

Cuz he’s hawt af

[johnbottom33-deactivated]

Mmmm just blocking out my haters

[edventingblog]

Reblog if…

💖 You have an ed

💖 You’re around 165cm (5’5)

💖 You’re between 13-17

💖 You post thinspo or tips

💖 You’re pro recovery

I need new blogs to follow!! No need to be all of them x