They warned me about still water
how it mirrors the sky
while swallowing the light
You loved me like that
quiet, reflective
depths disguised as devotion
At first, I mistook your silence
for peace
Mistook your jealousy
for gravity
something that kept me close
kept me safe
from drifting too far from your shore
But still water does not move
it does not sing against rocks
or sparkle in rebellion
it waits
And in the waiting, it gathers
silted words
unspoken blame
the soft decay of apologies
that never reach the surface
You called it love
when you measured my laughter
You called it care
when you trimmed my edges
to ft the outline of your fear
I shrank like a shoreline
in drought
Every time I tried to ripple
you stilled me
with a look
with a sigh
with the heavy hand of
“after all I’ve done”
So I learned to float quietly
to swallow stones
to mistake the ache in my lungs
for oxygen
Still water reflects, yes
but only what hovers above it
Beneath, it keeps
its cold
One night, I stepped in
past my ankles
past my knees
until your silence filled my ears
and my name sounded foreign
That was when I understood
I was not drowning
because I was weak
I was drowning
because you never meant
to let me swim
So I chose the river instead
wild, loud
unapologetically moving
Let it call me reckless
let it bruise me on stones
honest enough to show themselves
Still water may look like peace
but I have felt its hands
at my throat
And I would rather be carried
by something that moves
than be held
by something that never does
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