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No one is saying that you MUST have sex with trans people.

Or fat people

Or disabled people

Or dark-skinned black people

Or or or….

When activists say things like “It’s transphobic to say that you aren’t attracted to trans women,” that doesn’t translate to “You absolutely have to find a trans woman right now and bone down!” Instead, what they’re saying is “The only thing that all trans women have in common is that they’re trans women. They all look different, act different, think different, have different bodies and are at different stages of transition. There is no way that you find every single one of them unattractive. To specifically single them out as a group that you dislike is based on stereotypes and bias, not reality.”

It benefits all of us to take the time to examine our internal bias. Recognizing that prejudice and reflecting on it is a good thing. Maybe your sexual or romantic leanings will never change. That’s okay. But let’s not just brush past these things by saying “It’s a preference” when really: these thoughts are based on a culture of discrimination, stereotypes and bigotry. Labeling them as such is a reflection on that culture, not on your love life.

the-exercist

For those who are responding with sentiments of “My sexuality is mine and no one else’s” and “It is not bigoted to have a sexual orientation”: You’re right! Absolutely! Your sexuality is your own and is 100% not up for debate. You can (and should) have the right to turn down a sexual partner for any reason that you want to. Your body is your own, and you should never feel pressured to engage in romantic or sexual relationships that make you uncomfortable.

The issue being discussed here is related to the fact that all of us were raised in a society the routinely devalues certain bodies and groups of people. That devaluing is normalized to the point where many people are no longer able to consciously recognize the harm in it. Searching our own preferences and reflecting on how they may have been influenced by a bigoted culture is a huge step towards erasing that bigotry all together.

When activists speak on this topic, the intention is not for you to change your sexuality or orientation. The intention is to encourage people to self-reflect: accepting that you may be harboring a bias is difficult, and it doesn’t feel good. But taking the time to think on it is a wonderful thing that can only help us all in the end.