Dream-Dump

an inside look at the dreams of a cptsd NB

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

{Quotes:Nitya prakash/Richard siken ,crush}

[perfectquote]

“I never realized what a big deal that was. How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head.”

— Nina LaCour

[dreamscapesandnightmarefuel]

I pitty the fool but will love them for it all the same

[dreamscapesandnightmarefuel]

This time I didn't even see the wreck.

It started with me in the pavement, cold on my skin and wet from rain. It was so dark, only the waxing crescent giving a slight light to the empty night.

I could feel several sharp objects peircing my torso and extruding out from my stomach.

Every breath was heavy, strained, and if not for the blood bubbling out of my throat, I believe I may have wheezed. I can still taste the iron in my mouth, and feel the blood bubbles through my lungs.

Somethings off, I'm not alone. There is someone else there, also hurt but able to move. They're getting closer to me.

I know they're calling my name, but all I hear is muted and muffled sounds. My vision is blurry as they get close enough for me to see their face. I know who it is but only cause it's my dream.

He's worried, very worried, and I know why but also can feel my broken body reach up to his face, pain shooting as blood coughs up from my lungs. I feel him grab my hand and hold it tight as my vision gets darker.

There's a smile on my face as I feel the cold takeover.

[dreamscapesandnightmarefuel]

It's dark and eerily quiet. Moisture hangs in the air outside the car, making the windows fog up from the warmth of my breath inside. As I continue down the dark, empty highway, I could feel the impending horror.

I keep going, a familiar stretch I can't place. Suddenly, bright lights appear to the right of me, and an impact throws me hundreds of feet to the left.

I feel myself pull against the seat belt, it breaks, and I fly out the door, which was already ripped off during one of the many flips. My body impacts, and the blur of movement is filled with intense pain until I lay still.

I lay there, cold, wet, bleeding, alone, scared.

There is no one coming, and I'm dieing.

[bitchysongsandpoetry]

Sometimes

I really fucking hate you.

But we all know

That's just because of how much

I don't

[dreamscapesandnightmarefuel]

And then I dream

Of what could have been

Only to morph into the nightmare

Of what really is

[dreamscapesandnightmarefuel]

Nightmare Fuel

Sleep is but a short experience of the eventual finite void

[dreamscapesandnightmarefuel]

My anxiety wants me dead...

I often have nightmares that feel so real that I'm taking gambles on decisions.

The most common ones involve the car, driving on a familiar road to a point that I'm not entirely comfortable.

Maybe there is no shoulder, a deep ditch, and lots of sharp curves.

Maybe there is a point in an overpass where the horizon line meets the lower part of the town and looks like you could just drive off into it.

Maybe it's just dark, and raining, and you hit something on the road and lose control careening off to your death.

Everytime I have to hold my breath as the car glides for a moment in the air and hope it's a dream this time.

[dreamscapesandnightmarefuel]

The most mundane dreams...

Last night I dreamt of him, but nothing special.

It was late, dark out, but closer to spring than winter. He was laying on the couch, and the dream told me this was his home not mine, but I was welcome there anytime.

The door opening center left of the room, which was spacious and opened straight into the kitchen, where I headed, kissing his chapped lips as I passed the couch. I can still see the sparkle in his eyes and the smile on his face as he asked why I was there.

I remember saying something about making dinner, and him following me into the kitchen, where the dream decided there should be a whole wall of cabinets. I began opening them to put groceries that magically materialized in front of me away but I couldn't find the right cabinet.

I suddenly felt his hands wrapping around my waist as he stood behind me, pulling me closer and bending to kiss my neck and breath in deeply.

I am pretty sure we forgot about the groceries....