suffering // surviving

drew holtzman // twenty six // just trying to make it out alive

[drewxholtzman-blog]

daxocampo

“ Oh, love – you’re not crazy. ” He reached for her hands. “ You’re irreparably insane. ” Dax had no idea if that was actually true ( most likely not ), but it seemed his act was convincing so far; he might as well have a little fun with it. “ Lectured? Never. Maybe I just want to have a nice chat. We here at Stonefield care very deeply about our patients. ” He recited, mimicking what had been said to him upon his arrival. 

Drew pulls her hands away, folding her arms, “If I am so irreparably damaged, why keep me here if you can’t fix me?” She scoffs. Drew knew that wasn’t true, that she wasn’t insane, but it was hard to keep believing so when everyone told her she was. When they threw her in here. “If you cared so much, you’d let me go. Let me enjoy the rest of my life.”

[drewxholtzman-blog]

tristen-tomas

“I didn’t th-th-think you’d bite,” he lies as he awkwardly takes a seat. Well, it wasn’t too much of a lie. Tristendidn’t think biting was a possibility, but at this point, he’d been conditioned to expect pain as punishment for virtually anything. “I, um… Que…stion its purpose. Why ho-h-hold a bunch of mentally u-unstable indivi-viduals in one spot? It just s-s-seems like a recipe f-for disaster. T-To me,” he muses before ducking down and directing his gaze to his lap. “S-S-Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s just your opinion.” She turns in her seat to look at him, “You know, you’re right, too. All of us together. It could be a disaster.” She smiles, looking back down at her book. “Hopefully, it doesn’t turn out that way.”

[drewxholtzman-blog]

daxocampo

“ Sure am. ” He lies, subtly tugging his sleeve down over the bright red band covering his wrist. “Doing my rotations, you know? Looked like you needed some… clarity. ” There’s a new one – Dax had pretended to be a lot of things in his time ( never lasting very long, but who was counting? ), a medical professional was not one of them. This could be fun. “ You guess? You sound uncertain, Miss…? ” He then resorts to the constantly repeating memories of sessions with said nauseatingdoctors, quoting them directly with – “ You know you can tell me anything. I’m here to help. ”

“God, now you’re seeking me out to let me know I’m crazy?” Drew didn’t even stop to think that he might not be a real doctor; she just reacted the way she always had to them. Angrily. “And yeah. I guess. Could you just, leave me alone, maybe? I don’t really feel like being lectured.” 

[drewxholtzman-blog]

wolfesong

He threw his shoulders in an apathetic shrug, not terribly bothered by what had happened. Annoyance, apparently, was content to sleep in that day. “What are you reading?” he asked, his gaze briefly catching on the cover of her book.

She turns over the cover of his book to look at it, even though she knew the name of it. “Some information on out-of-body experiences. I was hoping I’d read it and realize I’m just being paranoid.”

[drewxholtzman-blog]

bcnny

“ Isn’t that illegal? Like, unless you commited a crime and pleaded insanity — I don’t know, I just watch a lot of Law and Order, ” Benny laughed, folding up the paper and sticking it in his pocket. “ But, uh, T H A N  K  Y O U. A lot, actually, I needed to fix some stuff, uh, on here.Thanks. ”

She smiles at the mention of Law and Order, “I used to love that show. I don’t remember the last time I got to watch it. I used to be so busy with work, and now I’m here and that’s all I wish I could be doing.” She looks up and acknowledges the boy in front of her, “You’re welcome. What even is it?”

[poppy-davenport-blog]

“You don’t care that you were rude.” Perhaps she’d now taken the baton and it was Poppy herself who was becoming rude - but the blonde made no conscious effort in hiding her immediate suspicions. The word ‘sorry’ was barely shoved her way - and on the rare occasion that it was? She could duly assume that it was laced in sarcasm and lacking genuine value. “I’m sure you say that to everyone who walks through these doors who hasn’t kissed your ass yet, am I right?” As she spoke, Poppy’s eyebrows wavered as though accompanying her fast-paced speech, emphasising bits and pieces here and there. “I’m Poppy, but in my last jail they called me Room 12A.” 

[drewxholtzman-blog]

Drew wasn’t sure how to feel. She told herself the apology was the right thing to do, and she wasn’t used to being snapped at. It was the crybaby in her that wanted to beg for forgiveness. That was Drew. But recently, her skin had been getting thicker, and instead of apologizing for her wrongs, she fought back. She wasn’t sure if she liked how this place was changing her. “I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a liar. And excuse me for being rude, I apologized, but if they took you from your perfectly comfy home and dumped you in some hell, wouldn’t you be angry? I’m sure you know what it feels like.” She narrows her eyes and studies the blonde girl before she carefully offers her hand, “I’m Drew. This is my first hell, room 2D, and if I’m not mistaken, we’re roommates.”

[drewxholtzman-blog]

harleenwinslow

Harleen shook her head, “There’s no reason to doubt yourself. The worst that could happen is we could get locked up in isolation for a week” she replied with a shrug. “Very true” she replied, thinking for a few moments.

“If that’s the worst... what do you say to a party?” Drew grins, “Right here in the common room! And after curfew-- oooh, they’ll have a fit if we’re out of our rooms.” She knew it was lame, but it sounded quite appealing. A party. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been to one of those.

[drewxholtzman-blog]

charlottemcreau:

‘‘Some of them are really good. Pleasure to meet you Drew. I’m Charlotte.’‘

“Nice to meet you. And yes, well, if I’m going to be stuck here for the rest of my life, I may as well have a good book to read.”

[drewxholtzman-blog]

daxocampo

“ Want me to psycho-analyze you? ” He leans forward slightly, elbows resting on his knees, and steeples his fingers the way all the doctors tend to. “ It’s okay if you meant it, ” he smiles widely. “ A little rude every now and again is perfectly healthy. ”

“Are you a doctor or something?” Drew raises an eyebrow, before addressing his comment on her tone. Maybe she had meant to be rude, she wasn’t really sure. It was hard enough when it didn’t even feel like it was her speaking. “I don’t know. I guess I did.”

[drewxholtzman-blog]

tristen-tomas

The boy hangs his head, hoping it wasn’t too obvious he wasn’t familiar with his situation. Closest thing he ever got to was when he was under observation but it was nothing to this extent. “I’ve only b-been here for, u-um, a few days,” he admits quietly towards the floor, wringing his hands. “It’s n-n-nice to meet you, Drew,” he hums, hoping to avoid his own name. “It’s al…right, it’s not ha-h-hard to do,” Tristen admits with a faint laugh, trying to make light of the situation.

“Y’know, you can sit, if you like. I promise I don’t bite,” Drew laughs, and for once, it felt like a real laugh. Like it was coming from her. “This place is ridiculous, isn’t it? Even a few days can make it feel like you’re going mad.”

[drewxholtzman-blog]

mattie-khan

“That’d be great,” they said with a smile. “Welcome to the party. It’s a bit odd here, yeah? You liking it?”

“In this hell hole? Please.” Drew scoffs, shaking her head, “I don’t belong here.” She knew that was a lie; she needed to be here. She was still clinging to the hope that her resistance would get her out.

[drewxholtzman-blog]

harleenwinslow

“Alright, now what do you say we should do?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I never usually make it this far without doubting myself.” She was surprised there were no second thoughts, nothing in her head to tell her that this was a bad idea. Maybe because it wasn’t, maybe because she didn’t care, or maybe because she just wasn’t in control. “But it’s go big or go home, right?”

[drewxholtzman-blog]

bcnny

“ That, ” Benny pointed towards a sheet of paper, writing scribbled all over it. He prayed that nobody would see what was written, not because it was lewd or inappropriate in any way, but simply because he is a very secretive person, and he didn’t want what he wrote to be revealed. “The paper. Why are you so mad? ”

Drew barely looks up from the book, snatching the paper and handing it to him. “Wouldn’t you be mad if they took you from your home and locked you up somewhere you didn’t belong?” She shuts her book and looks up at the stranger. She didn’t recognize him, but she tried not to interact much anyways. Maybe the talking was good for her. She didn’t know. 

[drewxholtzman-blog]

kxce:

► ( BORED ) && getting progressively more numb in the mind, Kace wandered the institution for some entertainment. Busy with god knows what, the guards had stepped away from him giving the male a moment of freedom that he was sure they would soon regret. He hadn’t intentionally stepped in front of the stranger but as soon as he heard a girl snap at him, he knew he’d done something correctly. Maybe it was FATE. ❝I was simply going for a walk,❞ He explained, a smile a smile slowly creeping onto his features. ❝It’s incredibly CONCEDED to assume I wanted something of you.❞

Drew rolls her eyes, “Well, that’s because I’m incredibly conceded.” By now, interacting with people was the last thing she wanted to do, mostly because everyone was like her; defensive. Her words were quick tempered, yes, but she hadn’t really thought before she spoke, the words just came out. It didn’t feel like she was talking. “I haven’t seen you around. New?”

[drewxholtzman-blog]

daxocampo

“ No need to sound so exasperated, love. ” Dax sank into the chair across from her, one leg crossing over the other as he shot a swift smile to his guard. “ Maybe I too am interested in, ” he tilted his head slightly to read the title, “ Out-of-body experiences, wow… light reading. ”

Drew crosses her legs and sits up, a bitter smile on her face as she closes her book,  “Yes, well, sometimes it’s nice to know what’s wrong with you.” She sighs, rolling her eyes and looking back up to the person across from her. “I didn’t mean to sound rude.”

[drewxholtzman-blog]

poppy-davenport

Having only been inside the hell hospital for no more than a few days now, Poppy was still adjusting to well, the people. Their accusing tones had her on constant alert, her daily routine of defending herself from their thoughtless questions had become already quite tiresome. “What do I want?” Almost taking the question to heart, the blonde’s nose wrinkled in indifference and her frail shoulder lifted once. “Nothing from you— can’t a girl walk past without being interrogated? God forbid I needed the bathroom and didn’t want to take a hike. I’ll be sure to go the other way next time, your highness.”

Hearing the sarcastic tone of the girl’s last sentence, Drew’s head snaps up and she glares, closing her book. “I didn’t realize we had room for such attitudes in here,” she smiles, a little too sweetly, but after a moment her face falls and she sighs, “I’m sorry, that was rude.” She offers her hand, “I’m Drew. You must be new.”

[drewxholtzman-blog]

harleenwinslow

Harleen grinned, “Now that sounds more exciting” she agreed.

Drew smiles and claps her hands, though she wasn’t sure if it was really her thinking these thoughts, “That’s the spirit!”