I wanna be a ... ROCK

So rather than living in this world Filled with question marks Being a rock that knows itself is better

[drifting-days]

SKZ-Replay is definitely on Replay

I haven't been really streaming the way fanbases suggest, and not the way most devoted fans do. My ears can only handle so much sounds in a day which is a bummer.

Nonetheless, some solos have been stuck in my head—often playing like a medley of 30 seconds each, depending on how my brain works.

One moment I hear Hyune singing "yeah yeah yeah yeah~" to Lino's heartwrenching vocals. And then Changbin breaks that with doodle, doodle—creativity~! and here's the thing, i don't even remember the lyrics, i never do. I vaguely remember how the lyrics go but i hear the whole chorus play in my head especially the instrumentals!

Plus, Han's "run from my room. run from my town. run from my city. run from my...world" is the peak LSS. Yeah, that's an absolute earworm. Add Connected's club instrumental to the remix and I'm suddenly laughing at "a lock and a key making rumbles"—istg, Chan and his innuendos. (it's now my gay anthem, no turning back, we're connected)

While deep end does play in my head, that's a song that i'd rather play and listen to. The chorus where he layers his voice always gives me the tingles. He wasnt lying when he said playing it on repeat could lull us to sleep, at least for me, that song is the epitome of "cry myself to sleep".

Stars and Raindrops definitely lightens up my mood, like Hug me does—which is basically sad twerking coz the song still had the same "regretful" sad song. Seungmin's voice is ever so iconic with how full it sounds—the last note he dragged definitely had me satisfied, it's like a gift when the note in Can't Stop wasn't sung the same as their concert version LOL

Hug me made me crack up—it's not the song I would have expected from the maknae who'd feel tortured being embraced by his hyungs (ok maybe Felix is an exception). It's a bait! He sings "I will give you a hug" and his hyungs have their arms wide open. He says "Please give me a hug" and they will go after him like a zombie hoard!

I really appreciate Stray Kids for simply existing and sharing their passion. I mean, in every song they release, they share their thoughts, talent, skills, and growth. It's always been like that ever since I first heard Hellevator. I might not have stanned since I was basically just into their songs, not as a group until God's Menu/Back door happened. But yeah, being a stay is basically being spoiled by these bulk of quality songs!

I'm really proud to be a STAY, more so when they develop themselves or showcase wht more they can do.

[yang-innie]

Happy Holidays ♡ happy holidays @brianbangs, I am your stayblr secret santa. I hope you like your gift!

[minzbins-moved]

SKZ ADVENT CALENDAR 2022 🎁 [23/25]

[christakisbang]

chanlix moments i think about a lot (2/?) - 9.15 Felix FM

[drifting-days]

when i heard deep end, this vlive came to mind. my appreciation and pride for Felix' confidence to not only flex his voice but do so in its rawest ASMR form blew my mind. it's like when he kept his freckles bare, he did so with his voice

[drifting-days]

Do I understand how tumblr works? No.

I'm just treating it like a diary, talking to myself, and maybe if it ends up being patiently read.

But anyway, Stray Kids have been growing and receiving more love which is an absolute WIN. I just need to wait until I hear their songs being played on my local radio station. Their fame is my convenience to be honest. I get to hear them in public the way I did for 2ne1, Wonder Girls, Twice, Black Pink, Got7, Big Bang, PSY, MAMAMOO, BTS and some other kpop groups more known for their songs and less about their group name.

[drifting-days]

Creativity

More often than not, I surrender.

It's shameful to admit that while I idolize creative artists like Stray Kids (3racha and Hyunjin specifically), I have long given up on persisting with content creating. Oh, content might be more on what is posted, isn't it? Regardless, I haven't had the energy to break out from my slump.

I'm more of a consumer—an engagement among the numerous colonized attention spans, or so I borrow from Bo Burnham's idea of what these platforms profitize (I really just stumbled upon it on twitter).

But anyway, that's how it is. Back when I have yet learned or rather invest time on Twitter, YouTube, Tiktok, and now Tumblr, I have had more time to write fiction, experiment on aesthetics, and be creative. However, upon my enrolment in college, I was busier trying to catch up with the lectures, the "university life", and the social realities I'm forced to critique.

That's when I found comfort in the songs Stray Kids released. I mean, by the time I was in college, they had just released I am WHO and it was question I was already asking myself.

When My Pace comforted me to run as I deem fit, I was declaring the lines "just stay in my line" all the while I struggled to keep up with my classmates whose knowledge and experience were broader and deeper than mine. I was sheltered, I realized. Despite my age and theirs being the same, my exposure and understanding of things were different. My maturity has yet to ripen while they were already purposeful about their future and every goal they aimed to achieve during their stay in the university.

Whenever Voices played, tears pool in my eyes and I was always resisting its fall because I was afraid that I was entertaining these negative thoughts. I was inwardly screaming to step out of them because what more can I do when I was simply holding on. It's quite dramatic, I often chide myself for being "weak" and "melodramatic". Regardless, I was already shattering inside because the dreams I had back in my earlier years of high school had faded. My university choice was just a remnant of that vivid dream that has now become to muddled to remember.

I questioned myself, exactly the song is. I was asking myself what I really wanted and if I ever do find the answer, will I ever do something about it? Was my wants something meaningful or were they the wiles of a spoiled child who dreamt loftily about fiction and all these daydreaming subjects. I struggled to find my footing in the "adult world" that valued practical skills over liberal thoughts and creative pursuits in storytelling. Besides, my stories weren't the type to be revolutionary—they were meaningless compared the standard and expectations of my university's vision. I was a dreamer...my stories were the same. By then, I was just consuming anything and everything that fueled my escapist mindset. I didn't dare to do something about my creative pursuits, to guide it and develop it into something more meaningful.

Rather than create, I was devoured by cowardice and never dared to dabble on realistic subjects nor did I have the motivation to study and mature.

I simply consumed the motivational pills of Stray Kids' songs, all the while, I created absolutely nothing.

[drifting-days]

Spit and Move On

"Fxck you," I spat before scrolling through my feed.

It's not a novel experience to stumble upon a hateful tweet that aimed at discrediting and insulting the group I value. Stray Kids is not the only group having trolls and spiteful nobodies riding on their coattails and gaining clout from their fellows and those of us who are geared to slice off their fingers... quite violent, but that's often the image I have just wondering if I could pull the account user from the screen and get a hold of them. — I really ought to have better control of my violent mindset when truly angered. // because seriously, why must I have such strong emotions in a platform full of unserious and cloutchasing content?

However, as our esteemed leader, Bang Chan, said, our intentions to protect them from hate is appreciated yet it is also our methods which determine whether we protect them or only drag their reputation to the ground. (I see some stubborn mules still proud of themselves like rebellious kids who point their noses up to the heavens despite being told to re evaluate their attitudes and actions)

Do I speak too formally or too vaguely or maybe in ways that are best used in those old texts used for academic reading? I probably sound pretentious. But that's how it is when I'm exhausted trying to make my words as simple as possible, making it seem as if I have mastered the language of the internet (more so in the limited characters on Twitter). At least, even in a mini reflection on this "blog", I can share a long and tedious essay on why I simply curse a tweet and twitter user out loud and scroll away as a compromise to control publicizing my seething hatred and vehement opposition for an anonymous account.

I'd rather be a rock but a rock does not have ears to listen, eyes to see, nor a mouth and a voicebox to sing along when Stray Kids release an album—but a rock is something I'd gladly kick towards a meanspirited nobody who is now earning clout because my fellows decide to RT, QRT, reply or SC the damn thing.