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@drinkingthoughts
I can't help but wonder how my death would work. Who would notice? Who would call my phone and get no answer and give up? Who would get called first? Who would spread that news? Who would care? Who would come to my funeral? Who would cry? Who would think of me in a year and be sad? Who would tell stories about me? Who would smile at the thought of what I use to be?
Who
My newest turn on : that look a women gives you when you she wants you. That pupil dilating, lip biting, blood rush level of lust. It’s such a pure level of emotion.
I don't know how to be happy. I do know how to fake it, temporary happiness. I achieve this by pleasure in any way I can get it. Loud music, fast cars, fast women, orgasms, chemical enhancement, drugs. If you do enough, if you time it right, you can ride this roller coaster for years. I hate it, not when I'm in it, but when I'm not. I don't want fleeting temporary happiness. I want to know what the fuck I want. Well I know what I want. To be happy. I want to know what that means. How to achieve it!
…… (pause)….is it the drugs??…. I’m sad..do I drink. Do I snort. Do I pop. What’s the solution. I have a problem and there’s a fix. Fuck temporary, is it temporary if you do it back to back to back and make it last. What is it called then?.temporarily permanent?Drugs… what drug is the answer in the solution of life. Feeling+drug=content..NO….hapiness. wait. It’s not happiness if I got it from a pill. I don’t believe that. It is not real happiness but I feel happy. Does that mean it’s fake. The drugs keep me from pondering such real answers or questions. That’s the goal of the, stay distant.stay alouf.no? What the fuck is the goal then??..?.?.?.?.fuck it.
Message I never sent....
I would love for you to spend the weekend with me being able to do the drugs I want. I know you dont want to and I’m going to spend it with people I don’t nearly enjoy as much
Sex
I. Going to let you slide me in and from then on you are my fuck doll. I'm going to start slow, pulling all the way out and go all the way in, slowly. Letting you feel every inch of what you nm have been missing, watching you scream everytime, all your muscles tighten and then i. Slowly going to speed up pinning you legs back and going into a quick almost vibrate mode. Starting with the tip going quick, quicker then you thought someone could be. The I'm going to slam all of me into you as deep as I can. Your going to scream so loud your going to cover your mouth, that shocked passion that your neighbors are going to hear for a second and be jealous of the amazing sex your having. Then I'm going to go quick the that deep postion. Just to watch ypu feel so much pleasure, your already going to feel over whelmed with pleasure. Then I'm going 4o go to regular fucking. Pinning you legs up and back to push all of your amazing pussy against my hard dick. From missionary to on your side to from behind, just thrusting and making you feel a level of pleasure you've forgotten your body can handle and that sex can make. Then I'm going to flip around and put you on top. Just to make you ride my dick enough to catch my breath, you're barely going to be able to move but the pleasure is going to push you to keep going. Then I'm going to grab your hair, pull you to me for a kiss and then grab your hands behind your back and continue to fuck you until you are beginning me to stop. The I'm going to slap your ass hard enough to leave the feeling of hand for minutes, and continue to fuck you till I anymore. It will hurt as much as you want. You are going to be there for one reason: to be pleasure by me and my thick dick. Your ass will be slapped to punish you for waiting so long. Your hair will be pulled we. I need extra leverage or just want to hear you scream in the beautiful scream you do when the pleasure and pain become one.im going to bruise half your body so you can feel my presence for the next few days. So you can be trapped in a zombie state created by pleasure. When that feeling starts to fad ypu are going to be me to come back and return it to you. You won't want drugs or alcohol or coffee. You will have dopamine and serotonin that can only be supplied by me fucking you and putting those parts of your brain in a maximum state to flood your brain and get it a wet as you will be.
…… (pause)….is it the drugs??…. I’m sad..do I drink. Do I snort. Do I pop. What’s the solution. I have a problem and there’s a fix. Fuck temporary, is it temporary if you do it back to back to back and make it last. What is it called then?.temporarily permanent?Drugs… what drug is the answer in the solution of life. Feeling+drug=content..NO….hapiness. wait. It’s not happiness if I got it from a pill. I don’t believe that. It is not real happiness but I feel happy. Does that mean it’s fake. The drugs keep me from pondering such real answers or questions. That’s the goal of the, stay distant.stay alouf.no? What the fuck is the goal then??..?.?.?.?.fuck it.
There are to many beautiful women walking around completely under fucked
Once you start doing drugs to cope, that’s the start of a bad addiction that you won’t know how to handle
If I knew what the afterlife was for sure, I'd probably kill myself today, if hell wasn't a thing.
You will fail me. Leave or disappoint me in some major way. Leaving a void that I will fill with alcohol, drugs or other women. Which sucks, that not how it should be but the emptiness is to much and those things fill it, even I’d it is just a temporary feeling. They let me forget feeling miserable and I need that for however temporary it last….I don’t know how else to handle it…..and I’m sorry.
I feel like I have walled a part of myself off, even to myself. Like I can love but there is a limit and its not as large as it should be. Like I have certain emotions at 50% capacity to either make love easier or to protect myself. Like I decided to lock away parts of myself, I have some fear that the decision was permanent. I don’t know how to unlock myself. This could of been a big mistake and yet I easy allowed myself to do it, I don’t even remember when it happened. I know I’m numb, more numb then I should be, perhaps even more then I like.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't in such control of my emotions. Sometimes losing control and saying the deep truth of your emotions is good. All that control can keep you from expressing how important something is to you.
I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.
e.s. (via unintensional)
Is truly sad when you want the day to be over so bad but you don't want to go to sleep because tomorrow is going to be just the same and just as bad.
People love to talk so much they will do it for you if you let them. They key is to make sure they are saying what you want. It's amazing what you can get others to say with your silence.
The problem with addiction is you don’t know if you can trust your own motives and thoughts toward what you crave. You will tell yourself anything to get what you want.
