𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞.

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 by your 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 . . . i can't get 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐧 .

[drunkls]

                                    drunkls , previously a writing blog for sugatalks . sideblog . please do not interact if you are under twenty . all replies and starters will now be posted here !

[luvscape]

                              　　he     lingered     on     every     word     that     tumbled     from     plump     brims     .     none     of     it     felt     like     a     gamble     to     him     ,     yes     ,     perhaps     a     few     fans     would     drift     away     ,     but     in     the     vast     expanse     of     his     world     ,     it     was     surely     inconsequential     .     career     wasn't     sought     after     for     fame     or     untold     wealth     ,     it     had     blossomed     from     love     .     love     for     the     melodies     that     coursed     through     veins     ,     for     the     team     that     stood     beside     him     through     every     low     and     high     .     everything     else     was     only     a     byproduct     of     devotion     ,     and     he'd     take     some     losses     of     it     mean     he     remained     the     man     he     was     before     it     all     .     he     can’t     help     but     chuckle     at     cascade     of     hypothetical     inquires     spilling     from     petals     ,     yet     beneath     the     amusement     ,     he     knows     the     truth     ,     senses     the     way     anxiety     coils     through     petite     frame     ,     how     the     weight     of     every     what     if     presses     upon     her     .           ‘     i     come     back     for     you     ,     hannah     .     ’           his     hand     rises     instinctively     ,     brushing     back     a     stray     strand     of     blonde     tresses     behind     conch     .     a     wide     ,     radiant     grin     still     lingering     as     if     absurdity     of     her     musings     had     painted     it     there     permanently     .           ‘     i'm     not     risking     much     ,     i     dont     think     .     sure     ,     maybe     a     few     fans     ,     but     those     people     dont     know     me     and     i     dont     know     them     so     …     ’           he     shrugs     with     casual     ease     ,     his     hands     weaving     together     at     the     small     of     her     back     ,     pulling     her     close     ,     anchoring     her     against     him     .           ‘     i     dont     have     everything     if     im     on     the     road     and     missing     you     like     crazy     ,     i'm     clearly     missing     something     there     .     and     whoever     is     fine     but     …     none     of     them     would     know     me     ,     not     in     the     way     you     do     .     ’           everything     seemed     to     spiral     back     to     her     ,     if     only     she     could     glimpse     what     he     saw     .     the     girl     who     had     stood     steadfast     before     the     world     knew     his     name     ,     who     had     walked     beside     him     through     every     doubt     ,     whose     faith     in     him     had     burned     brighter     than     any     spotlight     .     it     had     always     been     her     ,     always     ,     undeniably     ,     her     .           ‘     i     come     back     because     i     love     you     .     ’           and     it     is     the     first     time     those     weighty     ,     fervent     syllables     have     passed     brims     ,     each     one     drenched     in     truth     .     his     gaze     lingers     on     her     ,     unwavering     ,     alive     with     a     sincerity     that     leaves     no     room     for     doubt     .           ‘     no     matter     who     i'm     with     ,     where     i'm     at     ,     i     always     think     of     you     .     you're     in     my     heart     and     i     dont     see     you     ever     leaving     there     .     ’

[drunkls]

                                            it wasn't something that she would ever ignore — and a previous version of her , perhaps one in any other scenario where parker wasn't in , hannah would have already been packed and gone . and the conversation was going to be had . truth was going to come out — but it didn't need to be right now , did it ? decided rather quickly to keep it on the back burner , something to boil down and let it rise later . in her world , in their world , it didn't matter . she was with him . . and nothing was more important than this . flashbacks to their first meetings , the ridiculous butterflies she had gotten when he looked at her , the same ones that had never left when he was in her presence . remembers how much had changed , how much life had passed . there was nothing that was constant — except for one thing . not for a fleeting moment , was there ever doubt in how strong her feelings were for the man in front of her . how much she needed him , desired him in a way that she couldn't put into words . listens to every word that passes males brims as if it was demanded , fingers softly running through the ends of blonde hair as the breath catches in her throat . three words leave his lips and she's in a trance , dreams caught this scenario many times . . wished every goodbye would follow with these , and while it never did , she always kept the hope clinging . had imagined her reaction a million times , and yet nothing compared . ' parker . . ' she breathes out , declaration ringing over and over again as if it was yet another one of her dreams . ' you have no idea how much i love you . ' smiles , bright and wide as she shakes her head gently . ' there's never a time that you're not on my mind . every time you leave , my heart hurts not knowing when i'll see you again . ' moves both hands to either side of his neck , ' i miss you every second you're not here . i never want to be here with anyone else . you're it for me . ' her voice is soft , as if it was terrifying for her to give so much of herself to him , ' i want you . and i can't ever imagine a life where i won't ever want you . '

[luvscape]

                              　　he     was     right     .     no     matter     how     much     she     tried     to     shift     blame     ,     no     matter     how     fiercely     she     pressed     her     gaze     away     from     the     truth     ,     weight     of     it     circled     back     to     her     alone     .     it     was     her     burden     to     carry     ,     her     duty     to     act     when     it     came     to     her     father     .     his     eyes     like     a     constant     shadow     ,     cutting     across     tender     spaces     she     tried     to     preserve     with     the     man     at     her     side     .     and     when     moments     dwindled     down     to     just     her     and     the     old     man     ,     his     tongue     became     the     blade     ,     each     little     remark     of     disdain     slicing     her     thin     defenses     until     it     felt     like     an     unceasing     storm     she     could     not     outrun     .           ‘     yeah     .     he'd     kill     me     then     he'd     kill     you     .     ’           no     longer     fought     him     ,     her     rebellion     dulling     into     a     nervous     gnaw     of     pearls     against     nail     beds     as     she     wrestled     with     the     weight     of     her     next     words     .     had     faced     elder     before     ,     voice     trembling     for     mercy     ,     begging     him     not     to     step     beyond     the     line     he     seemed     so     eager     to     cross     ,     only     to     be     brushed     aside     ,     ignored     as     though     carried     off     by     the     wind     .     yet     she     would     weather     that     humiliation     again     ,     so     long     as     it     meant     colin     remained     within     her     grasp     .           ‘     i'll     talk     to     him     .     but     …     ’           tone     gentled     to     a     hush     as     fawn     irises     lifted     to     him     ,     step     by     measured     step     she     prowled     closer     ,     closing     the     aching     distance     with     a     grace     both     hesitant     and     deliberate     .     manicured     digits     find     the     hem     of     his     shirt     ,     toying     with     it     absently     .           ‘     you     dont     believe     the     things     he     says     ,     do     you     ?     ’           gazes     up     at     him     with     wide     ,     unguarded     doe     hue     ,     as     though     he     had     strung     every     star     across     the     heavens     with     his     own     hands     .     she     didn’t     date     ,     not     with     her     career     erupting     into     brilliance     overnight     ,     not     with     the     world     demanding     every     piece     of     her     .     and     yet     ,     he     had     slipped     past     her     carefully     built     walls     ,     seeped     through     the     cracks     she     thought     were     sealed     tight     .     no     matter     how     fiercely     she     tried     to     scrub     him     from     beating     vessel     ,     he     lingered     there     .           ‘     because     no     matter     what     he     says     ,     i     dont     care     ,     for     any     of     his     opinions     .     all     i     know     is     …     i     love     you     ,     and     i     -     i     wanna     be     with     you     .     he     can     say     we're     on     different     paths     ,     he     can     say     whatever     he     wants     ,     but     my     path     is     you     ,     colin     .     ’

[drunkls]

                                            and it was a silly concept — to all but tip toe around someone who truly couldn't have a say in his daughters relationships . she was an adult , and while she respected her father , the line of helpful and controlling always managed to blur in the mans eyes when it came to autumns dating life . and he wanted her — god , how colin wanted her . a fire that burned bright , couldnt dim no matter how much time passed , how many comments were made . . . threats given . he tells himself he could give it up . he could move on , find someone who didn't come with a more than frustrating man that tracked her personal life like the daily newspaper . he could convince himself , try to push down the desire . but no matter how long time passed , no matter how many times he told himself he could let go , he was a fool to even speak the words . the moment she was in his vicinity , moment the scent captured . . . he was a goner . she had him wrapped around her finger without even knowing it . ' he doesn't just say we're on different paths , autumn , he — ' and his voice is soft , frustration quickly leaving system as he meets her gaze , heartstrings tugging as his heart begs him to drop reality . to just be with her . say fuck everyone , and everything else . ' he says we're different people . and i mean , fuck — he's not wrong . ' pushes out a breath , taking a step closer , praying that she doesn't push him away . ' look at you . look at what you're doing . you're successful , smart , you're — perfect . ' decides to take a risk , stepping one big step forward as a hand reaches to cup immaculate features , thumb softly brushing against cheek . ' and i love you . you have no idea how much i do . but what kind of person would i be if i held you from reaching your full potential ? ' eyes squint , ' you can talk to him all you want . he is never going to change his mind about me . i am always going to be the one thing in your life that disappoints him . '

[luvscape]

                              　　line     she     traced     across     dermis     ignited     him     from     within     .     he     fought     to     keep     his     reaction     hidden     ,     but     the     way     his     gaze     followed     movement     of     her     fingers     betrayed     him     ,     anyone     witnessing     the     pair     could     see     he     was     utterly     captivated     by     her     he     was     .     it     was     only     natural     ,     she     had     been     the     first     and     only     girl     he     had     ever     truly     loved     .     after     pouring     himself     into     his     sport     ,     no     one     else     had     come     close     to     claiming     beating     vessel     ,     and     he     had     preferred     it     that     way     .     he     could     do     nothing     then     ,     not     with     his     brother     there     ,     and     so     he     quietly     yearned     for     her     in     secret     .     every     fleeting     moment     he     shared     with     her     became     a     treasure     ,     far     more     precious     than     having     nothing     at     all     .           ‘     no     ,     i     think     you'll     always     have     a     chance     with     me     .     ’           honesty     spilled     brims     ,     his     gaze     drifting     from     her     touch     to     settle     on     fawn     irises     .     he     smiled     softly     ,     each     word     carrying     the     full     weight     of     his     sincerity     .     though     the     mention     of     other     girls     made     cranium     dip     ,     melodious     laughter     filling     the     bar     at     her     claim     .     she     wasn’t     wrong     ,     yet     he     had     never     given     those     girls     much     thought     .           ‘     some     girls     ,     not     a     lot     .     but     i     dont     pay     attention     to     them     .     none     of     them     really     …     catch     my     eye     .     ’           none     had     ever     captivated     him     like     she     did     .     had     begun     to     believe     his     type     was     singularly     her     ,     no     one     else     ever     stirred     his     interest     or     drew     his     attention     the     way     she     did     .     gaze     drifting     from     her     to     group     of     friends     in     the     distance     ,     glance     only     cementing     the     thought     further     in     his     mind     .           ‘     hey     ,     your     friends     wouldnt     mind     if     i     stole     you     from     them     ,     would     they     ?     i'm     down     the     street     …     you     should     come     over     ,     let     me     show     you     around     .     ’

[drunkls]

                                      and she watched him , waited for some sort of hint that what she was doing wasn't in vain . the moment eyes traced gentle touch , suddenly all was in perspective . the tension from years built up , and perhaps it was always there . . rather it be stronger than she imagined . all she knew , was in this moment , there was never a time where her heart beat so fast . her whole body ignited , as if years of desire had come rushing to the surface , all at one time . eyes widened at statement , smile lingering across brims , and couldn't help the rush of red coming to heat up cheeks . ' you think ? ' teases , raising brow slightly upward , ' challenge accepted . ' and a smirk dances against brims , taking another sip from the glass bottle before setting it down . had realized this scene with him had been the first time in a long time she was truly immersed — had spent so much time with work , didn't care too much to go out and mingle . and now , femme didn't realize just how much she missed this , missed him , until this moment , and she truly didn't know if she could go without it again . ' oh , no ? for a minute there i pictured you a real ladies man . ' laughs , glancing over to the group of girls across the room , who were very obviously paying too much attention to the two . looks back at him and smiles , a soft nod , ' i don't think they'd miss me too much . sounds like fun . ' she leans down from the bar top , before vision blinks towards him . idea fills her mind — a risky one , but she was never the type to wait for a moment to fall in her lap . ' but first — ' she mumbles softly , just loud enough for him to hear . she dares a movement , finger placed on further side of his cheek , motioning him closer to her before the distance is closed between them . lips softly place themselves on top his , soft , slow — the sounds of yelling from what was clearly her friends cheering muffled in her ears . . but she pays no mind . instead , danced her lips against his , slowly , savoring , just incase this was one and done . pulls away , a grin plastered as she did . ' had to turn that maybe into a definitely . ' voice is soft , grin widening with ease , ' m'kay — i'm ready now . '

[drunkls]

                        would she be . . . entirely embarrassing herself right now to walk up un - announced to a place she knew he would be , just to give him a jacket ? most definitely . practically had to pull herself from the car , feet dragging her towards the building as eyes searched for the familiar face , before waving him down , jacket hanging from petite fingers , ' hey — uh , not a stalker or anything , swear . i just thought you'd be here and i — wanted to give you this back . you probably need it more than i do . ' chuckle passes brims as she reaches over , handing the jacket over before looking at other familiar faces , ones that she could go the rest of her life without seeing . ' tell those other boys to kiss my ass for me , alright ? '

[drunkls]

                                 ' you can't be here — if he sees you , you know what'll happen . just , for once . . listen to me . go home . '

[drunkls]

                                 ' damn , never thought i would see your face again . . especially here . all of a sudden a fan of lucy's music ? '

[drunkls]

                                 ' maybe it's easier to do it this way , y'know ? cut ties . . move on , like nothing ever happened . you don't wanna get tangled in my — very publicized life , anyway . '

[drunkls]

                                 ' you can stand here and spit out the bullshit all you want , darlin' . you got everyone in that big fancy city fooled , but you forget how well i know you . '

[drunkls]

                                 ' you never said i wasn't allowed to go out — and even if you did , what makes you think i'm gonna listen to you ? '

[drunkls]

                                 ' i ain't got time for this right now , alright ? we're slammed — not to mention i made it pretty clear i didn't wanna see you again . '

[unhlys]

he   never   attended   these   things   –––  not   even   when   he   was   younger   and   played   more   of   a   part   on   their   community's   reality   show   and   that   was   truly   saying   something   because   oliver   loved   a   party.   but   just   like   the   show,   it   was   all   fake,   he   was   still   playing   a   fictionalised   version   of   himself,   evidenced   by   his   arm   wrapped   around   the   girl   he   was   meant   to   be   dating.   the   daughter   of   his   mom's   business   partner.   apparently   viewers   had   noticed   their   chemistry   (   whatever   that   meant   )   and   producers   decided   to   push   it.   hues   search   the   crowd   for   her.   the   one   he   hasn't   stopped   thinking   about   since   their   one   night   together.   gazes   lock   when   he   finds   her,   pulling   arm   away   from   fem   beside   him   before   mumbling   a   goodbye   in   her   ear   as   feet   take   him   to   penelope.   〝   hi,   i'm   sorry   i   haven't   called   .   .   i   wanted   to.   〞

[drunkls]

                                            the last thing she expected was to see him walk over , heart suddenly pounding a million miles as he inched closer to her . she knew that night was a one time thing — there was no universe where it couldn't be . however , the reality didn't make it sting any less . ' it's fine — you aren't obligated to call me . ' shrugs , hugging her arms as she looks around , noticing leahs face and the annoyance on her features . he was playing with fire , talking to her in such a public place . they were friends , everyone knew that — but when his girlfriend was in the same room , it was an unspoken rule that he needed to be glued to her hip . not to mention , her father was expected to arrive any moment . ' 'm not staying long anyway . i just needed to make an appearance . ' gives a small smile , pain tugging at her heartstrings . ' it was good to see you . '

[drunkls]

                                            it was yet another one of the show's release parties , the show never really ended , but every now and then the writers and producers loved to make a big deal about the cast and crew . she had stood across the room , fighting to turn her head to see him . . . anxiety racing through her just knowing he was arm and arm with his on screen girlfriend . flashbacks of the other night rang through her mind , slow touches and vocal reactions , and it stings knowing it could never happen again . she finally looks over , eyes locking with his and sure enough the instinct was right — there she was , with him , and her heart sank .

[angelsdvsts]

it  was  late  at  night  --  dark  outside  ,  but  she  couldn't  care  less  .  .  .  she  finds  herself  on  his  doorstep  ;  glancing  around  to  see  if  anyone  followed  her  before  knocking  .  after  months  without  seeing  him  --  her  fault,  of  course  --  how  she  sort  of  just  vanished  without  good  reason  .  yet  it  wasn't  her  choice  .  please  be  home  ,  please  be  home.  .  .  mind  kept  repeating  as  she  moves  to  knock  the  door  again  .  when  the  door  does  eventually  open  ,  a  gasp  falls  from  her  lips  ;  his  swollen  cheek  catching  her  off  guard  and  instead  of  focusing  on  her  needs  --  which  was  to  beg  for  his  help  .  .  .  she  focuses  her  attention  upon  bruised  features.  "  hi  ,  "  soft  voice  falls  ,  "  do  you  need  help  with  that  ?  "

[drunkls]

                                            shock was an understatement , to see the girl on the other end of the door frame after so long . could've sworn he would never lay eyes again , considering she had vanished without a simple goodbye . and he usually never allowed himself to dwell on such things , pick it up and move on to whoever was next in line . and yet — was never able to hide the sting in his chest when he realized she wasn't coming back . blinks a few times , looking down for a moment , ' uh — i got it . thanks , though . ' takes a beat , taking his hand to motion her inside , before shutting the door behind him , ' what are you doing here ? '

[angelsdvsts]

one  second  everything  was  fine  ,  the  next  she  was  pushing  past  people  --  out  the  door  .  maybe  ,  he  shouldn't  of  followed  --  should've  just  left  her  to  allow  the  realities  of  his  words  to  sink  in  .  .  .  that  they  would  never  be  nothing  more  than  casual  hook  ups  .  chad  didn't  do  relationships  ,  it  was  the  very  first  thing  he  told  her  when  they  started  this  .  .  .  though  ,  they  still  spent  day  and  night  together  ;  as  if  it  were  a  relationship  .  .  .  up  until  this  point  where  his  hand  was  around  a  different  girl  who's  been  giving  him  attention  all  night  long  .  "  if  you  know  what  this  is  then  why  are  you  acting  like  this  ?  "  brow  quirks  ,  hand  shoved  in  his  pockets  ;  while  a  sigh  escapes  .  this  is  why  he  didn't  fucking  do  relationships  ,  "  not  do  what  ?  you  act  like  i  was  shoving  my  tongue  down  her  throat  .  "

[drunkls]

                                            she wasn't a stranger to relationships like this . . in fact , would much rather have a no strings situation rather than worry about the emotions that came with something real . but somehow , she had found herself doing just that , even if the other party didn't exactly want it . ' oh — i'm sorry . i can't just turn off my feelings like a fuckin' robot like some people . ' laughs , cold and bitter , wind pushing hair before her hand moves it . it would be so much easier if she could , turn off the feelings . . and normal taegen would without a care . but for some reason , as her luck would find it — it was impossible to do so with him . and look where it's gotten her . ' i don't fuckin' know , chad i guess i assumed you would at least keep your bitches separate . but clearly . . you still feel the same as you did when we started . it's good to get a reminder . '

[dystincts]

❝   jealous   ?   ❞   noel   almost   laughed,   though   the   sound   caught   in   his   throat   instead,   more   of   a   scoff   than   anything   else.   his   hands   shoved   deep   into   his   jacket   pockets,   like   if   he   didn’t,   they’d   betray   him.   reaching   for   her,   reaching   for   the   truth.   ❝   taegen,   c’mon.   you   really   think   i’d   bring   someone   just   to   get   a   rise   out   of   you   ?   ❞   he   shifted   his   weight,   eyes   skimming   past   her   like   the   walls,   the   ceiling,   the   air   were   suddenly   more   interesting.   it   was   easier   than   facing   the   storm   in   her   gaze,   easier   than   admitting   she   wasn’t   wrong.   because   yeah,   he   had   noticed   the   way   her   expression   hardened   the   second   he   walked   in   with   someone   else   on   his   arm.   he   always   noticed   her.

[drunkls]

                                                and she was the reasoning behind it all — the fights , the break up , the sole purpose for him bringing another on his arm . she had no right to be the slightest bit upset . . . and yet , couldn't help but become nauseous at the sight . ' why don't you try that again while and look at me while you say it ? ' stands her ground even if it wasn't much of her business ( or even at all ) . looks to the side , pushing out a cold breath and shakes her head , ' y'know what — it honestly doesn't matter . we're not together . . . you can do whatever you want . ' looks back and meets his eyes , and the memories rush back . the happiness , the moments where she could block out the world and just be herself . and that was all gone — because of her . ' i'm goin' home anyway . i'll see you . ' and she turns , leaving near full bottle on the counter as she pushes through the crowd .

[litheelixir]

mouth   agape   slightly   ,   as   she   tried   to   merge   together   what   was   yet   scattered   around   the   two   of   them   .   clueless   ,   at   best   .   “   you   ,   uh   .   .   .   are   you   talking   to   me   ?   ”   yumi   kept   her   voice   low   .   “   are   you   feeling   alright   over   there   ,   buddy   ?   ”   a   frown   of   genuine   concern   outstretched   across   her   forehead   with   the   back   of   her   hand   pressed   against   his   own   .   “   you're   starting   to   worry   me   ,   can   you   see   these   ?   c'mon   ,   cooper   .   tell   me   how   many   fingers   i'm   holdin'   up   “   dismay   snuffing   out   the   light   of   any   conducive   thought   before   it   could   flicker   to   life   -   two   fingers   wave   afront   aaron's   face   .   possibly   too   close   to   decipher   ,   possibly   too   hasty   to   matter   . 

[drunkls]

                                   and he knew what would happen if he finally spoke the truth . . . sudden words that he honestly never thought he would ever say would bring confusion . and yet he knew — they always looked at each other a bit too long , always was the other that the phone rang to when anything was going on , day or night . it was clear . . . and yet neither decided to speak on it . decided tonight was the time to let words spill from brims , and it was obvious she wanted to still keep the unspoken — unspoken . ' will you cut it out ? ' shakes head , leaning against wall as he pushes off , hand coming up to wipe down features , ' so . . i'm wrong here ? ' pushes a breath , ' all of this shit . . . it's in my head ? '