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oozey mess
ellievsbear
One Nice Bug Per Day
Andulka
trying on a metaphor
Today's Document
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RMH
noise dept.
cherry valley forever
will byers stan first human second
d e v o n
DEAR READER
we're not kids anymore.
occasionally subtle
taylor price
art blog(derogatory)
styofa doing anything
JBB: An Artblog!
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@duduktenang
Kadang gue mikir, Tuhan sedemikian canggih menciptakan manusia yang haus akan koneksi sampai sesederhana menghabiskan waktu bersama aja bisa bikin kita bahagia dan 'penuh'. Rasanya kaya nemu cheat code. Ga perlu sukses dulu, ga perlu jadi orang kaya dulu, ga perlu jadi pemenang dulu, ternyata cukup merasakan terkoneksi dengan manusia lain sudah buat diri ini bahagia.
Terima kasih kamu, sudah buatku bahagia.
You said I bite but in reality I was the only one bitten.
Sometimes you don't need love, you just need companionship. Sometimes you want it sweet, but other times you just want it to be real. Just real.
Sometimes.. the simplest things to do is letting go.
Mind vs Me
Pernah ga lo merasa kalau otak lo tuh ga temenan-temanan amat sama lo? Kaya.. ada memori-memori menyenangkan yang buat lo penting untuk diingat tapi otaklo dengan sembarangannya menyortir memori-memori jadi sesuatu yang ga usah diingat. Sebaliknya, ada hal-hal yang lo ga pengen banget ingat tapi otaklo maksa banget balikin lagi bola-bola memori itu ke etalase depan.
Itu kenapa ya begitu? Apa iya otak kita sebenernya lebih tau apa yang kita butuhkan jadi dia dengan pedenya ngatur-ngatur mana yang penting disimpen mana yang ga, terlepas dari apa yang kita mau? Apa jangan-jangan otak kita ini kayak remaja nyeleneh jadi urusan mana dibuang mana disimpen ya suka-suka dia aja?
Hari ini tgl 22 Februari 2018 jam 04.33. Dalam waktu 1-2 jam ke depan saya akan diobservasi oleh dokter kandungan utk cek keadaan bayi dalam kandungan dan akan jg diputuskan harus tindakan hari ini atau bisa ditunda besok pagi.
Sambil nunggu ibu saya datang, saya terbengong-bengong sambil kasih sugesti positif ke makhluk kecil yg saya namakan Jiwa supaya kami berdua bisa dengan lancar bekerja sama menjalani proses ini. Bukan, itu bukan namanya, namanya masih menunggu keputusan Ayahnya. Tp sama seperti Jagad yg saat dalam kandungan saya beri nama panggilan Kama, kali ini janin kecil super aktif ini saya panggil Jiwa.
Tetiba saya menitikkan air mata. Bukan, bukan sedih. Tp saya merasa sangaaaat beruntung menjadi diri saya. Saya mungkin bukan orang kaya yg bisa asal tunjuk barang mewah ataupun jalan-jalan ke luar negeri, tp saya sadar saya tidak pernah sebegitunya kesusahan. Selalu ada atap di atas kepala saya dan selalu masih ada makanan yg bisa masuk perut saya. Lebih dari apapun, saya merasa sangat beruntung krn saya selalu dikelilingi orang-orang yg baik dan sayang sama saya. Hidup saya ga pernah susah bukan krn beneran ga susah, tp sesusah-susahnya saya, saya ga pernah merasa benar-benar sendirian. Teman-teman, keluarga, dan para sahabat sungguh luar biasa semuanya.
Satu hal lg, saya beruntung menemukan cinta. Saya merasa beruntung menemukan partner hidup saya yg saya cintai dan saya syukuri sepenuh hidup saya. Seriously ndut, whatever you become, I'll become it with you. I'm with you through all the way and I'm grateful that I do.
Terima kasih hidup.
Terima kasih Tuhan.
Terima kasih krn mungkin dalam hitungan kurang dari 24 jam saya akan kembali melahirkan seorang manusia yg dilahirkan dgn penuh keberuntungan krn saya yakin, yakin 100%, bahwa sama sebagaimana ibunya, dia tidak akan pernah harus merasa sendirian. :)
Saya merasa hilang arah.
Saya.
Pilihan.
Menjadi dewasa itu kata orang adalah sebuah pilihan. Sesuatu yg tidak terjadi pada setiap orang kecuali mereka yg memilihnya. Buat saya perumpamaan itu seperti mulut manis para penggombal terhebat. Nyatanya, seberat apapun kita melawan, “dewasa” itu layaknya pusaran angin puting beliung yg menarik semua hal tanpa ampun. Saya adalah salah satu orang yg merasa terseret ke dalamnya.
Menjadi diri sendiri itu.. bagian dari kedewasaan yg sekaligus jadi musuhnya. Kadang saya bertanya, mempunyai keinginan itu apakah dosa? Apakah pertanyaan perlu selalu mencari jawaban yg masuk akal?
Seperti memakai baju zirah ke mana-mana dan saya ingin segera melepaskannya. Menjadi dewasa kadang sungguh terasa melelahkan.
Too many 'what if's between us, Love. Way too many..
Me, after LLL soundtrack playing in repeat.
Capricorn: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.
Taurus: What if I bite it and it dies?
Capricorn: That means you’re poisonous.
Pisces: What if it bites itself and I die?
Capricorn: That’s voodoo.
Cancer: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Capricorn: That’s correlation, not causation.
Libra: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?
Gemini: That’s kinky.
Friendship is like a box of chocolate. You never know which friends you’ll like forever, which you’ll never want to see again, which you’ll marry, which will kill you from the first bite.
This explain 'first love'. This explain how I feel for you. Sigh.
On reading
I love reading. Mostly romance and some mixture of mystery slash sci-fi slash fantasy but again, mostly romance. I love books (Japanese manga as well) that got my heart whipped. The one that pulls off many of my emotion to it. The one that stirs my stomach into a knot because I've been imagining myself having things done to me like the character in it had. I love to be able to take off to some whole new world for certain hours a day and felt what I wished I felt. I love one that could make me cry and boy did I cried so much and so easily everytime I read. I love reading because it makes my heart feels alive again. Something that sometimes a bit too hard to do amongst this mundane life of mine, not that I complain. So let's raise our glass to every writer out there who have put countless efforts and time and heart into their books! Let's make them realized that what they're doing is not only helping them but also has helped soooo many people out there, making their life brighter for what it's worth. I hope someday my son would find joy in reading just as I did and still am :) (Me, crying hopelessly after finishing Hopeless by Colleen Hoover and so grateful that I felt what I felt enough that I burst to write something about it here afterwards)
The one with uncontrollable *censored*
There were times in my life where I couldn't imagine why would a woman look to a stranger and then picture them naked and or picture them doing some hanky panky with her. Because, at that time, I can't. I didn't see an attractive man and fantasize on what's inside their pants. I couldn't. What I did imagine was a perfect date scenes inspired by random romcom movies. Yup. Date scenes. Kissing, holding hands, and every little gestures that screams: it's so sweet! barf
That's even after I was sexually active. So I didn't get it at all, what's the fuss about sex if it's not with someone you love. Yeah, let's barf a little more.
There really were times..
So why on earth nowadays I can't see an even slightly attractive guy without imagining what they got down there nor things I could do with it. Him. I mean him. Not one date scenes pops out. It's all just rip-your-shirt-and-bang-you thing.
Ha. So much for growing up.
Clocks. R42
I'm restless. It's already 23:29 but I can't put my mind off something. Nothing. Or something. Not really sure whether it's something or nothing. I'm mad. Or am I? Huh. I hate this no-talk phase. I wish we could talk. Why couldn't we? Oh well, maybe because I was too busy talking to myself and my version of someone inside my head. I need to change this, don't I? Not tonight. Tonight I'll just close my eyes and sleep. If I can. I can. I have to, no? Well...
Sometimes I miss the old days. When the way we live our life were as simple as John Mayer & Norah Jones music.
justsayin
