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Observations about 12th House Stelliums (From a 12th House Stellium that knows a lot of 12th House Stellliums)
I swear, us 12th house stelliums flock to one another. I think it's because of the unique perspective on life we have.
The 12th house rules the unseen, the subconscious, dreams, secrets, fears, our psyche, intuition, healing, and more. Many think it's the house of self-undoing and hidden enemies, which it can be. But I find there are also a lot of benefits to being a 12th houser.
**This is solely my observations and personal experiences from reading charts and interacting with others. If this doesn't fit you, that's totally okay!**
They make excellent artists/poets/writers/musicians/creatives.
CONSTANT struggle trying to figure out if your emotions are your own. They can get confused with the person who is immediately around you, the collectives, family or friends, or any other spiritual attachments you might have with others. You're like a energetic sponge, always absorbing energy. Energetic protections can help. Your mood can shift at the snap of a finger and it's always very very confusing. (This can cause identity crises in some)
You just know things. You have no explanation for it. You just know stuff before it happens, before your told, or even if someone is lying. It may freak others out at times.
You struggle to show others who you truly are. Wherever your 12th house placements are, you may safeguard that area of your life. (i.e. Venus=private love life, Mars=internalized anger that no one else can pick up on, Jupiter=your beliefs, etc). There may be fear of letting others into that part of your life because it's yours. Sharing it with others may make you feel like it'll be taken away from you. For example, if you're a writer, you may be fantastic at it and have tons of completed manuscripts. But you struggle to submit them to publishers or literary agents, because then the world you created is no longer "yours." The characters become everyones.
You learn to love being by yourself. In fact, alone time is necessary. You could feel like you're the only one who knows you, and you don't have to put on an act for anyone. Others can take offense to this, but it truly has nothing to do with anyone but yourself. You NEED it to recharge. Besides, being alone gives you time to research all of the random or eccentric hyper-fixations you have without comment or judgement from others.
You're comfortable with emotional pain. It may have been a struggle earlier in life, but there's beauty to pain. You may value each and every emotion and believe they all serve their purpose. You could even purposefully make yourself sad to tap into the poetic and artistic side of yourself (think enneagram number 4). Don't worry, you are also probably good at pulling yourself out of it once it has served its purpose.
You're probably really good at self analyzing and can self analyze others. You may even know how they feel before they know, which can cause some resentment if you vocalize this to them if they're in a place where they aren't ready to receive it. People don't like knowing that others can see straight through them.
Secret talents galore. You may be naturally good at things, but you don't share this often. You're the type of person to sit at a piano at a friend's house and play the most bafflingly beautiful piece and your friends are left flabbergasted.
12th house synastry is frowned upon, but I find that 12th house individuals get a long great with other 12th housers. I think it can become catastrophic if one of the people hasn't done any healing work. Otherwise, I find these relationships to be mutually beneficial and helpful.
You may have a life long struggle with mental illness (not always, but it's common). This can be due to the likely childhood trauma one endures with heavy 12th house placements, or it can be due to a tendency to overthink. Either way, intervention from a psychotherapist or trusted healer may be necessary in order to work through these issues. It could also be related to generational trauma.
Maladaptive daydreaming is common. It can be a useful coping skill, but if you find that you're disassociating all of the time, mental health intervention may be necessary.
12th house suns probably had an absent father figure due to death or detachment.
Like those in the 8th house, the occult and spirituality is a point of fascination for you. You may even lean heavily onto your beliefs to manage stress. Many go through periods of deconstruction of old belief systems to find the one that fits. This is because the 12th house rules the things unseen. You could even have psychic gifts that showed themselves in childhood. Out of fear you could've suppressed them, but come back to them in adulthood.
Natural astral travelers. You probably have prophetic dreams. You may not intend to astral travel, but you do. A lot of dream work may be beneficial for you.
Your life could be described by the term "duality." Like Persephone, you may find that you're the ruler of spring/flowers and hell all at once. You probably have more than one aesthetic and your mood/season of your life determines which one you choose for the moment.
Past life energies/lessons/gifts can carry over into this life.
You're full of fantastic ideas, but others can be slow to catch up. They often judge you for your ideas, but a year later, will be endorsing it when it gains popularity.
Oddly specific, but just about every 12th houser I know has had an experience with some sort of spiritual symbology. For example, my friend was often given a statue/picture/figurines of a particular saint to protect her, even though her family wasn't religious. My parents used to say I was their "angel baby" and I was often given angel figurines out of no where that would disappear and reappear from my room. (Same thing would happen to my friend with the saint statue). Others I know have a similar experience, whether it be saints, angels, doves, yin/yang symbols, crosses, gods or goddesses, a particular type of crystal or stone, flowers, trees, etc. And it usually aligned with whatever religion their family practiced, but was somehow still applicable if they deconstructed (not all did, but for those that took that path) from that religion. (i.e. archangels or saints are still prevalent in other religious practices and beliefs)
You have a way with words and know just what to say. You're also a great listener. You could have hyper-fixated on words, because a lot of the times, 12th housers struggle to express themselves verbally. It is possible you read the dictionary as a child to attempt to find the words to convey how you were feeling to an authority figure. Almost every 12th houser I know went through a phase like this. And we all laughed when we figured it out because we attempted to hide it (of course).
12th housers also are really particular about aesthetics because they may be prone to sensory overload. Soft lighting is everything.
They can lack boundaries. Please, for the love of all that is sacred, remember that you don't have to heal everyone. That is not your job. Not everyone is your responsibility.
I'll probably do the signs/planets in the 12th in a future post!
the lights refract sequined stars off her silhouette every night
Taylor Swift and Colors (sorted by color)
I also made a version of this list sorted by album.
Black
Tim McGraw: When you think happiness, I hope you think that little black dress
I Heart ?: I came out alive but I’m black and blue
The Other Side Of The Door: After everything and that little black dress
The Lucky One: Now it’s big black cars and Riviera views
Out Of The Woods: The rest of the world was black and white but we were in screaming color
Clean: And the sky turned black like a perfect storm
Delicate: Phone lights up my nightstand in the black
So It Goes…: Come here, dressed in black now
Getaway Car: The ties were black, the lies were white
Daylight: I once believed love would be black and white, but it’s golden
Cardigan: Sequined smile, black lipstick, sensual politics
Glitch: But it’s been 2190 days since our love blackout, our love is blacking out
Blue
Tim McGraw: He said the way my blue eyes shined put those Georgia stars to shame that night
Tim McGraw: Think of my head on your chest and my old faded blue jeans
A Place In This World: Got the radio on, my old blue jeans
I Heart ?: I came out alive but I’m black and blue
Crazier: Every sky was your own kind of blue
Dear John: You paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain
Ronan: I remember your blue eyes looking into mine
State Of Grace: Just twin fire signs, four blue eyes
Red: Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Everything Has Changed: And all my walls stood tall, painted blue
Starlight: You’ll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way
Run: I could see this view a hundred times, pale blue sky reflected in your eyes
All Too Well (10 Minute Version): And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue?
This Love: Clear blue water, high tide came and brought you in
Delicate: Oh damn, never seen that color blue
Gorgeous: Ocean blue eyes looking in mine
Dancing With Our Hands Tied: My, my love had been frozen deep blue, but you painted me golden
Cruel Summer: And it’s blue, the feeling I got
Lover: My heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue
I Think He Knows: Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh
Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince: We’re so sad, we paint the town blue
Paper Rings: I’m with you even if it makes me blue, which takes me back to the color that we painted your brother’s wall
London Boy: And you know I love Springsteen, faded blue jeans, Tennessee whiskey
Afterglow: I blew things out of proportion, now you’re blue
Invisible String: Teal was the color of your shirt when you were sixteen at the yogurt shop
Invisible String: Time, wondrous time gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies
Peace: If your cascade ocean wave blues come
Hoax: Don’t want no other shade of blue but you
Coney Island: Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray a universe away?
Carolina: Indelible scars, pivotal marks, blue as the life she fled
Bejeweled: Sapphire tears on my face, sadness became my whole sky
The Great War: Looked up at me with honor and truth, broken and blue
Hits Different: Catastrophic blues, moving on was always easy for me to do
Brown
Superman: Something in his deep brown eyes has me saying he’s not all bad like his reputation
Gold
Tied Together With A Smile: But you don’t tell anyone that you might not be the golden one
Christmas Must Be Something More: Would the song still survive without five golden rings?
The Best Day: Look now, the sky is gold
State Of Grace: This is the golden age of something good and right and real
End Game: It’s like your eyes are liquor, it’s like your body is gold
So It Goes…: Gold cage, hostage to my feelings
Dancing With Our Hands Tied: My, my love had been frozen deep blue, but you painted me golden
Dress: Made your mark on me, a golden tattoo
Daylight: I once believed love would be black and white, but it’s golden
Daylight: I once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden
Daylight: Like daylight, it’s golden, like daylight
Invisible String: One single thread of gold tied me to you
Invisible String: Gold was the color of the leaves when I showed you around Centennial Park
Gold Rush: I don’t like a gold rush, gold rush
Gold Rush: Everybody wants you, but I don’t like a gold rush
Coney Island: Were you waiting at our old spot in the tree line by the gold clock?
Long Story Short: Missing me at the golden gates they once held the keys to
The Alcott: And there you are sitting as usual with your golden notebook
The Alcott: I had to do something to break into your golden thinking
Gray
Cold As You: You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
Today Was A Fairytale: I wore a dress, you wore a dark gray T-shirt
Bye Bye Baby: Lost in the gray and I try to grab at the fray
Ronan: Out of this curtained room in this hospital gray, we’ll just disappear
Red: Missing him was dark gray all alone
So It Goes…: I make all your gray days clear
Getaway Car: In shades of gray and candlelight
London Boy: Show me a gray sky, a rainy cab ride
Gold Rush: It fades into the gray of my day-old tea ‘cause it will never be
Coney Island: Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray a universe away?
Evermore: Gray November, I’ve been down since July
Question…?: Got swept away in the gray, I just may like to have a conversation
Greens
Sparks Fly: Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down
Holy Ground: Took off faster than a green light go
Everything Has Changed: And all I’ve seen since eighteen hours ago is green eyes and freckles and your smile
I Know Places: In the dead of night, your eyes so green
Wonderland: Didn’t you flash your green eyes at me?
The Last Great American Dynasty: She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green
Invisible String: Green was the color of the grass where I used to read at Centennial Park
Invisible String: Teal was the color of your shirt when you were sixteen at the yogurt shop
Champagne Problems: How evergreen, our group of friends don’t think we’ll say that word again
Happiness: All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness
Snow On The Beach: I searched “aurora borealis green”
Oranges
Soon You’ll Get Better: Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you
Marjorie: You loved the amber skies so much
Pinks
Wildest Dreams: Red lips and rosy cheeks
It’s Nice To Have A Friend: Light pink skies up on the roof
Invisible String: Time, wondrous time gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies
Gold Rush: I don’t like slow motion, double vision in rose blush
Purples
Afterglow: This ultraviolet morning light below tells me this love is worth the fight, oh
Invisible String: Time, wondrous time gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies
Lavender Haze: I feel the lavender haze creeping up on me
Lavender Haze: I just wanna stay in that lavender haze
Lavender Haze: That lavender haze, I just wanna stay
The Great War: My knuckles were bruised like violets
Reds
Picture To Burn: You’re a redneck heartbreak who’s really bad at lying
Fifteen: You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail
Love Story: ‘Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
Red: But loving him was red
Red: Comes back to me, burning red
All Too Well: You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over at me
All Too Well: Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red
The Moment I Knew: Standing there in my party dress in red lipstick with no one to impress
Nothing New: And my cheeks are growing tired of turning red and faking smiles
Blank Space: Cherry lips, crystal skies
Style: And I got that red lip classic thing that you like
Wildest Dreams: Red lips and rosy cheeks
Clean: You’re still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can’t wear anymore
New Romantics: We show off our different scarlet letters
End Game: So here’s the truth from my red lips
I Did Something Bad: Crimson red paint on my lips
Look What You Made Me Do: I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red underlined
Daylight: I once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden
The Lakes: A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground with no one around to tweet it
Gold Rush: I don’t like anticipating my face in a red flush
Maroon: The burgundy on my t-shirt when you splashed your wine into me
Maroon: And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was
Maroon: The rust that grew between telephones
Maroon: The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon
Maroon: I feel you no matter what, the rubies that I gave up
Maroon: It was maroon, it was maroon
You’re On Your Own, Kid: I looked around in a blood-soaked gown
The Great War: All that bloodshed, crimson clover, uh huh
The Great War: And we will never go back to that bloodshed, crimson clover, uh huh
Glitch: I’m not every sorry, nights are so starry, blood moonlit
Silver
I Bet You Think About Me: You grew up in a silver spoon gated community
Whites
Love Story: I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
White Horse: Now it’s too late for you and your white horse to come around
White Horse: Now it’s too late for you and your white horse to catch me now
The Best Day: Don’t know if Snow White’s house is near or far away
The Other Side Of the Door: And the conversation with the little white lies
Speak Now: I am not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion
Style: You got that long hair, slicked back, white T-shirt
Out Of The Woods: The rest of the world was black and white but we were in screaming color
Getaway Car: The ties were black, the lies were white
Dress: Flashback when you met me, your buzz cut and my hair bleached
Daylight: I once believed love would be black and white, but it’s golden
Right Where You Left Me: Glass shattered on the white cloth, everybody moved on
Vigilante Shit: Someone told his white collar crimes to the FBI
Other colors
Speak Now: And her snotty little family all dressed in pastel
All Too Well: After plaid shirt days and nights where you made me your own
Soon You’ll Get Better: I’ll paint the kitchen neon, I’ll brighten up the sky
Ivy: Your opal eyes are all I wish to see
Bejeweled: But some guy said my aura’s moonstone just ‘cause he was high
Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve: Stained glass windows in my mind
“Color”
Sweeter Than Fiction: Seen you lost in a crowd, seen your colors fade
Red: Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all
Out Of The Woods: The rest of the world was black and white but we were in screaming color
Delicate: Oh damn, never seen that color blue
Paper Rings: I’m with you even if it makes me blue, which takes me back to the color that we painted your brother’s wall
ME!: Like a rainbow with all of the colors
Illicit Affairs: You showed me colors you know I can’t see with anyone else
Invisible String: Green was the color of the grass where I used to read at Centennial Park
Invisible String: Teal was the color of your shirt when you were sixteen at the yogurt shop
Invisible String: Gold was the color of the leaves when I showed you around Centennial Park
Tolerate It: Use my best colors for your portrait
Question…?: Before you painted all my nights a color I have searched for since
Taylor Swift and Ages (sorted by number)
This list also appears sorted by album.
Young child
The Best Day: There is a video I found from back when I was three
The Best Day: I’m five years old, it’s getting cold, I’ve got my big coat on
Mary’s Song (Oh My My My): She said, I was seven and you were nine, I looked at you like the stars that shine
Seven: Please picture me in the trees, I hit my peak at seven
Mary’s Song (Oh My My My): She said, I was seven and you were nine, I looked at you like the stars that shine
Teenager
The Best Day: I’m thirteen now and don’t know how my friends could be so mean
Never Grow Up: At fourteen there’s just so much you can’t do
Fifteen: ‘Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them
Fifteen: And when you’re fifteen feeling like there’s nothing to figure out
Fifteen: When you’re fifteen and your first kiss makes your head spin round
Fifteen: But I didn’t know it at fifteen
Fifteen: And when you’re fifteen don’t forget to look before you fall
Fifteen: I didn’t know who I was supposed to be at fifteen
No Body, No Crime: Good thing my daddy made me get a boating license when I was fifteen
Mary’s Song (Oh My My My): Well, I was sixteen when suddenly I wasn’t that little girl you used to see
Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince: I’m crazier for you than I was at sixteen, lost in a film scene
Invisible String: Teal was the color of your shirt when you were sixteen at the yogurt shop
All Of The Girls You Loved Before: Secret jokes all alone, no one’s home, sixteen and wild
Starlight: We were seventeen and crazy, running wild, wild
Nothing New: The kind of radiance you only have at seventeen
I Think He Knows: It’s like I’m seventeen, nobody understands, no one understands
Betty: I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything but I know I miss you
Nothing New: How can a person know everything at eighteen but nothing at twenty-two
Dear John: Don’t you think nineteen’s too young to be played by your dark, twisted games?
Dear John: Don’t you think nineteen’s too young to be messed with?
Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve: And I damn sure never would’ve danced with the devil at nineteen
Adult
All Too Well (10 Minute Version): And he said, “It’s supposed to be fun, turning twenty-one”
22: I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two
22: Everything will be all right if we just keep dancing like we’re twenty-two
Nothing New: How can a person know everything at eighteen but nothing at twenty-two
Right Where You Left Me: She’s still twenty-three inside her fantasy
Dancing With Our Hands Tied: Oh, twenty-five years old, oh, how were you to know
Innocent: It’s okay, life is a tough crowd, thirty-two and still growing up now
Lover (feat. Shawn Mendes): I’ll sing love songs to you when we’re eighty
Mary’s Song (Oh My My My): I’ll be eight-seven, you’ll be eighty-nine, I’ll still look at you like the stars that shine
Taylor Swift and Seasons
‘Taylor Swift’
Tim McGraw: And I was right there beside him all summer long, and then the time we woke up to find that summer gone
Tim McGraw: But in a box beneath my bed is a letter that you never read from three summers back
'Fearless (Taylor’s Version)’
Love Story: I’m standing there on a balcony in summer air
The Best Day: I don’t know why all the trees change in the fall
The Best Day: And now I know why all the trees change in the fall
'Speak Now’
Back To December: And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
Back To December: And realized I loved you in the fall
Better Than Revenge: The story starts when it was hot and it was summer and I had it all
'Red (Taylor’s Version)’
Red: Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all
All Too Well: Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place
Starlight: I met Bobby on the boardwalk, summer of '45
I Bet You Think About Me: And you and I fell like an early spring snow
Forever Winter: I’ll be summer sun for you forever, forever winter if you go
Forever Winter: I’ll be your summer sun forever, at 3 AM, pacing
Forever Winter: I’d be in pieces on the floor, forever winter if you go
'1989’
(no seasons)
'reputation’
(no seasons)
'Lover’
Cruel Summer: But ooh, it’s a cruel summer with you
Cruel Summer: So cut the headlights, summer’s a knife
Cruel Summer: And I snuck in through the garden gate every night that summer just to seal my fate
Lover: I’ve loved you three summers now, honey, but I want them all
Paper Rings: In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool
Cornelia Street: Windows flung right open, autumn air, jacket 'round my shoulders is yours
ME!: Living in winter, I am your summer
'folklore’
Seven: Sweet tea in the summer, cross your heart, won’t tell no other
Seven: Sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart, won’t tell no other
August: So much for summer love and saying, “us,” ‘cause you weren’t mine to lose
Invisible String: Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons
Betty: In the garden would you trust me if I told you it was just a summer thing?
Betty: Slept next to her but I dreamt of you all summer long
Peace: Our coming-of-age has come and gone, suddenly this summer it’s clear
'evermore’
‘Tis The Damn Season: ‘Tis the damn season, write this down
‘Tis The Damn Season: And I’ll be yours for the weekend, ‘tis the damn season
Ivy: Clover blooms in the fields, spring breaks loose, the time is near
Ivy: Crescent moon, coast is clear, spring breaks loose, but so does fear
Marjorie: The autumn chill that wakes me up
Evermore: And I was catching my breath, barefoot in the wildest winter, catching my death
'Midnights’
You’re On Your Own, Kid: Summer went away, still the yearning stays
Hits Different: Freedom felt like summer then on the coast
Other Songs written by Taylor
Christmas Tree Farm: My winter nights are taken up by static
Christmases When You Were Mine: Season’s greetings, hope you’re well
Official Alternate Releases
Bad Blood (feat. Kendrick Lamar): It was my season for battle wounds, battle scars, body bumped, bruised
Taylor Swift and Months
This list includes mentions of both the word “month” and also specific months.
‘Taylor Swift’
Tim McGraw: September saw a month of tears
'Fearless (Taylor’s Version)’
You All Over Me: The best and worst day of June was the one that I met you
'Speak Now’
Back To December: I go back to December all the time
Back To December: I’d go back to December, turn around and make it all right
Back To December: I’d go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
Back To December: And how you held me in your arms that September night
Back To December: And I go back to December
Innocent: Time turns flames to embers, you’ll have new Septembers
Last Kiss: That July 9th, the beat of your heart
If This Was A Movie: Six months gone and I’m still reaching
'Red (Taylor’s Version)’
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together: We hadn’t seen each other in a month when you said you needed space, what?
Begin Again: I’ve been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
All Too Well (10 Minute Version): Check the pulse and come back swearing it’s the same after three months in the grave
'1989’
Blank Space: Find out what you want, be that girl for a month
Out Of The Woods: Looking at it now, last December, we were built to fall apart and fall back together
How You Get The Girl: Say it’s been a long six months
Clean: It was months and months of back and forth
Clean: Ten months sober, I must admit just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it
Clean: Ten months older, I won’t give in, now that I’m clean I’m never gonna risk it
'reputation’
End Game: After the storm, something was born on the 4th of July
Call It What You Want: Nobody’s heard from me for months
Call It What You Want: I recall late November holding my breath
'Lover’
Lover: We could leave the Christmas lights up ‘til January
Paper Rings: Cat and mouse for a month or two or three
'folklore’
August: August slipped away into a moment in time ‘cause it was never mine
August: August sipped away like a bottle of wine ‘cause you were never mine
'evermore’
Champagne Problems: November flush and your flannel cure
Evermore: Gray November, I’ve been down since July
Evermore: Hey December, guess I’m feeling unmoored
'Midnights’
Sweet Nothing: A pebble that we picked up last July down deep inside your pocket
High Infidelity: Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?
Other Songs written by Taylor
(no months)
Official Alternate Releases
(no months)
PreViews: B&tB Soundtrack
PreViews: Beauty & the Beast Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (2017)
Pretty much like the MoViews, this segment is my opinion on the recently released soundtrack of the Live Action version of “Beauty and the Beast”, scheduled for this coming weekend. And pretty much like I did with the “Into the Woods” movie, I decided to take a listen to the soundtrack to ensure my expectations of the film were realistic. There were some surprises, so I’ve decided to share those with you before the film is released. Let me say that, now, we have FOUR - yes, you read that right, FOUR different versions of the score: 1) the Original Animated Movie; 2) the re-release with the initially-scratched song “Human Again”; 3) the Broadway version, and now, 4) the movie version. Since the soundtrack leads on some of the ‘adjustments’ of the story in the film, let me give you a warning:
WARNING: AUDIO-DRIVEN SPOILERS AHEAD!!!! Also, this will get veeeeery long.
Alright. So the first surprise comes with an Overture, traditional of movies of old. The score is beautiful, and the orchestrations are magnificent. This is one of the good surprises. But then, an unexpected change: the narrator of the prologue is not a deep-voiced male, like in the animated film, but a kinder, gentler female voice. No offense to the lovely lady who narrates - but I was honestly expecting the same intensity of the original. And even more surprising, the story takes an unexpected turn when the words deviate from the original to insert a paragraph about the elegant balls that the Prince used to throw in his castle - which, if you ask me, is the perfect excuse to give the amazing Audra McDonald a chance to show off her voice, even if for just a few moments, in the Aria that accompanies this scene. Then, the Prologue continues through.
I will make a pause here to state how terribly miscast was Emma Watson as a singer. She was definitely set up for failure. Following power-house voices like Paige O'Hara and Susan Egan with her simple, boyish voice was, in my humble opinion, the biggest mistake of the film. The opening number sadly falls very flat - even with the adjustments in the conversation throughout her village errands to make the scene more realistic, her range is definitely not appropriate for those songs from the original animated feature. Let this pause to also serve as an analysis of the voice casting. First of all, we have the BEST voices of the film cast as two of the minor roles: Audra McDonald as the wardrobe (changed from Madame de la Grande Bouche on Broadway to Madame Garderobe here), and Josh Gad as LeFou.Then, there are those that range from “good singing” to “can carry a tune”: Luke Evans as Gaston, Emma Thompson as Mrs. Potts, Ewan McGregor as Lumiere (although sometimes he forgets he is supposed to be French), and Dan Stevens as the Beast (although the filter they use to make his voice deeper when singing, which hasn’t been done neither in the original animated feature nor on Broadway, makes it sound faker than I’d like). Then, there is Emma in her own tier.
Before I continue with some of the songs that I want to highlight, let me add that there are even MORE songs written specifically for the movie, different from those added on to the original animated feature AND the ones written for Broadway which - as much as I love the Menken/Rice powerhouse, gets to be a little overkill for me. There is a song (again, different from Broadway) that Maurice (Belle’s father) sings called “Music Box”. Then, similar to the absolutely fantastic and powerful “Home” song from Broadway after Belle gets locked in the Beast’s tower, we have a more elaborate and less memorable “Days in the Sun”, which has (from what I could hear) a hint of the spirit of “Human Again” - which is absent from this version. Also, similar to the absolutely fantastic and powerful “If I can’t love her” from the Beast, a nice enough, less powerful but equally romantic sweet tune called “Evermore” conveys the pain the Beast feels when letting Belle go to her father. It is a great thing the Deluxe version of the soundtrack has a Josh Groban interpretation, because as I stated before, the faked Beast’s voice makes it sound just a bit too weird for my taste. Rounding up the 'credits’ songs, there is also a new (but unnecessary) song interpreted by Celine Dion, and a reinterpretation of Beauty and the Beast sung by Ariana Grande and John Legend.
Last but not least, the songs with changes in them that set tones for the overall movie:In “Gaston”, Josh Gad does his usual great job with the interpretation. However, near the end when LeFou tries to spell Gaston’s name, there are unnecessary self-deprecating verses that sort of ruin the moment.“Something There” is the most decent interpretation Watson has in the entire disc - hence its use in the previews.And in “The Mob Song”, with one sentence, we clearly get the sense LeFou regrets his support of Gaston, giving us a character who changes his mind near the end of the film. To wrap up, I am truly hoping that the lavish visuals of the film will compensate for the lackluster singing voices and deviations from the original. And I’m sure you’ll find out what I think after I release my MoViews of the film next week.
He Dicho.
“Anyway” - Annotated
I get asked about “Anyway” from The Bad Years a lot. I’ll try not to repeat myself here. I went into a lot of depth in this interview if you want to know more obvious stuff.
The character isn’t me - at all. I don’t think I’ve ever been so sardonic in my life (except maybe when I was 10 - another story for another day). But in my twenties, I had several friends who were my age die. The first one was when I was twenty. She got drunk and fell three stories out of a college dorm window. The second and third happened within a few weeks of each other. One died of a terminal illness and the other got hit by a bus crossing the street in a foreign country. The Mad Ones was always connected to grief. But this song isn’t Sam and it isn’t me. “Anyway” was an exploration of anger and guilt and posturing. The Bad Years has always been a tapestry, an ensemble show. As a result, the songs tell the whole story of a character. You have to immediately know who they are. When people ask questions about context for “Anyway”, I have to admit that it doesn’t matter. The song tells you everything you need to know. And there’s no personal context hidden under the surface like in “Not a Love Story.”
I didn’t expect to see you here – I mean outside, smoking. I’m more of a nicorette girl these days. I’m joking. I mean – I did quit. But who feels like joking now? I’ll see you your scowl and raise you a furrowed brow.
This first verse is about establishing who you are. You’re a little nervous and uncomfortable. You’re trying to get a laugh. One of the biggest issues we have with performers tackling the song is when they play the end of the song from the beginning.
It’s sad. Of course it’s sad. What’s interesting is when it isn’t. It’s when you’re vamping, trying to stave off the sadness.
The original setting was outside a funeral, or maybe outside a house where people were sitting shiva. Don’t think about that too hard because the circumstances of The Bad Years have changed (now it’s at the house party). Either way, there’s a sense of someone escaping a claustrophobic space, needing air, and finding the last person you wanted to be alone with - a ghost of christmas past. Picture an arrow. The person who died is the center point and you two are at opposite sides.
You were never close but here you both are. This song is not even trying to bridge the gap. This isn’t a relationship song. It’s a confession song. But the listener (and thereby we as the audience, the stand in) are put into the awkward position of a friendship that never quite took. Then comes the hook:
Anyway. Anyway.
The hook was the inspiration for the song. I had come up with this musical idea to stretch out the word “anyway” as well as the turn from “anyway" as a restart to “any way” as a plea, like, 10 years ago. I’d written this weird Ani DiFranco-esque lyric when I was fooling around with trying to learn how to write music to songs. We held onto it until we had content that felt like the right emotional territory for it. As soon as we hit on wanting to write a song about immediate grief from the perspective of someone who isn’t emotionally open, we took this hook out of the trunk.
Do you remember how we used to read Rilke, Joyce? And we barely understood it, But it gave us a voice Or a language… I don’t read poetry anymore. But if I did, I’d be reading it tonight for sure.
First thing’s first: the other character isn’t named Joyce, ok? The references are Rainer Marie Rilke and James Joyce. If that was really obvious to you, good on you. If not, you’re welcome.
The silence that you get back from the other character gives you latitude. Your mind starts to wander. I think of the other character in this moment - how there are moments where you don’t know where someone who’s talking to you is going, and it’s almost scary. I remember my mom telling me stories about her childhood that felt off limits when I was a teenager - these windows into who she was, how she became who she became. I remember not speaking for fear of her realizing I was there: true monologue with an audience, where the person goes deeper and deeper into their internality but it’s spoken aloud.
This verse starts a bit more external - a memory, wry - something I’ve thought about, how I used to read poetry all the time. I searched the lines for meaning. And now, I almost never pick it up. It’s so therapeutic, but it never occurs to me anymore. I used to do the same thing with songs. Now I rarely go back and trying to analyze them. It’s an act so anchored in your teen years when your taste is forming. By the end of this stanza, you’ve lost your audience - you’re thinking aloud.
Oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
Then you remember - you’re talking to someone. It’s a little weird. It’s a little embarrassed. You’re not getting that affirmation that you might want.
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh -
It makes you feel awkward, but your brain is going now. You can’t stop it.
I keep thinking about how the timing seems false, How some days seem faster than my fucking pulse. And others go so slow. Like this morning Feels like a month ago. Oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
You’re getting lost. The weekend of my third friend’s memorial was back in Pennsylvania and, by some horrible trick of luck, it was booked on the same weekend as our mutual friend’s wedding. I went to the wedding on Saturday night and the memorial on Sunday afternoon, and so did my friend. She was still wearing her wedding hair as we held hands and cried. I felt like that weekend would never end. Every time I think about post-funeral meals at someone’s house, the warmed over lasagna, the hard dry dinner rolls, it feels like time stretches out like dough. But the entire summer I spent with my friend who got married and my friend who we mourned went by in a snap. Does that make any sense? You’re just thinking aloud. You’re just trying to make sense… Which leads you to a new thought:
I feel like I’m underwater. I feel like I’m underwater. I feel like I’m underwater.
It’s muted underwater. Everything moves at a different speed. If you scream, no one can hear you. If you open your eyes, it’s beautiful, but you can’t breathe. You can’t survive there.
The first time you hit the idea, it should feel so surprising to you, such an attempt to name something that hadn’t previously been named.
And then you brush it off. It’s nothing.
Anyway. Anyway.
Start over. Full reset.
When we were in rehearsals for The Mad Ones, we talked a lot about “Go Tonight” and why the moment existed - much of the song is about replaying a moment that we already replayed. But the first time, we don’t deal with why it mattered. Sam doesn’t name for herself the point of it (that going back over these moments won’t change the moments but that at the center of this ONE moment, she feels something that she needs to hold onto and take with her).
Here, in “Anyway”, you haven’t hit the dark places you need to go. You scratched the surface but you need to start again, try again. It’s the most basic instinct. You return to the scene of the crime. You write your memoir. You experiment with recovered-memory therapy. Now that you know what it feels like to scratch the surface of the feeling, you need to go at it one more time and see where it leads you.
There’s this building you pass On the subway to Queens - It’s on the L or the R or the one that’s green. [the G train. It’s the G.] - It’s covered in tags, [graffiti] Bright hieroglyphics. These fifteen-year-olds – [taggers] They’re so fucking prolific. I’m commuting, I’m eating my goddamn apple And they’re secretly painting their Sistine Chapel. But whatever, It’s like they know their odds. If you’re gonna die young, you’d better live like gods. Gods. Gods.
You’ve done this, right? You’ve looked at the impossible. You’ve stared at graffiti 20 stories off the ground. You’ve thought the twin thoughts of ‘why would you risk your life to spray paint on a wall that will only get painted over, or worse, torn down?’ (as with the 5 Pointz, though check this out if you want to see who got the last laugh there), and 'how glorious.'
The fact is that the kids who are graffitiing walls are in danger. They’re crying out. They need someone to pay attention, to know they were here, because without that, the world may never notice. And they know something we, commuter mortals, forget: we’re going to die.
This is a small point but I think it matters. You’re being kind of a dick by saying some of this. You’re romanticizing something that’s not romantic. You’re equating things that aren’t equal. The death of your friend is not endemic. The incarceration and lower life expectancy of the majority of young urban men who are making street art is. But you’re right on one count:
We might die tomorrow. We might get hit by a bus. Make something now. Otherwise, your mourners will read poetry from your elementary school projects at your memorial. I’ve seen it happen. Dare to try to make something impossible / glorious that lives beyond your life.
And me? I’m not doing anything. I’m not helping or cleaning. I’m not even crying. I’m not doing anything. She’d be so goddamn helpful. Well, fuck her for dying ’cause I - I’m not writing her elegy. Not me. I’m not writing that down. They would scrawl her name on a city wall but I’m a fucking clown. I’m making jokes so I don’t drown.
They say write something that scares you. Saying “fuck her” scared me. I worried it would alienate the audience but you say things like that when you’re grieving - especially when you tell yourself you’re not grieving.
I remember a friend of mine telling me how much our friend’s death didn’t bother her because they’d fallen out a year before. Does she even remember saying that? It was the guilt talking. Even if you don’t say it, you think terrible things when someone dies. The inconvenience of their timing, how you saw it coming when you can only see that in retrospect. You are guilty in the fact of your own inertia, be it the commuter eating an apple; the leach on a funeral, smoking a cigarette because you can’t deal. You live inside the sensation that you have never contributed, that you may never contribute. You survived - the one who had nothing to give - and the other person (future astronomer, social justice lawyer, red cross volunteer) died. If roles were reversed, she would be inside the house making other people feel better. She would comfort the grievers. You - right now, yesterday, and tomorrow - you are doing nothing. Talk about self-loathing.
I was never the best friend, the sister, the mother. I was ten feet away and I was shaken. In the months that followed, I kept thinking about their actual best friend, their siblings. I don’t know what that feels like. But even ten feet away, I felt this seismic shift in who I was. What would be like to feel that every day in the grooves of your routine? I thought about that a lot.
I didn’t want to write about grief. I had to write about grief. Because I could. Because after seeing The Mad Ones, after hearing this song, people grab me by the arm and ask me who I know who died. They have tears in their eyes and I know that they lost someone and this feels true to them and that means something. At the moment when someone dies, you don’t want to talk about it, or feel it, or deal with it. You don’t want to write about it. You want to avoid it because you’re afraid that if you name it, you will be consumed by it.
By naming the great fear that you will drown, you give into the sensation you’ve been fighting. You let it wash over you.
I feel like I’m underwater. I feel like I’m underwater. I feel like I’m underwater. I feel like I’m underwater. Like the whole world is underwater. Like I’m screaming out underwater. I feel like I’m underwater these days Anyways.
“Anyways” is a perverse attempt at recovery, of pretending none of that happened. You didn’t start to drown; you weren’t gulping for air. You’re fine. You’re making a joke. You’re rhyming, goddammit.
It doesn’t work. It falls so flat.
Anyway.
The final restart. This is real. This is what you should have said, what you couldn’t have said when you started. This is what you mean.
I didn’t expect to see you here. I mean – thanks for coming. I thought you’d oppose the use of religious rites as numbing. I mean – it is dumb. But what if she can hear them pray? I mean what the fuck do we know? Who are we to say? If there was any way. Any way.
I told you this wouldn’t be personal. I lied. Everything’s personal.
Have you read A Year in Magical Thinking? I recommend it. Joan Didion wrote it after her husband died suddenly. She’s a master memoirist and so when she turned her lens on such a personal subject matter she’s skilled enough to write something beautiful and restrained. She wrote:
“Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it. We anticipate (we know) that someone close to us could die, but we do not look beyond the few days or weeks that immediately follow such an imagined death. We misconstrue the nature of even those few days or weeks. We might expect if the death is sudden to feel shock. We do not expect this shock to be obliterative, dislocating to both body and mind. We might expect that we will be prostrate, inconsolable, crazy with loss. We do not expect to be literally crazy, cool customers who believe their husband is about to return and need his shoes.”
Each time I’ve experienced a death, I’ve had a sensation of cognitive dissonance. I know in my brain that the person is dead, but my heart’s slow to respond. Another friend of mine died this summer. He wasn’t my closest friend. I was ten, even 20 feet away. He was incandescent. Everyone had experienced some unforgettable night where he stared into their soul. We’d had several. He flattered me by meeting up several times to work up a project together. It never got off the ground but just the other day, I had the impulse to share a new thought that might break it open before I remembered that I would never be able to tell him.
I don’t believe in a god. I think your body and soul are intertwined. Nothing magic happens when you die. My friends aren’t haunting the ghost lights of America. But at the same time, I have the humility to hope I’m wrong.
Anyway. You asked. This song is a pandora’s box.
Stars and the Moon (from Songs For A New World) - Cynthia Erivo
Jason Robert Brown in Concert - 26th May 2015
Before wowing the audience with TL5Y, Cynthia wowed the audience with this rendition of Stars and the Moon from Songs For A New World. She’ll be peforming in a production of SFANW at the St James Theatre at the end of July and if this is anything to go by…
the road you didn’t take- showtunes that explore regret, guilt, and grief
no good deed - wicked // the world was dancing - songs for a new world // sorry-grateful - company // good for nothing/being mrs. banks - marry poppins // the road you didn’t take - follies // i know the truth - aida // send in the clowns - a little night music // you learn to live without - if/then // days and days - fun home // almost real - the bridges of madison county // if he walked into my life - mame // lament - into the woods // what would you do? - cabaret // what would you do? - if/then // the beauty is (reprise) - the light in the piazza // the guilty ones - spring awakening // how did we come to this? / queenie was a blonde (reprise) - the wild party // coffee - see what i wanna see // stars and the moon - songs for a new world // nobody needs to know - the last five years // the life i never led - sister act: the musical //
L I S T E N
SAY THE WORD - Writing New Lyrics to Old Songs and Writing Music First
You would think this would be a romantic episode of “Behind the Lyrics” but no, this is a funny one, a technical one. But before we get to that, let’s tarry for a little while on the melody of “Say the Word”, which is really the star.
Some songs start with a chorus or a stanza or a lyric. Some start with a hook - a title - a phrase that defines the whole song. A hook isn’t just the lyric. It can be, but generally it’s more than that. It’s a small packet of emotional information: words and music that are the keystone to the rest of the song.
We had that: “Say the word.” And then Brian sent me music - verse music and chorus music. I think the bridge came later. Listen:
http://kaitandbrian.bandcamp.com/track/say-the-word-instrumental
Wait, no, don’t skip this part. Listen:
http://kaitandbrian.bandcamp.com/track/say-the-word-instrumental
It’s important that you listen to it without lyrics, that you don’t know what the lyrics might become for a moment, because that’s what I experienced when I first listened to this melody, the melodic shift to “say the word” from the verse. I remember crying the first time I heard it.
I’m no sap. That doesn’t happen often - especially not before we have worked out the whole song - but it happened here. And I must say, I was intimidated by it. This was one of the first songs I was writing lyrics for in The Unauthorized Autobiography of Samantha Brown. I was still a freshman lyricist. I hardly knew what I was doing. I couldn’t really write lyric first. I needed the structure of the music to contain me. I still prefer writing music first.
But this music intimidated me. It was good and more than that, it was spare. I struggled. I tried to find something that worked but I couldn’t work out the grammar. Did you know that a lot of lyric writing is about grammar? It’s about knowing what kind of sentence you can write. It’s about whether you’re writing a question, or using a string of participles. I was a born grammarian. It’s been an asset.
Finally, Brian and I decided we’d write a dummy lyric to it together. This is something we’ve often done, but rarely so exactly. I often follow the grammar we find in a dummy lyric. Sometimes Brian will write a lyric along with his music and I’ll replace every word but the grammatical contours will remain. Why? Because sung music implies grammar, especially sentence breaks. Following that phrasing in your lyric often makes you make more interesting and beautiful choices.
I’m stalling. Can you tell? I don’t want you to read our dummy lyric (because of course I remember it. It was good enough that I remember it). Can I just say that the grammar of my real lyric follows the contours of our dummy lyric exactly? I’ll give you one more hint. The dummy lyric is supremely on the nose. Sam wants to have sex with her boyfriend. She’s been having difficulty blurting that out. In our dummy lyric, she really blurted that out. Nothing coy about it.
I can’t tell you the dummy lyric because if I write it here you will ever unsee it and you will never have the pure sweet love for this song that you have now. I’m sparing you. Have I said too much? I’ve said too much.
None of this was the question I was asked by @AmeliaBell28 on Twitter. She asked why we changed the lyric from “loving you should be easier” to “let me go if it’s easier” and I’m so glad she did.
“Loving you should be easier” always sat with me wrong.
Years ago, a very famous actor who was singing the song pointed out that it should be “loving me should be easier” and that stuck with me. That didn’t feel quite right but it felt more right than what I had written (as this sophomoric beginner’s-lucky lyricist). But it’s spare AF and the melody requires something concrete and broad at the top of the sentence. Most sentences start with “I” or “you” or “last night” or something like that. But I needed something like “loving you” or “Saturday” or “better days”. And I needed whatever I did to lead into “but say the word, and I might have to stay.”
You’re me. Here’s what you’ve got.
Say the word and I just might listen. Say the word and you might get your way. _ _ _,* _ _ _ _ _ but say the word, And I might have to stay.
(*comma added to indicate phrasing)
This is literally what I stared at for weeks in the lead up to our workshop in the spring of 2016, cursing myself from a decade earlier for having squeezed myself into this box. I’m going to try to find another lyric for it right now as I write this and I’ll share the ways I narrowed down my options.
I was scared but now - Doesn’t work because you can’t say “but” or anything that negates the 2nd half of the clause because it’s part of a larger clause. That rules out the 4th word being but, since, or; you’ll end up in a run on.
All my life, I’ve been holding back but say the word, - Success!
The grammar is good! “All my life” feels iconic enough for the music; it feels repeatable. Don’t forget how many times we’ll hear this exact lyric. But has she been holding back? Does that make any sense? Not really. Still, this is good grammar. It’s possible to understand what she’s talking about enough to know she’s not making sense, which is a positive development.
So then I think to myself: I need some kind of island phrase that’s three syllables and that leads easily and truthfully to “but say the word”. Everything she’s been saying is a command - a sort of coy command, but command all the same. (You) say the word. I’m not going to say it.
In lyrics, we talk a lot about parallel structure:
Let me be your ride out of town. Let me be the place that you hide. We can make our lives on the go. Run away with me.
There are two kinds of parallel structure in that lyric. The first (bolded) is the more obvious kind. It’s when you have two lines (or more) in a row that start with the same words. It can be incredibly effective. It follows the contours of what the music is doing (repetition of motif) and insists upon something. The second (italicized) is a bit more subtle but it does train your ear. Three out of four of those lines are not statement of fact but commands - something the character wants.
The same is true for “Say the Word” but she’s less insistent. She’s more seductive. I looked at the whole chorus:
Say the word, and I just might listen. Say the word, and you might get your way. _ _ _,* _ _ _ _ _, but say the word, And I might have to stay.
And the grammar is actually pretty complex. Compare it to
Let me be your ride out of town. [NEW THOUGHT] Let me be the place that you hide. [NEW THOUGHT] We can make our lives on the go. [NEW THOUGHT] Run away with me.
There’s an if/then proposal being made by Sam. Essentially, “if you say that you want me to be here with you, I might listen and give you what you want. [BLANK] but if you say what you want, I might stay here.”
So that missing line takes on enormous import. It’s the thing that’s holding them back. My box got narrower and narrower. I liked the word “easier”, which fit so effortlessly on the music (it was part of our infamous dummy lyric even) and I became convinced that the complexity of the grammar meant that it would be easier to follow with a command at the top of that line. That left me with:
Say the word, and I just might listen. Say the word, and you might get your way. COMMAND,* if it’s easier, but say the word, And I might have to stay.
“Let me go” wasn’t the first idea that I had but it was the truest idea. There’s something poetic and simple about talking about either staying or going. It’s not about love. It’s about action. Do you want me to stay? Or do you want to let me go?
I wish I could say that when I hit that lyric, I felt a sense of relief but I actually sweated out the workshop and the production. Brian didn’t say, “I like the new lyric” until we’d already started performances of The Mad Ones off-Broadway. Once we opened, a few other people came up to me and mentioned the new lyric. That’s actually nuts. It’s one line of an unproduced show. I knew I was right to be nervous. If I got it wrong, people would actually notice.
I also knew from experience, that hearing a new lyric when you know an old one is jarring. I vividly remember hearing Ragtime in the theater after hearing only the concept album and being incensed by some of the changes. There was a different lyric written into the liner notes of Miss Saigon from the one on the recording for the now very dead “It’s Her or Me” / “Now That I’ve Seen Her” - two songs with the exact same melody and entirely non-overlapping lyrics. The same was true for portions of Beauty and the Beast. There’s several in Ragtime. These drove me absolutely crazy. My loyalty to the lyric I heard first knew no bounds. I never thought the second lyric was better. Now as a lyricist myself, I know that in general, they sing less well and make more sense. And often they’re the product of producer notes.
Of course, I was in danger of the same error, the same failure to fans of the show, so I was shy about debuting this lyric change - small though it was - but I felt very strongly that I had to do it now before we might have a chance to record it or license it for posterity. So I tried to make sure that I wrote something truthful (yes) but also (I hope) just as fun to sing as “loving you”, which was always so weird. Why was loving him hard? Why should love be easier? What does that even mean???
Does it make it better if I apologize to any of the purists among you? I see you. I hear you. I. Am. You. If Tony Kushner touches a hair on the head of Caroline, or Change, I will cut him. But “loving you should be easier” drove me nuts. I couldn’t let that baffling lyric live. I hope you will pardon me.
For anyone who came to this post hoping that I had something profound to say about the in-show context, I’m sorry (more apologies). The context is simple. Sam wants to have sex with her boyfriend. She has a hard time talking about it. Finally, she drops trou’ and throws herself at him. He thinks that’s pretty weird. She concedes and finally opens up and sings this.*
*with one minor lyric change… :)
by miesirywle
Along with the signed cd, some lucky purchasers of these items may even receive complimentary cat hair stuck inside the pages. Or the aromatic scent of white wine I occasionally spill while signing. Https://store.taylorswift.com
![Stars and the Moon (from Songs For A New World)[Cynthia Erivo]](https://64.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_npagb11qyo1u5hh9so1_1433200142_cover.jpg)
