you must party with julian

indie julian wells rp blog from less than zero - please read my about and rules page - side blog: follows from rumpotdeckhand

[rumpotdeckhand]

Hey guys, long time no see. (Again, crap) I’ve tried coming back here multiple times and it never worked out for some reason. I always felt blocked in one way or another but RP has been a big part of my life for 2 years and I really miss it so much.

I would like to give it one more try but with a different approach. This has been a hard decision for me because I have so many fond memories of this account and there’s so many threads here that mean the world to me. The whole story with Julian? I love it more than anything. The first ever thread I did? The trash squad? Every thread with Jack I have? Ariel being lovely? Vampire drama? The many threads I started with my dearest Chevalier. That’s why I’m not deleting this account.

But I need a fresh start.

So I compiled my boys (with some additions) on a new, multi-muse blog and I sincerely hope that this helps. Sorry for disappearing again, I miss you all. So much. And I hope this can help restore my motivation in one of my favorite hobbies. So if you’re stll up for writing with my idiots… give me a follow over there <3

 https://pileofscoundrels.tumblr.com/

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

Julian was dying of curiosity when Karl finally began with his story. Karl had a pretty interesting life, lots of things to talk about and Julian found himself hoping that one day he’d have a lot of stories to tell too. Preferably not just shitty ones. He listened till the waitress came back and he ordered a diet coke. Once the words had left his lips, he felt a weird wave of nostalgia wash over him. Back to when he was one of the rich kids, back when things were easier.

“Well that guy clearly didn’t know what he was missing out on.” Julian said with a flirty grin once Karl had finished his story. The whole thing seemed like a very Karl thing to do, he smiled at the mental image of a wine drunk Karl with lots of pasta. Speaking of which, he’d love to see wine drunk Karl again. “Men are assholes.”

He picked up the menu and scanned through it, not quite sure what to choose for himself yet. It all sounded good yet he wasn’t really all that hungry anymore either. Which did surprise him, considering the horrible mess that the hospital considered food apparently and the fact that before the… incident… proper nutrition had been the very least of his concerns.

Well, he was here with Karl and that’s all that mattered. But he wasn’t the first either.

“That explains a lot… but Karl, you disappoint me. I thought you were classy but that place is just plain shady… the rooms aren’t even nice.” Julian joked, still looking at the menu in front of him but not realizing he had admitted to being inside of the hotel before. Not much of a shocker but he hadn’t intended on saying it out loud. “I don’t know what to get but the occasion would almost call for pasta, don’t you think?”

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

Julian just followed Karl’s lead to the backdoor and he didn’t even question it too much. He just kind of hoped that the owners of the place had never seen him nearby even if it might not have been that obvious what he had done at the hotel if they had.

“Once upon a time…” he repeated, mimicking the way Karl spoke and chuckled. “You say that like you’re eighty.” He walked in first and as soon as Karl followed, the older man was immediately recognized. Julian was beginning to wonder how Karl managed to befriend about every restaurant in Los Angeles. Well, it was only good for the both of them and most of the time he knew they wouldn’t be judged too hard wherever Karl took him.

He didn’t even really get to speak up himself; instead he was trying to hold back a laugh when the host had finished what he was saying. It wasn’t even that funny but in that very moment he could barely contain himself. Despite that, he did blush just the tiniest bit when Karl called him special.

They were lead to what was apparently Karl’s table and he sat down rather ungracefully. Once the host was out of hearing distance, he couldn’t hold back his laughter anymore. Before Karl even had the chance to say anything, the younger man just started laughing. 

“I’m sorry I- Woo woo?” It took him a few moments to gather himself and when he finally did, he rubbed his face. He didn’t know why he had found it so hilarious when it really wasn’t, yet he had literal tears in his eyes. “Okay. Okay, I’m done. And I’m just dying of curiosity. I want some details, darling and I want them now.”

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

„I’m sure the plants missed you terribly.” They probably really had, considering Karl seemed to be a lot more skilled with not killing them than Julian would ever be and Julian even lived with the plants. But then again, watering the plants was very low on his priority list when he had- no, he wasn’t going to think about it now. One more time wouldn’t hurt right? Maybe if he was more careful this time?

He instantly recognized the hotel when they got closer despite it looking much different and actually less shady in broad daylight. He’d been here before, not just once and he’d rather not think about it too much. Julian couldn’t help but dig his nails into his legs, his heart jumping a little but he really hoped Karl hadn’t noticed.

Behind said Hotel was an Italian place he hadn’t really noticed before which wasn’t surprising considering every time he’d been here before, he tried to get away as fast as possible afterwards. “Pizza! Thank god!” he exclaimed as they stopped in the parking lot and only then did he truly relax again. It did look a bit shabby and he did wonder how Karl had even found the place in the first place.

“Not very fancy but as I said, I trust your judgment.” Julian added and blew Karl a kiss before getting out of the car and closing its door. He then waited for Karl to join him and once the older man did, he took a hold of his hand and squeezed it a little. It was nice, nice to know that Karl had chosen to stay, that he could still be close to him like this.

“But I have to know one thing. How did you find out about this place? Usually it’s my job to introduce you to ‘wasted night out and this is the only place that’s open cuisine’.” The younger man asked, drawing quotation marks in the air with his free hand, as they made their way over to the entrance.

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

Julian pushed back his sunglasses, making sure Karl saw when he raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like a bad excuse but okay, cool.” he agreed with a little smile. Karl was right and a little date was exactly what he wanted and needed right now. (Well, besides a hit he craved so fucking much but be wouldn’t admit it to himself just yet) It was something nice for the both of them. “That’s actually a good idea, the food still sucks… damn you for getting me used to good food, I’m way more picky now.” he added with a chuckle.

When Karl opened the door for him, he used the chance to place a quick little kiss on Karl’s cheek before getting into the car and for a bit it seemed just like it used to be. When things had been more or less okay for a while and he quite literally basked in the moment, the feeling. He could ignore all the troubles life threw at them when Karl referenced their seatbelt thing.

He’d gotten so damn attached. Crap.

But none of that mattered now, it could be pushed aside for the time being and Julian chuckled; then put his sunglasses back on.

“Would you at least keep me company so I don’t bore myself to death as I clean up? All you gotta do is sit there and be pretty, see, you’re already doing it now!” Julian insisted again a little while after Karl had started driving. He didn’t even ask where they were going, he trusted Karl’s taste by now and he had much more pressing tings on his mind such as having to fix the mess he had made and the possible things he might dig up in the process. Both literally and metaphorically. “I’ll just let you water the plants. They like you.”

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

Karl did seem a little relieved to know that Muriel wasn’t his girlfriend in any way which he found just a little bit ironic given this was Karl goddamn Grove he was talking about. But of course he didn’t voice that thought out loud, instead he was glad that Karl was not as mad at him, as he thought he would be. He was lucky!

And he wanted to tell Karl that he just didn’t understand. That he couldn’t understand but instead Julian stayed quiet for the most part. Had he been in a better shape, perhaps he would have argued but not now. “My friends are wonderful, thank you very much.” Of course he was well aware that this wasn’t the case for the most part. But Karl had said this in reference to Muriel, who Julian considered a genuinely good person with a buttload of issues. It wasn’t her fault.

But before his frustration could take any more shape, they both settled on watching TV instead. It was nice to have Karl around, even if they didn’t talk a whole lot. The show was good too and his eyes remained glued on the TV, only looking away when both of them found themselves checking out a rather cute male nurse who brought the food he probably wouldn’t touch anyway. “Only good part about hospitals…” he said once the nurse was gone.

Shortly after that, even after numerous attempts to change his mind, Karl ended up asking Simone to come to the hospital as well. She didn’t look very pleased when she entered the room, if it was the food or the fact that he had gotten into trouble, he couldn’t quite tell at first. “Simone! Charming as ever… If I’m completely honest, I wasn’t thinking a whole lot to begin with.” he admitted to her.

-

The following days were admittedly rather terrible in many ways. (He’d been stuck in an eternal circle of overthinking what he was going to do while feeling like trash physically as well. One moment he was fantasizing about the moment he could finally get high again, the other moment he promised himself he’d stay clean for real this time. For Karl. And not only that, the ‘ray of sunshine’ had made numerous appearances as well.) So he was really glad when he got the news that he was allowed to leave again no matter how that would turn out. He had informed Karl about it and of course Karl had insisted to pick him up.

Eventually it was time to leave but no matter how hard he had fought the staff, they didn’t make an exception about the wheelchair policy either this time. It annoyed him endlessly but when he finally stepped out of that damn hospital, an unlit cigarette already hanging loosely from his lips, Karl was already waiting. Julian lit it up immediately and walked over to the other man.

“See, good as new!” he smiled and spread out his arms, turning around himself once as he walked towards Karl.

“Ew, fresh air.” He grinned and came to a stop in front of his handsome brit, then took a drag from his cigarette before letting out the smoke slowly. And if it weren’t for the hospital in the background, it would have looked like nothing had happened because there Julian was, in his sassy, sunglasses wearing bad boy glory. “Thank you for being my own personal taxi again but I was thinking… maybe you could help clean up the loft? Please…? I’ll reward you accordingly, of course.”

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

Once Darlene left, so did her joyful energy and suddenly the room went awfully silent but Julian couldn’t be bothered to start a conversation either. He might have gotten lucky, but he still wasn’t feeling well either. And thank god Karl eventually decided to turn on the TV as some sort of background noise. He stared at it, as if he was listening but he barely registered what the news reporter said.

He was only truly ripped out of his trance when Karl kissed his forehead and Julian smiled to himself. He was positive he might have just melted right on the spot. It was a small gesture, a little sign of closeness and he was so damn glad that Karl had decided to stay even after what he’d been caught doing. But of course the older man just had to ask about her.

“Mhm, Muriel.” Julian turned to his side, looking out of the window. He’d almost forgotten about her or what it might have looked like to Karl and for a moment he was completely silent. “She’s not my girlfriend if that’s what bothers you. It never went beyond a few wasted kisses either, we had… other things… on our minds.”

“I think I told you about her before, actually.” Julian thought a bit, yes, he definitely had mentioned her a while back. “I don’t know if you remember… the girl… with the polaroids…” he cringed at the thought and suddenly felt sick again. It was a memory he didn’t like to recall, a memory that reminded him how this was perhaps not fine at all. Hell, he could still see it in front of him. Muriel all strung out on the floor at a party, some random guy taking pictures of the poor girl and she was so out of it, she didn’t even care.

Julian fell silent again for a moment and wrapped his arms around himself as well as the hospital bed allowed. “She’s a friend. She needed somebody, I needed somebody…” And the thing they both needed the most…well.

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

He wasn’t surprised that Karl had told Simone. Of course he had, she was his wife and Karl had literally disappeared in the middle of a Sunday night to come to his rescue. Which Julian did appreciate of course but he was still convinced he’d be fine either way. Perhaps he’d be even more than fine because he wouldn’t be stuck in here but he’d rather not voice that thought out loud.

“Wow, I feel betrayed!” His eyes widened in shock, though very much in an exaggerated manner to drive his point home. Julian covered his mouth with his hand that was not currently prepared to being stabbed at and pretended to gasp dramatically. “Alright then. I take back what I said earlier, I think it’s time to flee the state. Clay says New Hampshire is nice, Blair disagrees but they just gotta miss me terribly anyway.”

It was then that Darlene informed him that she was ready now, giving him an encouraging smile. He made a fist but didn’t look away. Instead he watched her do it, focused on her gentle hands and the red liquid. He didn’t even try to avoid thinking about the tiny little issue that had landed him here in the first place but of course he didn’t let her do her job without complaining about it. “Ouch!” he whined and she just chuckled at his performance. He really hadn’t changed a whole lot.

“You think my suffering is funny?” Julian asked jokingly, pretending to be offended, before he shook his head and turned to look at Karl again. “Kaaarl, she’s totally being mean!” He was trying to lighten the situation as well as distract from the fact that he felt and probably looked like garbage right now. 

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

He nodded slowly and sighed, very well then. He’d need to find a different way to pay off the rest of what he owed Rip eventually as well as way to afford... the mention of Simone ripped him straight out of his thoughts. Had Karl told her what had happened? If so, he really hoped he wouldn’t run into her again anytime soon or else he’d fall victim to her infamous wrath.

“Oh please.” Julian grinned and flopped back onto the bed, pulling up the blanket. “You don’t seriously think I could withstand the power of the Karl charm? It’s like… a superpower or something.”

He didn’t get the chance to joke around any further though because in that very moment, the nurse walked in. (To be honest he didn’t really feel like it right now anyway.) At first he didn’t even recognize her, only when she spoke up it suddenly hit him. “Good day mister Grove!” she greeted, her voice soft and friendly. The nurse then turned her attention towards Julian, now crossing her arms as if she was about to scold him. “And you, did I not tell you to take care, silly?”

He gave her an apologetic smile in return. “Admit it, you missed me.” It honestly surprised him that she still remembered him. After all it had been months and patients constantly came and went.

Darlene just rolled her eyes at his remark but was right back to her cheerful self. “I’ll just have to take your blood and then I’ll leave you boys alone!”

Julian made a face at that. “Man, really? I don’t like-“ needles. But when she raised an eyebrow at him, he didn’t even finish his sentence, realizing how odd that would sound under given circumstances and that it might start a conversation he really didn’t want to have at the moment. Or at all. Ever.

Instead of arguing, he let out a dramatic sigh but other than that let her do her job in peace. “Karl? Did you tell Simone about… this?” he asked meanwhile with a worried undertone in his voice. “I just need to know if I’ll have to run for my life the next time I see your lovely wife.” Simone Grove could, and absolutely would kick his ass if she knew.

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

“Yes, I meant that.” Julian insisted and didn’t fail to notice that Karl’s expression had softened. He smiled a little when the older man forgave him - sort of - even in the state he found himself in, the good old Julian charm still seemed to work. His statement hadn’t been a lie per se: he was sorry, though more about the fact that he had burdened Karl than the actual act of getting high and breaking their agreement like this.

But it didn’t feel like he was being honest either, not when he couldn’t stop fantasizing about continuing right where he had left off once he got out of this goddamn hospital again. It was complicated really, and he wasn’t going to think too hard about it or he’d give himself an even worse headache.

“I really don’t like the sound of that…” he said when Karl sounded entirely more serious again and sat down to talk about their business partnership or whatever he’d like to call it these days. His smile fell immediately and he furrowed his brows at his boyfriend, suddenly lacking the confidence he had briefly regained.

This could only mean one thing. One thing he really didn’t need right now and it didn’t take long for his mind to run wild about what the hell he was going to do once he got out of here now.

Well, there was an option… no. No, he couldn’t. But then again…

“Renegotiate as in cutting me off? Is that what you want to talk about?” He tilted his head and propped himself up on his arms, mainly to stop himself from nervously fidgeting again. And good lord, he still felt drained, weak. “Uh, please don’t? Not… not yet!”

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

“Two terms, actually. And you made the second one really hard to follow recently.” Julian replied drily, he was aware that Karl was doing worse now but that didn’t mean he’d just fuck off and wouldn’t want to be around. He’d happily do absolutely nothing just to spend as much time together as he still could. But maybe he had ruined that option now, he wouldn’t be surprised if Karl had enough of him.

Nevertheless he did feel guilty, guilty about burdening Karl with more problems than he already had on his hands and annoyed at himself. But the annoyance mostly stemmed from the fact that he had not hidden his little slip up with Muriel any better. “It’s usually off-white or beige…” he muttered to himself and shook his head, “Fuck, that’s beside the point.”

Because Karl was wrong and Julian couldn’t believe he’d say such thing. “See that’s the opposite of the issue here. I can’t… what will I do when you’re…” Julian didn’t finish his sentence and rubbed his face. He didn’t know what exactly he was trying to say or how he was going to say it without making the situation completely and utterly depressing. Well, more depressing than it already was for that matter. “Listen, I’m sorry alright? But what did you think would happen? And if Muriel hadn’t convinced me we wouldn’t be here, she brought it along!”

Blaming his friend like this wasn’t right, he knew it, and perhaps he had literally begged her to join in but Karl didn’t need to know that.

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

For just one moment, Julian felt a wave of relief crash over him when Karl complained about the artwork in the room, it was just such a Karl thing to do and he was about to throw back some remark about how he definitely could do better than that himself. But the faint smile that had formed on his face soon vanished when Karl turned and gave him a look of complete and utter disappointment.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck, he had really messed up badly. “Don’t give me that look, come on… just like they all do.” It was the kind of look everyone else would give him, his family, Clay, the staff at this goddamn hospital or the guy at the gas station where he got his cigarettes.

He didn’t want to have that talk, dreaded it, and he’d rather be anywhere else than here right now. A Wells family dinner party would be more pleasant and that said a lot. He wasn’t one for confrontation like this and judging from Karl’s expression, a mere apology would not do this time, he’d have to try extra hard if he wanted to get even just a shred of Karl’s trust back.

“Okay.” He began, finally daring to speak up again after taking a deep breath. “Can’t we just forget this ever happened and just go our merry way? Have a good time together? It was an accident, a tiny little slip up! Nothing more and it won’t happen again, I promise!” The young man was rambling again, making promises he knew he couldn’t wouldn’t keep this time and he felt almost guilty for saying them out loud.

“It was a one time thing!” he added, a hint of desperation in his voice. Julian pulled his blanket up a little, felt awfully exposed and like Karl was staring even though he probably wasn’t and Julian was just over thinking it.

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

Everything that happened after Julian fell forward into that dashboard was a blur of nurses and doctors and tests and naloxone to counteract the drug in his system. It wasn’t new, he’d been through a similar thing before and this was just as terrible as last time. They all were judging him, he was sure of it. 

But overall he seemed to have been a lucky bastard again because there didn’t seem to be any major complications and he was now receiving medication to help with the symptoms. Lying to staff had quickly turned out to be pretty much impossible and when he could inform them about what had happened (as well as he remembered), they told him he was lucky he’d only done the drug for a relatively short amount of time or else he’d be off way worse.

Not that that made it any better, not that he didn’t feel like a pile of crap anyway.

Only on the second day was he allowed visitors and good lord did he dread it. He dreaded the moment Karl would walk through that door and they’d have to have that conversation he really didn’t want to have. Karl wasn’t supposed to know, he never should have found out. If only Julian had an ounce of self control.

Part of him worried, perhaps even hoped, that Karl would be too angry to show up but he was almost completely sure that Karl would walk in eventually. It made him incredibly anxious. Perhaps he couldn’t lie to the hospital staff but maybe he had a chance in altering the story just a little bit when it came to Karl goddamn Grove. After all he did have a way with words…

But that train of thought was quickly interrupted when there was a knock on the door to his room before it was opened completely. Julian turned his head towards the door slowly, fidgeting with his fingers nervously but he didn’t dare to say a word.

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

Had it been a different situation, perhaps Julian would have laughed as they stumbled together, now he merely weakly smiled to himself, not quite getting what all the fuss was about. “I’m having the urge to fall down.” he mumbled, about to lose his balance again but thanks to Muriel, he remained in an upright position. It was oddly comforting to have them both there, so close, warm (a nice contrast to his bare feet against the cold ground, he figured), and he followed their instructions without argue.

Though far from being strong herself, with Muriel’s help the three of them made it to Karl’s car at last. She wasn’t going to question the relationship the two of them had, in fact she wasn’t going to say anything about it at all. “I’m sorry.” Was all she uttered after having dumped her friend into the passenger’s seat, having felt the need to apologize, even though the young woman did not consider herself to be at fault here. 

And she watched as the car drove off, hoping that Julian would be okay. But years of therapy sessions had made her self aware enough to realize that there was no bright future ahead for people like her, and Julian was just like her in too many ways.

Julian hadn’t helped much when it came to getting into the car, but they managed just fine – more or less – and he weakly thanked her. He didn’t bother with the seatbelt, didn’t even waste a single thought on it.

Once they were driving, Julian didn’t say much other than mumbling that he was fine again a few times. (Without truly listening to Karl if he was talking at all. His mind just didn’t process the words.) How much time had passed when the car came to a halt, he couldn’t tell. All he wanted was for this to be over soon and to sleep, little did he know the “fun” had only just begun. “Just want to sleep for a week…”

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

“More like a Tornado, took us straight to Oz.” the young woman chimed in from behind, trying to make the situation a little less uncomfortable for herself but other than that remained silent. This was quite frankly none of her business, the only reason she hadn’t made a run for it yet was because she did care about Julian and because she was incredibly nosy.

Julian raised his head a little at last and there he was, his handsome brit looking a lot less fancy than usual and even more disappointed than he ever had -which said a lot - though Julian had a hard time focusing by now. There he was, the man who he’d seen less and less recently. “No.” was the first thing he instinctively answered, it slipped out without thinking. “I’m fine.” Had he said that before? Was he repeating himself?

And Karl gave him a glare Simone would be proud of; even in the state he was in, Julian could tell that he had fucked up badly and no was not an answer. No matter what, Julian was so goddamn tired; he didn’t have it in himself to argue anyway. He slowly lifted his hand and placed it into Karl’s, waiting for him to help him up.

There was no way in hell he’d get up on his own. Everything was heavy. It was too much of an effort, if only they’d let him sleep it off... “Mmmm carry me, prince charming.” Julian mumbled, the other man’s condition had slipped his mind completely. If Karl was going to be his knight in a shining armor again, he might as well do it properly.

[dxsappearhere]

If your hopes should pass away

- for @karlgrove​

Julian hated seeing Karl like this because no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he knew the inevitable would happen eventually. It hurt more than it should and he really didn’t know how to deal with it, had never learned how to deal with his emotions properly. Hell, he could bury his face in a mountain of cocaine and it would not make the situation any better so of course when he met Muriel, straight out of rehab and looking less bony and more alive for once, he told her everything.

To his surprise she actually listened to him and when he was done, she gave him a sympathetic smile and told him she had just the thing he needed. A little something to ease the tension and make the pain go away for a little while.

He took her to Blair’s loft.

And they sat down on Blair’s bed together as she pulled out a little bag. Julian watched her as she prepared her drug of choice with ease, like she’d probably done so many times. In a way it was scary, yet he couldn’t look away. She told him that he would be okay if he just trusted her and he was desperate enough to do it. The young woman reached for his arm, pulled up his shirt and gently wrapped a belt around it. Her fingers felt cold against his skin and he still hated needles, still didn’t want anybody poking at him but he just closed his eyes and let it happen.

Fuck. It was worth it.

The rush was unlike anything he ever experienced before, Julian fell back on the bed and barely noticed Muriel repeating her little ritual. In the end he didn’t know how much time they spent in the loft, making out, watching TV, shooting smack, making out some more and drowning out the world as well as they could. He didn’t really care anyway.

Muriel wanted to leave multiple times but she never did, after all a roof over her head was nice to have and being with Julian was so much better than spending time with her family. It was in the middle of the night when it happened. She had woken up to get herself something to drink but it didn’t take long for her to notice that something was off. When she turned on the light, Julian was awake too, curled up on the bed next to her, though looking rather unwell.

More so than usual. He looked pale, really out of it and when he insisted he was fine and yelled at her not to go to the hospital, his speech was slurred. Though after leading her life as she had up until this point, it didn’t seem critical yet. Perhaps he just had a little too much and if it had been somebody else, perhaps she’d just made sure he wasn’t alone for the next few hours but she couldn’t shake the worry and her gut feeling told her she needed to do something. His rambling made it hard to think properly.

It was merely a coincidence that she remembered a card she had found in his wallet the last time she went out to get more, looking for any money she could find. Muriel did use getting water as an excuse to look for it though and found it right away. Something about a gallery? Karl? Wasn’t that the guy Julian had talked about? The hearts he had doodled on it like a romantic fool – she knew he wasn’t – pretty much confirmed it for her.

It was really late when she hit the call button, hoping that somebody would pick up even at this hour. "H-Hello?" She asked nervously, when after what seemed like an eternity somebody did pick up “It's about Julian, I- I found this card and I thought I'd call I... He's... not well but he's not listening to me and- I don’t even know."

Meanwhile a familiar voice yelled “Not Karl!” in the background.

[dxsappearhere]

It didn’t take Muriel a long time to notice that something was missing from her bag and normally she would have been furious. Well, Julian was almost sure that she was but instead of starting an argument, she stood there with crossed arms and an oversized leather jacket hugging her delicate frame and just would not stop talking to him.

He didn’t have it in himself to answer for the most part, only nodded to show he was listening while she went on and on about being angry and annoyed and worried and wanting to leave this goddamn place. He just dreaded the moment that was about to come, was trying to come up with some sort of believable excuse but there was none. And fuck he was good. Maybe. Possibly. Kind of? Hopefully? There was too much going on and he was tired. “Maybe it’s time for a nap?”

Before she could answer him there was a knock on the door and Muriel immediately turned towards it. “Don’t let him in!” he told her quietly but she ignored it completely. “At least… don’t… tell him?” As if Karl wouldn’t figure it out on his own, as if it wasn’t obvious.

Muriel opened the door wordlessly. “Hi.” was all she muttered as she let Karl into the loft. It wasn’t like the last time he’d been here. Quite frankly it was a mess, clothes were lying on the floor as well as a few suspicious items if Karl were to look closely and the plants looked more sad than they had in a while. Even Julian’s beloved little palm.

Julian didn’t dare to look up and his head felt so damn heavy anyway. “’m fine.” he insisted once more, wrapping his arms around himself as he sat there on the floor, not being fine at all.

[dxsappearhere]

𝐇𝐞'𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥

𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞

𝐇𝐞'𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐠𝐨𝐥𝐝

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐞