Did I leave the filter running?

Challenging my oversensitive sense of shame by posting things on a public forum that I'd usually keep to myself. Stick around or don't, I DO care 🫰

[dykeofthelake]

I am so overwhelmed. I need someone to take my life in their hands, scrub it clean, organise it, set it on the right path, and give it a good reset. All while I take a long holiday away from myself. Away from my body and my mind. Away from all this mess. Away from the expectations and the problems.

I am so sick of it. I'm so worn out. I do not want to do it anymore. Please. Someone, take this out of my hands. Guide me or assist me in any way you can. I can not hold on.

[dykeofthelake]

I just spend nearly 4 hours trying to get my printer to work because I'm trying to print sewing patterns of a bunny plush. It's still not working. I even installed the printer from scratch on my pc and moved it to connect it by cable to my pc instead of by WiFi.

Nothing. It still doesn't work. I give up.

It's 2:15 am. I'm going to bed. Fuck this stupid piece of trash.

[dykeofthelake]

I am not the main character. I am not special. I am no different than other people. There is nothing inherently unique about me that makes me irredeemable. I am normal. I am just a person. I am just another person among billions on this earth. I am just another human. I am not broken beyond repair. I am fine. I do not stand out in a crowd. I am not memorable. Nobody is looking for me. I am not obnoxious. I am not a failure. My failures do not define me. I am fine. I am fine. I am fine. This is okay.

[dykeofthelake]

Brains are funny creatures

[dykeofthelake]

I shouldn't be surprised when my loved ones give me acts of love, but every time they do I am. Like wow, you really do love me, you really care about me. You would do that for me? You're offering that to me? Gosh darn. I love you so much.

[dykeofthelake]

I'm scared

[dykeofthelake]

Someone please teach my cat the concept of time. Girliepop you will get your medication-treat in 10 minutes I promise, just like every day.

I am so sorry that daylight savings is a thing and I can't tell the time by the sun. I go by the clock.

But I promise you will get your treat, just like every day of the past 3+ years. I haven't forgottennnnn

[dykeofthelake]

I love women, but I'm afraid of being with a woman, because I will automatically be seen as the masc in the relationship. And I'm terrified of the butch stereotype. I know I come across as butch physically, but I'm soft AF. I could never live up to the butch requirements, and I worry my future partner would expect those of me.

I know the butch-femme stereotypes are super hyperbolic and overplayed. But they're stereotypes for a reason, and what if my future potential partner still expects them.

IDK, It just plagues my mind. And it will probably never stop giving me anxiety until I actually go out and stop worrying and date a woman lol