Dyrpyn, the Divine Doofus

(he/they) Just some weird guy who doodles and writes sometimes.

[dyrpyn]

Having a brain that understands things super easily is great until you realize you have a bad habit of interrupting people explaining things that are already obvious to you. This is especially bad with things that are regularly asked of me. They start talking and I already know the entire rest of the sentence before they say it. "Can you-" "Mhmm". Why not save time for both of us. But apparently they don't like that

[dyrpyn]

Sometimes early adulthood is just constantly being stuck in exhaustion and fear but having no safe space to properly unwind so you can't seem to get yourself together enough to want to do the big adult things that will get you a safer space and so you're trapped in some kind of hellish time loop and everyone around you expects you to be fine with this like it's easy to step off of the track they keep perpetuating

If my parents were different people then maybe I'd have already moved out. For some reason pain tends to exclusively come in compounding waves or nothing at all. I try to be grateful because if I can be hurt then it means I'm alive. I sit and listen to them try to redefine what alive means and insist it's not me. Guilt only motivates to destroy, caretaker. It's what rots at the bottom of failure when your words tell it so. Why did I have to be the one to teach myself compassion, patience, hope. That everything about my life is okay. You love an idea of me and the places where I don't match up must look very rotten to you. To me they are covered in flowers. And they take constant upkeep to stay bright but your pressure wilts them

And I'm so tired.

[dyrpyn]

I may not legitimately exercise but I do pace around aggressively and erratically when I listen to my usual, incredibly stimulating music or when I'm thinking really hard about my writing. Which are both states I spend about 70% of my time in. That's something right

[dyrpyn]

I've observed that a mosquito bite is a very Specific type of itch. It feels very distinct from other sources of itch like dry skin or irritation. As soon as you get one you can tell what it is without needing to look

And I think there's a special evil in that. There exists an insect out there who inflicts you with an exact signature discomfort that you couldn't mistake for anything else, all to drain you of your life force to raise its own young. Like that sounds like some kind of cryptid monster but nope, it's just a tiny little guy

[dyrpyn]

Oh how I would KILL for the ability to see a little gauge next to a person that tells me exactly how much they like and appreciate me at any given time

[dyrpyn]

Extremely fucked up that anxiety doesn't just keep its effects in the brain. What do you mean I also gotta have nuclear heartburn without even having eaten anything that would logically cause it. Oh oh, having a nice day? Fuck you, Random Acid Event. Man what the fuck

[dyrpyn]

I've noticed that I tend to form opinions by first considering what I think the majority opinion would be and then latching onto it, which. Isn't great for a multitude of reasons. whoops. hahahahahhahaahaahhahaahahahahhaahahahahahahhaahahhaahahahaaaa

[dyrpyn]

Perfectionism is an ungrateful fan. Why can't you make it faster, where is [specific element you mentioned before], can you also make this, what do you mean that happens don't do that. Nothing but petulant demands. It doesn't appreciate you for what you give. Therefore there is no reason to listen to it

[dyrpyn]

Writing is so fun and freeing when you don't have a gremlin whispering in your ear that it has to be perfect

[dyrpyn]

I feel like there's constant talk about not being able to start tasks, but not enough about not being able to STOP them. I have regular battles where starting a task is the hardest thing conceivable of course, but once I find a rhythm and get really into a task? You're not getting me away from it. You won't see me ever again. The Dyrpyn you knew before is gone. The writing got him. He's forgetting to drink for two hours straight and his bladder is about to explode but no no they can't pause for that. They've gotta stay locked the fuck in

[dyrpyn]

Hey fellas so just a warning for if you ever decide to start using a white noise machine for sleep aid or are currently using one: There's a chance your brain will Make Up Some Bullshit and add sounds to the noise settings that you hear that aren't actually there! You will think you are starting to go insane if you don't know this in advance about it!

I keep mine on green noise and it's been consistent for months, only for it to recently gain a phantom bird digitally chirping? Yeah that sound isn't really happening. Brain just gets confused trying to interpret the noise and whoops, now there's a bird! This could be you

[dyrpyn]

New type of guy who says "I don't know what to say..." but not because they're shocked or stunned or anything but because they literally just never know what the fuck to say. "The skies look nice today huh" "...I don't know what to say </3"

[dyrpyn]

People trying to comfort me or bring me back to reason: "Hey it's okay, writing's just a hobby, it doesn't matter"

Me, whose life plans revolve around nothing but meticulously crafting stories with the passion of a lover, struggling not to go completely berserk at this notion: "Oh yeah sure. For you I guess"

[dyrpyn]

One crucial thing to know about me is that I don't watch ANYTHING. I see the previews for a show and think "Wow that looks fantastic I'd love to see it!" and then proceed to Not. "Hey that show is so great have you seen it" no. But I Yearn,

[dyrpyn]

The human body is so fragile in so many ways that I'm very impressed we've even survived this long. What do you mean if I just sit weird for a few hours, surprise an important nerve is pinched and now I can't walk without pain for a couple weeks. This is bullshit man. This thing just invents bullshit to inconvenience you

[dyrpyn]

Shout-out to all the soft-spoken, mumbling, stammering people out there who -- barring any physical disability that makes it legitimately impossible -- are afraid to let themselves speak coherently because they had a past of frequently being reprimanded, told they were making things up and reaching for excuses, and met with disporportionately huge reactions to things they thought were simple. It's hard to feel like the words you have to say are allowed to be said when the most random unexpected things got you punished before. When merely opening your mouth feels like a risk where the cost is an attack. When you always tried to defend yourself but it was never enough. It was never right

[dyrpyn]

If I ever get tattoos anywhere. Only these two. "And the universe said I love you because you are love," from the Minecraft end poem, encoded in some form and most likely in the chest area; and knuckle tats on my left hand that spell "WHIM"