The Journey to Mean Something to Someone

A story about finding love

[e-generalmills]

This song seemed fitting with Marie's situation

[e-generalmills]

Marie's Turn

At this point I got over Stacy.  A few days passed and my friend told me about this app called Tinder.  I thought it was pretty lame, but I thought what the hell? Couldn't hurt really.  Pittsburgh is a big city, so there was bound to be someone.  Well about 2 days later a girl named Marie showed up on it.  Usually I just go through the people really really quick, without paying much attention.  But Marie was different.  I stopped and stared at her picture.  She was absolutely stunning with brunette hair and bluish eyes, essentially my favorite.

My friend ended up finding her Twitter account and I followed her.  Later that day, she followed me back.  I looked at her previous few tweets and thought they were awesome! A few were song lyrics from bands I like, or about hockey.  Even though it appeared she liked the Flyers while I liked the Penguins.  But that didn't bother me, I didn't care.  I tried sending her a message on twitter but she never really responded to me.  So I thought that whole situation was over.

Here is where things change, apparently I requested to be her friend on Facebook a while ago.  I don't remember this, I was probably a little intoxicated (again).  Anyway, she accepted my request and I sent her a message just saying hello and how classes were going.  She seemed very friendly from what I can gather so far.  We have talked about hanging out sometime, but with final exams coming up that time has yet to be decided.  The fact that this is happening at the end of the school year is highly disappointing.  

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Social media has such a great influence on how people interact.  Hiding behind a keyboard and screen is no way to meet people, I know.  I'm a little bit disappointed in it myself.  Pitt is just such a big campus, it makes things like this a little more difficult.  I wouldn't be lying if I said it helped me out in some way.

Lately, I haven't even been feeling myself lately.  I've been partying more since my breakup, and I feel like I have become less focused on school and easily distracted by things.  So as the school year is coming to a close, I'm hoping I can get some rest to reset my body and brain.  I've done some pretty stupid things in the past, and I'm hoping to learn from them.  For example, a girl that happened in between Marie's story.  This girl will be named Alice...

[e-generalmills]

Stacy's Story

So continue where I left off, there was a girl named Stacy.  I somewhat knew Stacy.  She went to a high school about 10 miles away from me and did some extracurricular activities that I remember seeing her at.  We only ever introduced ourselves once during that time.  

When my freshman year of college had started, I remember her hanging out with some of my friends from high school since we all knew each other.  I never really talked to her though because I was extremely shy about it all.  Over the course of my freshman year and sophomore, I would see her every now and again walking through campus.  But nothing ever really happened.

About 1 month after my girlfriend broke up with me, I started to see Stacy around campus more frequently.  I didn't really pay much attention to it, until it occurred almost every other day for a week and a half.  I didn't know what to say to her, so I never did.  There was just something about her that alluded me toward her.  

Two days before our spring break, my friends had suggested that I message her on Facebook.  So I did what they said, thinking what's the worst that could happen.  I basically stated that I've been seeing her a lot recently and haven't had the chance to talk to her, and asking if she'd want to meet up for coffee and catch up sometime.  Well the following day it showed that the message was seen.  She wouldn't respond to it until 3 weeks later.  In that time frame, she was all I really thought about. I even had dreams about her.  Nothing really happened in these dreams, except that we would just be hanging out and talking.  By the time she responded to that message, I had nearly given up on hope.  I had wrote another message just laying it all out there that even though I don't really know her, I had a crush on her and thought she was absolutely gorgeous.  I also mentioned something about possibly taking her out on a date sometime, only if she was ok with that.  I didn't want to sound too much.

She said she doesn't really get on Facebook that often and doesn't usually get around to responding to messages if at all.  She was flattered by what I had to say, but said she was recently seeing someone and that going on a date wouldn't be the best idea.  She also said she might come to a party my friend and I were hosting that weekend.  I was absolutely happy that she responded, even though it wasn't what I was hoping for.  I think just having some closure on the situation really helped.

Onto the party. The theme was pop culture and I dressed as the Blues Brothers with one of my friends.  It was a huge hit and people dressed the part at a high level.  It was a lot of fun, but I found myself practically waiting all night for Stacy to arrive.  The party started at 10:00 PM and I waited nearly 3 hours for her to show up, but she never did.  Throughout the night I had been drinking.  I feel that part of it was because I was upset she never showed up.  I'm almost glad she didn't because I was a complete mess with alcohol that night.  Again, this wasn't something I was used to.  The past month has just turned me into a drinker. 

Since then, I had gotten over Stacy and haven't really thought about her nor seen her around on campus.  Not shortly after though, came girl 2.  For this story, we'll call her Marie

[e-generalmills]

Falling apart

After my girlfriend and I broke up, I was without a doubt in a bit of a mess.  I couldn't quite think or sleep right for days.  Valentines Day came and was really tough. Even though I was hanging out with friends I couldn't help but think about her.  Shortly after, my Big in my service fraternity thought it was a good idea to take me out to parties.  Now I generally like going to parties, but not every weekend from Thursday - Saturday.

This ended poorly for me as I was getting drunk more often than I would've liked.  It didn't really solve anything and made things worse sometimes by doing things I normally wouldn't do.  I guess that's what alcohol does anyway.  My body was absolutely drained as I'm generally introverted.  I was always sad and thought I was going back into a depressive state.  People tried to cheer me up all the time, but I just didn't think I had it in me.

People told me it's better to stay single.  It gives you a chance to learn more about yourself and spend your time on you.  I welcomed the idea of this and started to have fun again.  This went on for a while.  But then, a girl "entered" my life.  I use that term very loosely.  For the moment, we'll call her Stacy

[e-generalmills]

The Beginning (Give 'er Take)

So since this is called a "Journey" I guess I should start from the beginning.  Just to lay the framework of what happened.  I won't go into extreme detail.

I was in a relationship with girl since Junior year of high school.  We'll call her Diane.  Diane and I met in a weird way.  I turning in my athlete eligibility forms at the athletic directors office.  She happened to be there due to a cross country running injury.  I've seen Diane before and had classes with her, but never really talked to her before.  Later that day, I sent her a Facebook message wondering if everything was ok.  I wouldn't have normally done that, but I was concerned.

Fast forward about 3 months.  At that time I had asked her to go to the formal dance at school with me, and she said yes.  I asked to be her boyfriend a few days later on November 1st, a few days before the formal.

Fast forward again to Freshman year of college, where we went to different schools about 4 hours away.  We were in love by this point and everything was going great.  We believed we could make long distance work and it'll be a good experience for us.  I felt depressed for a while not having her there, but eventually I got over it.  The following year, things had really changed.  I could tell we were drifting apart little by little, but I never really thought anything of it.

In the spring semester, she put the relationship on a break.  The reason was because this was our first serious relationship, so how could we be sure we'd be perfect for each other. Distance was another issue for her.  During the break, I spent a lot of time with girl that we'll name Emily.  Emily was an amazing person who shared a lot of interests as me.  We had class together and spent a decent amount of time outside of class together.  My best memories that semester was with her.  We had a party one night with some friends and got a little too intoxicated.  I had made a bad decision to start kissing her neck, even though we both weren't single.  I figured since I was on break, it didn't matter.  Emliy was also gonna play on breaking up with her boyfriend.  Nothing else happened after we both passed out in my bed.  Emily ended up transferring schools and I have yet to see her since. I told Diane and things drastically changed, but we got back together a few weeks later.  The relationship was certainly different since then.  

Fast forward to Junior year of college during the spring semester.  She broke up with me about 1 hour before the Superbowl as I just got home from helping someone out with something.  The reasons were about the same from the previous year with a few other little things.  Honestly, with more communication on her part I'm sure we'd still be together.  She didn't like talking about her problems it seemed like, so I was unaware of any concern.  In retrospect, I should have actually broke up with her because I wasn't as happy.  I think I was just so used to what I had, that I didn't want to lose that.  It was stupid of me to continue something that i wasn't entirely committed to.

The lesson I learned is this: listen to your heart, and do what makes you happy.  You may be afraid to see what may come from your actions, but if you make the right decision it'll all work out in the end.  I should have ended the relationship, but I didn't.  I've learned so much in those 4 years we were dating, and I'm more than happy for that.  But sometimes good things must come to an end.  Since then, I've been enjoying life and having more fun with it.  

[e-generalmills]

Let me bring you up to speed

It's been about two months since my girlfriend for over 4 years broke up with me.  I've been doing fairly well since then.  I definitely noticed a change even since though.  Even though I'm in college, I was never really into the whole going out and drinking scene.  But for the past two months, it seems to have occur 2 or 3 times a week.  My body has become tired and drained of energy and brain cells.  I'm hoping that this will also change with finals coming up in 2 weeks.

But I've also been trying to find a girlfriend since then. People have been telling me to stay single, as a way to learn more about myself, who I am, and what I want.  And I'm tired of waiting at this point.  I thought I found something with girl 1 and girl 2.  But they never really gave me the time of day.  But then this past weekend came girl 3.  Her and I really hit it off instantly and I felt extremely comfortable talking to this complete stranger.  By the end of the night I gave her my number.  She did end up messaging me the next evening.  The only problem is she goes to school almost 5 hours away.  This girl had made me so happy in the little amount of time we talked the night we met.  Though I still don't know much about her really, I want to take the time to do so.  This person is without special.  She's so cool and we already have a lot in common.  I believe that we met that night for a reason.  With my semester coming to a close here fairly soon, only time will tell.  Here's to a brand new beginning...

[e-generalmills]

With everything that sets me back, I push back harder to clear the way. There's not a thing that I regret, Can't live my life in yesterday.

A Day To Remember