Reflected Imagination

Welcome to my mind. I'm Eryn. City girl stuck on an island of paradise and trying to make the best of it. Get to know me.

[ojibwa]

[jugurtti-deactivated20210925]

[havingrevelations-deactivated20]

like yes things suck but at least ur not 15 again

[havingrevelations-deactivated20]

*repeating to myself in the mirror* i lived through being age 15 i can do anything now…

[quotemadness]

“I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt. There has to be a way. To care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me.”

— Lora Mathis

[e-k-y]

I haven’t written on my tumblr in two years. I write when I’m sad. Sadness, anger, fear - that’s the easiest things to write about. But for those two years, I was happy. I was the happiest, healthiest, most content, and most in love I have ever been in my entire life. And as I sit here and write this, I understand that chapter of my life is over now. I’m sad again, so I’m writing again. But things are a lot different, and I want to start this off by saying that I’m not giving up on life.

I look through past things that I’ve written, and the years and the love that I’ve experienced through them have changed my perspective on what I care about. I always thought that life, for women at least, was a dichotomy of choices: you could be in love or you could be successful, but you couldn’t be both. I’m struggling with that thought right now. Maybe if I hadn’t done so much, we would still be together. Maybe if I had less on my plate or I never left home or I prioritized our relationship over myself, we would still be together. It got me thinking how life was supposed to work out. The last two years I was soaring. I was successful and I came home happy to a boy who loved me every single day. And it still fell apart. Years ago, I would’ve been bitter and told myself that I can’t have everything. I think now that I still can, and I’m still hopeful at the possibility that my life is going to work out and I can have both. I can care about both. This just wasn’t the time that it would last. One day it might.

He once told me that “happy people make a happy couple, but a happy couple doesn’t necessarily make happy people” and I think about that a lot now that he’s gone. We fought, but we never stopped loving each other. I think we spoke different love languages and never had the chance to fully understand each others. It was still the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ve started to accept the possibility that we could’ve been in the best relationship in the world and it wouldn’t have fixed the fact that my actions couldn’t have changed what happened. I’ve cried for the past five months and I’ll probably keep crying for a long time. But I know that I loved this boy and he loved me. Love, loved. That’s what I’ll remember. That’s what I’ll hold on to. That’s why I have a reason to keep fighting and to keep living.

I have this weird feeling of comfort in my life, even in the wake of something traumatic and all of the sadness that has come with it. I got to experience a love like this. Maybe I’ll get to fall in love again, and maybe I won’t, but I got to have something this good while I was this young and it’ll forever have a lasting impact on me. To me, it wasn’t a bad relationship, but a beautiful relationship that just so happened to only last two years. Anything else that I get in my life is a bonus.

I still talk to him everyday and now I’m able to listen to some of the songs that we fell in love to. I’m still alive. I still have this chance. I’ll do it for the both of us.

[falastinniya]

you’ve gotta stat romanticizing your life. you gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. you have to, because that’s when you start truly living. that’s when you look forward to every day. 

[lohver]

you’re still my person, even if i’m not yours.

[madelina]

[tackled]

[summersweeet]

via weheartit

[iwontsaveyou-deactivated2019050]

“I know what makes him cry and I know what makes him cum. So I win.”

— My co-worker, on her ex. (via ziraffe)

[the-monster-that-walks]

[thegoodvybe]

[exco]

“…You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.”

—  Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises (via wordsnquotes)

[prospects]

[flowerais-deactivated20211031]

you’re not falling behind. you are still young and have a whole life ahead of you. you have enough time to explore things u love and experience your life and make your goals come true and find reasons to live. take things one day at a time and don’t let the fear of falling behind stop you because life isn’t a race.

[floozys-deactivated20180908]

i need to marry someone who loves driving, everywhere we go they will get a thrill from driving and i will get a thrill from not having to drive, what a dream