@e-viscera-te - Tumblr Blog

i don't want to be a dead body though. i've seen bodies in various stages of decomposition. the smell is vomit-inducing. i don't want to be tied to this physical form even after death. i didn't ask for this. the insides are so slimy and disgusting. i wish i wasn't an animal

how can other people be normal but for me stupid shit makes me crazy and suicidal

i didn't even experience any horrific childhood trauma. my brain just came out wrong and oversensitive 😂 or maybe i should have experienced something horrible, maybe then i wouldn't be so whiny now 😂

i've been doing what i can but it can't be undone 😂

i can't imagine suffering alone for the rest of my life but no other reality seems possible. so what do i have left other than suicide

i am so fucking useless

i wish i was more confident. i wish i didn't get the most fucking pathetic type of mental illness

i wish there was one single disorder that could explain my entire life

everything is so boring and meaningless. and still i don't deserve any of it

how do people deal with the fact that in the end you're alone with your feelings. no one can get inside your head and understand you fully. you can never receive full support and understanding. i guess i'm just too selfish and self-absorbed

i hope i never get sober

even though i want to. i am unable to feel emotional connection with people. so what do i even want. it's all so hopeless. my ability to realize this basic need has been crushed in childhood and there was nothing i could do about it

and everything is my parents' fault and they're never going to feel the consequences 😂

can i stop wanting external validation. i don't want to be healthy i want to be confident from within and not rely on anyone. i'd rather die than live the way i am

anxious attachment style is like the most pathetic thing you could have. sure i went through trauma even though everything was literally normal. couldn't i at least get the avoidant. i fucking wish i didn't need people i wish i didn't feel like i need people. is it possible to change it in adulthood. my maturing is delayed anyway. can i develop a personality disorder in my 20s. can i actually not want human contact. because i'm so good at avoiding it i can't do it any other way. can i feel comfortable just with myself the way i've been receiving myself my whole life. i hate myself. what a pathetic life

i'm fine until there's a smallest moment i'm not and i remember again i've always been alone, there's no one to help me get through it and i don't even know what having a person who genuinely cares about how you feel and supports you emotionally feels like

useless self centered idiot

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