evolutionary

❂ Rhi | 21 | in a constant state of transition | revolutionary to the evolution of love ❂

[purplebuddhaproject]

“Soon you’ll realize that many people will love the idea of you but will lack the maturity to handle the reality of you.”

— Reyna Biddy (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[sky-of-ashes]

[e-vo-lu-tion-ary]

I had a forward thought today that my future self was sitting sweetly, late in the evening, in the lap of a man that wasn’t you. I had my arms resting on his shoulders with so many smiles exclaiming how much I loved him. There were so many kisses, the kind that make my heart so very happy. Hoping to meet that love soon.

[e-vo-lu-tion-ary]

.... :) I love you hsg 💛

[e-vo-lu-tion-ary]

11022016 [11:26pm] :

Had a few long conversations today with Simba, Saul, and twiblal, respectively. After these, I finally had a moment to put the loose ends of my thoughts regarding future love, on paper.

My sweet Saul told me on the phone today after I approached him with tears in my eyes, “Don’t be going and comparing your struggles to anyone else’s. They haven’t been through what you have been through and you haven’t been through what they have been through. Someone always has it worse and has it better than you, so just focus on you, focus on the good, and keep smiling.”

I think this whole mess with Simba made me realize how disappointing the situation (pre-simba) with Danny was. I stumbled from one mess into the next this past month and that truly showed today. I never took a moment after the Danny mess to actually process what happened. It wasn’t so much that he specifically sucked, it was more of that he wasn’t what I was hoping and believing so hard that he was. I honestly thought Danny had the potential to be Future Love, and when I realized that he was the farthest thing from, I ignored it and I rebelled against my Universe as it’s punishment. Sincerely though, Danny was an asshole. That instance completely was a trigger to my carelessness and recklessness which was then a catalyst for me to find myself in Simba’s bed, just a week later. The last six weeks were a mini disaster to say the least. I realized that when I left Simba’s suite holding back tears. He knew. He kissed me on the forehead and held onto me a little extra because of that.

So many “I realized…” in this bit today. So much realizations.

Moral of the story - the Universe is always reminding me that I’m forever it’s student. I’m appreciative that it allows me the space to walk away from who I am just far enough and then turns me around to show me the way back. As much as she frustrates me, Di is my compass. I haven’t even gotten the chance to feel my own love in over a month and that is so a problem. She saw that and she said it. What would Osho say?

Sooooo much learning and so much loving to do.

Speaking of love… Future love. So much to say about future love. This photo say a lot already. I have decided that these^ are the aspects I absolutely cannot go without in my human. Things I will not be doing? Entertaining any humans from now on that I do not feel can fit on this page. After all these slip ups in the last 365, I cannot in anyway ignore these absolutely necessary aspects anymore.

So naturally I think I’m crazy. For believing that not only can I find my future love but also that he will possess these aspects. And then I think of Molly & Paul. I think of the story Molly told us late night at Klatch and then I hear the way she talks about Paul and I am just so excited for them. A love like that truly inspires me. To have forged through hardships to meadows of bliss.

Just some things to look forward to…

xoxoxo

[e-vo-lu-tion-ary]

This is you on paper HSG! I love you to the moon and back! 💛

[ruinedchildhood]

I wish I wish

With all my heart

TO FUCKING PASS MY CLASSES AND FINALS

[kushandwizdom]

Stop reconnecting with toxic people from your past because you’re lonely. Focus on getting better and attracting better.

Unknown

(via kushandwizdom)

[e-vo-lu-tion-ary]

11122017:

The more time that goes on, the more sick I realize that you are…the more I realize that the sweet songs you used to play for us, that of which I loved, were desperate cries for help I just didn’t hear. I’m concerned for your insides, silverfox. I know it was never my job to fix you but on the most basic human to human level, I hope you’re okay. I will always wish you peacefulness.

happy veteran’s day, btw.

[e-vo-lu-tion-ary]

10272017:

You’re a joke. And I stopped finding you funny a long time ago.

The only reason I am writing this post a second time is so that I can say what I need to say and keep moving.

I just realized before posting this a first time just a few moments ago (tumblr did the error thing) that this month is THE month. In two days, it’s going to be two years from one of the most excruciating days of my life. Maybe that would explain my weird feelings lately and you crossing my mind more often than usual. But seriously? Honestly? You sit there in your madness, with your profile picture as a cropped picture of you and your maybe still girlfriend (maybe not?), looking me up on the regular?

I told Xio today that I still pity you and feel sorry for you, because honestly I really do. You clearly have not found your peace since we stopped speaking and I still hope that you do. Maybe then you will stop doing things like: trying to work in with me at the gym, using any excuse to “bump” into me, winking at me on occasion, going out of your way to get my attention when I clearly do not want to speak to you, adding me on various internet platforms, and viewing my LI profile.

I just don’t get it. I don’t understand what you are trying to achieve. With my dated (literally and figuratively) knowledge of you, I initially thought you were just playing games to get in my head, but I think it’s more than that now. You’re sick, halltd. I’ll never forget the look on your face when you first saw us together. You were smiling at me asking, “What are you doing?” I responded, “Waiting for my boyfriend,” as I nodded towards him. Your face fell flat. I really hope you find your peace.

Regardless of what you do, however, I will always be protecting him and us from you. I cried about you for a whole year and then somehow found myself in something electrifying with him. He is my king and he is what’s real. You never were, and I don’t think you will ever be.

I am glad I took the time to tell you these things. You should consider doing the same for yourself. Maybe then you could get some “peace and quiet.” I wonder how often you re-read my old notes to you.

Goodnight halltd. We won’t be speaking again any time soon.

[sleepin]

[wordsnquotes]

My father had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone, they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice, then destroy them.

Laurell K. Hamilton, A Stroke of Midnight (via wordsnquotes)

[e-vo-lu-tion-ary]

06062017: I love you honey. We're so close to the end of the hardest part! I'm so excited for us💗

[e-vo-lu-tion-ary]

06032017: Today was a silly day. We got so much work done and so many laughs as well. Loving you more as we go. An interesting thought crossed my mind a few moments ago - that I need to start writing to my future self. So that in the case this crumbles as the last two have, I know what to tell myself to get through it. Regardless, I love you. The insatiable desire to be with you has only grown in intensity since March. Especially when you do cute things like bring me pazookie after the longest day of studying. I can hear Chanel in the background... 19 days until 21 though 💗

[e-vo-lu-tion-ary]

05262017: So proud of you lover! The end is nearing. Seeing you elevate and grow in the last ten weeks has inspired me. I love you so much.

[purposeovercomfort]

[alekszapng-blog]

[noelbadgespugh]

[e-vo-lu-tion-ary]

Evidently I can't catch a break...